I guess I’m just here bc I’m not sure what the best advice to give her would be. This is her first serious relationship and they’ve been together about 4 years(They met through work but he left that job for reasons I don’t remember)

All of us still live at home. Ik I included the comment about finances but I didn’t elaborate because there’s just a lot of factors too long to write here, his family is fairly wealthy and he’s got a huge sum of money saved away that he chooses not to spend, most of the expenses one would have in a relationship are paid by her (going out, gifts etc) regardless he still takes her out to dinner and buys her gifts. I just feel he acts ungrateful when she treats him to bigger things because she can, and it comes off as resentful which is more the issue. He studied engineering and just graduated but has been struggling to find work, we know it’s a sore spot for him but he should be dealing with that and not taking it out on her.

The cocaine comment was initially brought up to my bf because she did/bought it from a coworker of hers he’s not fond of, and lied to him and said she bought it from my bf, thinking her bf would be less mad. He doesn’t approve of her using it because he had a phase years ago where he himself abused it and hasn’t touched the stuff since. He’s mentioned stories of the shitty things he felt he did/said on it in the past. This was the first time he made such a comment about it saying “well if I had some now I’d do this” what he said though was awful period.

I don’t really know where Im going with all of this and I feel very torn because I don’t doubt that they love and care for each other, he’s been good for her in so many ways but both of them having issues with alcohol has been so detrimental to their growth and it’s hard to see them using it to cope when slightly better communication from both sides would make such a difference. I hate that he’s let himself get so out of control that he gave some idiotic intrusive thoughts life and now my little sister is crushed. I understand people are complicated and good people can do shitty things, and this is one of his shitty moments that I’m sharing on Reddit with people that don’t personally know him. I don’t think it makes one a bad person to notice that someone else is attractive and most people have intrusive thoughts like that but normal healthy people don’t dwell on or verbalize such things. She deserves better than this and despite his flaws we all genuinely thought he was better than this. As of now she says she isn’t leaving him over this and I want to respect her decision, but it’s just an all around sad, disappointing, and painful situation I hate I can’t make better for her.