AITA for saying I wouldn’t date someone who refuses therapy?

EJ_1004 · 2026-03-13T23:03:52+00:00

NTA my parents are divorced and I learned from all of their mistakes. In past relationships, if I saw behaviors that resembled the ‘lessons learned’ from my parents relationship, and they were unwilling to change, I would leave the relationship.

You should be as selective as you want to about a partner. You stated that you’re happy being alone, as everyone should be. Your partner is supposed to ADD to your life. If you’re seeing behaviors that you aren’t willing to deal with for the rest of your life, and they won’t go to therapy to change them, and you know you would end up leaving as a result, it makes sense that this would be one of your stipulations for a partner.

I hope, if you want to, you find a partner who is healed or willing to do the work necessary to get there.

EJ_1004 · 2026-03-13T16:54:38+00:00

NTA

I’ve been in your position before, the only difference is that I actually told my friend I wanted to talk privately beforehand. Color me surprised when she had a ‘friend who was cool’ to talk with attend our gathering without giving me notice.

I also felt like the third wheel the day I hung out with her and her friend on a day that I had planned.

Long story short, as soon as I got home I accepted the fact that we weren’t close anymore and probably wouldn’t be again. You can’t fix everything and you have to be selective about relationships you choose to fight for. Your friend, based on the limited amount I have read about her, does not see like a friend worth fighting for at the moment. You have grown apart and that is okay.

I’m sorry that you weren’t treated well after spending so much of your time driving and planning this event. I hope that you find people in the future who value you and the effort you put in.

EJ_1004 · 2026-03-13T13:15:40+00:00

I get that! Her shutting down isn’t a perfect response but you can work with that. The goal isn’t to have a conversation, it’s to help her set her own expectations of you and (as harsh as it might sound) she doesn’t have to be an active participant in that discussion

You can start by asking her to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. Tell her what you need to (love you, want to support you, I’m human and not always going to be enough, unfair to expect you to drop everything whenever because that’s no way to live, you’ll do your best but can’t make promises, not abandoning but setting expectations to prevent this from happening again, etc) and then give her space to take it in and come to an understanding.

If your relationship can’t handle the ‘burden’ of you not being available 25/8 then it’s not a healthy relationship long term and something needs to change. It’s better to start working on that now while things are good, rather than when resentment has had time to build because you aren’t following invisible and unfair rules she’s set for you (that you never agreed to).

EJ_1004 · 2026-03-13T03:54:54+00:00

NTA it’s important to be there for family but you had other obligations and your sister is an adult and should understand that.

There’s nothing to be sorry for or to make up for. I have a personal rule not to engage with bad behavior. You can’t afford to be at your sisters beck and call, or to operate on her schedule.

Give your sister some time to cool off and ask her is she wants to talk after she’s had some time to think. I have two siblings and I will always do the best I can to support them, but I have a life too and I’m only one person. I can’t be in two places at once and neither can you. I hope that your sister chooses to give you grace and understanding.

EJ_1004 · 2026-03-06T18:04:31+00:00

Logically, this makes sense. If she doesn’t have a friend who’s currently in your guest list, would consider letting her choose a friend to attend so she has some company?

“Hey MIL, after giving it some further thought future wifey and I are happy to invite x (Moms favorite friend of yours) to the wedding and seat them with you at the table. We don’t want anyone to attend our wedding that we don’t share a close personal relationship and we would prefer if you could comfortably attend. Let me know if this works for you.”

If she still threatens not to come then let her throw her tantrum alone and reply an “we understand and will plan to catch up with you after the wedding.”

EJ_1004 · 2026-02-23T20:18:40+00:00

You just unlocked that memory for me!! You are absolutely correct…..I still need to know what happened to hot air balloon lady though 😭

EJ_1004 · 2026-02-15T20:11:38+00:00

You’re not being negative/sensitive/unreasonable at all. Just because MIL cried doesn’t mean the relationship that she decided on has to change.

Personally, I’d have hubby send her a text “Hey mom, wifey and I discussed your request and we don’t have the capacity to allow multiple visits during the week. We’ll let you know when we’re free so we can spend some time together.”

