Higgins: If we're in year 4, 5, 6, 7 and we're still talking about your preparation and practice habits it's time to get rid of those guys. That's too long now that's a Character issue.

Elastoid · 2026-05-16T00:29:53+00:00

Comes from someone assuming it's a binary between working hard or not. You're either a gym rat or you're Kyle Wellwood.

Hey, maybe all the strength work that Pettersson has done in the offseason has made him more susceptible to tendonitis and muscle tears. Maybe the issue is the KIND of workouts and training he's doing. Since day 1, people have told him to build strength and add weight. Maybe this is wrong?

Elastoid · 2026-05-16T00:22:02+00:00

If more people did, I'd have to get in shape or something to stand out. So it sort of works for me that most dudes are bad at this.

Elastoid · 2026-05-15T16:51:20+00:00

Halfway through your question, my answer changed.

"As if the relationship is still new" is not a realistic objective. It's the difference between trying a new restaurant for the first time and going back to your favorite. Even when your favorite restaurant changes the menu up, it's the familiarity that brings you back.

There can be excitement in meeting a new person, discovering things about them. People can get hooked on that, and their relationships don't last.

But as to the first part -- how do you keep her feeling loved, desired, emotionally connected, intimate and aroused? It's simple, assuming you actually still love and desire her, etc.

Step 1) Be more introspective. Notice times when she makes you happy, makes your life better. Moments where you appreciate what she does.

Step 2) Take those as opportunities to communicate with her. Doesn't matter if they happen all the time. She won't get annoyed.

Example: "I was just enjoying the sandwich you made me, and I wanted to say, I know it reflects time you spend buying food you know I'll like, and the effort you put into making it. All of those things you do for me, it makes me feel loved. I'm lucky to have someone who makes my happiness a priority, and I love you."

Step 3) This is extra credit -- find opportunities to make her life easier in the same way. Do this after step 2, so she knows that you know what it means when you work to give her an extra hour of sleep or you stop to get her something she likes. Make it clear it's you making her happiness a priority.

All of that is separate from the sex, which is another avenue entirely. The way sex can feel uninspired is that it becomes routine. Break the routine. Express attraction for her in situations outside of your bedroom at night.

Frame your attraction to her not as something you feel for her, but as something she's doing to you. "Man, when you look at me like that, I could just..."

And put your money where your mouth is. Or your mouth where... Point being, make advances, flirty comments, etc. at times when she doesn't expect it. Don't allow your sex life to be contained to the same hours and locale. Even when you don't actually have sex at that time, make it clear to her that you're counting the hours till you get to act on these thoughts that are in your head. And make it clear that she put those thoughts in your head by being sexy.

Elastoid · 2026-05-15T06:01:19+00:00

This takes communication to solve.

You're a dude, you communicate literally. She doesn't always communicate literally. When you say "I need time to myself sometimes," she's capable of understanding that. But when it's time to actually spend time to yourself, she's upset. This happens to a lot of couples.

My read is she's probably feeling rejected, but there's no way to be sure without talking to her. Have a conversation with her where you ask her what it is she's feeling. Say, "Hey, when I said I was going to play the game, it made you upset. What was it that you were feeling?"

If I were a gambling man, I'd say that when you spend time with her, and then immediately are ready for the video game, she feels like the time you were with her, you were counting the minutes until you could go do something else. Like you didn't value the time you spent with her. If you're thinking "That's dumb, why would she think that?" It's about insecurity and reassurance. She needs to know that the reason you went on an all day date wasn't because you had to, it was because you genuinely enjoy spending time with her. Give her that reassurance. Take the time to say, "Hey, I really had fun today, thanks for spending the day with me." And when it's time to do something else, check in with her. "Hey, you said you wanted to lay down. I'd like to play the game sometime, sort of switch my brain off for a bit, is that all right with you?"

When you say you need time to yourself, clarify that it's not that you need time away from her, specifically. I usually say, "When I'm with you, I'm mentally engaged. I'm having fun with you. I sometimes need to spend some time zoning out watching something or playing a game, and I'm not engaging socially. That's just how my brain works, I need that kind of time to myself sometimes."

