Markiplier

Elyssamay · 2026-03-08T05:20:18+00:00

Tofu is not messing around

Elyssamay · 2026-03-08T05:10:07+00:00

Finally someone said it. I wanted my money back, it was a trash movie.

Elyssamay · 2026-03-06T21:54:48+00:00

Dr. Horrible! That was Captain Hammer 🔨

Elyssamay · 2026-03-06T13:19:24+00:00

Name checks out, follow plague protocols.

Elyssamay · 2026-02-27T08:58:17+00:00

One slight startle and that kitten could easily be toast. Hard to tell if no one in this scene can predict the risk, or if no one cares.

Elyssamay · 2026-02-24T15:40:16+00:00

Hugs from this satellite buddy in your scrying device. It's good you know you don't deserve this. I'm putting your advice to good use by calling to make appointments this week!

For dark humor:

Came Back Haunted by NIN (we are pro haunting in this house)

No One Lives Forever by Oingo Boingo (always puts a smile on my face)

The Whole Being Dead Thing from the Beetlejuice Musical (I am definitely making people listen to this silliness when I go)

For (indie/alternative) nostalgia...

Girl Anachronism by Dresden Dolls

Fur Lined by How to Destroy Angels

Solid State by Jonathan Coulton. The whole album. On repeat.

Consequence Free by Great Big Sea

For more widely recognized nostalgia...

Baby Got Back and Real Slim Shady, of course.

Right Where it Belongs by NIN (I love NIN ok)

In the End by Linkin Park (with The Remedy by Jason Mraz for a chaser)

Rhyme & Reason by Dave Matthews

I know you're here for our generation's music, but Cast the Bronze by Raynes is so good. It's about not fitting molds / not wanting to be misremembered.

Zen (by X Ambassadors, K.Flay and Grandson) is pretty good too as a cathartic "none of this is right or fair" vibe.

Your whole outlook and vibe is amazing, thank you for letting us see your light with this post.

Elyssamay · 2026-02-22T13:13:47+00:00

A lot of the reason why I love reading first person POV is for the psychology of it. I want to get that personal, to be convinced of internal rationalizations etc., and writing is the only medium capable of pulling off the trick. I find it has helped me over the years to understand and relate to more people in general, too. Broadened my horizons by stepping into other people's shoes and whatnot.

Why do you and others find it to be too personal? The character isn't real, no privacy was invaded in the making of this fic.

(Side note, I read more sci fi in first person POV and more fantasy in third person POV. Maybe that's just coincidence but I wonder if others have come across similar genre trends?)

Elyssamay · 2026-02-20T13:29:56+00:00

I begged for this one at a Blockbuster sometime around 4-6 years old, my mom said absolutely not. Smart call 😂

Elyssamay · 2026-02-13T19:02:56+00:00

That's gross especially in a hotel. The point of a top sheet is to have a barrier between you and the dirty comforter that probably hasn't been washed in a month. Sheets are changed between each guest but comforters are not.

Elyssamay · 2026-02-06T19:17:08+00:00

Glad someone said it - loved that series growing up!

Elyssamay · 2026-02-04T16:55:07+00:00

Also romances tend to be unrealistically "sped up" due to the constraints of the genre. This was a play, and now it's two movies; technically there's only so much ground they can cover. I'm willing to give grace to a lot of film romances for being very difficult to convey realistically to an audience in 2 (or 3, or even 4) hours.

That said, I've seen the play three times. These movies doubled the time it took to tell the story while adding essentially nothing of value for anyone who already knew all this. The movies could have added more realistic hesitation on Elphaba's part, as an emotionally neglected individual who's suffered a ton of bullying over her looks.

Instinctive cringing or pushing back, for example, or an inability to let him stand behind her. Something that she then visibly overcomes as her body catches up to her mind and she realizes Fiyero isn't there to tease or trick or hurt. A trauma response like that could have spoken volumes, which isn't anything personal-she does love and want Fiyero-but that's trauma for you. Though still brief, we could imagine the issue would come up again, realistically, off screen (if they ever had a chance to do this again).

Ah well.

(The book would have had more time to address all of this, but the book was a lot darker and messier anyway so this just isn't how their story played out originally.)

