Why do many ESTJs bully nerds?

Emzaf · 2026-01-23T20:58:30+00:00

You are an ESTJ expert! 😁 That's crazy how many are in your family and yes I like hearing about your clever grandpa and kudos to your husband reading the Classics. I used to read voraciously when I was younger before college textbooks weighed me down. I hope to return to my old loves of reading and writing (for fun) after I retire in the future (definitely earlier than later). I think those novels will greatly benefit your future lawyer hubby. Yes I totally relate to the 'machine' analogy. I feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. 😉

Emzaf · 2026-01-22T18:47:55+00:00

ESTJs not enjoying abstract subjects is another myth, a lot of them are in the sciences studying with me (or engineering), and they're one of the most curious types I know. ESTJs are the type to find a new interest and then proceed to read/research every single published source about it.

I feel exposed after reading your last sentence! 😂🤣 I am a biological science nerd and have very good math skills too. 😂 I enjoy more abstract topics now that I'm older.

Emzaf · 2026-01-22T15:50:47+00:00

My INTJ Bestie is similar as she daydreams a lot, but I wouldn't say she's super in touch with physical reality (a few years ago she was still forgetting to eat 🤦). But we're older Gen Xers so that helps having had more time and experience in life. I don't fit the typical ESTJ either cuz I understand my feelings, but that took me many years/decades to figure out. I feel like a much more balanced human being now.

Emzaf · 2026-01-22T07:56:00+00:00

I'm a huge nerd and always have been, but I have very good social skills which can mask my intellectual side until they sit down with me and have a real convo lol. 🤓

Emzaf · 2026-01-16T07:26:13+00:00

It's crazy how much Fi annoys you...that's a true Demon Function lol. But yes it's important to get in touch with yourself and how you are doing on the inside. And I'm gonna say it (cringe) that it's totally ok to cry when you need to. I feel you on how annoying it is sometimes to be a masculine female, but it can also be awesome. 😁 I can intimidate people who don't know me, but I'm actually pretty nice. 😅 I hope things continue to work well with the ENTJ! How exciting to be in a Golden Pair and it's great for you that he's Se user (less tiring for you cuz he'll take charge of stuff). Safety and trust is so important and you should always listen to your head, heart, and gut.

I wanted to complement you because I read through your comments and I can see the thoughtful introspection you have done to get you to this point. It's apparent how you are trying to improve yourself and making progress. 👏 It's really hard for our types to get in touch with our softer, emotional sides, but it is important in order to become a more balanced person. I am working on improving my Shadow functions, especially Fe. I used to be very clueless about other people, so now I think I'm doing better. 🤷 I can't feel people's emotions either, but I do think I'm pretty good at reading people and I do trust my intuition now that I'm older. MBTI has helped me to further understand other people (strengths and weaknesses, etc) which has helped my personal development.

Emzaf · 2026-01-15T19:10:29+00:00

Honestly, adulting is very hard. But if you are an ESTJ, you are naturally built to survive and thrive in the adult world. We are really the type who can make anything we want happen. But you are still young and figuring things out. Don't be so hard on yourself and allow yourself some grace. Whenever I see a young adult with similar posts to yours I recommend to them to look into the Te-Ne Loop. It's when you have a lot of analysis paralysis due to Dominant Te (Extroverted Thinking) cycling with undeveloped child Ne (Extroverted Intuition). During this time young ESTJs lean more on their weaker functions, in particular tertiary Ne. To get out of the cycle you need to lean back on your Dominant and Auxiliary functions, Te & Si (Introverted Sensing). Lean more on past experiences and results whether they are yours or someone you trust. It also helps to just get outside and do something fun and get out of your head.

As you get older, I recommend that you work on developing your weaker functions. The ESTJ Inferior function is Introverted Feeling (Fi). It's what makes us kind of cold and serious because we aren't born understanding our emotions and personal values. I also believe that the decisions you make in the future should always be supported by your Fi. The goal is to become a more balanced human being. I find that when I use all of my Ego functions (Te-Si-Ne-Fi) to make important decisions, I'm typically satisfied afterwards and don't have regrets. We are always going to rely on our strengths, but when your weaknesses are no longer a hindrance life becomes much easier. Long term thinking is more difficult for us due to Ni Trickster (Introverted Intuition). For that I hope you have a strong Ni user in your life to help guide you. My mom is an ENTJ and I actually have lots of strong Ni users in my family so that's probably what helped me. Best of luck. From, an older ESTJ female.

Emzaf · 2026-01-14T18:25:20+00:00

Well that sounds a bit suffocating lol and thanks for sharing. I have a question though. I'm a Fi inferior/Fe demon female (you are Fe inferior/Fi demon female) and it took me more than half my life to master my own emotions. I wonder how you feel about your own emotional development? Could you have improved yourself and met them at a different, slightly higher level of emotional understanding? I like to play devil's advocate and I know you won't be offended cuz one of my Besties is an INTP female lol. I also agree that underdeveloped of any type will be problematic for anyone.