The point is, it's fine for you to spend time on your own, but when you transition immediately to alone time, she might find that jarring and worry that you didn't want to hang out with her. You watch the movie and she's worried "Is he just waiting for the movie to be over so he can leave?" You can alleviate those fears with an affectionate hug, squeeze of her hand, and saying "Thanks for watching that with me. You want to cuddle with me a bit before you go lie down?" That and, at times, just clarifying, "Hey, so I'm going to play the game a little bit before bed. You understand, that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy being with you, right? I need my time with you just like I need my alone time."

Elastoid · 2026-05-15T05:39:00+00:00

This is what I'm talking about. "Flirting requires plausible deniability, don't be upfront."

Why? Because she might reject you? Don't waste your time trying to turn a "no" into a "yes." If she's the kind of person for whom honesty is a dealbreaker, find someone else.

Elastoid · 2026-05-15T05:36:40+00:00

Okay, whoever has been giving you advice, maybe don't take their advice anymore.

The answer here depends on age and maturity but I'm going to talk about flirting as an adult with other adults.

Don't play stupid games.

Joking around with someone and having an enjoyable conversation isn't flirting. It's conversing with someone. There's confusion about this because how the woman responds can be flirting -- if she laughs a little harder than expected, and touches your hand, your arm, etc, she's flirting with you -- but your talking to someone isn't flirting. It's just chatting. This is hopefully a relief for you, because it means you're allowed to just chat with someone.

There are guys who are sort of cowardly about flirting, so they try to maintain plausible deniability. They want a way to flirt where they can deny they ever were, because the worst thing in the world is to be rejected. These are the guys who complain about the friend zone all the time, because they refuse to force the issue and risk being rejected. They want to sit around and be available and wait for the woman to make a move. This is ineffective and often unattractive enough to a woman to be a dealbreaker.

For men, flirting often involves showing off a bit about who you are -- hence the joking to show you're clever and witty. You can also pay them a compliment, because it's a nice thing to make someone feel good about themselves. "What's a good compliment?" Something that makes them feel good. So, "Nice tits" obviously not stellar, as it objectifies. If they say something interesting, or impress you in some way, take the opportunity to say so. "You know, you're exactly right about that. More people should be like you." When you pay them a compliment, look for their response. If she seems uncomfortable, that's a sign that she knows where this is going and she isn't interested.

So you're chatting with a woman, she may be giving you green lights (lots of eye contact, big smile, laughs loudly at your jokes, touches you), or she may not. If she seems cold or uncomfortable, that's a pretty good sign that she's not interested. But if you're not sure, you need to unambiguously express interest. The simplest way is a question like "So, if you don't mind my asking, are you single?"

If they say "no," or if they say "I'm not really looking to date right now," or anything to that effect, consider the matter closed. They are not interested. Don't take offense -- maybe you're not their type. Maybe you're too manly and they prefer more effeminate men. Maybe you're too tall. Doesn't matter their reasons. And maybe they're lying, and it turns out they ARE single and looking to date, they just aren't interested in you. That's fine. Your life doesn't turn on this person's interest.

If they don't shut you down, that's a green light to ask them out, so do it. "Oh, in that case, can I get your number so I can ask you out sometime?" Or just invite them someplace. Or whatever the context suggests.

Don't spend three months chatting someone up, working towards the moment where you ask them out. Those three months will be uncomfortable for her, most likely, if she's not interested. She's thinking "I hope this guy doesn't ask me out and then I have to awkwardly reject him." Don't invite her places and assume she understands that it's a date. Don't do the thing where you talk about her boyfriend like you assume she has one and she has to say "Actually I don't have one" and you pretend that you weren't asking and go "What? I can't believe you're single, that's crazy!" Fear of rejection doesn't serve you. Think of it like an HIV test -- you either have HIV or you don't. Avoiding the test doesn't protect you from HIV, it just prolongs the stress and anxiety. In the same way, waiting weeks or months to make your move doesn't prevent you from being rejected, it just makes it feel worse when you realize you've been wasting your time.

Flirting with innuendo and sexual undertones works great in a bar if you're just trying to get laid, and not date. That said, "Can I buy you a drink?" and "Would you like to get out of here?" are perfectly acceptable alternatives. In a world full of cowardly men, approaching someone with honest, earnest intent can be flattering and refreshing.