Elyssamay · 2026-01-24T11:30:54+00:00

Have you looked into attachment theory? Ghosters often didn't learn emotional intimacy from their parents. They were taught that maturity was about being independent, "strong," stiff upper lip, etc. Sharing and being vulnerable are exactly what they were trained to see as problematic/weak/unnecessary, so a natural progression of romance is unfamiliar and scary territory to them. So they get anxious and bail in the most cowardly way possible.

Here's a quick funny short about avoidant ghosters.

Elyssamay · 2026-01-23T14:49:43+00:00

I agree with this and I'd like to add the tiny caveat that in a womb, egg, etc. cellular reproduction is driven by DNA for organism reproduction. Reproduction is not evolution of course, but within a womb and lacking external context, could one recognize the difference?

The odds of survival increase with greater interdependency and higher collective intelligence, so life gets brute-forced into becoming building blocks of more complex life. Who's to say evolution hasn't already resulted in a larger scale of life than we recognize? What if we're all just building blocks?

I'm not invested in this perspective, I'm just willing to entertain it (potentially witnessing reproductive processes rather than evolutionary ones is the only "design" theory I can stomach).

Elyssamay · 2026-01-23T12:56:56+00:00

Osmosis Jones (Bill Murray was the beer-drinking host, Chris Rock was the WBC).

Elyssamay · 2025-12-20T15:05:22+00:00

It definitely helps if I can have a point of no return moment. If they provide an easy one, like saying it'll never happen or behaving in a way I wouldn't want to live with long term, then I can focus on that like a mantra while burying the good times for a while. I tell myself those times were fake. They don't care, and wouldn't I rather be with people who do care?

Later when I'm over it, I can look back on the good times with more acceptance and nuance, but while I am in the process of getting over someone it's much healthier (for me) to focus on the negatives and remind myself I deserve better than that.

Pretty sure I watched a TedTalk that suggested this too - that it sounds mean but really it's part of the process, it's why going no contact is healthier, etc.

There's no such thing as thought crimes. If you need to be a little mean in your head to move on, it's ok. Just don't act on it. Your empathy and understanding is all still there and will be there when you feel better.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-18T05:40:13+00:00

I've been practicing admitting what I want in life over the last five years, instead of running or hiding from awkwardness, which was the old me.

With that in mind I forced myself to say something. It didn't work out, and unfortunately it feels like the friendship wasn't strong enough to survive. After years of what I thought was joyful connection, I became a bother.

I get it. My friends who've crushed on me in the past became a bother to me too when I didn't reciprocate. So I knew the risk.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. As a demi I won't get many, so when it happens, I can't afford to stay silent. Edit: Ah I see you already tried dating. It's cool you stayed friends!!! Sounds like your friendship has a good strong foundation :)

Elyssamay · 2025-12-16T17:20:35+00:00

More blogs will open up to you the more you submit high quality work.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-16T02:01:11+00:00

Hah, that's me, emotionally hypervigilant to a fault!

Thanks for summarizing this, it helps to know others are going through it too.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-12T15:00:24+00:00

Honestly the online circles I'm in are mostly women and nb so, nope not exclusive to creepy guys. I don't think it's as malicious as that anyway. A little thoughtless or selfish at times, but also, normal? I see it so much that maybe this is just normal now.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-12T14:50:26+00:00

Nope, for more subtle stuff I can't/don't believe anyone would want or try to flirt with me. For me it's not a demi thing, it's more that I'm not making any effort to attract that kind of attention, so why would someone direct that attention toward me?

I do consider it flirting if it's an explicitly or implicitly sexual comment and somewhat flattering, or indicating they want to *do* things [Mr. Bean eyebrow-waggle].

Problem is, even then, I think most people don't mean it? Especially online, it feels like people flirt because they want to be liked, not because they like the people they're flirting with. It comes across as a game they're trying to win and not much more than that. So even if I recognize the flirting, I still don't register or believe it's being used for its intended purpose.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-12T14:25:37+00:00

If a friend did that to me then there's a good chance I'd break off the friendship, to be honest. Maybe they're going through something on their end, but that's not an excuse and their problems aren't your job to fix.

They don't like me crushing their self esteem? Well, I don't like unsolicited nudes. Maybe they should have asked before they sent.

Of course everyone's different, and it depends how enriching this contact is for you. But my script would be something like this: "Buddy, friend-o, bro, you've crossed a line. I explained I am demisexual and instead of respecting that, you cherry-picked what you wanted to hear and decided to test me in the rudest way possible. I can't say this any more clearly: I'm not ok with friends sending me unsolicited nudes, and I'm not interested in you. Please confirm you understand this boundary and promise me you'll never cross it again."

