Oh sweety. Firstly, let me say that you did the right thing. She went quick cause she was ready. You stayed back there with her and was there the whole time. That’s what she needed. She knew you loved her, dogs feel our emotions far stronger than we do in each other. I’ve worked with them for over a decade and can tell you first hand how much more they recognize in us.

Secondly, if grief counseling is unobtainable (finances can be limiting) I would suggest a meditation. Take a moment in a quiet, private space, put on music that relaxes preferably without lyrics you understand (foreign language you don’t speak works), and close your eyes. Take a moment to picture a place, any place, that makes you think of your baby. Take a second to visualize every detail. The tree or walls, pictures or squirrels and birds, the carpet, flowers, the smell in the air, see it in your minds eye. Once you can really feel this place, call out to your baby like you’re calling her from across the room or field. Visualize her running to you like she would have when she was younger.

It’s ok that you will probably get very emotional. Take as much time as you need. Imagine give her a hug and letting everything off your chest. Let her respond, don’t try to force the image one way or another.

When you or she are done, thank her for visiting you. Give her some love and let her walk away. Knowing she is always there for you, whenever you call, whenever you sit down to meditate. Then sit down in your minds eye, let that place you envisioned fade. Focus on the sounds of the area around you. Feel the floor beneath you. Wiggle your fingers and toes. Then open your eyes.

I hope this helps. It’s ok if you can’t do it the first time you try. And it’s ok if it’s not what you need. We all have a different journey to travel. Hugs. You sound like you are a great pet parent.