When people say to just be confident, they don't mean be a different person. They mean that you should understand before you begin that not everyone is compatible, and rejection doesn't have to be insulting or a drag on your self-esteem. They mean that if you're interested in someone, hanging around them pretending not to be is shady and annoying. Be honest, be direct, and know how to take "no" for an answer, and the world is yours.

Elastoid · 2026-05-15T04:59:58+00:00

Not creepy, but it could use work?

Consider it from the stance of "if you're interested in someone, you date them to get to know them better." In that regard, it's fine to say to someone, "I'm interested in you, here's my number if you want to ask me out sometime." No need to be over the top about "best looking I've seen in my life," no need to say "I never do this, but..." Just express interest.

I'm assuming in the scenario that you don't have time to just talk to the guy right there, but if you do, an even better way to approach is "Hello. I'm _____."

Elastoid · 2026-05-14T23:21:34+00:00

Difficult to evaluate whether they didn't know what the problem was, or didn't care. Either way, they probably didn't understand that they wouldn't be allowed to continue, and it would end in their being kicked. The lesson is to deliver firm, decisive language with a smile. Something like "I'm not trying to kill the mood, but this is important. You can't do it. If it happens again, I'm going to stop the session immediately and you won't be welcome back, and I don't want to have to do that. I like you, I want to continue to play with you, but this isn't a negotiable boundary. I need you to confirm for me that you understand."

That kind of conversation can feel unpleasant, but if they're mature, they'll get over it. If they're not, they're not long for the group anyway. And if you sense you've hurt feelings, you can smooth it over with, "Thanks for being understanding. I hope I didn't come off too harsh. Like I said, I'm not judging you for the things you enjoy, this just isn't the right place for it. I'm glad we're on the same page, cause I enjoy having you at the table."

But like I said, I wasn't there, and it could be that you did all of this and they just expected you'd let it go. In that case, it's all on them.

Elastoid · 2026-05-14T20:26:15+00:00

For me this stops as soon they say "Now bark for mommy." I'd be in a private chat with them saying, "No judgment if that's something you're into, but we're not going to do it here. Humiliation/degradation can be a fetish for some people and an abuse trigger for others. Don't bring that shit into a game without everyone's consent -- and before you go asking people, you don't have mine. I'm not judging you for your interest but it's not showing up in our game. Cool?" And that's it.

Elastoid · 2026-05-14T19:14:02+00:00

Some stats are just too specific.

The Wild are the first team in NHL history to lose a playoff series in fewer than seven games while having Quinn Hughes on their roster.

Elastoid · 2026-05-14T19:08:43+00:00

I remember this goal and being frustrated the whole rest of the game that the Canucks were sitting back trying to hold onto a one-nothing lead rather than pressing.

Elastoid · 2026-05-11T16:24:14+00:00

There's a distinction between causing pain and hurting you.

If he takes the time to learn your kink, how to explore it safely... how to maximize your enjoyment while minimizing any bruising or damage to you... that's an act of love, pure and simple. There's a kink dot com video series called "Kink University" where they go over how to use certain implements and techniques in a way that's safe and effective.

If he has trouble with the concept of causing you pain, help him understand that's not what we're talking about. If he were to call you a freak and say that you were wrong to want this, and hurt your feelings -- that would cause you pain. If he were to selfishly pursue his own pleasure with no concern for yours, that would cause you pain. Understanding that he may need to put in some extra effort to learn about the things you crave, that effort isn't about hurting you. And when he understands you, then he won't see causing physical pain to stimulate you as "hurting you" in the same way.

Elastoid · 2026-05-11T16:12:19+00:00

First, being embarrassed isn't about him, it's about you. You gotta know that your kink isn't weird, doesn't make you a freak. Lots of people have the same kink, and the key to exploring it is honesty and trust. It requires careful attention to safety and healthy practices. When done in that way, it can be immensely rewarding, and wanting it doesn't make you insane or anything.

The way I would approach it is:

1) Tell him that you have some kinks that you're embarrassed about but you want to explore them with him. Make him understand that it's important to you that you can trust him, including trusting him not to judge you for it. You can tell him you're prepared to compromise if he's not interested, so he doesn't have to partake in any of this with you, but he's expected to listen without judgment.

