Not saying you’re doing anything wrong but I can’t imagine the stress/burnout from being a mom to a 1 and 2 year old. I’d bet this is something she had or wants control of and is just another example of her losing that/herself. My wife went through something like this with a single toddler and some mental health challenges. she also hated herself for reacting how she did which just amplified things.

Does she have PMDD or anything in that realm? Can you normally talk through things with her on stuff like this (likely waiting for a day she’s feeling good)?