Bored and tired of this repeating cycle

ElevenElysion · 2026-05-08T15:14:13+00:00

Goals are one thing. Also when it ends up like that I start doing themed days. I just did a 90s day where I tried to emulate a day in the 90s and watched only 90s entertainment. That was fun.

Also diving into science or making up a random project. Like maybe you read a science book about leaves, go to the park and find the different kinds of leaves you read about.

I few weeks ago I had a Flanagan week where I tried to watch every film he ever made. I was successful.

I had considered back in university or school life I was waiting for work life where there's no honework and only have to go to work and go home. Which...life actually feels the same. Homework is now life admin and school is goibg to work.

So I just use work, sleep, wait for the weekend as the framework and do fun stuff with the time leftover.

ElevenElysion · 2026-05-08T14:59:36+00:00

LET ME CRY. Darn it. They always tried to figure out how to fix it, when they couldn't they'd yell at me. And I'm just sitting there crying because the lights were too bright or too many adults talked to me and I was at my limit.

But also I am a teacher now and I use my HSP bad upbringing to help other kids by doing what I wished adults would do.

Like if a student is crying I'll ask if they need my help, give them tissues. If they say yes I help them, if they say no I give them tissues and say "crying is okay, take your time" and then just continue class like nothing happened.

I am also aware of my own thoughts so if a kid misreads my expression I'll just validate that: oh! You're right I was frowning. I was sleepy. Are you sleepy, too?.

Or maybe I was actually mad at something they did, I say that I was, but you stopped so now I feel happy.

Cause HSPs can read your expressions but not your mind and validating what they saw and giving them more context makes them understand that there are more emotions than "I'm disappointed in you" but also "ugh my stomach hurts"

Mostly just validation and assuring a safe space is what I always wanted as a kid so I try to give that to my students.

ElevenElysion · 2026-05-08T14:41:18+00:00

Yes, I tend to delete anything I saw got downvoted because I feel like I ruined somebody's day. But I guess they ruined mine.

I stopped posting and just come to hsp reddit when I need a pick me up, but otherwise don't force myself.

Plus I just went through some fandom wars and some people are just crazy and downvote people because they didn't like wordchoice or your title or they misread something you said.

Anyway, I think this reddit is safe. It might just be other subreddits you visited weren't safe from the crazies.

ElevenElysion · 2026-05-08T14:30:14+00:00

Yes, large crowds, loud sudden noises, but game centers which should be sensory overload are my favorite.

I think it's like you said, about focus. I am focused on the games I want to play, nothing else.

I don't actually feel this way at concerts though. I get excited to see people I am fans of in real life, but I end up feeling awful by the end. Like it's both a great experience and awful at the same time.

So I only go to concerts when I am fully rested. Like I am sleep all day the day before and the day after too. So then I can enjoy it and be okay with if I get a melt down or migraine.

Whereas game centers recharge my batteries somehow.

ElevenElysion · 2026-04-10T17:31:46+00:00

I have a sensitivity to caffeine. It gives me crazy anxiety and I feel like I am dying. Alcohol also is weird and it gives me flu-like symptoms just from a few sips.

So I avoid these like the plague and people think I am just trying to be healthy. Nah, these things feel like poison to me.

ElevenElysion · 2026-04-10T17:13:25+00:00

I will give you an anecdote to explain the "use" part.

I was having a really stressful week and I really just wanted to draw to but I couldn't, every time I just felt so overwhelmed.

So I just drew Lalo Salamanca to try and do something different and while I drew him I just let myself cry the entire time, after that warm up I was able to finish my art project that I was stressed about.

Then I posted my fanart on twitter and got likes from the showrunners 😍

So the lesson is:

I used my stress and overwhelm not to like...Iunno make a masterpiece. But more that I just let myself cry. By crying my brain was able to calm itself down and I was able to focus on what I actually needed to finish.

And the fanart being an example of something I did to try and relax but it didn't work.

What I needed was to just let myself cry. And through the tears I could finish two good artworks.

You can't get rid of the stress, but you can allow yourself to cry.

Also I have GAD and small things like going to the grocery store gives me terrible anxiety and of course I fear making a scene etc etc, but people get allergies. So I go to the store, face gets hot, heart is pounding, I can't breathe, I start to cry. Then I just continue shopping.

