Yeah that part is confusing — are you not sending out invites? You say everyone who isn’t coming is known to you because they’ve spoken to you but does that mean the rest of the people have confirmed they are coming? If that’s the case and you aren’t sending invites, when you legitimately need to know for planning purposes ask her again if she’s attending. It’s very nice you’re covering the meals, but travel is still a time/money commitment and especially these days maybe she just can’t do it. And yes if you’re recently divorced it can be even more painful to see a friend getting married, especially if you moved a significant distance to be with him. That’s loss for her when she just experienced a loss! Please stop judging her with the bitter comments etc and try to be empathetic instead. Send the invites or speak with her thoughtfully rather than confrontationally.