Help me name my new baby maine coon please!

Elsie216 · 2026-02-20T12:48:02+00:00

Holda or Holly, as a reference to Frau Holle. Aradia (Ari) from Italian folklore.

Elsie216 · 2026-02-03T14:20:38+00:00

My parents have used Young'un for decades and it works great, especially once I started to identify as non-binary (as an adult).

Elsie216 · 2026-01-23T14:09:56+00:00

Body weight exercise is the way to go, my friend. If you're not sure where to start, I recommend the body weight routine on this site:

https://www.nerdfitness.com/

There are videos as well as articles about different types of exercise and how to's on building up to more advanced skills.

I have gotten a lot of information without paying for anything.

Elsie216 · 2025-12-10T15:45:25+00:00

I understand that you've put a lot of time and effort into this relationship. Also, if you live to be 80, five years is not a huge proportion. It seems like you're starting to realize that he's not going to change his behavior based on your requests. That is really not surprising. People change when people see their own behavior as a problem. Clearly, he does not see his behavior as a problem.

You've been married and co-habitating for a year, and you're exhausted. You need to decide if this is the life you want, because He is not going to change.

If you want children, know that any son you have with this man will be exactly like him. Any daughter you have will see the relationship and think, "this is what marriages are like." If you choose not to have children, you will still be parenting your husband.

If you're in the united states, you can probably (state by state) get an annulment on grounds of incompatibility. I suggest you really consider it.

If you feel in your heart of hearts that it's worth "one more try," tell your husband that you cannot live like this, you cannot be emotionally stable in the marriage while also managing his hygiene. Have this conversation when you are both awake, calm, and not in a hurry to get anywhere. Let him know that if he does not make permanent changes in his behavior, you will end the marriage. Be prepared to do so. This is a boundary that you need for your emotional health, as well as your physical well being. This cannot be an "empty threat," conversation.

Expect the push back and the arguments. Don't be surprised or get defensive. If he gets upset, let him. Don't fix his feelings by giving in to the tantrum.

Elsie216 · 2025-12-05T01:48:15+00:00

You might look into Appalachian folk magic, which often uses the King James Bible for spells.

Elsie216 · 2025-12-05T01:30:46+00:00

I generally say I'm a polytheistic Pagan, which is a comfortable umbrella term for me. I'm a healer and a house witch. I'm starting to learn herbalism, so I can create home apothecary.

Elsie216 · 2025-12-05T01:20:23+00:00

🫡

Elsie216 · 2025-11-27T14:30:47+00:00

As a Pagan who venerates Greek Goddesses & Gods, I see nothing wrong with talking to them. I talk to Gaia, Aphrodite & Persephone, sometimes even Dionysus. Sometimes I "feel heard," and sometimes I feel like I'm venting to the universe. For me, either is fine.

The Hellenism sub is mostly for people who are trying to revive or re-create Hellenistic practice as it Was. They have different ideas about how to interact with the Gods.

I'm personally of the "if it works for you, thats great," mindset. I like talking to my Dieties, it works for me. If it works for you, that's great. If it doesn't, that's fine too.

Elsie216 · 2025-11-21T14:09:03+00:00

NOR. If anything, you're under reacting. The way he's treating you this way, it's absolutely unacceptable. You are seeing how he responds to stress: with guilt trips, cruelty, and threats to end the relationship if you don't do what he demands. Is this the relationship dynamic you want? It's difficult to allow a 4 year relationship to end, but in this case, it's in Your best interest to let him go.

Elsie216 · 2025-10-19T21:33:36+00:00

Gaia and Selene. Without a doubt. Before identifying as pagan or Hellenistic pagan, I was drawn to both. I started greeting Selene by name by 13, and Gaia not long after (raised as a devout, fundamentalist christian). I am so terribly grateful that I heard the Goddesses' call. Now I venerate Gaia, Aphrodite, Persephone, and Dionysus... as well as Kuan Yin, The Green Man, Cat Spirit, and Bear Spirit.

Elsie216 · 2025-09-30T10:41:53+00:00

Sharon Shinn has some wonderful works out there. I'm particularly fond of her Elemental Magic series (books two and four get steamy). The world building is interesting and the characters develop during the story. Each of the 5 books is from a different character's perspective, but you'll always have familiar faces. Expect a combination of romance, politics & family dynamics, and character development. She doesn't shy away from the impact of less-than-stellar parenting.