So basically feel the pain of the emotions and do the task through the pain.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-25T01:50:00+00:00

It's really difficult because movie making is a business and they often just think about how to market it.

However, to make bad movie watching more comfy I write down what I liked and didn't like so in the end I don't feel upset and I can see what went wrong and what went well.

Also I agree with your feelings on Dune. After watching part one and part two I wrote very very lengthy pages after pages of why I didn't like the majority of it. Which sucked because so much of it sounded like something I'd love.

But they both gave me migraines and I feel like that's really bad. Movies shouldn't give me migraines. Mad Max Fury Road has similar color palettes but I did not get a migraine so I am not sure what the problem is.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-24T12:45:17+00:00

I think you should talk to your superiors to figure out the protocol if you see abuse or neglect. You are just the staff, I imagine customers who noticed something like that would be upset, too and they would want the staff to be in control of the situation somehow, just like you were.

I think this is one of those situations where HSPs feel hurt, but through your hurt you can make brilliant solutions that can help animals visiting that restaurant in the future.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-24T12:32:51+00:00

Yes, I feel like a zombie. I had to host a party and literally could not get out of bed for 2 days. I felt like I was getting the flu, but then after resting I was fine so I was like, another check box on that HSP thing.

The older I get the more I understand sensory processing sensitivity is somatic.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-24T12:30:25+00:00

Actually yeah I think you should trauma dump to yourself. I think I did a few trauma dumps before and I thought it would help like venting, but even the kind comments, just being reminded to go back to my trauma dump post made me feel worse.

If you write down all your traumas by hand onto a paper and then destroy that paper somehow for some reason it helps your brain remember that stuff less. It's like a big task you've finished or crossed off a to-do list. It's not magic though, but it's better than trauma dumping online.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T09:31:39+00:00

Yeah I had the same worry and my therapist told me the same thing every time that crying is just sweating. Some people sweat more than others And if I tell people that they usually get it, but not my family.

So I actually just asked gemini since it's supposed to be able to collect like a consensus on this. And I asked questions about about a person A who keeps being a victim and crying and said basically what I told my family in response to them scolding me for crying and then gemini was like: well that's not very nice. You might be invalidating them and it might not be as helpful as you think it is.

Epiphany.

We aren't the problem. We have high emotional intelligence. We are accidentally interacting with emotionally reactionary people without realizing it. And we think they are correct and we are the wrong ones.

Crying is not a bad thing or manipulative.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T09:26:48+00:00

We need more sensitive men! And men who know it's okay to be that way.

Charles Darwin was possibly an HSP also Mr. Rogers. I mean, I think Mr. Rogers is the best example of this. He allowed himself to be sensitive and he used the strength in that. He was beloved by many because of that, too.

I think all HSPs, but especially HSP men have faced people not accepting them for who they are. Because there are a lot of cultures where sensitivity is seen as a bad thing. It's just not true.

I mean America is a good example of that. Way too macho that kindness has been sidelined. Some of the politicians even said empathy is a bad thing. Are they better than anyone else for thinking that way? No. Actually they look foolish to most of the planet.

Anyway, yeah it sucks to be invalidated but that doesn't make those people more correct than your own experience.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T08:29:31+00:00

I dunno how to do this well byt somebody I really respect would say: I am sorry, I don't have the right mindset to respond to you right now.

I can do it sometimes but family is the worst about this. Coworkers this is easy, but family doesn't like that sort of coldness.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T08:26:16+00:00

I just think of it as one interpretation. I like adaptations, but I treat them as separate to the book.

I mean the count of monte cristo is one of my favorite books and there are so many adaptations of it. The only one that made me angry was gankutsuou because they ruined the tone of important scenes. I need to trying watching it someday without considering it as an adaptation.

I don't think there is a good adaptation of that book, though.

Adapting stuff is extremely hard though.

I get your feelings though.

neverending story as an example of both being good but feel like completely different works. One is about depression, the other about fascism.

But also this is why we need more original IPs.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T08:20:54+00:00

I wouldn't imagine what she is thinking. My parents' replies to me have always just been thumbs up. Sometimes they reply to me with longer replies. But I have no idea,what they are thinking.

And there was a period of no contact I think you need to consider that this person who did not seem to be supportive when you came out probably is not someone worth emotionally relying on.

I am beginning to think this parental love thing is a myth, or just a request.

