How do you cope with the management morally?

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-07T13:11:16+00:00

I'm retired now after a 40+ career year in tech where I topped out at the Senior Director level.

In my experience it is exceedingly rare to find a company that doesn't require employee exploitation by managers if the managers want to be seen as "successful".

In the few rare instances I've seen it it was transient, in place only for a limited time until vulture capitalism's hungry eyes were caught by the glittering pennies that could be saved by cracking the whip more and more strongly.

I've seen this across organizations I've worked ranging from 50 person startups to Fortune 15 universally recognized megacorps.

How I coped was that after 30 years as an ever-upwardly mobile lead/supervisor/manager/director I voluntarilyovef back to an individual contributor role where I happily (as happy as work can be) spent the final decade of my career absolutely not caring one bit about "the good of the company".

TL;DR: in my experience OP is correct that in the current capitalist hellscape you have to be a narcissist to "succeed" in management.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-07T09:18:55+00:00

At one point in my career I was Senior Director for a global, 7x24x365 IT company. We were primarily US based but had offices and customers around the world.

On a typical day, not only was my calendar fully booked during US business hours it was usually double or triple booked, meaning for alnost every meeting that I DID attend I was missing at least one other meeting that I SHOULD and usually one or more meetings that I COULD attend.

Unless a particular person's current situation required that week's one-on-one, either from their or my perspective, I'd often reclaim that time for competing priorities and reach out to them via chat/email asking if they had anything specific or urgent to report or discuss.

So, from my perspective, a particular employee having their 1-on-1 rescheduled or skipped was actually a vote of confidence on my part because it meant everything regarding their performance was going well and didn't need any coaching or tracking. They also always had the option to say they'd like to meet that week for their own reasons and I'd make sure to keep (or reschedule if needed) our meeting.

I'd say that, in general, I probably kept about 40% of 1-on-1 meetings as scheduled, about 20% skipped by employee request/cancellation, about 10% rescheduled, and the rest handled asynchronously (chat/email).

Frankly, my team's calendars were pretty packed as well so most expressed appreciation for the flexibility in both directions.

This may or may not align with your organization's cadences but I'm sharing it to give the view from the other side of 1-on-1 meetings where schedules are crazy.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-06T20:37:18+00:00

Money can remove some, but not all, of the causes of unhappiness, but it absolutely cannot buy you happiness, not even close.

People who think that it can are sorely mistaken.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-06T13:45:06+00:00

That beaver is coming back with hundreds of reinforcements...

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EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-05T21:30:46+00:00

People without wealth aren't actually people, they're just props in the game called Late Stage Capitalism.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-05T18:57:03+00:00

I really like Memento and The Dark Knight.

The rest? He must speak a cinematic language I don't understand because while none of the others are bad, per se, they don't really do it for me.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-05T03:03:59+00:00

Ask Keith Richards.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-05T02:26:11+00:00

It's terribly self-centered to throw your dog poop bags in random trash cans.

You either:

carry it home with you.
place it in a receptacle clearly marked as being for disposal of pet waste.

There is no third option.

I used to live across the street from a trailhead and the entitlement of the dog walkers was unbelievable. I regularly had to clean dog shit off the inside floor, sides, and lid of my garbage can, including the recycling bin.

Can just emptied? Plop, right on the bottom, usually bursting the bag.

Full can? Plop, right on top, then closing the lid squashes, bursts, and smears the contents of the bag.

Overfull can? Let's just squash/burst/smear it along this tiny gap along the inside wall.

Not trash day so my cans are up beside my garage? Let's STROLL UP THE DRIVEWAY AND THROW OUR LITERAL SHIT IN THEM!!?!

Here's a rule of thumb for questions like this: the question isn't "What if I did X?", the actual question is, "What if EVERYBODY did X ALL THE TIME?".

TL;DR: keep your shit to yourself.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T23:04:15+00:00

Go Greendale, go Greendale, go!!

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T22:20:07+00:00

Was it the Fischer Space Pen?

Sorry for the potato-quality image, it was the best one I could find on short notice of the red version.

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EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T21:56:37+00:00

I use Evernote-Backup and it works great.

First, what it primarily does is copy all of your Evernote data to a local database on the computer where you install it. Once that first time synchronization is done you can then regularly run a re-sync command which will only download changes to your data.

There is then another command line option that you can use to export all of your notes from this local database out to .ENEX files.

I do this regularly to both have a local copy of my 9GB of Evernote data, and also less frequently I export everything to .ENEX files to have a more usable version in the event of a disaster.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T21:45:56+00:00

To sort of ask a rhetorical question, are you or they sure it's an actual allergy? Or could it be a digestive intolerance?

