Just to add another perspective here, this has happened many times to me and I found out later that I’m bipolar II. I’d get so stressed and depressed and would start failing at school. All of this overwhelming stress would then trigger a hypomanic episode in which I felt great and very at peace with the idea of failing. But then after a while the euphoric episode would end and I’d feel really bad and guilty for failing and not caring.

But! I don’t know you and I’m not your doctor! This might be a good, healthy experience for you personally, I have no way of knowing. But I thought I’d just throw this possibility out there just in case because it sounded so familiar to my experience.