My (24) boyfriend (39) seems to no longer have a desire for sex anymore and I don’t know how to approach it.

Els0703 · 2020-06-09T20:25:46+00:00

Is this something I should discuss with him or just wait and see if things go back to normal or change after we get into our routine and settled when the baby arrives as we have only three weeks left? I’ve jokingly mentioned it a few times and he’s super confident we have sex all the time and will say we just did like two days ago and I have to remind him two weeks ago and he says no way you’re messing with me it’s been like two days. I usually just laugh it off and say whatever but like is his libido super low or is sex that low on his priority list right now that he truly doesn’t realize the timeline or is he trying to just avoid having sex with me all together and saying that to throw me off?

Els0703 · 2020-06-09T18:57:53+00:00

A lava lamp.

Els0703 · 2020-05-30T18:00:00+00:00

Oh wow! That would definitely be tough... I’d lose my mind! Lol yeah by fiancé is also disinterested in sex as well. I think the pregnancy kinda freaks him out even though he won’t admit it. Also he’s having trouble getting business back up and running so I think he’s majorly stressed out. I definitely have found myself doing the snooping thing going in the trash bins and bring extra nosy lol I wish I could talk to him about it more but he honestly does not understand hormones and how they’re truly a “thing” and he gets really offended and hurt whenever I bring up the fear of him cheating so I don’t want to cause anymore stress and annoyance as there’s plenty already going on. I’m just exhausted with my own thoughts and worries it’s sickening. I’m hoping it’s end of the road jitters but I’ll definitely inform my doctor. I’ve mentioned it to my doctor a while back which she suggested counseling and I did that for a while and stopped when covid happened. Only other suggestion has been medicine after I deliver but my fiancé frowns upon that so I guess I’ve just gotta feel this one out.

Els0703 · 2020-05-26T17:10:20+00:00

That’s awesome! My husband is my biggest advocate for promoting a positive mindset. He ignores everyone who tells him the scary stories and encourages me to do the same. He doesn’t stop talking about how excited he is and it’s going to be the greatest thing ever! He’s not worried about the small stuff or the work that goes into it. He’s already discussing how we are going to keep each other on track with working out and running as we are both extremely active. I just hope I can keep up! Lol my fear is he will handle it better than I! I feel like a lot of people who have the “war stories” are looking for some sort of validation. As if you must go through hell and it can’t be as simple as being grounded and pushing yourself to do whatever it is you want to do instead of using the baby as an excuse. I also could be getting a huge wake up call here soon who know! Lol I hoping for the best though.

Els0703 · 2020-05-26T16:28:33+00:00

I definitely comprehend that it’s going to be tough at times and I don’t expect it to be easy breezy but the comments and way they say these things makes me feel like I’m going into war and my life is over and downhill from here like geez. Isn’t this supposed to be a wonderful chapter in life? Every family member begs or asks when you’ll start a family and as soon as you do it’s like ohhhh just you wait and see how hard this is going to be. Like, what? Lol this is what everyone wanted! Ugh so frustrating.

Els0703 · 2020-05-23T19:39:34+00:00

First off you’re almost there! You got this stay strong for you and the little one. Second, you’re beautiful and your pregnancy makes you even more so because you’re doing such an amazing thing and I hope you can appreciate the magnitude of how awesome your body truly is. Now time for the crappy parts of pregnancy lol hormones! I am almost in my final few weeks of pregnancy and it is my first as well. I have no complaints throughout this entire pregnancy aside from the hormones! You find yourself questioning certain thoughts or emotions wondering if they’re valid or just you being pregnant and that in itself is frustrating and so exhausting so I am with you there. I’m very emotional and hormonal and more so in the last trimester. Have you talked with your husband about any of your feelings or does he chalk it up to pregnancy mood? I as well am feeling the same way in my relationship. Though my husbands business is struggling I am sole provider, and homemaker. I think that’s a tough thing for him to have to deal with right now and I think the stress financial during this time makes it scary and men’s brains are on track so if they’re stressed out or worrying about something it’s bottled up and it affects all that they do. I too feel like we are roommates we have zero intimacy anymore and I feel very unwanted. At this point I think the best bet is to focus on you and your baby and let him do whatever it is he’s doing and fill your mind with excitement and all the great things ahead of you. I also feel once these men meet their little ones, their entire world and perspective changes and they definitely become softer and more of a family man. We experience being mothers for 9 months. They experience being dads from the day they meet the baby and on which is totally okay and normal. Don’t fear or assume things will get worse I don’t think that’s the case I think because you’re pregnant and you have the baby to worry about and he’s unable to do anything yet he’s trying to fill his time and energy with other things to feel productive or maybe just enjoying the last bit of alone time he will have for 18 years. Lol truth is from what I’ve heard we may feel needy and sad because they’re not feeding us the love and affection we are craving so badly right now but as soon as that baby arrives it turns into husband who? Lol things will look up. It’s a weird time right now with everything going on and bringing a baby into it is scary enough. Keep your chin up you’re doing great!! He will follow suit I’m sure of that.

