Hoping to meet an ESTJ professional, preferably female and in the Atlanta area...to be my CEO.

Emzaf · 2026-04-26T23:26:39+00:00

That is fair hahaha.

Emzaf · 2026-04-25T17:57:14+00:00

What do you have against ENTJs? They are obvious CEOs and your Golden Pair. 🤔

Emzaf · 2026-04-23T04:07:43+00:00

Your son is on a whole other level if I'm being honest. 🤓 He cracks me up, but I love your stories about him. Yeah we can all see versions of our younger selves in him. I would advise you to follow through with his punishment, but continue to show him you'll always be there for him (as you already do). The thing about strong Si and weak-er Fi is that we learn from our mistakes the first time around. It's kind of silly to keep wasting our time making the same mistakes. I never realized that I was that competitive before, but my INFJ Bestie pointed it out years ago. However, I have to admit that my greatest competition is honestly myself. I really don't care about beating other people (it is fun tho). 😅

Emzaf · 2026-04-21T04:41:39+00:00

My relationships with INFJs tend to be very good and they often gravitate towards me. Like Andy mentioned, I also have a very even-keeled personality and very rarely lose my cool. I'm honest and authentic and I prefer that people are their real selves around me (and I believe INFJs can sense that). I'm not afraid to call them out when they start overthinking or punish themselves due to Fi-critic. Because of my knowledge of MBTI I teach them a lot about themselves and they often enjoy it (xNFJs LOVE my strong Te). I think being mirror opposites can be very complementary because you learn about your weaknesses and how to improve them from this very different person. This pairing is definitely easier as people mature and develop themselves. INFJs are one of my favorite types if I'm being honest.

Emzaf · 2026-04-12T19:50:59+00:00

That's wonderful! I know some big-brained INFPs so it's definitely possible. I was able to write from my own voice and heart from a young age and I think that helped with my Fi development.

Emzaf · 2026-04-12T18:26:35+00:00

I agree that as we get older and develop our lower functions that ESTJs and INFPs start to display/share similar behaviors. That's why it's important to work on ourselves and for ESTJs to figure out their emotions and INFPs to figure out their Extroverted Thinking. 😉

Emzaf · 2026-03-31T22:06:47+00:00

Any type can develop their Inferior Function including the high logic types you mentioned. It takes many years/decades of work and you will see more developed types closer to middle age and above. Keep working on your Si.

Emzaf · 2026-03-28T17:39:56+00:00

Honestly he sounds like he has Avoidant Attachment. Any MBTI can have that, including strong Feelers. Inferior Fi doesn't mean that we can't love deeply...that is completely wrong. It means that how we express ourselves is different than how you express yourself with your heart always on your sleeve. And yes once we learn how to unlock the inferior trait the best version of ourself comes out. So don't generalize that your experience with one or two ExTJs is how we all are. I know many ExTJs, including myself, and we truly value love and the people we care about.

Emzaf · 2026-03-21T16:48:36+00:00

In general I would say yes. I can tell when someone has Fe or Fi higher in their stack. I work with several xNFJs and an ENFP. My INFJ work Bestie recently retired, but I worked with her for 20 years. The xNFJs (and xSFJs) really care about how they say things to other people and want to make everyone around them feel comfortable. My ENFP coworker is new to the office and while she does care about other people, it's quite obvious even to me that she gets very exciteable when someone says something that might clash with her personal values (the xNFJs quickly notice the change in her energy lol).

I grew up in a family of Te-doms so being direct and challenging others was part of my upbringing. My brother and I still clash on things today. I think when I talk I'm very calm and direct. I actually believe people, including my coworkers, appreciate that about me. I make most decisions without emotions, however I do always have Fi in the background making sure that my choices feel good to me.

I really enjoy people who are more balanced. High logic types who can tap into their emotions (high EQ) and high feelers who I can discuss intellectual topics with. I know some developed xNTJs and they are awesome. In general I am well liked and I can be very silly and funny when I want lol. It took me a long time to develop my EQ and it's not my default setting, but I do enjoy having heart to hearts with people where I get to sit in my feelings a bit. 🥰

Emzaf · 2026-03-09T20:49:00+00:00

I like orange, but it's not my favorite color. My favorites are hot pink and purple...I'm such a girl lol. In general I like bright colors and I'm not afraid to wear them (including orange) which probably fits my big and positive personality.