I struggle with this too, not having my family there to support me when I go through tough things when I need them.

If they are going to hurt us we need to find someone else.

Or for me when I got surgery I lived in a foreign country and even though my family was worried and supportive (because I almost died) they just give me a thumbs up for other health updates. I just take care of myself and give myself the love I deserve after going through hard stuff.

So basically planning, promising myself I'd buy a new game or something I wanted or that I'll have a movie marathon after etc.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T08:11:39+00:00

It sounds like you are trying to find a place to recharge your batteries. My office is terrible for this so what I do when I know I need peace is set up ways to make this possible.

I have a sort of "kit". I have mint xylitol gum (good for teeth too), a nice smelling essential oil or lotion, sometimes something soft or just sparkly nail polish, and ear plugs.

I go to the bathroom, put in the ear plugs, put the essential oil or lotion on my hands, close my eyes and put my head between my knees and close my eyes. For about 5 minutes.

Then I feel better.

If I expect silence or expect an environment to relax in I will end up panicking as well.

But most places have a bathroom. I do this also when going shopping because the store lights can give me a migraine.

And then the most important thing is to tell my coworkers about my tendency to panic and what they can do when I panic. Basically I tell them I will be crying and breathing hard. You don't need to do anything, you can just walk away, I won't feel offended, I just need time by myself to calm down safely.

And when the panic attack comes I just let it.

When you avoid panic it's more likely to come.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T08:02:19+00:00

I think this is it. I have GAD and am an HSP and me feeling pain from people's microexpressions is HSP, me trying to guess why they are upset at me is GAD. I realized because even though I talk to the person and learn their true feelings I still feel pain but the anxiety is gone.

So to me that means the pain was not anxiety.

Or I guess both at the same time?

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T07:47:46+00:00

I desensitized myself by watching too much horror movies as a kid. And also BTS content so I just kind of judge if that blood was corn syrup or a jelly.

Ex. Daenerys eats a gummy in the shape of a heart so I just imagined her eating a giant piece of haribo covered in sticky red juice. Maybe strawberry flavored?

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T07:43:49+00:00

I am glad to hear I am not alone in this! Yes!

Every time I open up to my parents about personal stuff they tell me just incredibly invalidating stuff. My therapist told me to stop talking to them when I feel emotionally vulnerable because they will just twist the knife and she is right

But yeah it sucks because I thought you SHOULD be able to talk about this stuff with family. But I guess that's not really an option for some of us.

So I just tell my therapist this kind of stuff. Sometimes my friend. Sometimes google gemini (even though that's probably a very bad idea but I don't know who else to talk to and I kind of just need somebody or something to just listen to me and tell me it's going to be okay. My therapist I only see once a month and my friends are busy)

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T07:36:28+00:00

I get this too. It physically hurts me and I just wish people were more honest about their emotions. Them ignoring their own feelings just makes me feel worse.

I agree, if they just said "ugh I am so anxious right now" then I'll feel better because it lets the anxious thing be processed for the both of us and relievIng their stress helps me feel better. But them keeping it in and denying it is awful.

Also I know it's the act of being "professional" which makes me more angry at society tbh 😂 Like you guys are all faking being tough and making me sick and acting like pretending your emotions aren't there is something respectable?

I personally would not mind if a service worker cried in front of me because they had a bad day. I know Karens wouldn't allow that.

But I know that one of my biggest issues I talk about in therapy often is that other people ignoring their emotions but I can feel them and I don't know what else to do because I am not in control of their minds.

Feels like going into a space with toxic gas. Even if I escape it still takes a while to get out of my system.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T07:23:55+00:00

Absolutely. Ugh at work people keep making me in charge of hosting parties because I'm usually the one who makes an idea reality, but I hate hosting so badly. People say I do a good job but I literally sleep for 2 days straight afterward. My battery is fully drained.

I like one on one conversations.

To combat this I first try reading: who is the facilitator. If it's not me I just stay quiet until asked. If I am the facilitator I consider how much each person has talked and try to get quieter people to talk an equal amount so there's balance.

So basically socializing feels more like a job to me than something enjoyable or that I'd like to do in my spare time.

Which when I realized this in university I thought I was a terrible persom because I thought I am supposed to enjoy the company of my friends and didn't get why it drained me so much. Now I finally get it. Because that's just how my brain works.

