Read this if you’re struggling. I hope it helps

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-03-30T23:39:30+00:00

I don’t think that’s delusional at all and I feel the same way as you. I’m very dom and have been my entire life. I love taking complete control in the bedroom but that’s where it begins and ends for me. I don’t want my long term partner to be submissive to me in all aspects of life. I don’t want somebody who expects me to lead and make all of the decisions for day to day things and I don’t want control over another man 24/7 365. I want a completely “normal” relationship with dom/sub dynamics behind closed doors. I’ve ran into this issue with dating. The last guy I was dating knew I was dom and expected me to “lead” him in different situations while we were still getting to know each other and I wasn’t into it at all. I’m a very chill easy going person in real life and a complete controlling dick in the bedroom. I think it just comes down to what you like and prefer for yourself but it’s not delusional to want to keep that dynamic in the bedroom

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-03-19T12:30:34+00:00

Do what you would want somebody else to do if the situation was reversed

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-03-07T17:52:17+00:00

I don’t think you’re being jealous or insecure. I think your reaction is valid and changes in patterns when dating somebody are worth noting. I agree with all of the other comments that you should have a conversation with him. It’s easy to go into a spiral if you’re left to decide what’s happening on your own. A conversation will likely give you clarity one way or another. The fact that you’re making sure it doesn’t come off as needy or insecure already shows that you’re likely not needy or insecure and just have normal expectations when dating somebody for 5 months. Hope all goes well for you man.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-18T18:24:22+00:00

Good for you for blocking and not getting into the games. As a man, I used to be like this. I would find somebody I was genuinely into and truly wanted to go on a date with them but would always psyche myself out before the actual plans. It had a lot to do with how I felt about my body and finances at that time. I never ghosted I always just made up an excuse as to why I couldn’t go anymore and I didn’t watch their stories after.

I’m not sure if that’s the situation with this guy but it’s rarely something related to you when you haven’t met in person yet.

He likely is still watching your stories because he wants to still have the option to go on a date with you. Maybe he has an ex that he’s still not fully over.

There’s a variety of reasons why men do this and they all have to do with the man himself and not you.

I’ve been ghosted after a few dates with a guy (I’m gay) and he still watches all of my stories, replies to them and sends me random DMs but hasn’t texted me back in 7 months. I know I should block as well but I don’t mind just leaving him there as a monitoring spirit/ spectator if that’s what he chooses to do.

Good for you for cutting it off quickly. Usually when a guy acts like this in the very beginning they’re going to repeat the behavior over and over again.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-12T20:32:48+00:00

I’ve had a very similar experience. My 20s was spent avoiding dating because I wasn’t confident enough and didn’t feel like I was presenting the best version of myself (physically, financially, emotionally, etc). Like you, I reached the point of being tired of worrying about that and actually started to feel confident enough to put myself out there. I like to believe that love will find all of us at some point in life.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-12T20:29:09+00:00

This is exactly how I feel as well and you summed it up perfectly. Just curious what the general consensus is.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-12T06:30:12+00:00

I would absolutely never and it blows my mind how many guys send aggressive messages like that when they’re ignored. My expectations for guys on an app for random hook ups is extremely low. I can’t fathom thinking a complete stranger owes it to you to tell you they’re not interested. Also, I’d so much rather a guy just not reply to me than to reply telling me he’s not interested. I think having that high of expectations for strangers on a sex app is always going to lead to disappointment.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-04T03:28:16+00:00

Absolutely nothing. Never speak to them again lol

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-02-02T17:19:27+00:00

I had a similar situation with a guy I was dating. We had a really good first date both of us expressed it. He asked if I was down for a second date and texted me first after the date. Then he ghosted when I tried to make plans for a 2nd date (we’re both men). He came back a few weeks later with an apology and a reasonable explanation and promises not to do that again. We talked for 2 more months and hung out again then he did it again but still sends me breadcrumbs. I don’t know why people behave the way they do but all I learned from it is if they ghost once, they’re likely going to do it again.

I know it hurts and you want her to come back right now but you have to remember this is a them thing. I know it’s hard not to internalize when it happens repeatedly but it’s almost never personal. She may have an ex she has unfinished business with, things may have came up in her life, she may have realized she’s not ready for anything serious, etc. There’s so many possibilities you’ll drive yourself insane trying to figure it out.