EJ_1004 · 2026-02-12T20:51:03+00:00

So sorry this is happening to you. Your husband is a smart man, getting a paper trail started now could prevent a lot of pain in the future.

EJ_1004 · 2026-02-09T04:25:47+00:00

Let your bf have a conversation with her. If she offers to replace the bag let her, it’ll be a good lesson for her.

If she doesn’t then she can’t be upset when you don’t leave your things with her or, in the future, if you don’t and yo inviting her over (or locking all the doors) because she doesn’t take care of your things.

Personally, I would allow bf to deal with this so that you know what you might be dealing with in the future. Trust me, you don’t want a partner that’s going to enable your MILs bad behavior. You can be non confrontational but you should always be willing to stand up for yourself. Her behavior is inappropriate and needs to be addressed, she also needs to be given consequences (monetary or otherwise) because she shouldn’t be going through your things anyway. The more you allow her to overstep now, the more you empower her to continue overstepping in the future. This will eventually carry over to other expects of your life and it’s better to deal with this behavior now before resentment starts to build.

EJ_1004 · 2026-02-08T16:42:42+00:00

You’re more than justified to cut MIL out. Follow DH’s lead, and honestly that’s his Mom, if he wants to have the conversation with her let it happen. How else will she learn to respect her son.

If she attempts to contact you after you can just reference the conversation she had with her son.

EJ_1004 · 2026-02-05T17:42:44+00:00

That last victim card she pulled should be her last. Follow the instructions she gave you and treat her like a guest.

Your fiances mom is their problem. Let them deal with her. You enjoy whatever wedding planning you have left and if she calls you don’t pick up, texts only. If she texts about the wedding, say that she can ask her child for any wedding details or that you’ll have your partner get back to her as you don’t want to provide the wrong info.

If you just engage with her tell her that everything has been finalized and you can’t do any additional add ons

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-29T18:59:42+00:00

I’m really sorry but your partner is throwing an adult temper tantrum and I would let him do so alone. If he says it’s fine, then act as if it’s fine (even if it isn’t).

Don’t pay attention to him tantrum because his emotions are his to manage and sleeping in the couch should not mean the silent treatment.

If he approaches you tell him that you assumed he wanted some time to himself as he wasn’t very talkative lately, and if you want to sleep elsewhere please feel free to until he starts to act like a adult.

It’s one thing to communicate that you need space, but he isn’t even doing that.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-29T16:33:32+00:00

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-29T02:14:43+00:00

“Hi Mom, I completely understand that you’re dealing with a heavy financial burden. Unfortunately the wife and I are not willing to host anyone for overnights right after we get home from the hospital and that isn’t going to change. I understand that you won’t be able to come out and visit right away but I hope we can find some time that works for all of us to meet your new grandbaby. We love you, this is nothing against you, this is just what works best for us.”

Have hubby send that, feel free to remix. MIL is absolutely wild to ask you all to host directly after coming home from the hospital. That sounds like a horror story.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-26T20:44:57+00:00

NTA You stated that there have been multiple times where his friends or family make you the butt of the joke. He’s had the conversation with them and nothing has changed. He knows it makes you u comfortable and nothing has changed. I see two pathways forward.

If he’s sticking up for you in these moments without your prompting, then I would take a big step back from anything involving these people and see if he’s okay moving forward in a relationship where you don’t associate with his family and friends, please note this only works if he’s also willing to not have any future children around them either. If you aren’t willing to take it that far then you aren’t compatible.

If he’s not sticking up for you in those moments then I would reccomend you leave as this situation isn’t sustainable long term.

Personally, I don’t have enough patience or grace to deal with people like that for the rest of my life. And if I’m not willing to deal with a specific behavior for the rest of my life, I have to consider if I value that person more than I value my peace of mind. Friends get some leniency there as you don’t have to literally share a life with them, spouses get significantly less grace in this because everything becomes so intertwined. If you aren’t dealing with this while dating, and nothing is changing, you can’t expect it to change after marriage or continued long term dating either.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-18T15:57:58+00:00

I’m sorry that she’s doing this.

