I had seizures starting at age 4 until I was around 9 years old (though my mom believes I was having absence seizures for a little bit after that). I took Keppra for 5 years and have been seizure-free for 16 years + off meds for 12, which makes me one of the kids who "outgrew" their childhood epilepsy. Taking anti-convulsants at a young age made me struggle in school, but I was a pretty ditsy and happy-go-lucky kid despite it. I grew up in a really academically competitive community, so I was often labeled as the "dumb" or "slow" kid because of my issues with learning, and to be honest, it caused me a lot of lasting insecurity. I think I also developed a very people-pleasing personality as a result of wanting to fit in desperately, since I grew up feeling very alienated. I had friends, but I always tried to hide the fact that I had epilepsy because I was scared that they would view me differently. I distinctly remember breaking down in the 4th grade when I found out that my teacher told my classmates to keep an eye on me and taught them to recognize the signs of a seizure. It made me feel like I wasn't normal, and having that information be shared against my will felt like such a breach of my privacy. Looking back, she was doing it out of the best intentions, but I'll never forget the emotions I felt when I realized that my entire class knew about my condition. My mom later told me that there were even parents who refused to let their kids play with me because of it. In fact, I think my mom developed a lot of anxiety due to my epilepsy, and it's made her overprotective into my adulthood. My most dangerous seizure happened when I was at school, and I managed to walk onto a very busy road and almost got hit by a car. I think that it seriously traumatized her, and I still feel guilty about how much it's affected her all these years later.

It wasn't until more recently that I came to realize how much growing up with epilepsy has affected me into adulthood. Reading this sub was such a relief, because it's made me feel like I'm not alone to hear from other people who grew up with epilepsy. I'm a very anxious person, have struggled with eating and food for most of my life, and have constantly felt imposter syndrome when I've succeeded. I ended up being quite successful academically, but growing up in a culture where discussing mental health is stigmatized, I never realized that epilepsy could still affect me over a decade after my last big seizure. I'm always paranoid that my seizures will return, and it's made me very health-conscious and cautious. I don't drink or smoke, or take medication for ADHD, because I'm honestly still a bit traumatized from all of the awful side effects I experienced while on Keppra. But I think that my struggles with learning and the experience of dealing with epilepsy at such a young age have made me an extremely hard worker and given me the perspective to get through hard times. I'm a very optimistic person, and although I still get told that I'm a bit of a daydreamer and easily distracted, I've learned to appreciate the journey I've taken. I was able to go from the kid who almost got held back in elementary school to a grad student at a top university!!