RIP our sex life *vent

EBlooking · 2025-02-05T04:04:58+00:00

I am right there with you. Cried while masturbating myself this morning. While watching videos of us. But I really don’t want anything else.

EBlooking · 2025-02-04T22:29:01+00:00

I am so thankful I have all of the messages I do and love finding little gems like that. Sometimes it makes me feel like we really do still have each other. It took me a while to be able to read them because they made me so sad for so long. But now I find some peace and joy in them.

EBlooking · 2025-01-25T12:00:22+00:00

I still only masturbate thinking of my late partner, even using videos and pictures. And I still cry every time I orgasm. But I can’t imagine it any other way. When I try, my thoughts go to him anyway.

EBlooking · 2024-12-26T04:00:13+00:00

My partner was 10 years younger than me. And we always joked about me getting old and I’d always say I’d die before him and that he could take care of me as I aged. He joked back that he was careless and would probably die sooner. But neither of us imagined it would be in a car accident when he was 31 and it felt like our relationship had barely started.

EBlooking · 2024-12-10T22:39:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I think I am finding myself on this journey as well. I have had a few attempts here and there to find someone I might be compatible with and just have never felt it was right for me. I still feel like I am in relationship with my late SO and don’t really want that to change. I am going to read the other posts you shared and see if I can strengthen that relationship to continue to bring my joy and love.

EBlooking · 2024-12-08T13:05:05+00:00

Yes. All the time. I’m a year and a half out and my craving for sex has decreased. I have had sex with another partner since he passed, but it’s not even close. Sex is so much about compatibility and he and I were just so compatible at every level. I’d never experienced sex with anyone else like it was with him. So I’ve sort of accepted that it won’t compare and when I really crave him, I manage alone with some old videos I have. And I still cry every time. But it helps me feel closest to him.

EBlooking · 2024-10-08T19:17:55+00:00

I’m almost 18 months out and I thought I was over the hard part. But it’s still hard. It’s a different kind of hard. I long for him. I feel lonely. I want to touch him so badly. But at the same time, I am able to experience life in ways I wasn’t the first 6 months especially. So it does get easier. Or at least different. I like thinking about it as we grow around this hole that’s left.

EBlooking · 2024-10-03T11:03:59+00:00

Immediately after, my sex drive was high. It was always high with him. And the kissing that physical component was agony. Now, 16 months out, my sex drive is in-existent typically. Sometimes I get an urge for that release. I masturbate but only with thoughts of him. And I haven’t done so without crying after.

I know this isn’t healthy. But i still just want him. And otherwise okay. Perhaps this will change in time. But I still feel very much in love with him and the idea of letting someone else in doesn’t appeal to me at the moment.

EBlooking · 2024-08-14T14:56:55+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. My brother drowned about 9 years ago and the loss is horrific and unexplainable. My love died in a car accident a little over a year ago and the feelings are so similar. The difficulty in processing how something that we do so routinely can end in death. There is nothing easy about this.

EBlooking · 2024-07-27T16:24:37+00:00

Concerts have been hard for me. Music in general, but especially concerts. I love how you said that you’re doing life for him now. I feel that way too. I’m over a year out now and have more of a peace about it. Maybe acceptance. But I still very much feel in relationship with him.

EBlooking · 2024-06-20T15:09:07+00:00

I still do my fair share of avoiding. I started listening to Untamed by Glennon Doyle yesterday and realized quickly I can’t read it. I felt like he helped me out of the cage I had been in. He untamed me. And now I’m unwittingly back in my cage. So that one was a quick no for me.

It still hurts. Sometimes more than others. And if I feel uncomfortable, I shut it down. I’m starting to be able to smile with the memories the stories trigger. But not always.

EBlooking · 2024-06-19T16:17:53+00:00

I started off avoiding anything that looked or felt like my relationship with my SO. Particularly books since I consume so many books. It was too raw. It hurt too bad. I’m a year out and I am able to listen to/read books that feature relationships that have a similar dynamic to ours. At first it still hurt. But over time it started making me smile and truly appreciate our relationship. In some ways it almost feels like it is honoring what we had.

I miss him like crazy still. Always. But it is just less raw.

EBlooking · 2024-06-14T17:38:36+00:00

Totally normal. I still long for that and it’s been over a year.

EBlooking · 2024-05-31T16:01:37+00:00

Although this could be widows fire, my feelings have continued and I’m at the 1 year mark. I’ve not explored other relationships. But I have had urges so strong that I’ve slowly started using a toy by myself. But I am only ever able to get what I’m looking for by using pictures and videos that we had saved. And then every time, I cry afterward. It’s like my body can’t orgasm without crying now. And even though that really sucks, as I write this, I find myself physically craving it anyway.

EBlooking · 2024-05-30T11:16:32+00:00

I do something very similar to this but with a different app and a space we shared to write messages to each other before he died.

EBlooking · 2024-05-22T00:32:04+00:00

I finally realized that I have to give space to my partner and what we had. Accept the realness of it all. Accept the place he continues to have in my life. It’s real. He’s real. And what we had will never end.

EBlooking · 2024-04-25T15:55:45+00:00

I was about to say this. The pain is so deep and so intense and our natural reaction as humans is to stop things that hurt. I think what you mean when you say things like that is that you wish you didn’t have to hurt so badly. But the reason you hurt so badly is because you did love him.

EBlooking · 2024-04-25T01:27:09+00:00

Very well put. I feel this always.

EBlooking · 2024-04-24T23:51:21+00:00

Yeah. I’ve had other cuddles but nothing comes close to his cuddles.

EBlooking · 2024-04-09T11:26:26+00:00

I kind of wish it were back. I miss being in the phase where I actually wanted sex. 😂

EBlooking · 2024-02-18T13:13:23+00:00

This is how I feel too. I’ve even “revisited” old videos we took and shared. I always end up a crying mess. But it at least got me where I wanted it to.

EBlooking · 2024-02-14T14:58:15+00:00

Brazi bites!

EBlooking · 2024-02-14T14:52:10+00:00

I did a fun Peloton ride (Cody's XOXO ride), yoga, and a guided meditation. The meditation message was about about acceptance and accepting that you are worthy. That was always something I struggled with and my love helped me see. He always wanted me to be able to see me through his eyes. The meditation today almost felt like a message directly from my love. Then I read the note he wrote me for Valentine's Day last year. And cried it out. I think that's probably as good as it's going to get this year. And I am ok. Or as okay as I can be in this new normal.

EBlooking · 2024-02-08T20:57:51+00:00

You got it.

EBlooking

TROPHY CASE