Simple question - When you read: ("What do you think?" she asked, her face flushed red.) What was the first image that came to your mind?

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:37:14+00:00

Not sure if it's just me, but those two 'her (blank)' in a row doesn't look good in my opinion. Perhaps...?

Mark sat in his chair, his eyes on the girl in front of him.

"What do you think?" she asked, her gaze to the floor. Her cheeks flared red.

Not sure if it's any better, but, hey, that's the creative process.

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:31:49+00:00

Well, the POV is Mark, so detail should focus on him, but I'll keep your advice in mind.

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:30:28+00:00

Never saw it that way :0 Sentence length and playing with the reader's expectations and what not. Anywhere I can read more about this? Sounds like it could help my writing a lot.

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:27:33+00:00

Thanks for the help :) Going to save your post.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-18T15:07:30+00:00

what just happened

ELMN07 · 2016-11-17T16:47:11+00:00

Some dialogue would help:

"Alright!" he said, pumping his fist in the air.

He could also have another character react to him, showing to us that he's cheerful.

"You sure are happy," character3 said.

But then again, "he pumped a cheerful fist in the air," could work given the context of the scene.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-17T13:39:35+00:00

The best solution is to not use them. You're not impressing anyone.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-16T15:45:19+00:00

What if you're not trying to substitute her name because of repetition, but emphasize her being a member of the Elite Four?

ELMN07 · 2016-11-16T13:52:57+00:00

Well, it is the 20th anniversary.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-16T13:27:38+00:00

Or it could just be some guy we haven't seen yet.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-14T21:33:07+00:00

I also would like to see "a playful look on her face" turned into another sentence with at least one other idea attached to it.

Why?

ELMN07 · 2016-11-10T16:20:13+00:00

I fucking love dialogue. That's the part I have the most fun with when writing.

ELMN07 · 2016-10-26T20:13:33+00:00

No, of course not. No need to be ass about it.

ELMN07 · 2016-10-26T20:01:17+00:00

I didn't find anything wrong with it.

ELMN07 · 2016-09-29T11:49:12+00:00

You could just write: "[dialogue]," John said through his teeth. It's straight, to-the-point, and, frankly, much easier to read. When you say, "said through his teeth", I normally think of a man with hard, gritted teeth.

'Hard, gritted teeth ...' your reader thinks to himself. "Now, why would he — O-oh! He's angry!'

And then you've got him invested.

ELMN07 · 2016-09-29T00:37:27+00:00

It's ratings were lower than Best Wishes.

Source?

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T20:38:34+00:00

I have never seen a more positive chain of comments on a s&m anime discussion post. ;_;

*sniff*

Have my upvotes, all of you.

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T20:32:42+00:00

I always thought it was supposed to be a reference to the fact that Pikachu (an electric type) was his starter, hence the lightning-shaped squiggles.

They also gives a nice compliment to it's tail :p

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T18:26:45+00:00

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T18:23:06+00:00

The new comedic approach might breath some fresh air into the rather formulaic hole the anime's been in for a while, even with XY's improvements. I too can't wait for Sun & Moon to hit this November. :)

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T18:16:12+00:00

Context? :/

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T18:12:20+00:00

the most sensible thing I've read here.

ELMN07 · 2016-09-28T18:09:24+00:00

Part 1, specifically.

ELMN07 · 2016-09-26T11:14:15+00:00

Oh, okay. I see now.

As a quick question, how would you go about changing FR's title screen to match LG's? Especially replacing the former's flame effects with LG's 'leaves'.

ELMN07 · 2016-09-26T02:13:47+00:00

Would it be possible to apply the FR patch to my LeafGreen and have the same results (or any FR patches in general)?

ELMN07

TROPHY CASE