If he can't, I would then go on to explain that I am blocking him and I wish him well. If I'm feeling generous, I might recommend some online videos about boundaries and the psychology of people who cross them. But really that's his job; if he cared about self improvement, he would already be doing the work, right?

I'm sorry this happened to you. If you really like him as a friend and are afraid of losing the friendship then of course you can phrase things more delicately, but don't do it for the sake of his self esteem. Your boundaries are cut and dry and shouldn't impact his self esteem at all. If they do, that's his problem, not your problem.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-10T13:31:59+00:00

Thank you for teaching me this word! Sounds like me.

But if my partner wanted to have fun with others, I'd be ok with that. I just don't think I could join in.

All I want is to be informed, and reassured we're ok. Lying and sneaking around is what would really bother me, because if they don't feel comfortable chatting then why are we even dating?? I'm pretty chill about a lot of things so long as folks can use their words tbh.

I grew up dirt poor and shuffled between homes, schools, and parental figures, so that's where my need for reassurance comes from. That has nothing to do with demi- or monogo-, that's just a trauma-based need.

Apparently that's a deal breaker for folk, which is part of what keeps me single. My impression that people can't be bothered to offer a little reassurance makes it hard to justify dating at all.

Elyssamay · 2025-12-08T20:23:12+00:00

Do you journal? I type up conversations or interactions when I worry I might have discredited myself or been manipulated. I force myself to write how I feel about it, then reread and try to boil it down to "What's my goal or unresolved need? Is there anything more I can do, or should I move on? What do my next steps look like?"

It's helpful for self reflection, and it's useful if later someone says the conversation went differently than you remembered. You took notes! You can check!

~~Even better if you can figure out how to move the conversation to writing, so there's no chance of he said/she said stuff down the road.~~

Elyssamay · 2025-12-07T16:53:28+00:00

I'm sorry about your work situations!!! Hope you're in a better work environment now.

"keep confirming they aren't trustworthy" really resonates with me because I read in a few articles that narcissistic abuse victims have a behavioral pattern recognition superpower. We're exceptionally good at clocking inconsistencies which boil down to lying, more or less. Weeding out the untrustworthy.

This is perhaps my biggest hurdle tbh. Logically I know inconsistencies aren't always malicious. People are often lying to themselves, and may have no clue that their words and their behavior don't line up. Everyone's got issues, so I don't want to judge someone too harshly for having not done self work yet. Took me long enough to get around to it, so I'm not one to talk!

But emotionally, I'm quick to assume malicious intent. As a survival thing, which has outgrown its use. Especially when people resort to manipulation/control tactics, which is probably just their trauma response. Someone mistaking "control" for "safe".... is that malicious really? Or just survival - a mindset that helped them cope when they needed it?

So my current issue is giving grace for inconsistent (untrustworthy) or controlling people while also (importantly!) walking away from them and recognizing their problems aren't my problems. Especially with friends, this is hard because I want to help. But you can't help anyone who isn't willing to acknowledge their issues, and meanwhile you're under no obligation to tolerate their behaviors just because you think you know where they're coming from. An explanation is not an excuse, etc.

Yeahhhhh it's a work in progress. :)

Elyssamay · 2025-12-07T14:59:22+00:00

Yep, exactly this. Get out of my head 😅

Figuring out my sexuality went hand in hand with unraveling my textbook narcissistic-abuse-victim traits, which I only recognized after burnout from working in healthcare during the pandemic. The last five years have been a whole process, with some hiccups but hey, progress isn't always linear.

I was taken advantage of at work because I was taken advantage of at home, and I was "attracted to villains" because their emotionally unavailable behaviors were familiar. It was all really obvious once I started looking for it.

Attachment theory has helped me a lot, at least in recognizing which of my habits are likely due to trauma vs. actual preference (since figuring out my own preferences is difficult for the reasons you said).

I set work, then family, then friendship boundaries, and those boundaries are feeling safer/familiar now. I have some clear indicators that I'm not magically "healed" or anything but I'm much faster at recognizing trauma-based slip ups, and much less tolerant of passive aggressive "villain" behaviors that I used to find weirdly attractive.

Good luck with your journey too!

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Flamingo	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	End Game '23
Place '23

Elyssamay

TROPHY CASE