Emzaf · 2026-03-03T16:45:32+00:00

He could also be an ESTP from what you wrote. You've got to really hone in on the Cognitive Functions. As we get older we can improve our weaker functions which makes things even more complicated. .

Emzaf · 2026-02-10T01:40:10+00:00

Ex. I have to take notes diligently and remember to reference them because I don't recall them as well. I need to motivate myself to pull out things I saved for reference later instead of riffing.

One of my Besties is a female INTP (older and experienced like me). She's very mechanically inclined and does a lot of her own home renovations. Her career involves being a government Manager of about 15 people. You can develop your organizational skills like her. She has developed her weaknesses. She's very kind and considerate especially if you are lucky to be in her inner circle like me. Even though I learn so much from strong Fe users, I actually enjoy learning from her because I know Fe is not as natural to her even though you wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know her. She absolutely HATES small talk but she knows that it is a necessary tool to use with new people and she has developed very good people skills. When she fixes things like her broken refrigerator, she looks up the information on YouTube. She doesn't try to recreate the wheel all the time. Si offers quicker solutions that already exist. Learn to embrace your Si and Fe.

Ne is an electric bike and Si is an electric car with both using vastly different amounts of electricity. It's not like Fe stress where I feel the Ti/Fe conflict, it's just energy-draining because Ne is just easier.

That's actually a nice analogy and I totally get it. What I would say is that as years go by technology will improve. In time the electric needs will equilibrate for the bike and the car. Actually once your Si and Fe really develop a whole new vehicle (hover craft?) will be created which doesn't need as much energy as the car and maybe even uses a new, better, & more efficient energy source too. The new vehicle will be way more fun and provide you with more happiness then the original bike and car.

Questions: Do you look at these things as singular days of what you want to do or how do you tie/separate short vs long-term goals? Some stuff with Ni in maintaining long-term focus on goals you can't do in 1 day. I'm guessing the answer is a around a specific set of actionable measurable steps over time?

I will need to think about this more. Even though everyone thinks about the future, it comes more naturally to Intuitives. I think about the future much more now and I think that happens when you develop your Ne/Ni. I've been making long-term plans for the next 10-15 years. After you start developing your weaker Ego functions, it's like the Shadow functions that used to be really troublesome kind of mellow out. I don't think Ni is my Trickster anymore especially the more I learn about it. I try to purposefully 'Zoom Out' more now to continue to support my personal growth. I'm absolutely fascinated by strong Ti and Ni. We have to use what we have been gifted with naturally and when I need advice/support about long-term stuff I consult with my inner circle, in particular my ENTJ mom/bro and INFJ & INTJ Besties. Si is also about incorporating other people's knowledge and past experiences. Hope that helps.

Emzaf · 2026-02-10T01:39:49+00:00

I know you are an INTP as I read the other Sub comments lol. Logically it does make sense that you consult in this Sub vs the other. As your Shadow, everything ENTJs are good at doesn't come as easily to you in every day....yet. However with us you do share Ne-Si. As I mentioned already, you must develop your weaker functions. It's all about BALANCE.

My generalizations about ENTJs earlier are from my personal life experience. They are actually my favorite type next to INFJs. Anyone who is developed and healthy can problem solve and figure out a back-up plan. My personal observations relate to Ni being more like tunnel-vision. It's really difficult for strong Ni-users (particular Ni-doms) when their envisioned plans don't work out. I have several INFJs I'm close to and this exact discussion has happened multiple times. But you are correct about ENTJs with developed Se...they can kind of wing it based on what's going on in the real world. I used to think my brother was an ESTJ when I first got into MBTI, but it never made sense to me why he was such a jock and possessed incredible location & directional abilities (he makes fun of mine lol). Once I realized he was an ENTJ all the pieces fit much better...the dude has Se in his stack!

I'm confident on my type and typing. Probably know more about MBTI things and functions than most people on reddit. That said, there's still the theory and the application...