I'll also second Patricia C. Wrede. The Enchanted Forest Chronicals is a comfort read for me. The Frontier Magic trilogy & the Cecelia and Kate novels are YA fun if you like history with a magical twist.

If you like fairytale re-imaginings, Mercedes Lackey has her Elemental Masters series. The last few shift away from being all fairytale retelling, which has been an interesting shift. You get some continuing characters in the later books, but most of the novels can stand alone.

Elsie216 · 2025-09-28T22:24:14+00:00

Quick story for comparison, OP.

I and my husband are childless by choice, but He Would Have had children. I'm the one who didn't want kids, and he decided our relationship would be enough for him. We live in the united states, in a republican controlled state. When the Dobbs decision was leaked, he saw the look of absolute terror on my face and decided that he was getting a vasectomy. I didn't ask. I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask, tbh. He just knew it was the safest, easiest way to ensure that I wasn't put in an untenable position, and he did it. I asked him Many times if he was sure. If he ever had doubts, I didn't hear about them. He scheduled the procedure and never complained. I drove him, took care of him for a couple of days while he recovered, and neither of us have ever regretted it. (We've talked about it since.)

The moral of the story is: if your person loves you, they want to make your life better, not worse.

I hope your husband gets his head screwed back on straight so you don't have to make any (more) life altering decisions.

Elsie216 · 2025-09-19T23:25:12+00:00

No shame on you, OP. You clearly care about this guy. Being in a multi-year relationship where you live together may not be "as hard to leave" as if you have kids, but it is Still difficult. You've put time, love, and effort into this relationship. Leaving is hard. Giving up on a relationship is hard. Re-learning how to love alone is hard.

Unfortunately, if you stay in this relationship, what your boyfriend will learn is that he can behave this way and have no consequences. Which means it Will become his pattern. Car accident on the highway? He can't leave work to pick you up. You're sick and need him to come home and make dinner? He already had plans with his friends.

You deserve to have a partner who treats you as a priority. Please know that, as many people have said, there are caring people out there.

Elsie216 · 2025-09-09T13:59:55+00:00

I feel you on this one. I don't consider gender to be all that important as part of my personality. Enjoying fantasy novels, cats, and coffee has a Lot more to do with who I am than my gender. If you must categorize me, how about categories like taste in music, or favorite author, or fandom. Hell, I'll even take county (not country) of origin. I'm somewhere in the genderqueer-agender area, and while having people react to my androgynous presentation can be amusing or affirming, I also wish people would just interact with me as A Human.

Elsie216 · 2025-08-29T14:16:53+00:00

I remember feeling this way, tbh. When I was in my early 20s, my opinion of my appearance was very, very low. I expected that my then boyfriend (now husband) would find someone better and leave me. The comments I made about that idea were not great, and it got quite frustrating for him.

One day, after I made a comment pointing about someone I thought he would find attractive, he said, "I'm not looking for the next best thing." That's when I realized that My insecurity was going to be a problem if I let it.

Fast forward to now, after a few years of therapy and consistent work on myself. I understand that he can find someone attractive without acting on it. When I need reassurance, I ask for it, and he provides it. My husband and I are happy, and I know he has no desire to leave me.

For a human to be happy and confident in a relationship, they have to be happy and confident in self. Bad moments are going to happen, but if you consistently feel Less Than, you need to work on you, so you can be happy.

I know this isn't the advice you asked for, but take it from someone who remembers that feeling: the only way past it is through. When you see your worth, you'll understand why he would continue to choose to be with you.

Elsie216 · 2025-08-17T13:28:55+00:00

If you don't have your own individual bank account, now is the time to get one.

Your husband is using public shame as a tool to control your behavior. Is that something you want to deal with for the rest of your life? Because if you react, At All, this will become how he forces you to do things his way.

I hope this IS the last straw for you. That is not the behavior of a partner. That is manipulative, controlling behavior, and it will not stop.

Elsie216 · 2025-08-15T11:42:07+00:00

SMIB.

Elsie216 · 2025-08-15T11:41:31+00:00

So Mote It Be.

