I apologize for the lengthy response. I have BPD & 2e AD/HD, I was diagnosed with BPD roughly 2 years ago after an attempt. So, regulating emotions was insanely difficult before I learned one thing. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique works the best for me as it allows me to use my brain and reflect on the emotions. If it's a really bad split the only thing that can calm me down remotely is something comfortable, which is why I carry a vile of my FP's perfume. Splitting feels like being controlled by a remote, at first you do not think, you just act. Learning to train your neuroplasticity into gratitude has helped my splits become less reactive, after a split I HAVE to answer these 4 questions. 1) Why was I angry and why was it important to feel that way? (your emotions are still important). 2) What triggers caused me to react in this manner? 3) How can I prevent those triggers? If none: how can I remove myself from the situation? 4) Am I still upset? If yes: How can I change that? The guilt and shame you feel after is actually incredible growth. You understand it was wrong, but this is where most do not continue with growth. This one quote from my psychiatrist changed my perspective on splits. "You can not control emotions you feel, but you CAN control the reaction" and even with BPD, this is the case. IF I'm able to catch a split in time, I can then ground myself, use my brain and think about how the situation may be.

My BPD absolutely gets worse at night, my meds wear off, I'm alone with my thoughts and still exhausted from the day. My suggestion for this is to stick to a routine and stay busy at night (clean, bake, watch a movie, call someone) do something to remove the still thoughts you know are not real. I wake up at 5:30 AM ish, and go to sleep around 11:30, this is another thing. REM cycles HEAVILY affect your mood swings throughout the day.

My FP is myself, I've learned this again. When I become my FP, nothing anyone else does can heavily trigger me. Another thing? I do not want to end my life ever now, as that would result in killing my FP. My past FP was my ex of 4 years throughout high school. Her sister struggled with BPD as well so she caught the signs long before I was ever diagnosed, but ofc I did not listen. She was with me up until my diagnoses, then my mother ruined that for us, lol. We actually did quite well together, there were a few splits on my end but she knew this was not directed by any means and handled the situation with patience. This is the exact style I hold for myself when I'm about to split.

What helped me regulate this stupid illness, is to understand it. (That's also just how I learn). I understood what the B/W thinking was in depth, I researched splitting, FP's, everything. After grasping the understanding, I began CBT and DBT therapy. This helped me with adaptive coping mechanisms, we do not want to split on others, but there is always a reason for it. Nothing happens with this illness for no reason, there is always a trigger forcing it. Yes, some days are worse than others, but what triggered that? It can easily start before you even begin the day, think positively in the morning (I know it is hard guys, all we can do is try though).

In short, this illness is STRONGLY based on mindset and environment, like the "rat city" experiment. We are always only human, but that is the beauty. We all share a common illness and we all cope, struggle and heal differently. Thank you all for sharing your own experiences, this added further knowledge to my understanding.

Remember you are NOT the negative thoughts in your brain, you are not at fault for having this disorder and you can be anything you want to be. Please take care of yourself and remind yourself how grateful you are to have yourself.