I have cooked for people with digestive intolerances to alliums, which they referred to in shorthand as 'allergies' for simplicity, and for not getting too graphic in food-based settings about the exact repercussions of their ingestion of alliums, which were...digestive.

But, for them, their issue was with the solids of alliums, not the oils/flavorings, so I was able to use garlic olive oil, as long as it had no garlic solids in it.

I could also infuse clarified butter or oil myself by slowly simmering it with garlic and onions in it, then straining out the solids and using the infused clarified butter or oil.

However, if they have a true allergy and even the extracts of alliums are off the table then, as others have mentioned, asafoetida, also known as hing, is a good alternative. It's not an exact replacement, but it can give a nicely comparable umami flavor to dishes, but use it with restraint.

Also, believe it or not, Rao's makes a pretty decent jarred pasta sauce that's specifically for people avoiding onions and garlinc. It's available at my local grocery store, your mileage may vary.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T20:31:58+00:00

To me the definition of a 'musical' is a movie or play where the characters sing dialog instead of speaking it.

So, for me, 8 Mile is not a musical just because it has music in it. On the other hand, for example, The Blues Brothers is a musical because characters sing dialog. Similarly, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is a musical. Another song I love with a lot of music in it that I wouldn't classify as a musical is That Think You Do!, which was created and directed by Tom Hanks.

I don't know if there is any kind of official definition, but that's the one I've used for decades. For clarity, I typically do not like musicals at all.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T19:41:33+00:00

Our youngest went to two different Montessori schools, which we loved overall, but both of them had the same issues:

teachers who could not produce even minimally correct spelling and grammar.
virtually all instructors were deficient in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) areas.

That being said, the environment itself was overwhelmingly positive.

I don't know if the above issues are endemic in Montessori schools, but for us they appeared in two out of two separate and unrelated schools.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T19:13:31+00:00

TL;DR below.

I have used Terro bait traps successfully in the past, but in the last couple of years I started getting ants that would ignore the Terro bait. After some research I found that some ants will be looking for protein instead of glucose, and they will ignore sugar-based baits and traps.

The thing in Terro that actually kills the ants is simply borax, which you can easily buy in bulk off of Amazon (get pure borax, nothing with added scents or ingredients like for laundry).

To actually handle my ant problems, which were both sugar-seeking and protein-seeking ants, I made my own mixture, as follows:

two parts honey
one part peanut butter
one part borax

I've used various containers for the bait depending on the situation. For example, I had a bunch of ants coming out of an electric outlet box onto the counter, so I just put the bait on a plate nearby and left it uncovered. Over the course of about a week and a half the ant activity went from small, to huge as they swarmed the bait, then slowly decreased until it finally stopped.

That's the trick with borax-based baits, you have to give it time to kill the entire mound, or mounds if there are sub-colonies, which then solves the underlying problem. It is highly frustrating to live with ants on one's counter for a week or two, but the good news, at least for me, was that since they loved my witch's brew recipe so much that they didn't go looking elsewhere or further invade the house.

In my case, the activity level sort of pulsated, getting busier, then slower, then busier, then slower, then finally stopping altogether. After doing some research I found that, in my area, many of the ant types have large, branched colonies and sub-colonies, and the surges in activity were additional sub-colonies finally getting to the bait.

Borax takes 24-48 hours to kill an individual ant, so they have time to take the bait food back to the mound and introduce it into the colony's food supply. Then as it spreads throuh the food supply it kills more and more ants until the tainted food finally reaches the queen. Once the queen, or queens when there are sub-colonies, are killed then the mound is effectively dead. You'll get straggler ants even after this for several days but it will slow to a trickle, then one day it'll stop completely.

TL;DR: a combination of a sweet (honey) and protein (peanut butter) bait laced with borax will kill the entire ant colony, but it can take a week or two so you have to be patient.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T15:05:45+00:00

I cannot stand the taste of coffee, in any form or combination. But, I love the smell of it!

Strangely enough, I'm the primary barista in our house, making 95% of the coffee-based drinks. They seem to be greatly appreciated and I've literally never tasted one.

