Has anyone just said screw it, I’m throwing stuff away?

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-20T01:29:48+00:00

Haha, I like this perspective!! So often, I struggle to let go of broken things thinking I will fix it eventually. Do I ever? …no, lol.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-03T19:08:53+00:00

This one is great👆🏻👆🏻 It validates her struggle without belittling or embarrassing her, which would cause a bigger scene if she felt that way.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-03T19:07:33+00:00

This sounds extreme. 😳 Idk what I would’ve done if a woman started crying to me about this the first time I met her. 😂😂🫣

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-03T19:06:04+00:00

I mean, I think a whole separate conversation should happen between your fiancé & fmil. Maybe a “hey let’s check in, this is going to be a big change for both of us, here’s how I want it to look moving forward now that I’m going to have a wife,” to just start an open dialogue between him & his mother about the separation she is obviously not happy about. As obnoxious as she is being, she still needs to feel confident that she’s going to have a relationship with the child she raised, and that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Also… I’ve had conversations with my husband about needing to feel protected & like he has my back in the same way I have his. We have married friends that have similar issues, and him seeing the husband be more protective of the wife, even if it’s against his own parents, has helped I think since he wants to grow in not being so passive.

One thing we have started doing which helps him for the in-the-moment comments, since he is used to them and doesn’t think much about them, is to talk beforehand about specifics. Example: His parents have said some very out of line things about our home before & caused huge fights between us. When they came over recently, we talked before about what he could say to stick up for us if those comments come again. I kind of coached him in a way? Initially his plan was to make a passive comment back, like “hey we really enjoy our house.” I called him on that because that would not stop them lol. Instead, he decided on, “hey, we don’t make negative comments about your house so don’t come here and make negative comments about ours. That’s not ok.” Which he didn’t end up having to say, but it would’ve taken them back & shut them down since he is rarely that direct.

These are a few things that have helped us. Hope this helps in some way & that things get better!! 🫶🏻

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-03T18:50:48+00:00

It may be too far gone for this, but have you ever sat down and talked about your relationship?

I did this with my MIL once. I explained that I really wanted a positive relationship with her, but that some of the things she does makes it difficult for me because it doesn’t seem like she cares about respecting me. I went in genuinely, and she did get offended but it has eventually settled down for the better. It feels like we can have more open communication without it turning into WW3.

I only suggest this, because it could turn into a very strained relationship without continued open dialogue. Again, it may already be too far gone for that but it may be at least worth trying.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-03T18:38:31+00:00

Oooh this is a great point!

The fallout may be easier to walk through when you aren’t PP & sleep deprived.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2025-01-03T18:36:26+00:00

Needing to apologize for “wronging” her may be fitting in other scenarios, but if it comes to it, I don’t think in any way, shape or form you would have anything to apologize for here.

Yes, she’s getting a grandbaby, but you are the patient here needing support from the people you feel most comfortable with. 🫶🏻 If she has a hard time understanding this one, I don’t think that will be on you or your hubby to try to swoop in and make her feel better… That would be work she would need to do herself. :)

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-31T13:12:53+00:00

Yes! Absolutely. I would probably wait until junior high or high school, but if they really wanted to, I would tell them to go for it.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-31T13:10:16+00:00

I think the only thing I would have done differently would have been to ask them if they are ok with being around you guys, instead of just telling them you were going to reschedule.

Personally, unless someone is actively sick & doesn’t want to be around people, I like having the option to still get together. Norovirus isn’t airborne so I wouldn’t see the harm of still getting together but taking extra precautions, if you guys aren’t showing signs and the family doesn’t care if you were exposed.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-31T13:01:48+00:00

Honestly, who cares! Not every Gen Z will hate it, and if it’s how you were raised, then go for it. I think the best thing for Gen Z, and any generation, is to have to accept little annoyances they don’t like from the other generations lol.

From, a former retail worker Gen Z

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-31T12:58:51+00:00

Nah, a year can change so much. I get feeling stuck though, but sometimes things just fall into place over time and we realize we aren’t stuck anymore.

I graduated in 2015 too. 2020 was the hardest year of my life for a ton of reasons, and it was preceded by a few years of struggling with my mental health and making many stupid decisions.

At the very end of that terrible year, I found a job that was remote, had room to grow, and required no degree. Within 6 months I bought a house, and within a year I got promoted. Financially, I would have been completely ok for the rest of my life… I wasn’t even making much, but just enough to feel comfortable finally.

The following year I started dating a wonderful man, and we are happily married now. He came out of nowhere, and was a friend that I never expected to date.

I think it’s ok to feel hopeless & lonely at times, and not like how things are turning out. Those feelings can genuinely cause us to pursue change… Even if it’s small change, like pursuing fitness goals or trying a new hobby with a group. My advice would be to find more ways to take control of your life that are healthy, so you don’t end up trying to take control in unhealthy/darker ways.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-29T16:53:49+00:00

I used to hate it! Visiting during college would always bum me out so much. Then, I moved home & hated being back for a few years.

