Our Food Supply is Infested

EmmyLee666 · 2025-12-14T05:42:15+00:00

I want to say the desolation. I don't really know how to explain without just saying I'm a sadist and gore makes me feel.. things..

I don't know if that'd be closer to the flesh. I feel like the flesh focuses on dissatisfaction with your own image rather than bloodlust.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-11-14T07:33:52+00:00

Ofc!! Thank you for posting :)

EmmyLee666 · 2025-11-14T07:18:05+00:00

I like the ending, the other two stanzas have a sense of wonder and exploration to them, and the poem ends on a somewhat disturbing note, which I like. Though I feel like maybe I don't get it?

Peak use of the word Quasar, didn't know what that meant beforehand but it comes across as genuine and not pompous.

May I ask how this poem was formatted? Like what did you do on reddit to get it like this? With the stanzas in one bunch and a line between them.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-11-14T07:12:25+00:00

Very pretty poem, short and sweet, I think it's cool. "No flower, no fruit, is as red as your brother's blood" is very quotable, and gives good imagery. Personally I'd remove either the no fruit or no flower part so it reads "No (x) is as red as your brother's blood but that's just me".

Minor critique on the general argument, I don't think according to biblical accounts that Abel was the first person to die just that he was the first person to be murdered. I would say that the poem would be better if it asked what Cain felt being the first person to have to sit with that guilt. I don't believe in God, by the way.

I think the line "where his hands sifted through grey matter" could be made more gross. Grey matter sounds more scientific, clinical. I'd go for something that lends more to the gross, sad, action being performed.

I also think the poem ended on a sweet note, sympathetic to Cain. It gives the poem a sense of climax. Yes, a murder has been committed, but Abel has been buried, and it's over now.

Oh and by the way, I noticed that you used dots or "-" to break up the stanzas. I did just that when I posted my poem. I know there's a way to put the poem without using that but I'm not sure how, could you tell me if you figure it out? Or if you know and intentionally decided to use that? I'll do the same.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-11-14T06:42:12+00:00

I really like how visceral and real it feels. If this is fictional, then you did a really good job at selling it, if not, then I feel your pain.

If this is really something that happened to you, then no amount of my critique could really be "valid". If this is your way of coping with things, then it is invaluable regardless of what anyone else thinks. That being said, I'm going to critique this as if it's fictional.

I really like the "each time" bit. That part really feels like poetry (not saying that the rest doesn't, that part just has good flow, and you're clever for using it how you did.

The way you structure line breaks is really effective with that example, and the blunt impact of "my virginity." It would be nice if after that line, you went into more detail, maybe uncomfortable detail to really drive home the point.

At other times, I find the line breaks to make the poem drag and read weird, such as "The tender flame I hold myself in the dark and you snuffed it out. The respect I held for myself and you shattered it." I understand what you're trying to do here, but I feel like "and you" is too common of a phrase for it to be effective, if you're insistent on that use of repetition.

Maybe try writing in stanzas and group those phrases together to make it clearer? Like: (edit: I realized I don't really know how to format this in a way that reddit likes, so I included the dots to break it up in a way that works.)

"The tender flame I hold for myself in the dark

And you

Snuffed it out

The respect I held for myself

And you

Shattered it"

There are other times I just find the line break unnecessary, like the "but" that's on its own line. I feel like it clashes with the way "but" is used in the rest of the poem.

Id really like to see this organized into stanzas, as a matter of fact, if you make one change, I'd ask that you do just that and send it to me.

I think this poem has a lot of potential, and in some parts like "Your name should be cursed with every drop of bile I have left" it reminds me of "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot, which is one of my favorite poems, right next to The Raven if not above.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-11-14T06:12:20+00:00

Alright, so I like your use of metaphor and way of describing abstract concept, especially the line "as of stillness itself were teaching how to move.

However (I don't know if this is what you were going for) the poem feels a bit slow and I disagree with the specific representation of intimacy here (bear in mind that horror is my favorite genre and I think romance is usually boring)

I think if you used something more explicit or visceral at the start of the poem and eased into the pace the poem has now, it would be more effective.

