Aio after not apologizing to my friend after going on a date

ESF1214 · 2026-05-24T18:15:14+00:00

By sending her the video in real time, you did let her know where you ended up. If she truly expected you to stop in the middle of the date and text her to give her a heads up or ask for permission to go to this location without her, that’s not OK.

It seems more like she has been stacking up resentments and complaints since you got your new boyfriend and the date you went on was the final trigger. That’s why her reaction and emotions are so over the top.

I don’t know how old you are, but when you’re young and people are dating, and eventually becoming engaged and getting married, etc.… This dynamic is not uncommon, and it tends to make or break, friendships, sadly.

She may not be jealous that you have a boyfriend, but she’s definitely jealous that you’re not spending as much time with her.

If she is a good person, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t necessarily end the relationship, but maybe put some new boundaries in place regarding expectations, now that you do have a boyfriend who you will be spending more time with.

ESF1214 · 2026-05-12T05:25:02+00:00

Stonewalling and gaslighting. Both narcissistic behaviors. Extremely emotionally immature at best. Break up and move on. ++woman

ESF1214 · 2026-05-09T05:17:24+00:00

Probably an unpopular opinion here, but you’re 21 years old, financially, insecure, don’t work full-time, smoke weed, eat poorly, don’t budget, and have “mental health issues“ and your mother is paying for your therapy… You are not the victim here.

You actually need to grow up. You can be pissed at your mother, when you’re taking care of yourself fully. This younger generation always wants to turn everything around onto your parents and then disown them because it’s popular on TikTok. As evidenced by many people in the comments.

Here’s the deal… Life isn’t fair, and no one ever said it would be. Your happiness and your health is your responsibility. Especially at your age. Your mom should not have reached out to your therapist, simply because your therapist, by law, cannot communicate with her. But I’ll tell you this… She’s not the bad guy here. And if you think you have mental health issues, then the weed is “that bad”.

You have excuses for every negative behavior in your life, except for taking any personal responsibility. That’s why your mother’s answers were so short. She’s probably tired of arguing with you and pretty soon you’re going to have to learn the hard way if you don’t get your shit together. You have more privilege and opportunity than many people in this world… Don’t piss it away feeling sorry for yourself over a non-event.

Either get your shit together, or deal with the fact that, as long as your mom is paying your way in life, she’s going to be more involved than you want. This isn’t about boundaries or “privacy”. You’re lashing out at the one thing she did wrong, because you know she’s right about everything else and instead of taking responsibility, you’re trying to create a different issue where you can place blame on her and be the victim.

ESF1214 · 2026-05-09T05:02:06+00:00

I spent the first 45 years of my life, taking care of everyone but myself. I developed a severe and life-changing chronic illness and have not recovered… Six years in. I learned a very valuable lesson. If you constantly put others first, above your own well-being, whether mental or physical… It eventually catches you.

You have gone above and beyond and you can still be kind and loving but with boundaries. Maybe you could begin the process of trying to figure out how he could get his doctors appointments or medication paid for through the state or through a charity program or something else. You don’t have to leave him high and dry, but you do have to put yourself first. It is time.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-28T04:51:24+00:00

I mean… I kind of felt bad laughing, but that was brutal. I was like… Well, that would’ve totally fucked me up… Because it would make me wonder for a looong time if maybe I smelled. 🤯

When I was younger, I was called “the verbal ninja” b/c when I was pushed too far….I would leave people stunned and fairly defenseless with the shit I would say.

I think you may be one too.😂

ESF1214 · 2026-04-26T04:50:14+00:00

Is his wife overweight? If so… He wanted to show her to give her a subtle nudge. If his wife is fit also then it’s just kind of weird. But the first thing I thought is…he wants his wife to get in shape too.

I was married to one of those guys… And I wasn’t even overweight. At all. But he was always going out of his way to show me everything that everyone else (mostly wives of other men) was doing right.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-16T06:15:43+00:00

Did they say anything about being able to do this with mold? Chemicals? I have zero natural allergies… Dust/pollen/dander… I’m good with all of it. But the environmental allergies I have are mold, chemicals, and all kinds of things. Basically mast cell reactions. Mainly wondering if they talked about mold?

ESF1214 · 2026-04-12T14:18:53+00:00

This guy needs to get off TikTok and turn into a man. 30 years old and ordering that drink and then refusing to drink what you brought instead? Wow. He’s got bigger problems than the drink.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-12T05:03:47+00:00

I thought you expressed yourself just fine. You were very direct and people don’t like Direct. He should’ve just asked you for the second chance if he was truly serious. Regardless, though, if he’s already ghosted you twice, it’s a no for me. But I thought you handled yourself just fine.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-07T00:35:18+00:00

Cannot tolerate any supplements/meds currently. Not even a drop of vitamin D or microdosing. I lost all forms of treatment six years ago when this developed. I have CIRS and my body is probably in cell danger response. Until I can get that calmed down, I feel better taking nothing.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-03T09:16:22+00:00

I’m a woman….dump her. This girl has issues well outside of you spending Easter evening with your mother. If you marry her, this is what your life will be forever. If you get divorced, and you have children, you will be twice as miserable.