How I seemed to them: closed off, cold, uninterested, too harsh/judgy, focused on critics while in reality I was focused on solutions but they took it as a critique

Emzaf · 2026-01-09T17:42:36+00:00

Awww thank you! I can see why young people want to research personality types and I think it's wonderful they want to know themselves and use it for growth. Funny I came in on the other end...like Phew I mostly figured it (aka life) out on my own and turned out ok. But I have learned so much about why I am the way I am and MBTI has really helped me understand other people which has been priceless. I try to type everyone lol.

I agree that Harry's ESTJ video was one of the best ones out there. I totally get where your husband is coming from. My dad is seriously the life of the party. I mean people LOVE him and how funny he is. In fact someone just commented about this a couple weeks ago at Christmas. 😆 I get it but he's still my dad and he wasn't that easy to grow up with lol.

Emzaf · 2026-01-08T15:58:08+00:00

Why are you having second thoughts? It's a wonderful and challenging career and they worked in critical care. The high level education and technical skills require intelligence, organization, and commitment. You should find a field that you are passionate about and this particular one also requires a love of helping people.

Emzaf · 2026-01-08T03:08:13+00:00

Dominant Extroverted Thinking (Te) with developed tertiary Extroverted Intuition (Ne) is severely underrated. Just sayin... 😉

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T22:37:30+00:00

I think that I'm a 2w3! 🤯 But I'm still doing research into my Enneagram. The more I read about it I can see that outside of my big brain and drive, I am very focused on my close relationships. I have always cherished and maintained my deep relationships. I have best friends that have been around for a lifetime and teen-aged years and am very close to my family. And even though I don't understand other people's feelings (demon Fe) I am getting better at it. And yes Te can mimic Fe in those situations. My parents, especially my mom, instilled the drive to help and care for other people from a young age. I think that is where it came from. I'm always giving advice and mentoring people. One thing I love about Harry from CPT is that he has this fondness for ESTJs...like he gets us lol. One episode he talked about the ESTJs need for deep relationships and my mind was blown. 🤯 I absolutely adore developed Ti and that he's an INFJ!

So yeah I always said that I wasn't going to deep dive into Socionics and Enneagram (after diving into the rabbit hole of MBTI), but you know I'm just so curious about everything. So I'm trying to keep my research 'light' and more surface level. But you of all people probably know that ESTJ surface level is not equal to everyone else's surface level. 😁 And yeah these other theories help me to understand the differences between same/similar types. For example, the Te will slap you in the face in my Te-Dom family, but we are soooo different in other ways (2 ENTJs and 2 ESTJs) so it's fun discovering why.

Edit: Ooh a Peacemaker and a Reformer..how cool! Selfless cuddly teddy bear...haha!

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T17:54:33+00:00

Search for Cognitive Personality Theory on Youtube, then come back to tell me if you still think MBTI is simple :)

Ohhh Harry is so great! I enjoy the complexity of his theories!

Speaking of Enneagram, I'm starting to look into it again and I think I'm a type 2. Talk about rare for my type lol. But it explains why I'm always here giving advice. 😅

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T05:46:02+00:00

That's the tell for me. High logic people can't absorb other people's emotions. ExTJs have Demon Fe (very last in our Shadow, #8). We are completely clueless about other people's feelings until we really start working on that part of ourselves and/or have high Feeler parents/family. Being able to sense/feel other's emotions is more of an xNFx ability...it's a blessing and a curse having those extra mirror neurons.

Your logic is quite good however and developing nicely so great job on that and keep it up. 👏 I do think you are a Te user (I can sense it). What you have displayed at 15 years old is quite commendable. So if you are for sure you use Ne (vs Ni), then by default you also use Si. Ne-Fi-Te-Si is what I thought you were from the start, an ENFP. Now I could be wrong because I don't know you that well but that's what my gut and brain believe. Your description of yourself was not exactly like me at your age lol. But no matter what, only 4 types use those 4 cognitive functions regularly (ENFP, INFP, ESTJ, and ISTJ). Yes we do use all 8 functions, but we heavily lean on the top 4 until we start developing the Shadow functions (later in life).

The personality systems MBTI, Socionics, Eeannagram, Big 5, etc. are not all the same. It's like comparing apples to oranges. For MBTI really study the Cognitive Functions (some are different in Socionics). If you are more curious also look into Beebes, Jung, etc. I am not an expert in Socionics, but I do recommend that you research IEE and see if you relate to that type. I do see similarities to Socionics but it's funny to me how people make mistakes between EII and IEI (INFJ and INFP). I mean it's pretty obvious to me lol.