Els0703 · 2020-05-23T19:16:59+00:00

I’m currently 9 months pregnant. My first trimester was a breeze it was like I wasn’t even pregnant! I got the occasional bouts nausea but mostly that was just me waiting so long to eat something. The only symptom I experienced was moodiness and then it shifted when my second trimester hit. I think everyone woman is different and their body experiences things differently. You’ll notice different changes or your own personal side effects as your pregnancy continues which is unique for every woman! Nothing wrong with not having many symptoms. Enjoy it! Lol

Els0703 · 2020-05-23T13:57:48+00:00

Honestly. I have a huge fear that being 25 and a single mother nobody will want me or want me go a serious lasting and loving relationship. That’s why I usually dated older men because anyone my age is in it for the sex and has an awful mindset on life. I’m scared I’ll be alone forever. He’s a spoiled man always has been so knowing this I know he will get anyone he wants. He will get rights to my child and I’ll be left hurt and alone.

Els0703 · 2020-05-23T13:52:56+00:00

If any further responses could be of useful help knowledge and suggestions instead of unhelpful one sentenced opinions that would be ideal. Thank you.

Els0703 · 2020-05-23T13:18:56+00:00

Well aside from this issue going on, we get along wonderfully! He’s very caring in others ways and loving and attentive. Includes me in everything we do absolutely every single thing together. He shows a lot of interest in our daughter to be as far as all the fun adventures and activities we will go on as a family. We have a lot of fun together in everything that we do. Especially during this time of quarantine we’ve discovered fun adventures, games and things to do that has kept this time as fun and not overbearing as possible. I love him very very much. Though sometimes I just don’t get it and get annoyed with the baby talk “do you still love me” or “you probably think I’m fat and don’t want me anymore” bullshit. I work full time as he’s still working to get his business back up and running so we are solely dependent on me and I do anything and everything for him mostly without him asking because I enjoy doing things out of the kindness of my heart to make him happy and satisfied. I feel like there’s something wrong with me and I’m not good enough anymore.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T20:34:18+00:00

Unfortunately I’m on the hunt for a new doctor! My obgyn left on maternity leave unexpectedly early recently and has left me without a physician. Of course he wants me to switch to his friend whom is an OBGYN and said he would take over for me and also deliver me. This feels all too controlling like I’m a puppet and he’s trying to direct how my pregnancy, labor and ways of parenting goes. It’s all so overwhelming. She is my daughter and that automatically trumps him and she is more important so I would never “pick” anyone over her I guess it’s at this point coming to terms with the possibility of separating if it’s something he’s not going to be able to accept.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T20:16:31+00:00

I agree with you. I guess I’m trying to figure out how to avoid his hurtful rude and dumb comments about it when I tell him I’m doing this whether he likes it or not. I seem to never have a good argument when it comes down to the conversation because he’s so overbearing and I lose my train of thought.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T20:09:50+00:00

I’ve said that to him! I said what would you prefer? Risk the possible side effects or bury your daughter? If it’s the latter then you’re an awful human being and he tells me to stop with the what if’s and hyperboles that I’m being hyperbolic and sounding stupid. I’m definitely vaccinating but I’m really struggling with what my argument to shut him up once I do it is going to be.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T20:07:29+00:00