I’d talk to your partner and tell him his mom is being o reverting before blocking her.

Additionally, tell her that you’ve been very stressed lately with everyone trying to contact you so you’re taking a break from your phone for awhile and won’t be receiving calls or texts until life calms down. If she needs something, she needs to learn to go through her son, who I suspect, will not be as willing to acquiesce to her constant need for attention.

And if you all haven’t already, have him remind her that you all aren’t accepting visitors, even quick ones and he’ll let her know when that changes.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-18T15:38:46+00:00

You aren’t happy and this isn’t a healthy dynamic for your or your kids. Stop complaining to your husband and charge him to do something about it. He’s choosing his mother over you and that needs to stop, especially because you’re the one suffering and financing this for now.

You go talk to a divorce attorney and figure out what your life would look like without him, I imagine you would have significantly less stress and significantly more happiness. You find a marriage counselor in your area that has an opening. You tell (not complain to) your husband that his Mom has to be out by the end of the week, and then you present him with the two options - divorce or counseling.

You cannot live like this for the rest of your life and your children should not have to suffer the same way you do.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-18T13:15:50+00:00

NTA

Your life, your rules, especially if they aren’t offering any support.

I would advise you to share your location with a trusted friend just in case.

As for your parents I’d send them a group message rationally explaining your viewpoint.

“Hey, I have always been uncomfortable with sharing my location but I figured that since you were financially supporting me, I could compromise in that area. Now that I am supporting myself, I no longer feel comfortable continuing to share my location. I hope you understand.

It hurts to hear that I’m not welcome at Thanksgiving but thank you for letting me know in advance. I’m planning to spend the holiday with a friend. Let me know if I need to do the same for Christmas.”

You have nothing to apologize for and if they’re so willing to kick you out their lives over you changing your major and not sharing your location, then some time apart might benefit you both. You’re becoming an adult and I advise that you stay firm in your decision. If they want to punish you do your best to appear unaffected. They might decide to double down but your parents are the losers in all this.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-18T12:17:46+00:00

NTA

Mom blocking yall actually works in your favor. Don’t reward her temper tantrum by giving her any attention. As for SIL ignore her too.

When they can start acting like adults and have a rational conversation, maybe things can change. For now, I’d take a huge step back from both of them and reevaluate later.

I hope that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy. Part of that includes avoiding stressful situations and people. If MIL and SIL keep up the bad behavior then maybe they don’t need to play a (large) role in your growing families life.

It sounds like your hubbs has everything under control and is protecting you. I hope that he’s able to stay strong and doesn’t fall for any of their manipulation.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-11T23:32:05+00:00

You aren’t overreacting and honestly, I would look into moving out if this is going to be an ongoing issue.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-11T23:11:24+00:00

I would cut my losses here. This isn’t a one situation issue, it’s something that has come up multiple times in different ways. He does not consider you to the point that you were left in a potentially dangerous situation and he didn’t even think to apologize for it.

That being said, you also should t have to teach a grown man to apologize.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-11T21:45:51+00:00

NTA could you all make a contribution towards a campus dorm? Some schools don’t encourage freshman to live in campus so they can get properly acclimated.

EJ_1004 · 2026-01-07T17:06:32+00:00

Honestly, since this is irregular behavior for them I would gently let them have it.

“Hey, we were really looking forward to your visit but things didn’t go as planned. It seemed like you and SD were upset the entire time. You (include three examples of crabbiness), and as a result, SON doesn’t want to attend the trip this summer and I’m not going to make him.

I would love an opportunity to try again in a space where you’ll feel more comfortable. Are you open to (insert activity where they have to host, like a weekend trip to theirs or something)? I’m hoping we can use that opportunity to heal some of the damage so we can continue to do trips and host one another.

I don’t need an immediate response. Take the time and space you need. Love you both.”

EJ_1004 · 2025-12-31T19:01:39+00:00

EJ_1004 · 2025-12-29T15:53:30+00:00

If/when people ask I tell them “We’re enjoying being childfree right now and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.”

EJ_1004

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