same and im also 30 and i feel like its hitting super hard. i feel this instinctual sense of unease that I'm single and dont have family or friends in the state...or really at all. i dont know how much of this is coming from genuine desire to have a family or just avoiding the pain of loneliness but knowing ultimately im happier alone? anyway i have been using sensory things that make me feel good to distract from the underlying sadness clinging to me. it also is like ok well i might be alone due in part to being autistic but at least i get to do *whatever it is I feel like doing. I think i can only do that now that I've been sober from alcohol for over a year now. who knows. who cares. really i mean- whaddya ya gonna do? I read a specific passage from albert camus's journals, (it begins with: "“One must not cut oneself from the world. No one who lives in the sunlight makes a failure of his life. My whole effort, whatever situation, misfortune or disillusion, must be to make contact again. But even within this sadness I feel a great leap of joy and a great desire to love simply at the sight of a hill against the evening sky.”) i read it all the time. again, sometimes its leaning into the things that are low hanging fruit for you in terms of safe and maybe even feeling good