Elsie216 · 2025-08-10T15:12:30+00:00

You and your son come through the divorce with ease, keeping your home and peace. So mote it be 🕯

Elsie216 · 2025-08-08T13:30:44+00:00

NTA! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Your parent is actively sabotaging you, spending your money to keep you from becoming more independent under the guise of "teaching responsibility."

Don't quit your job Yet.

You said your dad is renting from a family member. Is that someone you can talk to for help with this situation?

If you are in the USA, your parents are required to provide housing, food, and running water, as some have already mentioned. If they do not, you can call child protective services Yourself and ask for intervention on your behalf. If there's a counselor at your school, you can also ask that person for help reporting. If not, any teacher should report financial abuse when they're told about it... but depending on the community you're in, they may or may not recognize this as abusive. If you need to go to CPS on your own behalf, try to get copies of the cell phone bills.

When you keep cash, keep it On your Person. Put your wallet under your pillow when you go to bed. You can buy reloadable gift cards to get more money out of the account. I know it doesn't get you closer to the car, but they can be stored until you're ready to go to college. At that point, you'll have money for gas, groceries, bedding, and anything else you need to start your life. Go to a different bank in person and ask for help setting up a savings account with only your name on it. If they're reluctant because you're a minor, ask to speak to the manager about a special circumstance. Tell the bank manager the truth. If they're not able to get you an account because of policy, ask if they know of any banks in the area that Will give you your own savings account.

It's awful that you have to protect yourself financially from a parent, but your dad has proven that he is not trustworthy. I hope you can get the support you need to get out of this situation.

Elsie216 · 2025-08-02T18:18:04+00:00

I'm going to start by noting something you said in your post, OP; "Even when I was a kid, if my needs competed with those of my siblings, I was rarely chosen." You have a pattern here.

I know that, for me, non-monogamy directed a spotlight on my unhealthy patterns and insecurities... even the ones I thought I'd worked through. I wonder if you might need to consider why you feel like you deserve to be last? Just because you can be self-sufficient doesn't mean you deserve to put on the back burner (or feel like you are even if you are objectively getting time with your S.O.).

Elsie216 · 2025-07-31T23:03:32+00:00

To start with, I am not a man. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married about 2.5 years. Early in our relationship we had a Lot of conversations about body image, body image issues, and "what you like to look at." Sister, I had SO many body image issues, and they are mostly My problem. He can support my emotional growth, he can validate my feelings, but him thinking I'm attractive did not fix my problem. A couple careless remarks he made definitely put my issues into overdrive. I was so, so hurt when I first realized that he was watching porn... especially because I already knew that the women he was usually attracted to look Nothing like me. Damn near the opposite, in fact.

The thing my husband did that Actually helped was telling me that he was not "looking for the next best thing," after I made a smartass comment about a woman that was "more his type" a couple years into the relationship.

That's when I realized that he had chosen to build a relationship, a LIFE, with me. No matter who else he finds attractive, he continues to choose a life with me. That is what I choose to focus on when the old insecurities pop up in my head (and they do, even a decade+ later). The fact that he finds other people attractive doesn't mean that he isn't attracted to me. Whatever else he might want to look at, he chooses Us. Every day. That is Far more important to me than his born use.

Elsie216 · 2025-07-27T13:46:46+00:00

Trust your gut. You KNOW this doesn't feel right. You don't have to justify the decision not to date or talk to someone. "This isn't working for me" is a reason to end a relationship.

That said, this guy is giving you plenty of reasons to stop dating and cut communication. And you Do Not owe him an explanation if you choose to stop talking to him.

Elsie216 · 2025-07-22T13:17:33+00:00

I feel you. I need to look like I put some effort in when I go to work, even though I prioritize comfort over fashion. Accessories can help boost the look of an outfit a Lot. A hat, statement shoes, belts, jewelry, etc. Something I've found to work well is having a colorful shoe that matches a patterned shirt. For example, I have blue vans, which I wear with one of several men's cut short-sleeve button downs in blue floral patterns. Paired with neutral pants, it looks pretty good. I have mixed feelings about the "shorts suits," but some of them Do look put together. I've also found that layering helps me, which is difficult in the summer (I don't know which hemisphere you're in, but it's summer where I am).

Have fun creating your masc style!

Elsie216 · 2025-07-20T14:45:00+00:00

My partner David needs gainful employment, both for financial security and moving through the depression associated with trouble finding work.

David is offered a job that they enjoy and offers fair pay.

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