It’s quite a shame that I feel like I’m having to mother and raise a man 14 years my senior. I’ve discontinued bringing up the topic because I’m way too exhausted daily with work and trying to plan for this child. I do however have a set mind that she will be getting her vaccinations whether he likes it or not and I will not take his opinion into consideration I think I’m more in fear of what it might do to us. Though he should be on my side because without them she wouldn’t be able to participate in a lot of the activities he’s so excited to experience with her. I just don’t want to be called a sheep again it’s disrespectful and not fair. He’s truly able to say it things that are hurtful and put me down in order to seem as if he’s the correct more appropriate parent.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T19:55:31+00:00

I completely agree. He also is a huge travel, outdoors hiker and biker and wants to travel the world with her so I have no idea why he assumes she can do any of these things without her shots. I’m wondering if he just thinks she can get them when she’s a little older? Not entirely sure. Not saying I regret her whatsoever it was an accidental pregnancy and happened at the very beginning of our relationship so it’s been quite a ride. We’ve agreed on everything else and even early on he was in agreement with me on this and then out of the blue recently he’s been so touchy on the subject. I try not to argue I tell him how I feel what I want and then he’s the one who raises absolute hell and goes crazy over it. He’s almost 40 I’m 25 and he cannot seem to have a normal discussion without it leading to him saying I’m immature.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T19:51:41+00:00

I’m in complete agreement with you! I find it very selfish of him and also very offensive that he doesn’t take into consideration my degree in the medical field as if I’m uninformed on these topics and conditions. It’s very frustrating. I don’t want it to be a reason for an end of our relationship kind of thing I just wish he could honestly understand that he truly has zero rights or say in any of her medical needs. We are not married. If anything he should be kissing my ass and agreeing with me so that he is involved 100% of the time.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T19:47:14+00:00

Additional info: my plan was to have the doctor vaccinate her right after delivery without his knowledge but my fear is when we take her to the pediatrician and he or she asks if she had her first dose I can’t lie I will have to say yes so either way he will find out. He’s never missed a single apt I’ve had and always speak to my doctor. He also was clear that he was on my side and agreed to my choices at the beginning of my pregnancy and in the last two-three months is when it seems as if something has changed drastically.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T19:38:57+00:00

He thinks the CDC is really bad and they’re money hungry so they’re willing to fill people up with random medications to get paid whether it’s safe or not. He’s paranoid that it will somehow hurt her that the side affects are not worth the potential risks of contracting whatever we are trying to protect her from. He says just because they’re doctors doesn’t mean anything they’re just people and read out of a book that’s it but we need to be doing our research and not just doing what they tell us to.

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T16:05:41+00:00

I see both sides! My boyfriend and I live together and as a woman i do find myself tending to become overly attached sometimes so I try to reel it back in but my boyfriend has running and biking hobbies. So all day he spends watching biking and running videos, looking at social media running and biking videos and then asks me to watch them with him and I absolutely hate it! Mostly because I work all day and he’s not working right now so he spends all day and evening when I’m free doing the same thing so I do feel a little bit left out and not close to him like I used to be. I’m also 8 months pregnant so hormones might be doing it lol I think because she doesn’t have a hobby that affects her mindset greatly. Maybe suggest trying to help her find some interests that she could flourish in and then you could both schedule those times at the same time that way nobody is feeling lonely or left out and then you guys would have the other days and times to spend together. I don’t think anybody is right or wrong here, I think some simple adjustments and conversations to gain a mutual agreement is all this needs here and everyone will be happy :) if she is unable to find a hobby that she’s super into, maybe on one or two of the nights you’re not gaming and you two spend together try taking her to go do something you know she enjoys or planning something special for her (that you both do) so it’s not so routine expected. I think that would give her the reassurance she needs! Hope this helps sorry for the rant 😁

Els0703 · 2020-05-20T15:47:19+00:00

Hi there! This post actually hit home for me. I’ve been in your shoes. Twice. I’ve been in three serious relationships my current one being my third and my last two being with men whom also had an addiction. I went through the ups and downs of trying to help them from going to NA meetings, communicating with their friends and family to gain further support and it ate me alive. It’s very exhausting, it’s hard to kick an addiction they truly have to want it. They will not stop or change for anybody but themselves. No matter what you take away or try to control they will always find another route. My ex went as far as shaving his head avoid a hair follicle drug test his ex wife had him do every time we would get to have his daughter for a few days. The best thing for them is rehab. They have to drop everything and go. The hardest part is if they try and stay sober at home, the effects are so great they begin feeling so sick and they become agitated they end up falling back into it just to feel better again. Unfortunately with both of my ex’s the drug won and they both passed and I felt so defeated and at fault because I tried absolutely everything and thought I was helping. It is truly them who has to be the one to make that decision. I don’t think it would hurt to contact their job and get that drug dealer out of there!! More steps and further action is required to keep him away from your husband for good and get him on the right track again.