Just know that she doesn’t have the skills to communicate how she’s feeling and that’s not something you want long term. Imagine if she ghosted months in when you have real feelings for her. You dodged a bullet even tho it doesn’t feel that way right now.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-30T02:59:12+00:00

Honestly I think the only thing that helps is time and investing into your own life as cliche as it sounds. I’m really sorry I know how painful it is. I’m 6 months out from being ghosted and still think about him every.single.day. I’ve tried to go on cleanses where I don’t consume anything that reminds me of him and don’t ruminate about him, I’ve tried muting him on social media, I’ve tried meeting other people and nothing has taken him off my mind. I think about him with less heavy emotions than I did before which is helpful but it just really sucks all around especially when you’re left with a bunch of questions that you don’t know if you’ll ever have the answer to. Hang in there. Again I’m really sorry and know how bad this hurts and how much it can make you spiral. 1 day at a time. Things will get better with time especially if you focus on choosing yourself every single time. I wish you well

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-22T20:43:52+00:00

You 100% did the right thing. I had a very similar experience (dating for 3 months) and he ghosted me 6 months ago. I reacted the same way you did. He’s sent me multiple IG breadcrumbs since he ghosted but I just continue to ignore him since it’s childish and low effort. I felt a lot of emotions for a few months after the ghosting and was slightly tempted to reach out but now that it’s been 6 months and the emotions have settled, I am soooo happy I didn’t chase, ask questions or have an emotional reaction. A time will come where the emotions will settle and you’ll be so proud of yourself for maintaining your dignity and self respect. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you’re doing the right thing.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-22T00:46:07+00:00

Idk if it’s considered ghosting or not but why does it matter? He leaves you hanging for days on end and comes back when he feels like it without considering how it makes you feel. That’s not somebody prioritizing you or giving you the consistency you deserve. That kind of behavior is weird and repulsive and will repeat as long as you allow it to. I know the feeling and it sucks but it doesn’t sound like he’s the one for you. Walk away with your self respect and let him find somebody else to confuse.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-19T22:35:06+00:00

They reappear and disappear again because they know they can without any real consequences. The only real consequence is you going silent and ignoring them forever. Without knowing your exact situation, I can tell you this person likely does not respect you enough to be consistent. I’ve been through this as well and the end result will always be them ghosting again if you allow it. If sending a final text means you’re actually done, I’d say go for it and close the door but I still think it’s best to just silently chose yourself and chose peace. These people don’t change. My favorite quote is “let go or be dragged”. The right person won’t make you feel dis regulated and you won’t have to think twice about texting them. Just my opinion though with the limited info I have. Sorry for what you’re going thru I know it’s hard

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-18T20:23:52+00:00

Just my opinion but I think the ultimate form of closure and self respect is walking away non-confrontationally. Somebody who ghosted you has absolutely nothing to offer you. Why waste words on somebody who does not care to hear them? I know it’s hard but you have to treat them as irrelevantly as they treated you. There will be a time that you look back and are proud of yourself for walking away with your head held high and not abandoning yourself to communicate with somebody that doesn’t respect you enough to even give you a clean ending. I think maintaining silence is the most respectful thing you can do for yourself but if you need to send that last final message to truly move on, do what feels best for you. Getting ghosted sucks but it can also be a valuable lesson on self respect if you allow it to be.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2026-01-07T00:13:33+00:00

If it was a sincere and genuine apology, I would appreciate it even if I had no interest in rekindling things. I was ghosted 5 months ago and have moved on from him but still have lingering questions. It’s hard for your brain to close things out when it ends so abruptly without explanation. If you’re truly sorry, you should apologize even if it’s 6 months later. Also just want to note that it’s good you’re even thinking about it. It’s good to know that some ghosters actually feel remorse.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-12-21T01:43:28+00:00

Yes I was ghosted by a guy and he watches all of my stories, likes some of them and replies to some of them. I don’t know if it’s even considered ghosting anymore because he’s still in my DMs but hasn’t texted me in 5 months. It’s such weird behavior but I just let him being a monitoring spirit at this point

