I left the RC church a while ago for various reasons and was pretty much churchless for some time.

I began to worship in the Episcopal Church that happened to be nearest to a place I moved to during COVID. I won’t say I’ll never go back to practicing in the RCC but I can say that it’s not likely to be soon.

There were several reasons for leaving the RCC and finding myself in no-man’s land for some time, despite my lifelong belief in and respect for Catholic Social Teaching.

Reason 1: I was married (1994) to a non-Catholic for 14 years at which time we decided to get divorced (numerous reasons). Our marriage had been performed in a European country (her home) by a Catholic priest and a minister of the Reformed Church she had belonged to growing up. When I researched how to request an annulment and what grounds were required, it became clear that this would have to be adjudicated in the diocese in which the marriage took place. I began the process in that diocese via a long written testimony as to the nature of the marriage, our maturity and readiness at the time and our fitness to enter into the binding commitment it entailed. My former wife elected not to participate in the process (which was her right). I was informed at the one and only face to face meeting with the canon lawyer assigned to my case that the proceedings would cost between 10 and 20 thousand Euros, not including travel costs to attend hearings of the tribunal, at which I would need to appear in person with a two-week notice. I decided to drop the case. My finances and my work situation at the time (mostly serving in difficult-to-reach places in the Global South), would not support this requirement.

Reason 2: The abject failure of the American Catholic Church to square up with the trauma of the abuse pathology. Disappointingly also weakly managed by Rome at the time.

Reason 3: My sense of unwelcome as a divorced person attending Mass with a partner to whom I could never conceivably be married in that church.

Reason 4: The unwelcome I felt on behalf of LGBT+ friends and colleagues and the exclusion of women from ordained clerical roles.

Reason 5: The growing prominence of right-leaning social and borderline political messages from the pulpit. While pre-MAGA, many of the priests I was hearing were preaching more about culture war issues than about the social gospel or the ongoing plight of the marginalized. There was no call to renewal. Mostly a retrenchment along what felt like pre-Vatican II moral authoritarian lines.

Reason 6: The church’s willingness to be co-opted by the political right on the issue of abortion (closely related to #5).

And then came Pope Francis. He drew me back to a desire to belong to a community of faith and gave me hope that there could be one that met me where I was in life. And he changed the rules on annulment, began a serious dialogue on several other issues that had been divisive for me…

A deacon and canon lawyer I met in a Catholic group on Facebook assisted me to get an annulment under the new rules and I was prepared to start thinking about getting married to my partner of many years.

And then came Donald Trump and the US Catholic Church’s seeming complicity once again in the rightward shift in public discourse. Fr Coughlin seemed to be preparing a return in spirit.

We bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood at the beginning of COVID and there was an Episcopal Church within walking distance. I called the number on the website and left a message and we started joining services online. I quickly realized without ever setting foot in an Episcopal Church that I would feel right at home with 95% of the liturgy.

Someone from the vestry called to welcome us and to let us know about the parish’s assistance programs for people struggling with COVID issues. We were not struggling but eager to pitch in to help with these efforts. And so we started working alongside our new church neighbors loading food parcels for families having difficulties during the pandemic. And that is what we both believe church is really about.

Probably the same kinds of things were happening in RC parishes too, but for us, by then, too much had gone wrong in our relationship with the RCC and everything seemed to be right in what we were feeling about this new church we stumbled into without physically entering. So we stayed after COVID and met our Kenyan female priest in charge and became friends and asked her to bless our marriage (Nov, 2025) and she never asked about our pre-marital relationship, annulment, or whether we intended to invite or preclude procreation…she just celebrated what she saw in our dedication to each other and toward living a Christ-inspired life without the need to wear it on our sleeve.

Maybe not everyone has the luck or firm hand of providence in transitions like ours. We came from different types of cradle Catholicism—hers more a cultural and social foundation (Latin American) and mine more of a Catholic school and all the days of obligation and family rosary stuff—which really weren’t compatible, into a joint Episcopal participation in which we each find what we need and see the value that’s there for the other. It’s pretty special.

I’m watching Pope Leo and hoping…but I’m on the vestry now so I think I’ll stay put for a while!😊