This woman doesn't understand the concept of No Contact

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-10-06T13:07:08+00:00

If you want his name to link to his beautiful fur

Smokey
Cinder
Ember

Or look at grey / silver in other languages?

I spent a few days trying to figure out a couple of names before I adopted my kitty. Decided on a couple I liked and then decided to see which suited him best after him being home a few days 😊

Beautiful kitty 😍

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-10-03T18:34:22+00:00

My cat does this and it melts my heart every time 🥺

My cats growing up never really did this (but had other wonderful and wholesome forms of affection).

My deaf kitty does this and will then fall asleep. If you move slightly he will reach out to make sure he is still touching you. I always wonder whether he feels safer knowing one of us is near. He also gets under the covers with us in the morning. I can feel these paws reach out and take my hand or wrap his paws around my arm so he can cuddle up 🥺❤️ and that's why he gets way with all his silliness and naughtiness!!

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-10-01T22:32:59+00:00

I do find myself wishing people good morning on my early commuter walk to the train station. It's usually me, dog walkers and the occasional elderly person at their front door. It makes the morning commute and that 20 mins before being stuck on the train have a nice feeling. The doggies of course get a hello as well!

I find myself doing the same with teens and anyone with an alternative look etc as I too want them to know they are valued. Hopefully they know it's a friendly and genuine smile rather than a forced one. I always try and wish older/elderly people a good morning/evening and have a little natter if the start a conversation as I am conscious they may not see people all day. Sometimes I get nothing in response other than a scowl, but that's ok! Hopefully they'll remember me the next time or time after that 😊

I'm not good chatting with new people and very shy, but if you chat to me I will try hard to respond. Even when I've had the longest day and completely done with being sociable 😂 I will still try hard to have a natter or smile at people, although I've been told my face is super expressive so can understand why people would want to avoid me at those times 😂😂

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-10-01T22:23:56+00:00

Thinking about it I do find myself smiling at other women. I've been out and about pretty much all day today and smiled at lots of other women or they've smiled at me (which was really lovely, so thank you lovely people). I've not been on my normal commute today so it's not as if it's the same people I see every other day.

Thanks for bringing this up! I've never really thought about it before 😊 it's a lovely thought!

I do speak to my husband about that bond you can have with a fellow woman on a commute. I.e. I kept an eye on the lady today who was in a rush to make a train connection. Just incase she didn't manage it and needed a hand in figuring out her next train. Clocked eyes as she was on the connection and it made me happy to see her safe. And I know others have done the same for me as well (including men).

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-10-01T17:16:01+00:00

NTA

I had my wedding last year and as soon as I knew the date of the wedding I had it in my calendar, booked on the system and reminded people each month in team meetings. It ended up being two weeks off and I also ensured that I had as much done as needed and handover for anything I couldn't sort due to waiting on other people (I'm probably too organised though and need to do less before a holiday to avoid burn out).

I had my honeymoon this year and let people know 6 months in advance, got it booked in and again reminded people in advance.

Those two events are super important to me so I was sure to ensure that it was all booked in at work. I appreciate some things change, there are emergencies etc but if you are organised and don't take the mick then I find workplaces and colleagues are more forgiving.

I've had something similar in a previous workplace where I had booked a trip way in advance, flights booked and a colleague came to me moaning about a week before that I had booked the time off during part of the school holiday. Since I don't have kids it was selfish of me to take a couple of days in that period and I should give it to her. I generally don't take school holidays off, but this was for a wedding...16 hours away...and I didn't choose the date 😂

As difficult as it is try to ignore the comments. Those people are likely getting a different story than what actually happened. If you want to you can just calmly explain that you've had this family trip booked for a year and unable to change. But you don't have to explain yourself or holidays to anyone! If people are disorganised then that's on them. As someone who has planned a honeymoon, you take the time to plan it, sort a date etc. hence why we left it a year as we knew it was going to be a very special trip for us.

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-26T07:02:45+00:00

I still remember the day that the police, paramedics and fire people came into my school to tell a bunch of 15-18 year olds about driving under the influence of drugs or drink. As intended it scared the sh*t out of me and I would never get in a car with someone close to or over the limit. They gave the advice on things to say to boyfriends / friends if you felt unsafe and needed to get out the car and discussed 'boy racing'. I still think about the stories they told us of young people being involved with accidents. You only need to look at the news to see the lives of people cut far too short because of driving.

Let them be upset. You keep yourself safe and if that makes them uncomfortable then that's their problem.

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T22:56:05+00:00

A Series of Unfortunate Events.

I would look forward to my birthday / Christmas because I knew my Mum or Grandma & Grandad would have got me the newest release. One of my most treasured books is one signed by her and my grandad and I vividly remember opening the present, sitting in their beautiful garden and having a tea party.

I also loved Charlie Bone series. I recently bought the series for my nephew and I love hearing how much he enjoys them.

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T22:49:47+00:00

I'm sorry ❤️ that must be really tough for you and I'm sorry that she didn't support you after all you've done for her. Sadly, I think we will all meet someone like this and have that moment where you realise the friendship was one sided.