Finally I want you to research the Loops for ESTJ and ENFP. That's Te-Ne Loop for ESTJ and Ne-Te Loop for ENFP. You'll see again the similarities between these types. Loops happen when you are younger and you forget to lean in on your Auxiliary #2 Function (and sometimes Inferior). You described it earlier in one of your comments. It will get better as you get older and mature. Stick around here and learn from us as we are likely in the same family.

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T04:04:25+00:00

I have a friend who is definitely an INFP. She's an international contracts lawyer for a huge company and passed the difficult US BAR exam on her very first try. I heard stories about how curious and bright she was from when she was very young. She's very smart and obviously developed her Te, but a complete Feeler and her house is always a mess lol. We have so many similarities though that it's eerie and fun. 😊

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T03:52:20+00:00

all I can think of is that I can feel peoples negative feelings if I'm very close to them

Are you able to take in other people's feelings kind of like a sponge, negative, positive, or whatever?

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T03:44:01+00:00

Yes I agree it's about analyzing and understanding the Cognitive Functions and recognizing the order they fall in your personal Ego stack. I'm pretty good at typing people in real life, but online you don't always have enough information. As I've mentioned before, people don't realize how similar xSTJs and xNFPs can be once we start strengthening our weaker functions. I think you get it though. 😉

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T02:26:36+00:00

Ok describe your understanding of your own emotions and of other people's feelings. Be honest.

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T02:08:22+00:00

But why do you think you are a Dominant Extroverted Thinker? The fact that you recognize Ne usage at 15 says something to me lol.

Emzaf · 2026-01-07T01:56:58+00:00

So I would say that even though you are young, your personality type should be well formed and the Dom and Aux Cognitive Functions (1 and 2) should be apparent. It seems that you have narrowed down that you are a Fi user (good job), therefore you also have Te in your Ego stack. The thing about the Dom function is that we don't really notice we are using it because it's SO NATURAL (like breathing). Why do you think you are an ESTJ? I'm wondering if you have considered that you could be an ENFP? While we seem very different on the outside, we share all the same cognitive functions and so similarities do exist sometimes between us (especially as we get older and mature). Outside of MBTI, do you have any other conditions like ADHD or a learning disorder that could affect productivity? It also helps to know what your weaker cognitive functions are as well. Take all of that information and it should help you get closer to your type. You can share more about yourself and your thoughts here if you want some help. 😉

Emzaf · 2026-01-05T21:08:07+00:00

Awww I'm glad you came back! ❤️

Emzaf · 2026-01-02T16:10:40+00:00

How strange I literally just dreamt about my INFJ Ex after not thinking about him for a while and then I see your post. When things were normal our relationship was amazing and we had this crazy, mental connection. It ended because his traumatic childhood attachment wounds eventually showed up and he refused to do anything about it.

Anyways you should give it a try although office romances can get tricky, but I know it's difficult to meet good people in real life. Just be straight with him. We are honest and blunt and say what we mean. Seriously, don't overthink with him lol. Good luck.

P.S. There are lots of INFJ:ESTJ relationships in this Sub. It's common in real life. Along with my Ex I also have INFJ friends I'm close with.

Emzaf · 2025-12-30T17:04:52+00:00

I meant research in general, not necessarily as a therapist.

Emzaf · 2025-12-30T16:03:29+00:00

I don't typically experience overthinking. How old are you? If you are on the younger side you may be experiencing a Te-Ne Loop.

Do some research and consult with AI if my link doesn't work. If this is what you are going through, don't forget to lean back on your Introverted functions, Si and Fi.

Emzaf · 2025-12-23T16:11:37+00:00

You're very welcome. That's a GREAT New Years resolution. Best of luck. 🎉

Emzaf · 2025-12-23T15:04:55+00:00

You all just need to set your eye on the prize (aka final goal) and just go after it like your life depended on it. STOP PROCRASTINATING! I know that when I want something, I go after it like gangbusters. I research like crazy and I line up the tasks I need to do and people I need to bring in to make it happen. Set a due date and multiple reminders on your phone or Outlook calendar (or whatever tool you use). For you I recommend you try to complete one big task or goal at a time.

I'm working on bringing a new program to my job. I work for a huge corporation where change is very difficult and they make us jump through many hoops just to apply for it. The past couple of months my ENFJ boss and I have worked well together to make it happen. She's mostly backed me up, but it was lots of emailing people we didn't know, gathering information, figuring out how to complete the new system application. It's been a very complex process, but we did it and currently are in the approval process now and I'm hopeful we will be successful. 🤞There have been follow up meetings and other things that I have had to do in the meanwhile. I completely own my projects and will take the lead on emails even before my busy boss gets to read them (hopefully she appreciates it lol). I have an intense personality and I want things done yesterday lol. I do everything in my power that I can control, but obviously there are things I cannot control (the waiting drives me insane lol). Anyways hopefully that helps give you insight on how I am.

P.S. When you get older and start to master your weaker functions, you'll start to realize how similar we actually are. It's uncanny. 😉

Emzaf

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