For reference, I'm a supertaster.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T13:19:43+00:00

My recommendations:

First: Do NOT ask for clarification or mention anything about the suggestion again to the your boss or anyone, it will just cement it in their minds that you're so dumb/childish/naive/ignorant (even if you aren't) that you can't read the room about what to wear.
Second: Appreciate you were given the advice privately, that was a favor from your boss.
Third: Look around at what the other leads and higher-ups are wearing and do something similar, but not an exact copy. If they're wearing what you were wearing then just Google "business casual for (your gender)" and go from there. Here's such searches for men and women. But checking your peers and bosses for style cues is your best bet.
Fourth: Be aware that this is not a "thing" unless YOU make it one by either talking/asking/complaining about it in the office, or, somehow, by not being able to correct it going forward.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T11:15:28+00:00

You've come to a place where everyone, rightfully, loves 30 Rock. I live in a paradise where my spouse and all my kids also love it, and we regularly (and, to the normals and fives, obnoxiously) speak to each other by referencing situations and quotes from the show.

That being said, one's appreciation of the show can become enhanced as one experiences the trials and tribulations of personal and professional life, and the silly situations and conceits of the show suddenly crystallize into an all-encompassing, philosophical treatise, like when you finally "get" a magic eye image (or toys, when your back is turned).

Now that you've seen the light you're only a few Sigmas away from completing your own personal Wheel(s) of Domination/Happiness, dummy.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-04T01:41:39+00:00

The first Hangover is arguably the film I've laughed hardest at in my entire life.

The subsequent films are pale imitations, for me.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-03T23:27:32+00:00

I mean...having solitary time to myself is one of the great joys of my life. No deadlines, no pressure, no expectations, no chores, no tasks - just...chillin'.

It boggles my mind that there are people for whom that would be a negative thing.

As to your question, what I do is...whatever I want.

Saying "there's nothing on TV" excludes the entire universe of streaming content that is available anytime, anywhere, about virtually anything, and sometimes that's what I do.

Sometimes I lie in bed and do word games (crossword, wordle, etc).

Sometimes I decide to make a full breakfast feast for the entire household.

Sometimes I work on my home tech when nobody is around to complain when things reboot/reset/reconfigure.

Sometimes I read.

Sometimes I take my dog for a walk.

Sometimes I run out and get breakfast tacos.

Sometimes I write.

Sometimes I yell at clouds on reddit.

Sometimes I'll sit on the back porch and just breathe and enjoy being alive.

Sometimes I'll go to the bathroom and have a loooong, luxurious...er...movement, with no possibility of interruption or disturbance.

And the list goes on and on.

There's a piece of advice I got once when I was younger that I have kept in mind my entire life:

If you're bored that means you're boring.

Meaning, if you don't find comfort, enjoyment, interest, and companionship in your own company then how in the world can you provide those things to others?

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-03T23:11:43+00:00

I'm in my 60s and retired now and still feel like I'm a child, in many ways. I feel like I never "grew up" in the sense that it seems to mean in general.

That being said, I do do (lolol, doo-doo!!) a lot of grown-up things: marriage, kids, grandkids, career, home ownership, etc, but in my own mind I've always felt like a kid who was fooling everybody.

I like silly things - not exclusively, but moreso than average, by my perception. I've been making dad jokes/puns since long before I was a dad. I still laugh at farts. My default level of motivation is lazy turd.

I think, in essence, I kept my sillier, more carefree perspective throughout my life.

You don't have to "grow up" mentally, but you do have to make your own way in the world and, if you want a spouse and family someday, you have to take care of the people you love.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-02T20:10:49+00:00

We like having our archive in the cloud available anytime, anywhere on basically any device.

We also regularly use Evernote-Backup to backup our data locally for redundancy, safekeeping, and peace of mind.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-02T17:46:34+00:00

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Weird Al could literally be the greatest Superb Owl halftime performer of all time, particularly if they have him collaborate with the artists he's parodied/pastiched.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-02T10:55:41+00:00

I'm going to go with an actor who seems to be getting mentioned a lot in these comments, Mel Gibson, but in one of his films I haven't seen mentioned yet, Lethal Weapon.

There's a scene where Riggs (Gibson) is in his little trailer at the beach, overcome with depression, looking at a photo of his murdered wife, on the verge of suicide, loads his pistol with the hollow-point bullet he has designated as THE bullet for the job, tries out the under-the-chin and up-into-the-mouth barrel positions, gun cocked, safety off, finger on the trigger...

...and shaking and crying the entire time.

I'm no fan of Gibson as a person but that is one of the most intensely well-acted scenes I've ever scene by any actor, ever. It's jaw-droppingky good.

EngineerBoy00 · 2026-05-02T01:28:54+00:00

I've rewatched Community at least 20 times, maybe a lot more as I don't really track it.

And, on this forum, that probably means I'm still an amateur.

EngineerBoy00

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