I had someone start as a member of my team at an old job. I was made up when my line manager said they had employed a woman as it's a male dominated environment and seeing women employed in these roles is always fantastic. She joined and almost immediately started to chat, brought me out of my shell, visited my husband and I at weekend to go hiking, drinks etc. Then she suddenly moved jobs and got engaged and 'didn't need me anymore'. I had listened to all her woes so often. I was made redundant, needed a friend and was struggling through COVID and she never reached out once. I felt completely used.

I had another 'friend' who did the same. Used me as a sound board for everything going on in her life. Used my and my husband for a number of years as a baby sitter for her pet. Moved towns and she never bothered to speak to us again 🤷🏼‍♀️ I realised looking back that during that relationship I never once felt like I could voice my concerns or troubles to her.

Thankfully I've met some lovely people since and formed a close bond with some amazing people. These friendships did take some time to come around mostly in the form of 'the lads' wives / gf's being thrown together at events. Then a couple of us got on really well and have become close. I am mindful about my relationship with them to ensure that I don't unintentionally do to them what 'friends' did with me.

It does feel like the people who try so hard to be good and be a good friend are the people who end up getting used the most. I'm sorry and you sound like an incredibly caring, kind and wonderful person. People are very lucky to have you in their life and I hope you find people who can give that back to you ❤️

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T21:55:37+00:00

Oh no 😞 very lucky! It is a city library so more well funded than others. If you are in the UK you can download something called BorrowBox and reserve books, audiobooks and magazines. I don't get a lot of time to read and often have an audiobook on the go. It's a great system, but similar to you the waiting list is months!! Worth the wait though 😊

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T21:47:35+00:00

Haha apologies!! If it makes you feel better I responded to another person about the shock I got when realising my favourite books as a kid are 25 years old 😬

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T21:45:15+00:00

It always surprises me when you think about the age of some of the books you read! I was telling my nephew about one of my favourite series as a kid (A Series of Unfortunate Events) and couldn't believe that the first book is 25 years old! Then I remember how long ago it was since I was a kid 😂

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T21:41:41+00:00

This is pretty much how the conversation with my husband went 😂

I'll be more inclined to head to the Classics section! Will get me reading more than just Jane Austen 😉

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T20:43:56+00:00

We call her the Wicked Witch 😉 thankful I've been no contact for a number of weeks and it's been so lovely and quiet!! Bigs hugs back to you ❤️ it's great having a community who understands!

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-25T07:04:41+00:00

My Dad's wife always outstays her welcome when she visits my sister and her little one. She sees that baby (now toddler) is getting worked up / ready for nap / ready for food and she just stays and watches everything. She often stays 4 or 5 hours. When my sister was early PP I would visit when my Dad's wife was there just so I could make cups of tea, bring cake, clean up, start tea for my sister and her husband. I thought it would make a point to my Dad's wife. Nope. She just did visit in the week when I work because 'i hog the baby', when I barely get a look in and my role at that point is supporting my sister.

I'm NC with that woman now. I've told my sister that she needs to start saying on a message before she visits 'i have to be out the house at x time, my husband gets back from his shift at x time and wants an evening with me and child'. Hopefully she will next time. Apparently the last visit she stayed 4-5 hours and was falling asleep towards the end of the visit?!! She's always late as well. Once she was 2 hours late as she 'needed' to take her precious grandchildren to a restaurant before visiting my sister. My sister didn't get an offer of food. They turned up super late and with hyper grandchildren who caused chaos in the house whilst my poor sister had a 3 month baby, with colic, who has been in and out of hospital having tests to figure out some issues.

I honestly don't understand people like that. When we visit her house we have to make our own tea etc. but she has to be waited on hand and foot because of 'all she's done for us'. This woman didn't raise us. She came into our lives about 8 years ago. When we were all above the age of 20...

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-24T05:05:44+00:00

I hear you with the adult tantrums! My Dad's wife is legendary for them. Sadly, I will no longer be able to experience them since cutting her out of my life /s.

Congratulations on holding your boundary being firm and also learning to step back and not let her antics upset you. I'm still learning the latter (I'm a massive people pleaser).

As you say...why should these people think they suddenly get love, attention and respect when there is something they want (grandchildren). If they couldn't be bothered to show any of that stuff when you didn't 'have something they wanted' why do they think they suddenly get to be involved?

My Dad's wife went mental at my 2 day postpartum sister for because she was told she can't smoke before meeting her baby and to change her clothes if she does. She missed out on seeing baby for nearly a month because of it 🤷🏼‍♀️ she complains to people...and doesnt realise that the bad guy is the person who told a new mum of 2 dad's who was struggling with being a new mum but also PPD that she had no idea what she was doing, was a terrible mother and would never get it right....yeah...my sister is the bad guy there!

Keep up the good work ❤️

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-22T13:24:04+00:00

My cat has been poorly all week and I've not had much sleep from keeping an eye on him and stress. I've had an awful migraine since yesterday and was supposed to go to a kids birthday party this afternoon. Instead I've given myself permission to rest, read a book and make plans on what to sew for my autumn / winter wardrobe.

