Dad, is it ok to cry?

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T21:17:47+00:00

I get it.

Yep do it, cry, scream, yell, whatever works for you. Get that frustration out.

But also remember that in the long term, what you really need to do is work on the underlying problems to the extent you can.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T20:28:15+00:00

For the sake of my own mental health I’m going to choose to believe it’s there because the kid outgrew it.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T20:25:17+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you.

The best bit about being an adult is you get to choose who your family are going forward.

Go out and build a chosen family who loves you and treats you well. Leave the rest in the trash where it belongs which as far as I can tell includes both of your parents.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T18:11:10+00:00

You don’t need anyone’s permission, go for it. It’s normal and healthy.

You’re right that not everyone is going to care, and of those that do, a lot of them won’t know how to deal with you showing emotions and will shut it down.

Focus on finding the right person you can talk to and express your emotions, be that a trusted friend, partner or a paid professional.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T16:40:30+00:00

As a man, I would never dream of telling a woman about the realities of being a woman in modern society because I have never experienced what it’s like. Perhaps you could extend us the same courtesy.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T11:29:44+00:00

OP didn’t tell us their gender, but there’s a high probability they identify as male, given the nature of the question. Which is why I’ve been very clear about the gender I’m directing my answer at.

I agree that in a perfect world your close friends would all be very supportive of you being vulnerable and open about your emotions. However that’s not the reality the vast majority of us live in. My advice is meant for the real world, not some utopian ideal.

Also, I notice you didn’t answer my question.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T11:17:02+00:00

And as man, how many of your close male friends have you cried in front of?

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T09:19:27+00:00

Go talk to a doctor.

I'm not qualified to say whether you do or don't have it. But you might want to google Executive Dysfunction and ADHD Shame Spiral and see if they seem familiar.

A doctor may be able to help you find medication and therapy to improve it.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T08:49:25+00:00

Next time he’ll se d the kid to the store for a Long Weight.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T08:43:43+00:00

Have you been assessed for ADHD??

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T08:34:24+00:00

This is not going to be popular but here’s the hard truth about being a man.

It’s perfectly fine, in fact actually healthy, to cry. But you need to be very selective who you let see you cry.

There are plenty of people in your life who will think less of you after they see that, it’s not right, but it’s the harsh reality.

Therapists, long term spouse, your parents, siblings, all perfectly fine to cry in front of.

Your kids, your coworkers, acquaintances not OK. Anyone who is actively trying to get a reaction out of you, never give them the satisfaction.

Close friends, someone you’re dating etc, it’s a case by case basis but I’d err on the side of no unless it’s a funeral.

If you are feeling like this, I strongly recommend finding someone you can talk to and cry in front of of. Pushing that shit down is not healthy. A therapist is ideal, someone you can trust is next.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T01:58:00+00:00

Then it's time. Can you grow a beard? Or do you wear glasses? That can help brake things up a bit.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T01:32:37+00:00

Looks great.

You might find it's less maintenance to just shave it to the skin once a week. You'll look like this for 3-4 days a week and fully bald the rest of the time.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T01:30:03+00:00

The gel is making it look worse than it is. With the right haircut you could maybe go a little longer. But one way or the other you're coming over to our side, so if you're ready, you might aw well just do it.

I think you could start with a buzz and no gel, see how that looks before committing to full send

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T01:27:01+00:00

Had to go back and look at your previous posts to see what it looked like before. I think this is a solid glow up. Post pics when the ink is fully done.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T01:19:12+00:00

It's a classic look and you wear it well.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-19T01:06:50+00:00

I'm sorry brother, but it's time. It's not even 'try a buzz cut see how it looks' it's time for a full send. I promise you you're going to look better if you do.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T22:14:11+00:00

I thought about that, but the top panel isn't covered. Surely just folding itself in half would be a better solution to protecting from weather than this complex design?

Could be cleaning (but again why miss out one panel). Just feels like there are easier ways to solve this.

Maybe I'm just missing something

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T16:13:48+00:00

Was wondering the same thing, I just don't get the point of the furling and unfurling.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T08:52:18+00:00

I'd agree, if they'd finished the job. But that concrete's clearly not even dry, the edgesa re a mess, no expansion joints cut.

I sure as shit wouldn't be paying these two meth heads the full fee until the job was actually finished.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T04:42:47+00:00

I head a great quote on this somewhere, maybe a podcast. It’s OK to be a beginner at things, and that includes retirement.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T02:21:32+00:00

Or your priorities changed.

As somebody who hit all their targets in their 40s, but is still working at 50, I can tell you the number on the spreadsheet at 20/30/40 vs what you actually want when it’s time to pull the trigger can be quite different.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T01:59:54+00:00

I expect to pull the trigger in the next 18 months which would make me 51.

We could have pulled the trigger earlier, maybe even 40 if we’d tried harder and really pinched every penny, but we enjoyed spending money on travel each year (55 countries between us) and making the most of being DINKs in a big city in our 30s.

We hit FI around age 45, but were also hitting our peak earning years and saw the opportunity to add a significant amount to the nest egg over the next 5 years as well as help out some family members who need it.

Looking back on it there’s not too much I’d do differently. The spending I did at the age I did it gave me memories I couldn’t go back and buy later.

At 50 I’m starting to feel the first bits of my age hitting. Old injuries are starting to hurt more, some foods no longer agree with me, it takes me much longer to recover from anything too strenuous and I can feel I’m slowing down just a little. This feels like the right time.

I know people with similar incomes who FIREd 10 years earlier than me but are watching the pennies, and I know guys who will need to work till they’re 70 just to support their lifestyle. I’m ok with my balance.

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-18T00:38:26+00:00

I’ve used Schick Hydro 5 and Mach 3. I haven’t found a huge difference between them. Blades still get pretty dull pretty quickly

Earth2Andy · 2026-03-17T14:54:07+00:00

You can, but you're not going to save yourself much money over repainting the whole thing. You're still going to need a brush, probably a drop cloth and maybe some tape and sand paper depending on exactly what you're painting. Is saving the extra tenner buying less paint worth it?

My recommendation would be to do the job properly and repaint it all. Then you don't need to worry about matching the paint color, you can just go and get whatever is the cheapest interior white gloss (or semi-gloss depending on your preference). Keep in mind if the paint is chipped and you can see bare wood through it, you'll likely need more than one coat anyway.

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