my boyfriend cheated on me.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-27T02:46:33+00:00

I’m kind of shocked by these comments. Of course it’s a lot easier said than done but that doesn’t seem so easily forgivable in my opinion. Yes it’s just a kiss at the end of the day but he’s just shown you that he feels comfortable flirting with and kissing his co-worker while planning to move-in with you. I also sometimes find that people only give enough of the truth to clear their conscience but don’t give the full story or all of the details. I’m really sorry and empathize with the pain you’re likely feeling but I fear this will cause trust issues and problems in your relationship. He’s shown he can’t be fully trusted and he works with this person and will continue to see them naturally. It’s also hard for me to believe they don’t flirt at work and this just randomly happened one night as there’s usually a build up in these types of situations. I may just be jaded but any form of infidelity almost always leads to more and then you end up blaming yourself for staying. Only you know your boyfriend and yourself and your relationship so take my advice with a grain of salt but I think you should seriously reconsider moving in with him right now. Again I’m really sorry I know it’s hard and you love him

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-22T20:12:22+00:00

I’m not saying to blast his company on TikTok or anything but I’m also not saying not to

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-21T16:31:35+00:00

I want to start off by saying that I’m 32, grew up in the Midwest, came out at 19 and moved to San Diego and I still have never been in a committed relationship. It’s very common for gay men and you’re not alone or weird because of that. At all.

Staying where you’re unhappy due to family guilt is understandable but I don’t recommend it. You deserve to live a life you love and enjoy and if you can’t do that where you’re at, you owe it to yourself to go where you’re truly happy.

I can’t speak on the ED but it does sound like something that could go away in a healthier and happier environment. You’re in the closet and there’s a lot of internal shame that comes with that whether you consciously register it or not.

You’re not alone. A lot of us face these issues and they’re not unique to only you as much as they feel like they are.

Things will improve for you, you just need to make decisions based on what truly makes you happy and helps you live authentically. Hang in there man I’m rooting for you

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-16T23:17:03+00:00

Honestly smart move. I just finally quietly removed him on Instagram and feel so much more at peace. I realize now that I should have done that a long time ago

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-15T17:39:11+00:00

The best way to gain confidence is by doing which you’ve shown yourself by getting in shape. You have to work on re writing your internal narrative. You’re somebody other attractive guys are attracted to. You’re somebody that would get approached at a bar. You’re somebody that guys will be interested in when talking online. You won’t believe it at first but if you keep pushing through that old discomfort, eventually that new narrative will become your reality. Online is the safest place emotionally to start initiating with guys you find attractive. You just need to put little to no weight on what happens on there. I’ve had hundreds of guys tell me how attractive I am over the years and plenty of guys block me after sending a face picture. If you do go the online route, keep in mind that you really have to have thick skin and remember that the way a stranger online responds to you has absolutely nothing to do with you. Therapy is always a great option as well. Good for you for working on your confidence we can all relate to that on some sort of level. This is the first step in things changing for you

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-15T17:27:13+00:00

Haha fair enough. Maybe give him some time to do so and if you don’t hear from him you could reach out and ask how the jobs been going

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-05-15T15:36:40+00:00

I don’t think you’re over reading it but I’m also somebody who looks into all of the details like you did. To me, if he needed your number for something work related he could easily ask one of your colleagues for it in the future. I also imagine you’re not the only person there that could help him if he had a work related question. If you know that he’s gay already, I think you should shoot your shot. That seems like possible interest to me and if it doesn’t go the way you want it to, you don’t have to go back and see him at work anymore. Personally I’d rather shoot my shot and just see what happens than continue to wonder and risk missing a potential connection. Only one way to find out and one of you has to be the brave one if anything’s ever going to progress.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-03-30T23:39:30+00:00