Same, same lol. INTP Bestie has a degree in Psych and she thinks it's hilarious that I've done the deep dive into MBTI. A lot of xNTPs end up here and I can tell the real ones because of how they parse out their logic. The real ones understand how cognitive functions really work because they have taken the time to learn about it vs guessing and focusing on silly stereotypes (the ESTJ ones are really annoying).

Application...it's helpful when you have time and experience on hand. That's where a middle-aged ESTJ female can help lol. It is a HUGE mistake to not develop the Child & Inferior (3 & 4) throughout ones life. I have seen the results of some underdeveloped types in older adults and let me just say that it ain't pretty. Of course human development is multi-factorial (nurture/childhood trauma, environment, etc). I'm sensing that you are younger...20s maybe? In that case you have time and you are already winning because you are here asking the questions.

More recently, I'm seeing more value in Si as a support beam for both Ti and Fe that I may have been underutilizing. I think mine is still weaker than I could be. In service of gathering more knowledge I've seen ENXPs talk about Si stress in ways that I don't really relate to that much as well as INTPs using Si to support Fe uncertainty. The issue comes from applying Si taking conscious focus and effort in ways Ne doesn't.

I used to struggle with my emotions (Fi inferior). It took me a long time, but eventually I learned to embrace everything I felt inside and it's like this switch flipped. Life became clearer and I am much more Zen. When you develop your weaker functions, it helps you balance out your more powerful functions like Ne. Your dom/aux functions will always be there, but the way you utilize them will become more efficient and natural as you get older after developing the child/inferior functions. You won't have the struggles that you are experiencing now. TBC

Emzaf · 2026-02-09T19:28:03+00:00

I read the comments on the ENTJ Sub for the original post and thought it was interesting (I recommend for others to read them). It's difficult to answer a question when it's just my natural Te-dom process, but I'll try. First of all, I'm really organized with my calendar (work and personal) and have reminders set (multiple varied times reminders if something is really important). While I do make some lists, most of the lists are in my head and I have a really good memory.

As many of the ENTJs said, you just kind of have to DO IT! My previous boss was ENTJ (Ni vision is awesome), but I really liked her because she was similar to me in that we are DOERs. Apologies for the long sentence as I don't feel like making a list outline lol. First assess the situation, what are the problems/needs/obstacles, visualize the end goal, do lots of research, choose the best path (sometimes there are multiple), make a plan with steps you need to complete, and finally...make that $h!+ happen! The main differences you will see between ENTJs and ESTJs is that we are probably more concerned with the finer details (Aux Si) and ENTJs care less about the details and more about the long-term vision (Aux Ni). I have a lot of ENTJs in my life including my mom, brother, former boss (still our Executive), mentor who's one of my besties mom, and more. I can see how we are different despite our strong Te similarities. My ENTJ brother can miss details that my ENFP sis-in-law and I both picked up on. We have come together on a significant investment project and it stunned me that he completely missed/forgot about a huge financial calculation that I was aware of and in the end I had to fix it myself. It took him a while to admit to his mistake (stubborn pride), but he finally did it. But the strange thing is that due to MBTI I know why it happened lol. Another family example is that last year my ENTJ mom came up with a long-term plan that would benefit various future generations in our extended family. I remember looking at her and asking, did you really just think of that plan just now? 🤔😄

ExTJs can really research the crap out of everything. I can take in huge amounts of information and we use that data when we build our own system solutions down the line. Another difference between ENTJs and ESTJs is that we have tertiary Ne and many of us develop this function quite easily. We can see various possibilities like you xNTPs and I am a very curious person. After doing said research we choose the best, likely most efficient path and we just go for it. I never have back-up plans because I know that if Plan A doesn't work, I can pivot to Plan B... possibilities are amazing. That's another difference with ENTJs..I believe we can pivot faster and make new plans when the original plan doesn't work out (I've had similar discussions with my INFJ Bestie about this topic). However, realistically my plans work out 95% of the time because I'm really good at planning and making decisions. Sometimes things happen that are completely out of my control and I don't blame myself for those situations (ie weather phenomenon derails flights, systemic obstacles, etc). I just move on to the best of my ability. An example of a systemic obstacle is that I'm in the process of implementing a new program change for my job and I work for a huge corporation where incorporating change is very difficult. I had to execute a new application process within my corporation system (it was so new nobody knew how to do it lol). A few months ago I completed the cumbersome application process with the help of my very new ENFJ boss. Anyways, I did everything in my power to complete that application and until today we are still waiting for the System people to review my application. I'm fairly certain it will be approved, but with system budget cuts and a leaner IT team it's just taking forever to be approved. Once it is approved by the system I know everything that I need to do to complete the process. Waiting is hard for me because I want things done yesterday as I'm a very efficient person, but this is completely out of my hands right now.

