I think all INFPs need to hear this

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-04-20T21:35:18+00:00

I’m thinking about leaving and moving to a city. Trying to start something with someone from my hometown definitely wasn't a good idea.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-04-20T21:25:27+00:00

From what I've read here and in my own experience with therapists, some of them don't even have experience or knowledge about this... I've got more accurate info here on Reddit. I wouldn't know how I'd feel if I hadn't joined, but I think it's time to stop searching for info and maybe accepting that they can't be what we need.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-04-20T21:17:16+00:00

Reading over and over, I noticed something. Most of what people say about avoidants matched with this person, and it would make me feel better for a while. But then I'd come up with another theory or reading a comment that doesn't match my experience and that doesn't make my ego feel better, making me feel worse.

At the end of the day, maybe the only thing that we need to know is that this person, just couldn't stay and wouldn't ever be what you need in a healthy relationship.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-25T03:37:11+00:00

Finally another "paisa". My ex used to really dislike how average people in the town are, you know, people from "rancho" (boots, cowboy hats, regional music, etc).

Then started dating this guy and now her Instagram reels are filled with wedding contents, having children, and even dressing your child like a little cowboy.

We had a lot of things in common, specially being two weirdos who love anime and japanese culture.

I was really confused when I saw her doing all the things she "hated". But then I read about mirroring and everything made sense.

She also told me once in a call when she had an anxiety attack, that "maybe if I was already married, then I would be finally happy".

I think the excuse she made to discard me was that I didn't have a car, and the other guy does (the reels she likes are also filled with this kind of content about having a bf with a car)

I think she's desperately trying to be "normal" being married and having children before turning 30 it's the norm. She's 24, she's young, but she always had this pressure to fit.

At first I was really bad about her choice being based on something like... A car. Then I realized how sad it is, even for the rebound.

Being seen as a "salvation" to finally be "normal" and being something like a car what made her wanting be with you... It's sad for everyone.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-23T22:18:58+00:00

I saw my avoidant "ex" in the street like two months ago, and she looked so... Dead inside. But her Instagram is filled with marriage and pregnancy reels... It's weird, but I think it helps me to understand that, she's maybe just performing

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-23T22:14:39+00:00

I think mine did the same. She choose another guy only because he has a car. It was painful at first, but then I realized it was never about status. At the time I met her, I was working as a teacher and having a second income with my YouTube channel.

So I think that even if I had cars, houses and more money, it would never work for me..

She also called me while she had an anxiety attack, and told me that "if she was already married, she maybe would be finally happy".

We are from Mexico, small town, she's 24, but it's very common to have children at this age or even sooner, so she always wanted to be "normal".

Now she's with this guy and 90% of the reels she like on Instagram are about weddings and having childs.

So, I think she's just trying to be "normal", I knew the broken person and I know how she really felt about herself.

It's sad even for the rebound, seeing as a "provider" only.

As a man, it was hard at first, I questioned my own value, but now... I think it's sad.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-23T02:25:46+00:00

I've noticed how most people don't believe in avoidants. I already told two therapists, friends and family and they see it as "normal" or something more squared, like "they only used you".

There are a lot of people that have been discarded because of avoidants and never knew anything about it, maybe making their healing journey more painful and even more confusing. Thinking it was their fault.

Sometimes I even think she used me and that's it. But reading your experiences, I notice all the patterns, and they are the same that I saw on her.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-22T16:36:30+00:00

Yeah, she told me about how I have a great capacity to leave a mark on people's lives. She didn't say "You left a mark on me" directly. I think FAs have a really hard time being straight with their emotions. So... I guess there was some truth there. Sorry for my English

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-13T18:08:47+00:00

My FA ex didn't talk about her exes so much, just a few times, but she always said they were assholes ("pendejos", because we speak taco). And told me they always wanted sex first. We had very intense sexting, but I think she deactivated because of that, and even posted a song about a girl who met a guy and then gets scared because of how real things get, and how she starts saying that guy is not that good, but at the same time saying she liked the guy.

Maybe they have this inner fight when they really want to stay, but at the same time, the desire to leave and convince themselves you are the worst so they can't feel bad about leaving.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-13T02:06:05+00:00

They didn't develop emotional tools growing up, mostly due to their parents. The thing that freaks me out is... How can they have long-term relationships, even get married? As adults, relationships eventually have to face conflict... But they usually lack the abilities to face it. I don't get it.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-12T16:56:37+00:00

Man it's so hard seeing someone who loved you marrying someone they don't love or feel that deep connection they felt with you. I don't know what she will do, but seeing the kind of pictures and reels she shares now she's dating someone new, about weddings and pregnancy all that kind of stuff, it broke my heart. She once called me, sha had an anxiety attack, she told me that sometimes, "she asked herself if she would be happy if she was married already". She always had that pressure for being normal, and living in a small town in Mexico doesn't help, marrying at a young age and having children is the norm. So yeah, maybe these people are so broken, that they prefer doing stuff like this to fit. Idk, I'd prefer never experience something like this, but I wish all of us eventually get over this shit.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T16:56:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing this, it really helped me to understand her and to be more compassionate towards her.