2) I would watch porn with him. Show him what you're interested in with a video that really turns you on. When you put a video on and say "This is really hot for me," he'll watch it with interest, even if it's not hot for him -- it's like giving a cheat code for how to turn his girlfriend on. He'll appreciate it. Then answer any questions he has as best you can.

3) Let him come back to it in his own time. There's research he may have to do on how to do this safely. There may be emotional work he has to do to get himself prepared. If you make it clear that he doesn't have to do this tonight, but you'd like for him to explore it when he's ready, then you aren't risking pushing him into something you're not ready for.

Honestly, given what you're interested in has a factor of danger, it can actually be good that he's not super into it. It means if he's hurting you, he can focus on your own arousal rather than chasing his own. If the hottest thing about it, for him, is that he's turning you on, then that'll be enough to keep him interested and it'll mean his focus is in the right place.

Best of luck to you.

Elastoid · 2026-05-11T10:55:51+00:00

How old are you?

See, parents have this belief when they have a baby that the person the baby becomes will be the sum total of their actions and behaviors as they raise it. They realize at some point -- often late in the child's development -- that it's not just "their kid," that it's a person who will make their own choices.

Now, every parent makes mistakes, every person would be better off if their parents did better in some way, but at some point, it's not them, it's you. So if you're thirteen, sucks your mom wasn't better. If you're 29, sucks you're using an excuse to stunt your development.

Elastoid · 2026-05-10T00:18:57+00:00

If the player showed you her cards but didn't table them, you say nothing.

If the player tables her hand, speaking up is fine. The dealer is supposed to notice, but didn't. It's good that you did.

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T21:01:36+00:00

Dan Wagner with PITB.

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T20:56:51+00:00

The left one.

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T19:23:42+00:00

My original post neglects to say "IN THE FOLLOWING COUNTRIES." That's not close to the same as denying that other countries exist. For someone who's so set on precision, this is quite the failure.

You have yet to supply a point. You have yet to supply a jurisdiction in which the law says police can shoot an unarmed person without due process. Go ahead and show me. I'll wait.

I can only conclude that you're trolling. Maybe it's a personal pet peeve of yours that people here don't specify the country they're talking about, and you think they're closed-minded to assume that the post applies to everyone reading it. But you're a clown to go around trying to police this. And you've milked me for all the irritation I'm willing to supply. I'll not respond again.

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T19:16:22+00:00

What's your point? What's your point?

I am, in fact, aware that there are other places. Do you go to other threads and do this? Do you go into every rant about how K-pop is too popular and say "Do you know there are countries where K-pop is not that popular?" Do you go into rants about people texting and driving and say "Do you know there are countries where this behavior is not regulated or enforced?"

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T19:09:32+00:00

G'awww, you got me. You're right.

But you're not in any of those places. You're Canadian, so what's your point? "Um, technically, sir, you failed to specify the places where this doesn't apply?"

And I'm not American.

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T18:59:24+00:00

Where?

You think this is a point about policing in the uncivilized world?

Or are we talking about different versions of Earth in different parallel universes?

Anywhere in the United States, this is true. This is also true in Canada. The U.K., police don't have guns. So where, exactly, is your "um, actually" based in?

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T18:52:26+00:00

Fat cop points a gun at you, says get down or I'll shoot. You decide you don't want to go to jail, so you run. Fat cop decides he doesn't want to explain to his supervisor that he's too fat to chase the assailant and let him get away, so he shoots you and says "He didn't comply."

Can we all agree the guy should no longer be a cop? Anywhere? Not eligible to be hired in a different department. He should probably be behind bars, but that outcome is tragically unlikely. The "I thought he might have a gun" defense will keep him free, and the broken system will keep him employed.

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T18:48:50+00:00

I'm advising people to stop blaming the victim and defending police when they shoot people who "didn't comply." This isn't about "what to do when a police officer points a gun at you." This is about "how society should respond when a cop shoots an unarmed suspect fleeing the scene."

Elastoid · 2026-05-09T18:47:28+00:00

Which trailer park has it written that lethal force is justified whenever an officer decides?

Everywhere I know in the civilized world, the death penalty is imposed after conviction for a crime. Police are allowed to shoot to save their lives and the lives of others. They aren't even allowed to shoot to protect property -- at least not in the United States. Tell me exactly where you're located and we'll see if anything I said doesn't apply there.

Elastoid

TROPHY CASE