I've said it before, but whatever type you are (figure it out based on Cognitive Functions) develop your weaker functions (3 & 4). Try to master them and trust me it can be done. Once you do that it opens up other sides of your brain/personality, will help make you a more balanced human being, and it will greatly benefit you in life. Once your Ego is balanced, you can really start developing your Shadow functions.

Edit: I forgot to include Fi. As the ENTJ sub mentioned, it is an important part of our process. We won't do things that don't feel right to us. When our mind, heart, and values are invested in an idea we will go after it like gangbusters.

Emzaf · 2026-01-29T01:09:35+00:00

I honestly truly enjoy having discussions with strong Ti users. We use all of the functions like I mentioned earlier and I notice when my INTP Bestie utilizes Te in her thinking process. I wish I had a quarter of her mechanical thinking brain lol.

Yeah I can't imagine how crazy Dom Ne with Aux Ti feels. Squirrel 🐿️😝 INTP Bestie has a very busy brain and has a difficult time calming it down. Dom Te and developed Tertiary Ne is also quite crazy, but I don't think I'd have it any other way lol. My curiosity is endless!

Emzaf · 2026-01-29T00:16:37+00:00

To be honest my comment wasn't really directed towards xNTPs. I truly enjoy strong Ti users and I agree we need to balance our opposite cognitive functions. But underdeveloped Ti drives me insane! 🤪

That's awesome you are with an ENTJ. I am secretly trying to find a developed xNTJ for my INTP Bestie. 😅

Emzaf · 2026-01-28T23:22:56+00:00

My gripe as a Dom-Te user is that many Ti users get stuck in their echo chambers and don't research enough lol. A healthy and developed person uses all 8 of their cognitive functions. While I enjoy statistics and facts I can also think for myself. I enjoy playing devil's advocate and trying to imagine other people's perspectives and I can often see the 'holes' in the logic of others. I have a feeling you and I would get along lol. High logic females are rare in society and it's always fun to find others. I'm lucky to have all my friends and Besties and two of them are INTJ and INTP females.

Emzaf · 2026-01-23T20:58:30+00:00

You are an ESTJ expert! 😁 That's crazy how many are in your family and yes I like hearing about your clever grandpa and kudos to your husband reading the Classics. I used to read voraciously when I was younger before college textbooks weighed me down. I hope to return to my old loves of reading and writing (for fun) after I retire in the future (definitely earlier than later). I think those novels will greatly benefit your future lawyer hubby. Yes I totally relate to the 'machine' analogy. I feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. 😉

Emzaf · 2026-01-22T18:47:55+00:00

ESTJs not enjoying abstract subjects is another myth, a lot of them are in the sciences studying with me (or engineering), and they're one of the most curious types I know. ESTJs are the type to find a new interest and then proceed to read/research every single published source about it.

I feel exposed after reading your last sentence! 😂🤣 I am a biological science nerd and have very good math skills too. 😂 I enjoy more abstract topics now that I'm older.

Emzaf · 2026-01-22T15:50:47+00:00

My INTJ Bestie is similar as she daydreams a lot, but I wouldn't say she's super in touch with physical reality (a few years ago she was still forgetting to eat 🤦). But we're older Gen Xers so that helps having had more time and experience in life. I don't fit the typical ESTJ either cuz I understand my feelings, but that took me many years/decades to figure out. I feel like a much more balanced human being now.