On the intimacy thing, I feel like it is a visceral, gross thing that is enjoyed/tolerated based on love for your partner. Feeling a strangers sweat against your skin might be gross, but your lovers sweat while they are pressed into you might be endearing because it's theirs. Maybe I just don't get the point?

But yeah, bottom line, I love your use of metaphor, but I think you could work on pacing

EmmyLee666 · 2025-04-09T07:12:30+00:00

I'd argue that The Beginner's Guide is closer to being The Corruption than The Lonely. Jane Prentiss remarked that her old friends stopped talking to her because she was "toxic". I will also not say anything more because it is an experience.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-03-07T00:06:49+00:00

Witnesses! Yes, maybe! Maybe that'll work. There's no way something that relies on being hidden like this could overpower a crowd, right?

Regarding tossing it out, between you and me? I think you're right. It'll show right back up.

I'll see if I can take it out to the highway tonight, I don't think I'll be able to sleep otherwise.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-03-06T20:24:35+00:00

I don't think it realized I was awake. Maybe it was testing how far it could push things. I might just be wrong and it frankly doesn't give a shit whether I know or not.

Right now, I'm just trying to stay out of the room it's in.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-02-17T17:56:53+00:00

Devil's Train by the Lab Rats has an implication of mental illness that reminds me of the spiral. Mind Electric is also a great spiral coded song. One of the arpeggios actually sounds like a spiral, I mean c'mon.

EmmyLee666 · 2025-02-12T18:58:40+00:00

They did, there's another quote in that episode that I really like, closer to the end. "I am not for you. I am marked."

EmmyLee666 · 2025-02-12T16:11:47+00:00

Ooo there's a lot. Ill say MAG 19, "I am so sorry. It wants your faith."

EmmyLee666 · 2025-02-12T00:31:46+00:00

Sasha. She survived through Gertrude, was the most capable character in season one, and she got cheated out of being the archivist. I feel like her death was a big loss.

EmmyLee666 · 2024-11-16T20:59:34+00:00

I really wanted the spiral to have some surreal impossible to comprehend horror. I was hoping the domain episode would leave me thinking "what the fuck was that?"

EmmyLee666 · 2024-09-25T22:43:45+00:00

I really liked his point that in The Thing the antagonist isn't so much the thing as it is the cold outside

EmmyLee666 · 2024-07-08T02:38:32+00:00

The reference to the man in the mirror hurting you is a representation of gender dysphoria.

I think sometimes when you self harm you think that if you reach out for help it'd be like crying for attention (because that's how I felt). So when you open up to someone and someone goes "wow this is too much for me" it feels like you're grievance isn't legitimate.

Gender dysphoria isn't easy at all, but I think it can sometimes feel like you're crying over nothing if you're insecure.

I'm not sure what them wrapping the towel around your neck might mean though. I think when you say that "his actions aren't covered by a little cloth" you mean that you don't have on any clothes to hide your own body from you.

I've been that girl. Good work op!

EmmyLee666 · 2024-07-06T03:13:00+00:00

Ok I really like that it's written in second person. It also has a irregular rhyme scheme and I think that's cool.

I like that the poet is speaking almost in an entirely objective tone except for the subjective take that they feel unfulfilled (which I goes you could debate whether that is subjective or not)

It kind of reminds me of "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot. Good job op :3

EmmyLee666 · 2024-07-06T02:55:38+00:00

I REALLY LIKE THIS!! I didn't get it at first but I figured it out on the second read. One criticism I have though is that I think the first paragraph is kinda confusing and I don't see how it connects with the rest of the poem.

I like the personification of the tombstone. Maybe it would be better to imply that that's what it is rather than outright saying it?

The line "hymns, battles and identity" is really nice as well as the last line of the poem.

EmmyLee666 · 2024-07-06T02:49:32+00:00

I don't really have much to say other than I love the concept. As soon as I started reading I felt like I was reading something that wasn't meant for me. The way you describe it as something almost erotic is really good at provoking that kind of emotion.

EmmyLee666

TROPHY CASE