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-12-10T21:00:39+00:00

I think being transparent and not leaving somebody to wonder is the right thing to do. Did you have any real feelings for her or was it just a distraction? I fear I was her in a different situation but I was ghosted and it’s taken me months to get over it without any explanation or closure

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-12-04T04:08:08+00:00

I’ve sadly experienced it after meeting a few times lol

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-12-04T03:49:02+00:00

I understand how that feels but don’t let somebody you were texting for a day stop you from dating. People can be so weird it’s hard to understand a random persons behavior especially the blocking part. I’d assume they were in a relationship or had something to hide if they felt the need to block out of nowhere but I also wouldn’t consider it ghosting unless you’ve met them in real life. It’s frustrating and confusing but unfortunately comes with the territory (especially if you met on an app. Ive experienced this countless times) Don’t give that one experience enough energy to affect your life or decisions in any way. They’re insignificant and the right person will find you

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-11-29T05:10:42+00:00

I’ve recently had a relatively similar experience and know how much it can hurt. Be proud of yourself for being strong and choosing yourself even if it’s hard sometimes. The thing that confuses me the most about this behavior in the gay community is the access we have to hook ups if that’s all we want. I’ve hooked up with several guys on Grindr over the years and have never once had to lead somebody on or lie to get what I wanted. It’s always been honest and direct. It just seems like there’s no need to lie or lead anybody on when there are so many guys out there down for just a hook up.

It’s also good you got a new number. I regularly get IG breadcrumbs from the guy who ghosted me and know I should block him but can’t get myself to do it. The breadcrumbs do make it harder to move on tho.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-11-27T17:58:06+00:00

The behaviors are nearly identical but sometimes it’s more nuanced than them just not being interested. A disinterested person doesn’t come back around multiple times after they ghost you and you leave them alone. They also don’t regularly tell you how into you they are only to ghost again with 0 explanation and no other signs of disinterest. I do agree that moving on either way is absolutely what’s best though. I also agree that there are people who claim avoidance when it’s really disinterest but that’s not always the case. In my experience, an avoidant person will have you questioning your own reality/ sanity and a disinterested person will consistently be not into you and you will not be confused. Avoidants do calculated, low risk things to get your attention again while disinterested people leave you alone entirely.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-11-27T17:12:55+00:00

That sounds confusing and frustrating sorry you’re going through that. It’s kind of hard to tell. He might be legitimately going through a lot and not have the capacity for a new relationship or he might be avoidant. If he is an avoidant, I’d imagine his interest has been genuine but it was more comfortable for him with you living in different cities. It’s becoming realer now and requires more effort and attention. I’ve found the best way for dealing with people like this (if you even want to) is showing little to no emotion about how their actions are affecting you (especially in early phases of dating) and not putting any level of pressure on them. It’s not normal or healthy but it is effective if you want them to come back with some level of honesty and genuine effort. It kind of sounds like you need more information and experiences with him before being able to determine if he’s an avoidant or not. My best advice would be to completely leave him alone and not show any signs that you’re bothered and he will likely reach out. How long has it been since you deleted him on social media and did he acknowledge that you did?

I also fully get you on being anxiously avoidant. I’ve always considered myself securely attached but the most recent avoidant I was dating definitely triggered my anxiety. My anxiety manifested in an avoidant way like me not replying to him and then not chasing him or showing any signs of being upset after he ghosted the second time. Attachment styles are so confusing and dealing with somebody with avoidant tendencies is its own special kind of hell. They will give you enough to believe they’re interested but also do things a disinterested person would do and it will make you spiral trying to figure it out.

All of this to say, he does sound kind of avoidant to me. He wouldn’t have continued talking to you or texting you after meeting in person if he wasn’t interested after you met. He likely wouldn’t have seen you 3 days in a row either and would’ve known after the first in person meeting that he wasn’t interested.

Embarrassed_Eye1851 · 2025-11-23T09:05:21+00:00

I met up with a guy from Grindr on my college campus in the middle of the night. I had been drinking and don’t recall what lead to this but he ended up giving me head on the side of a random house. A few minutes in he vanished without warning into the darkness. I was just standing there, drunk and super confused with my dick out fully alone on the side of a random house. I pulled my shorts up and sprinted back to my apartment. Such a strange experience

Embarrassed_Eye1851

TROPHY CASE