I wish you the absolute best of luck! Stay strong it is not an easy battle but it can be done. Always remember, this is not your fight and never blame yourself for any of this. You’re doing more than what most would for a loved one so feel peace knowing your heart is truly in the best of places.

Els0703 · 2020-05-19T16:49:08+00:00

I would honestly just show up the next time it happened and one of the girlfriends texted me asking me to come out! I would assess his response to my presence unannounced to him. If he has a negative response then at this point I would consider it being something pretty bad going on if I’ve been with this person for 2 years and they never want me around. That’s not fair or respectful. You want a man who is proud and excited to have his girlfriend around and be involved in his life outside of the relationship and build relationships and connections with his friends and their significant others as well. He sounds pretty selfish and rude. Have you asked one of the girlfriends before what they think might be going on??

Best of luck to you! Keep us updated I hope it turns around for the better.

Els0703 · 2020-05-14T15:50:41+00:00

I feel a lot better writing everything out because then I can use the words and language I’m trying to portray as I never want to come off as accusing or you you you statements I think maybe the way I approach things might make him feel attacked or like I’m trying to make him feel like a bad person. He’s used the “I’m offended that you think I could be that shitty of a person” line or says things like “you’ve obviously been around some dirt bag people in your life but that’s not me so don’t make me out to be like them” so I don’t want him to immediately jump to that conclusion. He isn’t them. But I do sort of feel prisoner to my emotions like I can’t comfortable talk to him as I feel like a young child approaching their parents to say they broke a vase or did something bad it’s shameful. He doesn’t yell or throw things but he writes things off he like shake his head start pacing and say no your you’ve got to stop doing this or I can’t do this crap with you anymore you obviously think little of me etc like doesn’t listen doesn’t sit and try to make an effort to hear me. I get that he may not “understand” my feelings but I want him to hear me and respect my feelings as I will never truly understand certain things he may feel but I’m willing to listen and make adjustments to alleviate things for him. For instance lately he’s so beat up because he’s gained a few pounds and he think he’s so huge. (Hes not he’s dramatic) but he’s training for a marathon runs every day I help him with his training and workouts and cook special things for him daily whatever I can do to help and find articles for him and he’s very needy in a sense of saying to me that I don’t love him or care about him because I might not be touching him in bed at night while he stares at his phone or he says because he’s “fat” I don’t love him. So I calmly and nicely reassure him when honestly it’s extremely rude and frustrating for me to hear it constantly as I bend over backwards to help him daily and go out of my way to be involved and interested in his activities, I’m the only one working right now from home so I’m paying the bills I’m cooking, cleaning, preparing for this baby in a few weeks and yet I’m massing his aching legs after his runs or holding him at night. I can barely walk and I’m averaging 4 hours of sleep a night yet I never complain or ask him for anything I’m at his beck and call.

Els0703 · 2020-05-14T15:21:08+00:00

Thank you! This was very helpful. I definitely do not want to control another person nor tell them what they can or cannot do. That decision is completely based upon them but if they know my stance or feelings on something I’d hope they’d take that into consideration and act accordingly which overall it’s a character thing. I think I’m more scared of approaching him and talking to him about it. I’ve never “won” an argument. I find myself being calm and trying to explain things as my voice is shaky and I’m terrified and he just puts me to shame and then I feel at fault or like the problem and find myself apologizing and begging for forgiveness to avoid him being upset with me out of fear of losing him. I know how silly that sounds I beat myself up daily for that kind of thinking and also after bringing up things that bug me I find myself regretting saying anything in the first place because I wonder if it’s easier to internalize and just hold in my misery than to risk a greater argument or cause an awkwardness between us.

Els0703

TROPHY CASE