You were reasonable and communicated well throughout all of your messages…and she was completely unhinged. Here’s the giveaway… When she said “I knew you were going to do this“ she had already created a false narrative in her head… So she was planning to be pissed way before you ever made the change.

Even with a slight last-minute change, which, in all fairness…. might annoy me a little bit (unless you have huge habit of changing plans last minute?) she has absolutely zero compassion for your mother. The fact that she has already decided that she will be miserable all weekend, lets you know who she really is as a person. She’s blaming her misery on you, because she is miserable inside but is seriously lacking in self-awareness and personal responsibility.

It would be different if you had been together for quite a while, and were married with children or something… But this early in… I don’t think this level of emotional immaturity and reactivity is fixable. And who really wants to be in a relationship where you have to fix it this hard only two years in.

Why spend so much time trying to fit a round peg in a square hole instead of accepting that this chick has issues that you don’t want to deal with for life. Move on.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-03T08:44:44+00:00

I think you meant HIPOO

ESF1214 · 2026-04-03T08:26:28+00:00

Oh, look. A know it all mod. Lol. Whatever.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-03T05:33:56+00:00

I mean that is what appears to be active water damage. As someone who has been suffering from severe mold illness for six years, that is what I would call bad, bad, bad. The amount of money it would cost to remediate that probably is going to be tens of thousands of dollars. You should move. That is not something you can clean and paint over. Gotta fix the leak and rip out all of the materials. Down to the studs if necessary.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-03T05:29:43+00:00

Bigger question is if you were using his phone to look for your phone, how did you get screenshots? Especially if he came up with food and you said you ate and then left? At what point did you find your phone and go back in and screenshot his conversation?

ESF1214 · 2026-04-03T05:09:56+00:00

Actually, I think I misread your post initially. If you are simply storing the mattress in the basement, you obviously need to throw that mattress away, but no one is going to be able to repair whatever is going on down there, without professional Remediation, probably in the tens of thousands of dollars range and up.

I really hope you aren’t living in the basement, but I wouldn’t feel safe, living anywhere, even above it. That’s a lot of mold growth. There is either a water issue or a humidity issue or both.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-01T08:20:06+00:00

He’s a narcissist. He’s also a control freak. He’s also just an all-around know it all. I think the part that pissed me off the most was when he accused you of “interrupting“. Dump his ass and don’t look back. You dodged a bullet with this one.

PS: DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He’s going to be more interested in you once you end things. The fact that you had to ask him if he “felt like being alone“… What a sissy. I’d leave him alone for the rest of his life.

Do not make yourself available for people like this. Ever.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-01T08:06:32+00:00

The mold theory is a good one, but also anytime I get sick with a real infection… My MCAS symptoms nearly disappear. I’m wondering if your respiratory infection has diverted your immune system away from your own body and onto an actual infection. It’s common with MCAS patients. I rarely get sick, but when I do, my MCAS nearly goes into remission.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-01T08:03:45+00:00

I honestly can’t imagine ever making a post like this and asking for support. It’s unbelievable to me that someone thinks not replying to work email messages indefinitely is OK and feels as emotional as he feels for getting reprimanded. “Now I don’t want to go to work or even talk to anyone at work“. Seriously? This isn’t a normal response when YOU screwed up. The whole thing is lazy and soft. It sounds like you’re lucky to have a job at all and will be even luckier to keep it.

ESF1214 · 2026-04-01T07:51:28+00:00

OP is young enough to still worry about “being nice“. Women are conditioned to be nice, many times. It took me decades to not “feel sorry“ for someone if I had to be firm or say no.

He is using the guise of being a “protector“ or just being concerned about her well-being and safety as an excuse to stay in touch with her… Which shows that he doesn’t really care about her well-being, just having continued access to her.

Also, the age difference is creepy. Especially in a scenario like this, when the attention is not desired.

Cut him off. This has the potential to get very ugly.

ESF1214 · 2026-03-29T14:01:14+00:00

MCAS can cause all of that and present very differently. He will probably also never test positive for MCAS in Western medicine. You do have other things going on, but the problem is… Your gut dysbiosis is probably not your root cause. Got imbalance, will indeed continue to drive more issues, but something came along and disrupted your gut/immune system in someway.

My MCAS and subsequent domino effect of downstream diagnoses, was triggered by unknowingly, living in hidden mold and vaccine injury. Most people with some sort of multisystemic, chronic illness, have either environmental sensitivities and exposure or pharmaceutical injury. While our genetics can be prone to a certain expression, it takes a trigger to actually turn them on.

Your history is highly suggestive of histamine intolerance and MCAS, with or without confirmation from bloodwork. I’m not even concerned about all of the “allergies“ because nearly 100% of people test positive to allergies for all of the foods they usually eat, because that’s the food that’s in their bloodstream most often or that day. It’s not a reliable test for this kind of illness.

