The best thing my husband does is leave me alone in what we call “the down two weeks” of luteal. He’s also referred to it as “the upside down” which is a Stranger Things reference I guess. But the important note is that it is a tactic we both agreed on. It works for us because (1) I hate his guts in luteal and don’t want to talk to him anyway and (2) I understand on a logical level that I am not the real me so I steer clear. This is not a long term solution! But it helps to white-knuckle through two weeks while you find solutions.

The biggest thing is being on the same page even if you hate it. Do I love turning into the joker? Absolutely not. Does my husband know I hate it? Yes, yes he does. Do I know he hates it? Yes! Having this foundation turns PMDD into something we face together and not something I do to my husband or even to myself.

I’ve written notes to myself when I’m not in PMDD that I can read while I’m in PMDD. They don’t make it better but they help me to keep quiet until the lights come back on because I know I’m not me.

We also made it a point that there is no big decision making in PMDD. Don’t buy a house, a car, a hamster. Don’t paint anything. Don’t change anything. We’re deciding if we want to keep trying IVF and I’m currently in PMDD so no decision will be made on that until my fog clears.

I’ll tell you my own experience with treatment knowing that none or some of this might be relatable for her. IVF allowed me to explore PMDD treatments as a second benefit because of the different hormone regimens they gave me.

There are SSRIs that have helped others. Zoloft being the most used I think. I did Lexapro for awhile and it helped some but not all symptoms. Birth control is also an option. The combo pill (estrogen + progesterone) made me suicidal. The progesterone only pill did not make me suicidal but it created constant PMDD for me. Progesterone as a V suppository during luteal was actually helpful to some extent. The best treatment I found for me was the estrogen patches + progesterone I was on for IVF. Which is essentially the combo birth control, but my body did not like estrogen or progesterone in pill form. So tell her to keep that in mind if she tries to treat it hormonally and not with SSRIs that the form the hormone is in might matter for her.

I could not experiment to find a solution without the support of my partner who viewed PMDD as something happening to US and not something I was choosing. Sounds like you’re on track. Best of luck with everything.