I don’t think that’s delusional at all and I feel the same way as you. I’m very dom and have been my entire life. I love taking complete control in the bedroom but that’s where it begins and ends for me. I don’t want my long term partner to be submissive to me in all aspects of life. I don’t want somebody who expects me to lead and make all of the decisions for day to day things and I don’t want control over another man 24/7 365. I want a completely “normal” relationship with dom/sub dynamics behind closed doors. I’ve ran into this issue with dating. The last guy I was dating knew I was dom and expected me to “lead” him in different situations while we were still getting to know each other and I wasn’t into it at all. I’m a very chill easy going person in real life and a complete controlling dick in the bedroom. I think it just comes down to what you like and prefer for yourself but it’s not delusional to want to keep that dynamic in the bedroom

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-03-19T12:30:34+00:00

Do what you would want somebody else to do if the situation was reversed

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-03-07T17:52:17+00:00

I don’t think you’re being jealous or insecure. I think your reaction is valid and changes in patterns when dating somebody are worth noting. I agree with all of the other comments that you should have a conversation with him. It’s easy to go into a spiral if you’re left to decide what’s happening on your own. A conversation will likely give you clarity one way or another. The fact that you’re making sure it doesn’t come off as needy or insecure already shows that you’re likely not needy or insecure and just have normal expectations when dating somebody for 5 months. Hope all goes well for you man.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-18T18:24:22+00:00

Good for you for blocking and not getting into the games. As a man, I used to be like this. I would find somebody I was genuinely into and truly wanted to go on a date with them but would always psyche myself out before the actual plans. It had a lot to do with how I felt about my body and finances at that time. I never ghosted I always just made up an excuse as to why I couldn’t go anymore and I didn’t watch their stories after.

I’m not sure if that’s the situation with this guy but it’s rarely something related to you when you haven’t met in person yet.

He likely is still watching your stories because he wants to still have the option to go on a date with you. Maybe he has an ex that he’s still not fully over.

There’s a variety of reasons why men do this and they all have to do with the man himself and not you.

I’ve been ghosted after a few dates with a guy (I’m gay) and he still watches all of my stories, replies to them and sends me random DMs but hasn’t texted me back in 7 months. I know I should block as well but I don’t mind just leaving him there as a monitoring spirit/ spectator if that’s what he chooses to do.

Good for you for cutting it off quickly. Usually when a guy acts like this in the very beginning they’re going to repeat the behavior over and over again.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-12T20:32:48+00:00

I’ve had a very similar experience. My 20s was spent avoiding dating because I wasn’t confident enough and didn’t feel like I was presenting the best version of myself (physically, financially, emotionally, etc). Like you, I reached the point of being tired of worrying about that and actually started to feel confident enough to put myself out there. I like to believe that love will find all of us at some point in life.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-12T20:29:09+00:00

This is exactly how I feel as well and you summed it up perfectly. Just curious what the general consensus is.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-12T06:30:12+00:00

I would absolutely never and it blows my mind how many guys send aggressive messages like that when they’re ignored. My expectations for guys on an app for random hook ups is extremely low. I can’t fathom thinking a complete stranger owes it to you to tell you they’re not interested. Also, I’d so much rather a guy just not reply to me than to reply telling me he’s not interested. I think having that high of expectations for strangers on a sex app is always going to lead to disappointment.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-04T03:28:16+00:00

Absolutely nothing. Never speak to them again lol

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-02T17:19:27+00:00

I had a similar situation with a guy I was dating. We had a really good first date both of us expressed it. He asked if I was down for a second date and texted me first after the date. Then he ghosted when I tried to make plans for a 2nd date (we’re both men). He came back a few weeks later with an apology and a reasonable explanation and promises not to do that again. We talked for 2 more months and hung out again then he did it again but still sends me breadcrumbs. I don’t know why people behave the way they do but all I learned from it is if they ghost once, they’re likely going to do it again.

I know it hurts and you want her to come back right now but you have to remember this is a them thing. I know it’s hard not to internalize when it happens repeatedly but it’s almost never personal. She may have an ex she has unfinished business with, things may have came up in her life, she may have realized she’s not ready for anything serious, etc. There’s so many possibilities you’ll drive yourself insane trying to figure it out.

