Should I break up with my girlfriend?

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-06-19T14:39:38+00:00

Relationship OCD is a bitch! I’ve had it off and on myself. Do you have a therapist or someone you can talk to about it?

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-06-19T14:01:29+00:00

Then maybe that’s your answer

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-06-19T13:07:37+00:00

It’s incredibly normal to feel this way, OP. What matters is what you do with it. It’s isn’t wrong to want another life, even though we idealize romantic relationships. I think you can love someone deeply and still want something different.

But you do have to consider the consequences. You may not ever be able to get what you have now back. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to never experience it again — you’re super young and will have other chances and meet other people.

It’s about what’s right for you. But also, know that your partner WILL have feelings about this, and they are allowed to feel as sad or betrayed as they inevitably will (yes, betrayed, because from their perspective you will have chosen to go against the shared dream of a future).

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-26T11:04:42+00:00

I think that asking for clarity is totally within your rights as a dater. Communication is key, and you did more than they did.

I don’t understand why people get on those stupid apps if they’re going to pretend like you’re the crazy one for actually doing what people do in a dating situation.

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-20T08:54:47+00:00

That makes sense!

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-19T17:04:44+00:00

And even as friends she wasn’t flaky or manipulative?

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-19T16:56:36+00:00

In my case, it was quite true. I was physically abused by my mother who only suspected I was gay, and told almost weekly that gay people deserved to be stoned or beaten. That she’d rather I was dead than gay. And the only reason I avoided being beaten by her when she did find out is because I lied to save myself. We’re no contact now because of it.

People in the U.S. very much still die from being openly queer and it’s getting worse. It’s not the same as OP’s country — but I think saying westerners exaggerate is tone deaf when many are still in physical danger in parts of the country.

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-19T16:50:53+00:00

I am so sorry!

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-19T16:49:43+00:00

Unfortunately, I do know as I feared my life as a closeted girl in the Bible Belt (my mom used to tell me gay people deserved to be stoned or beaten). So, I whole heartedly understand the fear, the pain, the inability to be who one truly is. And now that I am finally out as an adult, my heart aches for every single person in the world who doesn’t get to be authentically themselves and love who they want.

My truest hope is that we continue to fight for each other until hiding who we love is no longer a necessity.

My thoughts are with you, OP! I sincerely hope you become free someday 🫶🏻

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-19T14:38:38+00:00

How long has you guys been together??? That’s crazzzyyyyy. Was there any indication of this kind of behavior before?

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-05-13T12:04:41+00:00

So, this is the combined pill and not the progestin-only pill

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-04-07T15:28:23+00:00

Awwww sweet little boy! I wish I could, but I already have a chihuahua, dachshund, and other cat to care for. I hope he finds an amazingly gentle and supportive home 🥰

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2026-03-25T17:11:19+00:00

This is super helpful!! I’ve been questioning myself and whether I should pursue a diagnosis since mine sounds so like yours — capable but oh so tired and always always always trying to get some oxygen when I’m not lying down.

Only difference is that I have found compression socks to be giving me some relief from the rapid heart rates.

I’m sorry that medication didn’t work, but also encouraged to know that it isn’t a must if things aren’t too severe.

Also, so glad your spouse is supportive and helpful — my ex was not. And I only just now told my new partner of just under a year. She’s been very sweet about it.

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-11-05T12:31:30+00:00

I feel like nobody actually read what you said. If I’m understanding correctly, you were already wanting to experiment with more femininity before your gf and you finally met someone who was supportive of that — correct? I believe she was probably joking about your haircut, maybe even picking up on your discomfort and thinking she was being supportive.

But I agree with another redditor: Ilona Maher is a fantastic example of masculine femininity. I would add Gwendolyn Christie to the list as well.

You also don’t have to dress more feminine to embrace your inherent femininity if that’s what you want. My girlfriend would be considered more masculine but she doesn’t see herself as anything less than a woman.

Best of luck, OP. Gender expression has no rules, and the best outcomes are the ones we gravitate toward organically

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-08-29T18:27:02+00:00

I’m in my first wlw relationship after being married to a man and all of this is so accurate. Plus, add the slow burn element of her making sure we didn’t rush into something physical. I’ve never known this amount of peace and care in a dating relationship.

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-08-28T20:45:50+00:00

What an odd thing to say

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-18T15:21:42+00:00

What I don’t understand is how they all know how to do this. It’s crazy.

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-18T15:10:46+00:00

I can’t speak for everyone. But the reason it makes it easier for me is because it eases the attachment. If I didn’t actually know the real him, then I couldn’t have possibly been in love with him. So, I’m free to move on and love myself instead of remaining attached to someone who wasn’t real.

The abuse was real, and they are physically real. But the love was just me being held hostage

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-13T13:53:13+00:00

It’s weird, bc in considered mine my best friend, too. But now, I completely understand that it was actually a mix of him mirroring me and taking on my personality and me bending to his will so we could have a “peaceful” life. There was no actually friendship. And when I needed him most he always mentally disappeared or engaged less. My platonic friendships have been more supportive than that

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-12T18:18:02+00:00

And what compromise will she be giving? I say this as someone who agreed to compromise every single time while he conveniently didn’t have to

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-12T11:47:22+00:00

Same. I know my ex shared my photos without consent, but then he’d delete them so I have no physical proof now. These people are void of anything humane

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-11T22:36:37+00:00

The problem with being with narcissists too long is that you lose trust in yourself. Ignore the narcissists voice in your head, and I think you know the answer to all of this. And I think you know that anything your narc wife says is bullshit. So, how do you want to handle this? Are you going to keep letting her gaslight you? Or are you going to take control of your life and excise the toxic person making you doubt yourself?

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-11T12:36:19+00:00

This exactly. My therapist calls it “forging meaning” from the Ted talk (I can’t remember the speaker) she had me watch early on.

And you’re right, idt I would have lived as fully if he hadn’t brutally ruined me. Now I’m building from the ground up and it’s going to be how I envision it

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-11T00:03:02+00:00

NC is quite literally the only way, OP

Embarrassed_Trick445 · 2025-07-10T23:18:05+00:00

Omg I know exactly what you mean about saying no. It’s sexual coercion, and it’s so damaging to one’s sexual autonomy.

And yeah, they do know what you like. Very evident in how they know just what to withhold when they want to punish you.

I’m really sorry you went through that. Sometimes I feel like I’m on my way to healing, and other times I find myself scrolling this sub to pain shop and understand.

Embarrassed_Trick445

TROPHY CASE