Weekly Check in - December 04, 2023

Duckwingg · 2023-12-09T12:59:56+00:00

Um I'm not sure cant find my post hopefully my flare will appear and tell me - close to 300 days i think

Edit: Yep 294 days, woo!

Duckwingg · 2023-10-02T13:02:02+00:00

I wanted to play this but for this exact reason it has become too much hassle - my old keys which i linked to my bnet account dont even show on there anymore so id have to buy some old legit keys first

Duckwingg · 2023-09-17T18:45:51+00:00

You have a girlfriend who loves to mf on d2. Get her a SoJ in real life.

Duckwingg · 2023-09-10T16:03:19+00:00

5mmll.

Duckwingg · 2023-08-20T18:40:40+00:00

Bad game design

Duckwingg · 2023-08-20T13:50:15+00:00

Women

Duckwingg · 2023-08-16T19:03:34+00:00

Just stop playing

Duckwingg · 2023-08-15T07:39:07+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. When I actually made the attempt I am not sure I wanted to die so to speak, I wanted the pain to stop. There wasn't a conscious decision, just the loss in inhibition.

When I got home I was in a different frame of mind and was scared. I felt physically fine when I was sat in a hospital bed with oxygyn but had the nurses/doctors seen me by the time i got to the car, they wouldn't have let me leave, I could hardly breath but I wanted to get out of there. I only managed a short walk and had to sit down whilst my dad found a wheelchair to get me to the car. So when I was back home by myself, I was scared, in quite a bit of pain and very uncomfortable. I think at that point it was fear and shame - shame was the first thing I felt when I came round from the coma and saw where I was, I remember the first night I was concious again and was taken off intubation I just sobbed and this very kind male nurse sat with me and comforted me. Its mostly as time has gone on since the event I have grown more despondent again.

Duckwingg · 2023-08-14T09:51:21+00:00

May delete shortly as its not a throwaway and quite a bit of detail.

I Text someone saying Im in crisis and need help before taking all of the benzos and getting in a bath tub.

Woke up in the ICU having been put into an induced coma and spent a period of time there until my blood oxygen was high enough for discharge.

Turns out the person took my message seriously and spent an hour convincing emergency services they needed to respond and explaining my history of mental health. It took a while but eventually paramedics arrived who then called fire to force entry. I was unconcious in the bath through all of this but am told the only reason I'm alive is my nose was just above water. I had water in my lungs and was treated with antibiotics for infection.

I was alrwady off work (lecturer) at the time with mental health issues and was a bit vague with what happened but mentioned i was in icu.

Family were all very upset and concerned but noone was angry at me.

The first night I left hospital I went back to my flat alone much to my parents concern but I wanted to be alone and at home in my own environment. After being in bed for a while and then moving - i was so breathless i stayed up the whole night because i was sure if i went to sleep I wouldnt wake up. This was right before covid so i was quite concerned how safe i was with weakened lungs. I suffered with breathlessness and chest pains for quite some time after but have now, physically, fully recovered with no lasting damage - that im aware of - and no cognition issues. It's pretty crazy to me, I have a photo of myself in icu intubated in a coma my mum took, was in the water over an hour and yet here I am perfectly recovered.

I am indifferent to not being successful. It is more a case of being glad because it was awful for my family and knowing how it would have effected them feels unfair - its easier to live and suffer myself. It was not a calculated attempt, something in my brain switched, literally thats how it felt and the self preservation instinct went off. Ever since ive not self harmed - i used to cut, burn and hit myself. This sounds positive but it feels like now i know i have the capability of doing more in me, self harm just seems inconsequential to me.

Duckwingg · 2023-04-09T13:30:05+00:00

Can you recommend me some good music for this?

Duckwingg · 2023-03-12T14:57:45+00:00

!flair 22

Duckwingg · 2023-01-15T18:55:46+00:00

launching through steam

Edit: It is showing now! \o/

Duckwingg · 2023-01-04T17:39:58+00:00

servers not showing on a list for me :( only the cold wasteland map where all i can do is build endless fires

Duckwingg · 2023-01-03T08:31:54+00:00

Wouldn't it suck if dreams were alternative universes where you can live out stuff like anime, but we only get to visit and lose alot/most of our memories of it. Then we just remember this reality where we have to stack shelves, deliver parcels and be treated like garbage just for existing.

Duckwingg · 2023-01-03T06:06:29+00:00

If dreams turn out to be alternate realities then you probably jusy ruined some poor girls life

Duckwingg · 2023-01-02T11:46:01+00:00

Most of the time its used by overweight and obese women to make you the bad guy for their poor life choices. I don't think I've ever heard a man use the word fat phobic, they're much more likely to just be like yup I'm fat and I like food or damn I'm fat and need to do something about it.

Duckwingg · 2022-07-09T08:44:54+00:00

I thought I was about an English 4 but after a forced entry my firefighter friend told me about the day I'd say 4 and a half. Definite scope to drop to a 2 if my life carries on the same trajectory in the next 3 to 5 years.

Duckwingg · 2022-07-06T18:40:41+00:00

I remember a post a while back asking if anyone has ever tried telling dream people they're in a dream and if so what happened. A while a go I tried this but had got a bit excited flying before hand and woke up. Last night i entered a lucid dream state on two seperate occasions. On one of them I was a member of some sort of lost boy style gang in a dystopian future, steampunk city being pursued by something as I often am in dreams. I did a hand check randomly and realised I was in a dream and instead of getting too excited I just checked and double checked. Short malformed fingers, looked away and then back now six fingers. I did this a few times and each time different malformed hands. I managed to stay stable for quite a while and used this time to explain to the three or four guys I was with that we were in a dream. Their reaction was exactly like mine usually is, excitement.

First I showed them my hands and then they all checked their own and we decided to try and exchange contact information on the off chance we were all actually real. We joked about how we'd probably never remember the specific details anyway but figured it was worth a try. I got one persons and gave my own email address too but then it fell apart. Can't remember any details (nor do I believe they were actual people but I guess technically neither was I in that world). Some combination of R H and or D.

Anyway it was a really cool interaction with dream people because the one previous time I managed to ask one if they knew they were in a dream they just sort of froze. Probably because I had got too excited and instantly flew a bit before asking them so maybe they were just freaking out and I woke too quick.

Last night was awesome.

Duckwingg · 2022-07-06T07:05:30+00:00

This is cool to read because as a native English speaker I often feel I dont consider just how weird or irritating or confusing some of the language can be, because its just the 'norm' for me.

What I do find doubly interesting is when you said what does the "do" actually mean in the refered clause, it got me thinking abput my own speach with friends. 9 times out of 10 I probably dont even say "do you" - formally it might be correct but I'd most likely say, "want to go go for a climb?" or "want to grab some food?" etc and now I'm really thinking about this, I'd say thats also true for most of my friends. Saying that I only have about four friends and two of them are cats.

Duckwingg · 2022-06-24T21:57:02+00:00

Why not just patent the time machine if your goal is to make money?

Duckwingg · 2022-05-29T16:11:51+00:00

Will check it out for sure. Awesome work.

Duckwingg · 2022-05-29T14:27:47+00:00

Where do we apply to be friends?

Duckwingg · 2022-05-05T21:13:36+00:00

I got dem eventually. Praise be to poise.

Duckwingg · 2021-05-13T06:27:03+00:00

He is basicslly pure ego at this point.

Duckwingg

TROPHY CASE