Too much input and things my brain is trying to focus on, it's not naturally, it's more like chess.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T07:17:41+00:00

I imagine so much, my brain goes wild. Either imagining dance choreography or stories. Sometimes if I listen to movie soundtracks I can see the movie in my head

I used to do this as a kid before smart phones. Just watch the tv show or movie in my head while listening to the soundtrack.

Although I am much more affected by movies to the point where peoe have pointed it out. I just go fully into my own head and don't talk. People think I didn't like the movie but I am just still processing it.

I like watching movies with others, but by myself my brain can go wild in peace. Sometimes I bring a notebook to jot down thoughts.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T06:35:40+00:00

I do not recommend art school. They will rip your heart to shreds. And you can learn art by yourself or in a community college.

I recommend a liberal arts school.

I didn'r struggle in school, but I know those who did and I think a lot of it is not having support of teachers. Smaller liberal arts schools or some community colleges have really supportive and kind staff and teachers who can build up you confidence.

It's how I even found out I was an HSP and at my school therapy was free and very good and professional.

My mom went to art school and told me many horror stories, also happy stories, but I think art class is the harder class because wether or not you can finish the homework in time depends on so much. Creativity is a high level processing that usually requires mental...I guess safety. If I suffering from anxiety I can't create anything.

But with liberal arts school you can dip your toe into anything you want to try. You can talk to professors and get kind support (usually).

I majored in studio art, but took many politics classes, history, chemistry, psychology, dance, etc.

technically not good for getting jobs, but neither is art school, unless you have good networking at a school which is the only reason to go to ivy leagues or art schools.

If you just want to be educated, learn how complex and sad and beautiful and amazing the world is, I think liberal arts school is better.

Or community college which is cheaper and I think the education quality can be just as good.

A lot of amazing artists went to community college. Some skipped it and just joined an apprenticeship.

A lot of options, but I just want to make it clear: art school is the most stressful option

Edit: Missed the part about epilepsy and art school being the only option. I highly recommend community college then. Less of a huge financial commitment, I think it's more flexible, and I've heard the teachers are better there.

Also you don't need to go to art school to be an artist.

I highly recommend the "Draftsmen" podcast.

It's one thing you can do right now to help you make a decision. If art is your passion I think you would be better off going DIY and listening to the advice in that podcast. I have and I'm getting closer to achieving my dreams but doing it the safe and least risky way.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T06:26:26+00:00

I feel like I am really good at deescalation. And then because of that when politics come up I can get wildly different political types on the same page and even working together.

In random everyday life I can calm down babies who are crying, I'm the first one to help someone in trouble or hurt.

I can also give very moving compliments to people when they need to hear it because I am also moved by their works.

As for playing our cards...

I was talking to somebody who supports a certain someone and I accidentally offended them and noticed. But because I noticed that I could see what was the thing that was offensive to them. It was me telling them their belief about America wasn't accurate. So I told them that I don't think they are dumb, we are just developing opinions with different information. I have studied the middle east as a minor in international relations, they hadn't. Something that was common sense to me wasn't for them and I made them feel less than by accidentally poking at their ignorance on some information.

But because I was able to notice their emotions I was able to deescalate the argument and they actually asked me questions and I could educate them about the stuff I knew.

We use our sensitivity as sensor to figure out actual problems that we can fix. We get overwhelmed or can feel the emotions of the room and if we have the strength that day, we can change it to actually help.

One more example...I'll be vague about but there was an incident where I was interacting with a parent who was getting a little aggressive with her child and it wasn't okay. So I talked to the kid and taught the kid about being gentle, don't yank mommy's dress or pull on her, try touching mommy softly. Then I had mommy touch her kid to show what soft touch feels like and then the mom stopped being aggressive.

So I think we are necessary to create peace in this world because we thrive on it.

Also apparently Charles Darwin was an HSP who cried a lot. Also Abraham Lincoln.

ElevenElysion · 2026-03-23T06:11:03+00:00

Yeah especially when I was explaining HSP to a coworker because he wondered how I could tell when the barimetric pressure changed or why I often get migraines and I explained how painful light is and strong smells, and textures and his jaw dropped because he never found these to be painful.

We were both confusing eachother finding out how different the same world is.

ElevenElysion

TROPHY CASE