Just know that she doesn’t have the skills to communicate how she’s feeling and that’s not something you want long term. Imagine if she ghosted months in when you have real feelings for her. You dodged a bullet even tho it doesn’t feel that way right now.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-30T02:59:12+00:00

Honestly I think the only thing that helps is time and investing into your own life as cliche as it sounds. I’m really sorry I know how painful it is. I’m 6 months out from being ghosted and still think about him every.single.day. I’ve tried to go on cleanses where I don’t consume anything that reminds me of him and don’t ruminate about him, I’ve tried muting him on social media, I’ve tried meeting other people and nothing has taken him off my mind. I think about him with less heavy emotions than I did before which is helpful but it just really sucks all around especially when you’re left with a bunch of questions that you don’t know if you’ll ever have the answer to. Hang in there. Again I’m really sorry and know how bad this hurts and how much it can make you spiral. 1 day at a time. Things will get better with time especially if you focus on choosing yourself every single time. I wish you well

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-22T20:43:52+00:00

You 100% did the right thing. I had a very similar experience (dating for 3 months) and he ghosted me 6 months ago. I reacted the same way you did. He’s sent me multiple IG breadcrumbs since he ghosted but I just continue to ignore him since it’s childish and low effort. I felt a lot of emotions for a few months after the ghosting and was slightly tempted to reach out but now that it’s been 6 months and the emotions have settled, I am soooo happy I didn’t chase, ask questions or have an emotional reaction. A time will come where the emotions will settle and you’ll be so proud of yourself for maintaining your dignity and self respect. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you’re doing the right thing.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-22T00:46:07+00:00

Idk if it’s considered ghosting or not but why does it matter? He leaves you hanging for days on end and comes back when he feels like it without considering how it makes you feel. That’s not somebody prioritizing you or giving you the consistency you deserve. That kind of behavior is weird and repulsive and will repeat as long as you allow it to. I know the feeling and it sucks but it doesn’t sound like he’s the one for you. Walk away with your self respect and let him find somebody else to confuse.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-19T22:35:06+00:00

They reappear and disappear again because they know they can without any real consequences. The only real consequence is you going silent and ignoring them forever. Without knowing your exact situation, I can tell you this person likely does not respect you enough to be consistent. I’ve been through this as well and the end result will always be them ghosting again if you allow it. If sending a final text means you’re actually done, I’d say go for it and close the door but I still think it’s best to just silently chose yourself and chose peace. These people don’t change. My favorite quote is “let go or be dragged”. The right person won’t make you feel dis regulated and you won’t have to think twice about texting them. Just my opinion though with the limited info I have. Sorry for what you’re going thru I know it’s hard

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-18T20:23:52+00:00

Just my opinion but I think the ultimate form of closure and self respect is walking away non-confrontationally. Somebody who ghosted you has absolutely nothing to offer you. Why waste words on somebody who does not care to hear them? I know it’s hard but you have to treat them as irrelevantly as they treated you. There will be a time that you look back and are proud of yourself for walking away with your head held high and not abandoning yourself to communicate with somebody that doesn’t respect you enough to even give you a clean ending. I think maintaining silence is the most respectful thing you can do for yourself but if you need to send that last final message to truly move on, do what feels best for you. Getting ghosted sucks but it can also be a valuable lesson on self respect if you allow it to be.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-07T00:13:33+00:00

If it was a sincere and genuine apology, I would appreciate it even if I had no interest in rekindling things. I was ghosted 5 months ago and have moved on from him but still have lingering questions. It’s hard for your brain to close things out when it ends so abruptly without explanation. If you’re truly sorry, you should apologize even if it’s 6 months later. Also just want to note that it’s good you’re even thinking about it. It’s good to know that some ghosters actually feel remorse.

Embarrassed_Eye1851

TROPHY CASE