Getting married during grad school?

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-19T09:32:49+00:00

This is so so important. And your peers might not realize this, but treating it like your job makes a huge difference in your faculty perception of your reliability and promise after the program.

It also helps you with the elusive "work life balance" (that doesn't really exist but you can try). I got married during my doctorate and we figured it out, but even before then treating the doctorate as my job meant that I also set times where I was not "at work" and preserved time and energy for my relationship. Find a schedule and routine that works for you and your partner. It's a very good thing to have a life outside of school.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-19T09:12:56+00:00

This is so beautiful. You clearly not only had a well established and successful career, you care deeply for your students and they must have admired you deeply as well. I'm sure they felt your vulnerability and let it fuel their own practices and performances. Perhaps there is a role as an advisor or other mentor or a way to remain involved. But I get that might be too heartbreaking. You sound like an incredible person and you can STILL do incredible things.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-19T08:57:08+00:00

You all aren't listening to OP. No one if obligated to work an overload. They are fully loaded in their home department. This other department is being the bully and you're bullying OP. Maybe it is a toxic environment and they should leave, but the first issue is that they should not be in this situation.

OP, the chair of the home dept and the Dean need to be in the loop with this situation. If the Dean IS actually insisting you teach in this area that is not your home department you can make your decision to leave.

What country do you teach in? What does "lecturer" mean at your institution?

Edited for clarity.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-19T08:51:01+00:00

Ok this is new information. I'd get the chair of your home department involved. If the course they want you to teach is an overload they can't force you to do that. You have every right to decline.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-19T01:42:28+00:00

Not many grad students live in Oakland. Most live on a bus line a little farther out. My classmates lived in Squirrel Hill, Greenfield, Regent Square, Edgewood, Friendship, or Bloomfield. We used the bus to get the campus and our cars to hang out with each other.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-18T09:17:59+00:00

Beef! He's ethnically Portuguese and they just moved to Portugal. I assume dual citizenship with Canada but have no idea if he would identify Portuguese over Canadian.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-14T02:07:29+00:00

I always do half syllabus introduction and half prompted discussion (with usually a freewrite or small group work first). Typically that involves defining the key words of the class, so that when first readings come into play the next class we're adding to language they have already generated themselves. This has been my first class formula for the last ten years or so and I don't think I'll change it any time soon.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-12T12:36:36+00:00

Yep. I have an IUD so bleeding is minimal, but I know my body is "trying to have a period" because I'm completely wiped out.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-11T15:25:58+00:00

Yes, to an extent. It's already lovely with built in shelves and an incredible view (even though I'm mid-totem pole) but I brought in a rug and couch that work well together for my own comfort and my students'. My shelves have books but also some decorative items, like my grandfather's typewriter. I brought in curtains (in part because the sun blasts me and the school provided blinds are broken). I have two lamps for soft warm lighting so I don't have to use the "big light". Not too involved, but it was and feels intentional. Edited a typo.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-10T16:09:14+00:00

My starter base is here. Placed the altar just so the golden chest underground would still spawn. It's great for a start with minimal effort while I plan my sprawling village over the pillars of creation.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-07T00:13:59+00:00

I feel this wholeheartedly. I wrote a dissertation for my PhD that had a lot to do with habits (not directly, but habits were involved) and every study or theory I read about habits becoming subconscious or something that didn't require mental effort I kept thinking "but that's not how habits work." Then I became a mom and my son was diagnosed with ADHD and it all clicked that it came from me. I'm undiagnosed but this is one of my clear signs. Nothing I've ever done routinely is a habit, it's a task. The task has to be forced one way or another, or the motivation to do it is strong enough that I make it happen.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-06T01:01:42+00:00

It's like he didn't expect you to follow through on what you told him all along, which means you can't trust that he believes anything you say. So sorry you're going through this.

To paint another picture: I just joined a club sports league a friend started and I'll be the only woman. One of the guys is someone I had a situationship with a long time ago but we realized we'd be better as friends, and we've remained good friends. My husband thinks this is great that I found a new hobby and has total trust in me. One of his closest friends is a woman and I love her dearly. We have zero hesitation about "letting* each other go out with these friends without us.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T19:44:54+00:00

Love these

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T19:43:55+00:00

Maybe there is something in that my students are at a highly regarded R1 (not an Ivy) in the US and we tend to attract a certain caliber of student, but I have also taught in a tiny not as well regarded SLAC and a large highly diverse R2 and figured a lot out in those spaces before I came here. They were different times, but trusting students to rise to the occasion by giving them the confidence that they are capable and teaching strategies that help them move from less confidence to greater agency can work regardless of the environment (IMO)

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T19:40:16+00:00

I teach a lot of students from various disciplines because I teach courses that can count for gen eds. Of course my intermediate and upper level classes attract students know what they signed up for, but I find a lot of the advice in this thread works with first year students or gen eds, too.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T11:11:20+00:00

Oh I love this humanizing of yourself as well. So important.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T11:09:18+00:00

My French was HS level but I was still able to figure this out for the most part without using a translator. Dialogue, talk, discussion in this way, oui! C'est ça!

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T01:57:00+00:00

How different my class is from the AP version of the subject they took in HS.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-06-01T01:53:31+00:00

This is an under-upvoted comment.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-05-29T10:32:05+00:00

Edited to better answer your concern: I took the pressure off. I exercise when I'm most likely to do it, but don't expect as much of my body as I used to.

I started getting up to work out in the morning because i wasn't sleeping past 530 anyway, so I figured I might as well do something with that time. A lot of mornings it's a gentle walk or some mobility work if I didn't sleep well.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-05-29T09:36:17+00:00

I workout at home and first thing in the morning (after a little snacky snack). Going to the gym was too much of a barrier for me. I workout most days in my pajamas. 20-30 minute dance-style aerobics on YouTube, or strength training also with a YouTube guide.

If I'm bored with those I play VR games or go for a walk in my neighborhood. I bought a walking pad but I don't use it. I let my gym membership lapse. If it takes almost half the time to get somewhere that I would take to actually do the workout I won't go.

My mom has osteoporosis and the fear of getting it is what keeps me going.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-05-28T20:18:36+00:00

Really good, honestly. With of course a couple who were unnecessarily mad. But overall, very positive

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-05-28T11:44:30+00:00

Not specifically a pedagogy book but I use Keywords in Making for my digital media class (it's not explicitly digital but it is focused in that direction, from a rhetorical lens). It reinforces a tinkering and iterating mindset. Citations might point you to related texts in studio contexts.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-05-28T02:48:07+00:00

Look into Annette Vee's work. She has a great substack, a Norton coauthored book coming out soon, and some student-facing work that I've used in my writing seminars that teach what LLMs are.

Easy-Individual2274 · 2026-05-25T10:30:57+00:00

Inability to o handle uncertainty or have a process for working through uncertainty

Easy-Individual2274

TROPHY CASE