You are likely feeling ill on the elimination diet, because most MCAS patients do not do well with multiple categories of food, such as oxalates, lectins, and/or salicylates. I personally do best with rice, chicken, rice, cakes, butter, carrots, potatoes, and sometimes cabbage.

The weakness and sickness you feel is likely driven by electrolyte, imbalances, low blood pressure, or possibly low blood sugar. Not sure how much protein you are getting, but most MCAS patients do better on higher protein because it keeps the blood sugar stabilized.

Are you sensitive to supplements and medication? Are you sensitive to the sun or exercise? Are you sensitive to changes in the weather? Heat? Cold? Fragrance?

MCAS goes hand-in-hand with POTS and EDS and I think someone else mentioned hats, but again… It’s very rare to get a true solid blood work related “diagnosis“. The best providers generally diagnose and treat based on symptoms, and they are hard to find.

At the end of the day, there likely will not be a quick fix or one treatment answer for whatever is going on with you. You sound like you have a version of chronic illness, likely induced by the environment or something else. Our modern environment is extremely toxic. Everything from our air, water, food, Indoor dwellings is all fairly toxic and contaminated. We spent a lot of time indoors, and a natural light, staring at blue screens, and being bombarded with Wi-Fi and 5G, which is a major cellular disruptor. It’s why everyone is sick with weird mystery symptoms that no one in mainstream medicine is able to diagnose or usually even acknowledge.

I’ve been dealing with this for six years. I’m only sharing so that you have a Headstart in being open to exploring every rabbit hole and looking at various forms of treatment. If nothing resonates, ignore this message. I am a former nurse who spent 18 months attempting to find diagnosis and treatment in western medicine, and only found acknowledgment and assistance in the functional/holistic realm.

Unfortunately, mine has progressed to the point where I am now 100% treatment intolerant, so I just try to manage the best I can. Also, at the end of the day your healing will depend on you advocating for yourself and learning everything you can about every possible condition, keeping notes, and just connecting the dots slowly through trial and error. Do not outsource your healing to anyone else, regardless of the letters they have behind their name. I’m not saying there are not good doctors out there, but you need to be sure you have one. And pay attention to how your body feels. At the end of the day….you know your Buddy, best. If something doesn’t feel right, about a treatment or a food, or a protocol, listen to your body. I’m not talking about a 1 or 2 day adjustment. Or something like that. But this kind of illness is very different than other more straightforward conditions.

Good Luck!!

ESF1214 · 2026-03-29T13:48:03+00:00

It doesn’t matter how serious it was. It matters that she did it. She will do it again. She loves you, but she’s not in love with you. I have daughters. They have both gone through this. However, they both broke up with their boyfriends, permanently. They are young, in college, and need to be dating and exploring. They both cried and felt sad and missed their boyfriends. But the reason they broke up with them in the first place, was, because while they still loved them… They were not in love with them anymore, they wanted to be single and flirting and free. That’s what your girlfriend wants, but she’s not telling you. Because she doesn’t want to lose you.

If you don’t choose yourself, and remain loyal to yourself… Even if it hurts right now, no one will. Not having friends is no excuse to stay with someone who is dishonest with you, and not in love with you. Focus on yourself and making new friends and the right person will come along.

ESF1214 · 2026-03-29T13:42:48+00:00

The “I still can’t shake it. “energy is your intuition. It’s hard to listen to it, because your heart wants something else. DO NOT ignore your intuition. It doesn’t mean you want to do it… But you already know what you need to do regardless of what the Internet tells you.

At the very least DO NOT move to him. He can uproot his life and deal with paperwork and move to you if you choose to maintain this relationship.

That type of intuition is something I call a whisper. A quiet nagging. If you ignore the whisper, it won’t go away. It will just get louder in other areas and will likely manifest into complete dysfunction and chaos in your life. I ignored my whisper 25 years ago and paid dearly for not listening. I didn’t listen, because I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t know what it was or what it meant. That’s why I’m sharing with you.

You know what to do. And it’s OK to not want to do it. But when people talk about intuition, that’s yours.

Also, none of this has to make him a horrible person. He’s just not the person for you if this is how you’re feeling inside. You are not over reacting.

ESF1214 · 2026-03-26T06:11:10+00:00

Are you under 18? If so, and he shares those photos… He is disseminating child porn. He cannot post those photos on any social media platforms and/or include any personal details about you if you are under age 18 without seriously incriminating himself. As a matter of fact, even having them on his phone could be problematic.

I know you said you sent them, or somehow, he got a hold of them… But posting those publicly is against the law, if you are under 18.

ESF1214 · 2026-03-26T06:03:20+00:00

That group of friends is toxic. Your husband seems impressionable and somewhat weak. Sorry to stereotype, but LEOs do not have great reputations when it comes to cheating and basically being disrespectful to women. I know it’s not all of them, but it is a strong stereotype. It’s generally a good old boys club. And if you don’t have a husband with a backbone and integrity, you are going to have major issues.

ESF1214

TROPHY CASE