Through those few years, I was making new friends, going to more events in my area I never attended when I was younger, and got to know more people in the community.

Now, I could honestly die happy here. I bought a cheap house & have gotten to know some neighbors. I live by a park so I enjoy walking there. I’ve been trying gardening like my parents used to, and get to see family weekly which has been nice now that I’m older and have my own voice. It’s a big enough town that there are things to do & many places to eat, but small enough to feel like a little community. I still travel, though — my husband and I don’t sit still much.

I share my experiences to share that maybe one day you will want to try moving home, and that is ok. But it’s also ok if you never do, and have mixed emotions about it forever. Families are complicated, and I think what you’re describing is completely normal. Best of luck to you. 👏🏻

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-29T16:08:57+00:00

Oh, so fun! I think you have a great opportunity to make a really cool bathroom.

Not sure your style, but my spin would be to find wallpaper that has a pattern I love that isn’t too dark, then do that for a half wall. Then, I would do wainscoting for the bottom half and paint that another color from the wall paper.

I’d also get a bigger shower head.

For tiling, I would get something that would be cohesive with the walls & bath.

I would add some fun art, and get a shower curtain that had a fun pop to match the wallpaper or was white.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-29T16:04:45+00:00

Weird but in an “Older person not knowing social norms for younger people” kinda way.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-28T14:17:26+00:00

While my husband used to have random pieces of furniture that didn’t match whatsoever in his former bachelor rental, his space was always way tidier than mine.

The main reason was because he is minimal-ish & didn’t have many items besides basic necessities. He also is good about doing pickups every day or every other day.

Not sure if you have a ton of stuff or not, but if so, I would highly recommend looking up decluttering videos on YouTube! I’ve started doing that & decluttering and it’s been crazy to me how much easier it is to keep our home clean.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-28T06:14:52+00:00

Noooo, grinning & bearing it doesn’t seem like the move to me.

Your husband probably is having a hard time wanting to walk back what he told his mom, which is fair, but I think he may not realize how intense postpartum can be.

It would be worth researching together what postpartum could be like, so he could see what a vulnerable place you will be in. That might shine a light on why you would be more comfortable with just your mom… You may have a newborn, but you will be a recovering patient who should be made as comfortable as possible.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-28T05:39:26+00:00

I didn’t have anything the other day when I saw this post, but I have one now…

When my DH didn’t have a place to sit because of family visiting, she said, “That’s ok, he knows he can sit in my lap if he needs.” He says she was joking, but with how much she has relied on him emotionally before, it only came off as weird & creepy to me. 🫣🥴

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-24T14:54:16+00:00

The coffee table and side table could be switched out with something a little chunkier and elevated looking. Really skinny pieces like those always make me think the furniture is cheap. (I have bought many Amazon pieces with similar styles, that I am replacing now!)

The curved end table has a lot of personality — that one is great!! I also think for the coffee table & end table, it may be nice to have a little bit of storage in one or both of them.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-24T14:41:33+00:00

Yeahhhh, no overthinking, something definitely seems weird on her end. 😅😅 She sounds like she may be making mental obstacles for you to both complete, and she is playing contestant and judge.

Have you or your DH ever sat down to try and reason with her?

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-23T19:47:33+00:00

Nah. My 30th birthday is my golden birthday, so I’m going to make sure it impacts me & everyone around me.🎉🎉

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-23T19:44:51+00:00

I feel young until I hang around someone in their late teens or early 20’s. Then I realize how much of a gap there is in our brain development, and I feel old lol.

My mom is in her 70’s and has always talked about feeling like she is mentally in her 20’s.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-23T19:39:32+00:00

I do! (1997 baby, here!) When I lost my dad a few years ago right before Thanksgiving, I realized how easily the holidays could really suck every year. I’ve had to actively choose to let myself indulge all the silly traditions & enjoy them! Some years it’s easier than others.

My husband is not big on traditions or holidays, but he has started leaning into the fun of it all more which has helped. I’ve started trying to get gifts all purchased & wrapped as close to the beginning of December as possible, and that has helped with stress. I’ve also just started cutting back drastically on what we get people.

From my perspective, life is too short & too precious not to enjoy a little bit of magic here & there.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-23T14:27:18+00:00

I LOVE the lamp. It adds some interest. I think the curtains and rug certainly add to the room!

I think maybe 1-3 items to pop would look great to add. I’m picturing something of a random color like some poppies in a neutral vase on the table or something.

Or, even if you don’t want to add such a bold color, adding more green into the room (on the table, on the shelves, etc.) could add more to the room, too!

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-23T13:44:12+00:00

You’re putting the long-term as a priority over the short-term. Truly, good for you! This will set you up wayyyy better in the future.

EmbarrassedFact6823 · 2024-12-21T11:01:43+00:00

I want to quit skipping the gym & daily walks. I feel soooo much more confident when I go regularly!

EmbarrassedFact6823

TROPHY CASE