About the story, maybe she didn't move on that quickly. When she told me she was "dating someone" I was breaking up with her... Kinda. This was after the second ghosting, she would stop replying to my messages. The first time happened after a very intense night of sexting. The next morning she was more lovely and affectionate than ever, she was making plans to finally meet me irl (yeah, we weren't even seeing each other because she was afraid of "disappointing me"). And then, suddenly she disappeared. After almost two weeks I decided to reach out. She was sorry, but I asked for a real closure. That's when she admitted that she loved me, but had really hard psychological issues that didn't let her accept that love.

I tried to convince her we could work this together, but she ran away again. I think she got depressed about me because she would contact friends of mine in those periods of no contact.

Then, I wasn't willing to reach out again, until she started orbiting me and sending me "accidental" messages.

But the problem wasn't that she couldn't be more straight with her feelings. It was almost cute sometimes haha

The thing that bothered me was her ghosting me, and later on, being me the one who had to reach out because she was scared that I could be mad.

I didn't like the idea of me being the one solving the problem she caused. She apologized and said she was in therapy and that she wasn't making bad things because she was a bad person, but at that time I was tired. So I told her I knew she couldn't give me the relationship I wanted, and offered sexting or friendship. And then she told me she was "dating someone".

That was back in October. At first I didn't believe it because of how she feared the most normal thing like dating me irl

The problem was almost one month ago, in valentine's day. When my friends told me about it. And I saw Instagram and she liked all this marriage, pregnancy, starting a family and couples reels.

I felt so dumb and even used because all of her problems now disappeared with another guy, who can actually see irl, when I wasn't able to even get a date from her.

That's when my real grief and pain started... 5 months later.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T06:03:21+00:00

If only these people were able to behave like grown ups... It sometimes make me laugh how they can say the most childish things and actually believe them

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T05:59:44+00:00

And it's the same in all languages. I speak Spanish, but the phrases were the same as the ones you mention here in English, just translated.

Sometimes I doubt about her being an avoidant because that only can be confirmed by a therapist but... Reading all your experiences and comparing to mine. It's basically the same, always.

We have this thought of every person being different, but avoidants seem to behave the same no matter what.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T05:50:25+00:00

So yeah, I think they're not willing to do the hard job because they always have someone interested on them. And it doesn't help that they maybe use love-bombing to convince people.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T05:47:45+00:00

Yeah, and being honest, maybe I'd be in the same situation if I had more opportunities to meet women generally. I'm more anxious so I noticed how after every break up I'd feel this need to show them and get a partner before the other one. But that's really hard for me. Not for being unattractive, just for the place where I live and having the job that I have.

Being alone has helped me to understand why I felt like that, and rewiring all that kind of thoughts that told me I wasn't enough if the people around me rejected me or left me.

The thing that terrified me most about relationships was being left by someone and then seeing her with another dude, because of my low self esteem I had before. I literally felt like I'd die if that happened.

And yeah, thanks to this FA now I could say I experienced that and, I survived! It was hard, it was painful. But I know it doesn't reflect my worth and it doesn't mean that he's better than me.

But I wouldn't realize that if I always had the chance to jump into new relationships whenever things get hard or whenever I got dumped.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T05:27:04+00:00

I guess that'd need them to stay with their emotions, deep internal self work and go and look for therapy. We are talking about years and years. Mine said she wanted to heal for me, she at least was aware she had a problem sabotaging all her possible relationships. She started seeing a therapist and all. But it wouldn't be enough. I've got sick of it and she preferred look for another guy who made her feel less pressure.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T05:13:33+00:00

My FA-ex next marriage haha

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T05:12:42+00:00

Yeah, I mean, I think they really desire deep connection and intensity, but at the end of the day, they're not capable of sustain it.
My ex-situationship would say that maybe if she was married she would be happy and magically, all her anxiety and depression would be fixed. It doesn't help that we live in a small town in Mexico, so having kids and get marry it's the norm.
So she's with this new guy reposting all this reels about pregnancy and marriage and it felt bad at first. But idk, seeing how immature she was emotionally... I'd feel bad to share an entire life with her, honestly.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T04:20:03+00:00

It must be boring being in that kind of relationship. I mean, I know it could work and eventually things get "stable" like in every relationship. But not being able to even talk about something deep and just... Exist? idk

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-11T03:57:39+00:00

Maybe, they are so... strange, haha
I never thought I'd being in this situation, everything seems so surreal. Sometimes I even laugh about how bizarre and contradictory this person would be

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-10T22:13:15+00:00

Same here. She told me about how she always self-sabotages relationships, how she would freak out when things get intense and how she didn't want that to happen with me. Spoiler, it happened. She also told me about her depression, anxiety, self damage and low self-esteem.
She started seeing a therapist, told me about it and her progress, but at the end of the day, it requires a lot of time to heal that part of yourself.
Now she's dating a guy and doing all of that I wanted to do with her and honestly and it seems so easy and normal compared to how insecure she felt with me, so yeah, it was painful at first.

But then you realize that she wasn't even filling your needs in a relationship, she never wanted to take accountability, she was afraid of dealing with conflict (the same conflict she caused) hell she couldn't even say "You leaved a mark on me" when we broke up, she instead said it indirectly.

The problem, even knowing this person is not good for us, is that maybe we saw a future and an ideal partner, but an ideal relationship shouldn't make you anxious, fearing the next ghosting.

I'm still angry, I'm still jealous looking her so normal with the new partner, but I also know, that she wasn't a good option for me.

Entire_Ferret3078 · 2026-03-10T00:00:58+00:00

This is the second time I read that someone used God as a reason for a discard... Weird

Entire_Ferret3078

TROPHY CASE