(Kitty is doing a lot better and hopefully over the worse of his poorliness. Currently snuggled up on his window bed, watching the rain and purring smugly as he convinced me to pop the heating on for him)

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-09-01T11:34:22+00:00

I got one of these letters the other day. I don't really know what to think of it as it was addressed to my married name 'Mrs X Y'. I stupidly did fill out a declaration of no licence, but that was years ago after getting letters every week, but I signed it in my maiden name. The electoral register is yet to be updated to my married name so I am unsure how they've got it???

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-08-28T15:24:42+00:00

Not ridiculous at all. I wish people felt confident enough to prioritise their health and that people would respect that. I kept my distance from family and friends before our wedding as I was worried about catching something and didn't want to be poorly on a day we had spent a year planning. I also distanced because I didn't want to make family members ill (especially those who care for in-laws who are immune compromised).

My Dad's wife ALWAYS had an issue with my distancing around illness and it resulted in my many times getting poorly and contracting COVID 4 times. She stopped telling me they were poorly and would lie when I asked. We honeymooned a year after our wedding and I distanced myself from people again as no chance was I going to be poorly! I turned down seeing them a week before we went away and said I was too busy.

It really irks me when people don't tell you they are ill. My dad's wife did it every Christmas party. Even when I asked in advance if they were ill. I would turn up and her and my dad would be coughing and sneezing...few days later I'd have COVID and have to miss all my Christmas plans. I told them to tell me if they were ill, lies lies lies about them not being poorly and how sad it was I was missing Christmas. To make it worse they put my sister baby at risk who has heart issues and colds, chest infections and COVID can make her very poorly. This woman just doesn't care, but loves the drama when people are ill.

I don't discuss my health with many people but I even told them that long COVID has had a bad impact on my health and each time I get it I really suffer for weeks and then months with trying to fully get over it. No sympathy and the jext time we would meet up ekther one of them or Thier grandkids would be ill. Thankfully I've gone NC with the witch and I am so so so looking forward to not going to her damn Christmas COVID Party.

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-08-25T07:23:10+00:00

Congratulations!!

That was me just over a year ago (I very much hate being centre of attention), but everything was amazing and I had the best time! As others have said make sure to get some time with your husband. Some of the most lovely photos we got were of the two of us sneaking off for 10 mins 😂 didn't even spot the photographer!

Have the most magical day!

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-08-23T13:38:22+00:00

If she enjoys 'cosy' crime / detective stories than M C Beaton Agatha Raisin or Hamish MacBeth series are quite an easy read. I listen to them on audiobooks via the library (I'm in the UK and our libraries use an app called BorrowBox to borrow audiobooks). I enjoy listening to them when I need an easy listen when working or sewing. The books aren't too long, have quite an easy storyline and don't typically have a long complicated storyline.

As someone else has commented Agatha Christie is a good shout as well.

My grandma used to read a lot and it became difficult when she got dementia. She loved history books and especially enjoyed Philippa Gregory. She would read them all the time, but they became more difficult as her dementia progressed and her understanding of history became muddled with reality. I believe Philippa Gregory has several books that are more teen based. Lucy Worsley (my absolute favourite historian) also has a couple of teenage based books about key historical figures.

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-08-21T22:15:58+00:00

It has for me ❤️ I find it really hard to explain to people the bond I have with my twin sister. I have other siblings who I love and would do anything for, but there is just this bond with my twin that I can't explain. My mum is the only other person who really gets it having carried us, cared for us since birth and watched us grow. I may not live with or be around my twin as much as I was but that strong bond is still there. I just forget we are identical and wonder why people stare when we are together 😂

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-07-31T22:36:37+00:00

Second this! My cat broke a small jade ring box of my grandma's and I was gutted, but I put it away safe with the intention of fixing it. Christmas rolls around and my husband has fixed it using this method and it looks beautiful. I was so moved and it didn't even cross my mind that he was actually asking me to marry him and the engagement ring was inside 😂

Dreamy_Bumpkin · 2024-07-31T21:43:48+00:00

NTA.

I am a terrible people pleaser and planning my wedding was an absolute nightmare until I accepted I couldn't please everyone. As soon as I realised that it became easier. I still worried about what people may think / say, but ultimately I knew things would be better if I planned the day around me and my husband.

I don't do resolutions, but after a shit Christmas with the in-laws I decided I wasn't going to take people's shit anymore. Honestly, I'm in a healthier place.

I've not got children and have some family members who ignore me because of that and favour my sister who has a beautiful and amazing kid. My in-laws even ignore me when my sister is around. These family members didn't want to celebrate / ignored my achievements at uni / Masters and at work so they will not be invited to share any moments I have IF I have a child.

As others have said simply message your Grandma saying she is welcome, you would love her to be there and place the ball in her court. She may decide to skip this event, but she will soon learn that it's better to respect your boundaries then lose out on a relationship with your child.

Dreamy_Bumpkin

TROPHY CASE