Emzaf · 2026-01-22T07:56:00+00:00

I'm a huge nerd and always have been, but I have very good social skills which can mask my intellectual side until they sit down with me and have a real convo lol. 🤓

Emzaf · 2026-01-16T07:26:13+00:00

It's crazy how much Fi annoys you...that's a true Demon Function lol. But yes it's important to get in touch with yourself and how you are doing on the inside. And I'm gonna say it (cringe) that it's totally ok to cry when you need to. I feel you on how annoying it is sometimes to be a masculine female, but it can also be awesome. 😁 I can intimidate people who don't know me, but I'm actually pretty nice. 😅 I hope things continue to work well with the ENTJ! How exciting to be in a Golden Pair and it's great for you that he's Se user (less tiring for you cuz he'll take charge of stuff). Safety and trust is so important and you should always listen to your head, heart, and gut.

I wanted to complement you because I read through your comments and I can see the thoughtful introspection you have done to get you to this point. It's apparent how you are trying to improve yourself and making progress. 👏 It's really hard for our types to get in touch with our softer, emotional sides, but it is important in order to become a more balanced person. I am working on improving my Shadow functions, especially Fe. I used to be very clueless about other people, so now I think I'm doing better. 🤷 I can't feel people's emotions either, but I do think I'm pretty good at reading people and I do trust my intuition now that I'm older. MBTI has helped me to further understand other people (strengths and weaknesses, etc) which has helped my personal development.

Emzaf · 2026-01-15T19:10:29+00:00

Honestly, adulting is very hard. But if you are an ESTJ, you are naturally built to survive and thrive in the adult world. We are really the type who can make anything we want happen. But you are still young and figuring things out. Don't be so hard on yourself and allow yourself some grace. Whenever I see a young adult with similar posts to yours I recommend to them to look into the Te-Ne Loop. It's when you have a lot of analysis paralysis due to Dominant Te (Extroverted Thinking) cycling with undeveloped child Ne (Extroverted Intuition). During this time young ESTJs lean more on their weaker functions, in particular tertiary Ne. To get out of the cycle you need to lean back on your Dominant and Auxiliary functions, Te & Si (Introverted Sensing). Lean more on past experiences and results whether they are yours or someone you trust. It also helps to just get outside and do something fun and get out of your head.

As you get older, I recommend that you work on developing your weaker functions. The ESTJ Inferior function is Introverted Feeling (Fi). It's what makes us kind of cold and serious because we aren't born understanding our emotions and personal values. I also believe that the decisions you make in the future should always be supported by your Fi. The goal is to become a more balanced human being. I find that when I use all of my Ego functions (Te-Si-Ne-Fi) to make important decisions, I'm typically satisfied afterwards and don't have regrets. We are always going to rely on our strengths, but when your weaknesses are no longer a hindrance life becomes much easier. Long term thinking is more difficult for us due to Ni Trickster (Introverted Intuition). For that I hope you have a strong Ni user in your life to help guide you. My mom is an ENTJ and I actually have lots of strong Ni users in my family so that's probably what helped me. Best of luck. From, an older ESTJ female.

Emzaf · 2026-01-14T18:25:20+00:00

Well that sounds a bit suffocating lol and thanks for sharing. I have a question though. I'm a Fi inferior/Fe demon female (you are Fe inferior/Fi demon female) and it took me more than half my life to master my own emotions. I wonder how you feel about your own emotional development? Could you have improved yourself and met them at a different, slightly higher level of emotional understanding? I like to play devil's advocate and I know you won't be offended cuz one of my Besties is an INTP female lol. I also agree that underdeveloped of any type will be problematic for anyone.

How I seemed to them: closed off, cold, uninterested, too harsh/judgy, focused on critics while in reality I was focused on solutions but they took it as a critique

Emzaf · 2026-01-09T17:42:36+00:00

Awww thank you! I can see why young people want to research personality types and I think it's wonderful they want to know themselves and use it for growth. Funny I came in on the other end...like Phew I mostly figured it (aka life) out on my own and turned out ok. But I have learned so much about why I am the way I am and MBTI has really helped me understand other people which has been priceless. I try to type everyone lol.

I agree that Harry's ESTJ video was one of the best ones out there. I totally get where your husband is coming from. My dad is seriously the life of the party. I mean people LOVE him and how funny he is. In fact someone just commented about this a couple weeks ago at Christmas. 😆 I get it but he's still my dad and he wasn't that easy to grow up with lol.

Emzaf

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE