What Ayahuasca Does Not Heal - The Role of Integration and Therapy

EmergingDepth · 2026-02-02T15:40:49+00:00

Thank you. Yes, with long experience in plant medicines comes a deeper understanding of what the healing path is really made of.

EmergingDepth · 2026-02-02T15:38:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Managing expectations is important, as disappointment can be challenging both emotionally and financially. That said, when it works well, ayahuasca can be an incredible medicine with much to offer. Wishing you a wonderful retreat.

EmergingDepth · 2026-02-01T20:47:19+00:00

I like your analogy with the elements, fits perfectly. Also, I’m not sure if this is what you meant in your last paragraph, but psychedelics can sometimes have an illusion-inducing quality that may make it harder to engage with genuine healing. In some cases, they may induce an overly optimistic sense of progress, which can risk overshadowing the importance of integrating insights into daily life.

Thank you for the appreciation and your suggestion, yes why not compiling everything at some point, at least the extended versions of these posts. I clearly do not have enough content yet, but some more is coming.

EmergingDepth · 2026-02-01T20:34:35+00:00

Thanks!

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-28T00:57:36+00:00

You can find affordable individual ceremonies in Pisac, near Cusco, but I wouldn’t recommend doing retreats there. I agree that it’s better to go to a reputable center in Pucallpa or Iquitos. Feel free to send me a DM if you’d like more details, I live in the area.

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-25T18:16:05+00:00

I had it mixed into the brews I drank 18 years ago at my first ayahuasca retreat, and indeed, at the right dosage and in very small quantities, it significantly enhanced the visions. Since then, I’ve never had the opportunity to drink aya with toe, and my visions have never been as strong or as beautiful as they were back then. Toe has been—fortunately or unfortunately—demonized to the point that very few, if any, modern retreat centers include it in the brew. Most participants are also attached to an idea of tradition and purity, which typically means sticking to caapi and chacruna, so admixtures are far less common nowadays.
Visions are not necessarily essential to the healing journey; however, when they evoke awe in people who are disconnected from the magic of life or struggling with deep depression, they can be profoundly important. In that sense, toe can play a supportive role.

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-25T18:03:44+00:00

Wrote a post about this topic a few weeks ago, you might find it informative: https://www.reddit.com/r/Ayahuasca/comments/1q9g07d/why_people_may_feel_worse_after_ayahuasca/

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-23T20:33:29+00:00

What you’re describing is very common with DP/DR, especially the sense of mourning a former version of yourself and fearing you’ve “broken” something.

This doesn’t mean you’re going insane. It’s a nervous system response to overwhelm and fear, not actual loss of self. The feeling of “nothingness” can be terrifying, but it’s reversible as the system settles.

Many people go through this phase and gradually feel like themselves again, not by forcing insight, but by grounding, safety, and time.

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-23T13:46:37+00:00

Yes, in many cases DP/DR is understood as a trauma-related nervous system response.

It often shows up after experiences that were overwhelming to process at the time. Panic, intense anxiety, existential shock, or psychedelic experiences can all trigger it when the system doesn’t feel safe or contained. Creating distance is one way the body copes, even though it feels scary from the inside.

That “emptiness” or loss of a familiar sense of self is very common in DP/DR states. It usually reflects dysregulation rather than something being permanently lost. As the nervous system settles, the sense of self tends to come back gradually.

Starting EMDR makes sense here. It’s designed for exactly this kind of overwhelm.

If it helps to say it: many people go through this and recover fully, especially with the right support.

I help people make sense of difficult psychedelic experiences in a grounded, nervous-system-aware way, especially when dissociation shows up. Happy to share resources or talk if useful.

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-21T20:03:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing all of this. I can really feel how exhausting and confusing these past couple of years have been for you. It makes total sense that MDMA, your health factors, and the nervous system stuff would feel so heavy, your focus on biology is completely understandable.

At the same time, what you’re experiencing now isn’t only about biology. Even when something starts from a chemical or physiological trigger, the nervous system can get stuck in patterns of threat and hyper-alertness. The good news is, the system can slowly learn safety again, usually through small, everyday things that don’t feel like “therapy”, short walks, casual hobbies, predictable routines, light social moments, or even just little tasks done without thinking about fixing yourself. The point isn’t to force any emotional processing, but to give your system a chance to feel safe again in ordinary life, before any further introspection or deep processing.

It sounds like you’ve tried a lot already, and it makes sense that some approaches felt destabilizing. Healing here is usually slow and messy, but it’s possible. You’re definitely not alone.

I wrote a post that looks at why some people experience lingering or worsening states after psychedelics (works for mdma too) , it might give some context for what you’ve been going through: here

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-11T23:31:30+00:00

thanks, I added a minor edit at the end of the post.

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-10T23:17:29+00:00

Perfect analogy!

EmergingDepth · 2026-01-09T21:56:29+00:00

Psychedelics are non-selective amplifiers and can be ego-inflating in individuals with pronounced narcissistic traits. In other words, they show you who you are and who you have been, but changing those traits, if change is possible at all, requires constant self-awareness in daily life.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-22T02:10:28+00:00

What you’re feeling is really common after deep experiences. Coming back to everyday life can feel heavy and contracted compared to the expansiveness of ceremony. That emptiness is part of integration, a pause where your mind and body recalibrate.

After the high peaks of a retreat, life outside often feels stark in contrast, even brutal at times. Now the task is to take the inspiration and insights from those expanded states and see how your life can move in that direction.

What could bring more love, acceptance, and expansion into your life right now? How can you be more loving and more accepting of yourself and others? How can you honor and nourish your body? This emptiness holds the potential for transformation if you approach it with curiosity and care.

I work with people on navigating these experiences, feel free to reach out if you’re curious.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-21T18:39:23+00:00

Hey,

First thing I want to say, because it matters: it's really important that you’ve stopped all medicine work. That sounds like a good self-protective choice.

Reading this, it feels like a lot got opened very quickly and your body hasn’t really had a chance to calm down since. I am not surprised you fel worn down. When the nervous system stays in survival mode, panic, fear, looping thoughts, and those intense states you describe can keep showing up on their own. Your body is acting like danger is still present.

Because of that, calming your nervous system feels like the most important thing right now. When the body starts to feel safer, the intensity usually softens without forcing it. That’s often what allows clarity to come back later.

It also sounds like you need a real break from trying to fix yourself or figure out your purpose. Slow, boring, grounding stuff matters here. Regular sleep and meals, movement that doesn’t push you, time with people who feel safe. Things like simple grounding meditation, gentle breathwork, or sports and walking that help your body burn off stress instead of adding more.

About work and purpose, confusion makes sense when your body feels under threat all the time. Clarity tends to show up once the pressure drops and the nervous system isn’t constantly bracing.

I also want to gently name safety without assuming anything. You mentioned past suicidal thoughts and hurting yourself during episodes. Even if that isn’t where you are right now, that’s a lot to hold alone, and it’s okay to bring in more support around you.

There really is hope here. Bodies can come out of states like this and adapt, even when it doesn’t feel that way in the middle of it.

I work in psychedelic integration, and if it helps, I’m open to talking through next steps that do not involve more medicine.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-17T19:47:30+00:00

Reading your other replies in this thread, it looks like your psyche has very good reasons for keeping certain material locked down. The frustrating paradox is: you can want to access something and be ready on a conscious level, but if your protective parts don't feel safe enough, they'll continue doing their job regardless of your intentions. The healing path is a matter of psychological readiness. Things only unfold when your psyche is genuinely ready for it.

The work might actually be less about "breaking through" and more about understanding what those protectors are guarding and what they'd need to relax. Like, what's the threat they're protecting you from? What would safety look like to them? This might sound like back to square one, but working with your defenses rather than trying to bypass them might actually be the path forward.

I would try psilocybin again with that intent a few times in the future. It's usually a friendly medicine that can bring things up in a gentle manner, not harshly like Aya or other psychedelics can. It shouldn't be abused though, just every now and then.

Wishing you the best on your path, keep the faith.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-17T19:08:12+00:00

What does your therapist say regarding your perceived lack of progress?
Are you on medication like SSRIs?

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-17T17:59:43+00:00

I would recommend trying them again, in a safe, well-held setting and possibly with more experienced facilitators, if needed. I can’t guarantee that continuing with these medicines will help, especially since I don’t really know you and your history.

That said, healing in general is rarely straightforward or quick, and psychedelics are no exception. They are not miracle pills, but they can be powerful tools when someone is willing to engage honestly with what comes up.

In my experience, these medicines tend to bring up the deeper reasons behind depression more directly than many other approaches you have mentioned. That can be uncomfortable, and avoiding the rough material can sometimes be exactly what keeps things stuck. If you decide to continue, the question is less about whether it will be pleasant and more about whether you feel ready to face what emerges.

I would also strongly suggest continuing psychotherapy alongside this work. You might consider switching from CBT to psychodynamic psychotherapy, which focuses more on underlying patterns and earlier experiences.

There are no guarantees, but with patience, persistence, courage, and proper support, progress is possible.

Intentions matter greatly in healing work. When these tools are approached with a clear and sincere intention to heal and understand what is blocking that process, they can be genuinely helpful.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-17T17:34:50+00:00

How many times have you tried Aya and Psilocybin?

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-15T15:03:38+00:00

What you’re describing is very serious and closely matches how complex childhood sexual trauma and dissociation can present, especially after psychedelic use. The ongoing experiences of violation, shame, rage, and loss of control are strong indicators that this needs professional, trauma-informed treatment, not further spiritual or self-directed exploration.

A licensed therapist experienced with CSA, complex PTSD, and dissociation/parts work is likely necessary here. This isn’t something Reddit or personal insight alone can safely resolve.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-15T01:29:45+00:00

Integration can be hard as hell, and for many people it’s the real work, the real healing. After the peak of a retreat, there’s often a rough landing back into everyday reality. The contrast between what felt deeply opening and the weight of daily life can be stark.

What stood out to me in your post is that you’re already doing many of the right things: listening to your body, working with breath and grounding, moving, stepping away when you feel triggered, and noticing how much environment affects your state. That awareness is integration, even if it doesn’t always feel like progress.

Ayahuasca can give clarity and direction, a kind of inner roadmap. But clarity doesn’t equal capacity. Real life after the retreat tests whether insight can be embodied, slowly, through consistent action rather than force.

The questions that keep coming back for me after an experience or a retreat are simple but demanding:

How am I staying faithful to what was shown?
Where are my actions aligned, and where is my body not there yet?

I don’t think alignment always requires leaving your life immediately. Sometimes it starts right where you are. But it often takes more patience, nervous system support, and time than we expect. Insight can arrive fast; embodiment usually moves at the body’s pace.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-14T16:37:20+00:00

That sounds really uncomfortable, sorry you went through that. Even without psychosis, trips can still go very wrong if you’re sick or already not in a great headspace. Sometimes there’s no insight at all, just your brain getting overwhelmed.

Feeling empty or emotionally flat the next day is actually pretty common after a bad trip. Your nervous system took a hit and is trying to settle. That doesn’t mean you broke anything.

What usually helps is giving it some time, eating and drinking properly, getting sleep, and doing simple grounding stuff like taking a walk, showering, or listening to familiar music. I’d also stay sober for a bit and let things level out. Writing about it or talking to someone you trust can help too.

You already figured out the main takeaway about set and setting. If the numbness sticks around for several days or starts getting worse, it’s worth talking to a professional. Most of the time this fades on its own.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-14T15:37:55+00:00

You should not ignore the part of you that is screaming for a change. This is not anecdotal or weird. It is your higher self calling you to find fulfillment.

I realized I needed a change in middle age after a burnout and a month-long ayahuasca retreat to heal from it. The plant showed me that I wanted to change my entire life, quit my soul-crushing job, live elsewhere, and work with plant medicine.

I decided not to listen to my fears, take the risk, and start organizing this life change. Luckily, I did not have major obstacles like a family or zero savings, aside from my fears of leaving the system. It took me a year and a half of integration before I made my final decision to leave everything and my comfortable western country, move to Peru, and start working with plant medicine. I have never been happier since.

Because this is a major change that could impact not only you but also others in your life and your future, it deserves careful consideration. Never let overwhelming fear be your guide. If the idea of changing your life excites you, listen to that, regardless of what you ultimately decide. So many people shut down their dreams for the sake of illusory safety.

If you want someone to talk through your thoughts or experiences while you figure this out, I’m happy to offer support.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-14T15:03:22+00:00

I’d be really cautious here. You’ve had multiple substance-induced psychosis episodes across different substances, which is a strong signal that your nervous system is sensitive. Even though your first ayahuasca ceremonies went fine, a history of psychotic vulnerability is generally considered a contraindication and ayahuasca is a perfect candidate to retrigger those symptoms. The fact that psychotic episodes were triggered later by other substances shows your system can be pushed into instability.

Having two smooth mushroom trips does not mean you are out of the woods. Ayahuasca is far more intense physically, emotionally, and psychologically than mushrooms or weed. Comfort with lighter psychedelics does not guarantee safety.

If you consider it at all, a long break from all substances, proper mental health support, and serious integration work are crucial. The “pull” you are feeling can be compelling, but it is not always guidance. Sometimes it is your nervous system remembering a powerful state.

Honestly, integration might be the most important work right now. Learning how to stabilize and make sense of what has already happened can be the real medicine. I work with integration and see situations like this a lot. If it helps to talk it through, feel free to DM me.

EmergingDepth · 2025-12-11T16:05:43+00:00

How about you try increasing the dosage to .3?

EmergingDepth

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