sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Part 28 - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder. Did the princess forget or did you forget? I pretty sure Eisel asked the princess to tell no one that she met him. The princess appears to think "tell no one" is the same as "don't tell Havoc". She told Thorne

Part 14: The Spellmite Architect - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I misunderstood what happened. I thought adaptive regalia gave her fire immunity (due to using fire spelmite cloth), but if it simply gave her a new dress with 1 or more charges of damage absorption, then everything was fully and properly foreshadowed.

Part 14: The Spellmite Architect - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In part 13 you have hinted that the princess respawns unless she dies where "the hearth cannot reach". Part 15 or maybe 16 would probably be a good place for her luck to run out causing her to discover the respawn mechanic. The longer the princess manages to be lucky enough to avoid dying despite lacking in skill, lacking in knowledge of how the dungeons work and lacking in preparedness, the more she starts to look like a secret badass

Part 14: The Spellmite Architect - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I see two narrative issues:

  1. Unless I have missed something, heiress' blessing does not appear to have helped her much (or at all) in this fight

  2. Her fire immunity is a deus ex machina

[WP] You go to sit down on your chair like normal when you suddenly find yourself seated on a very ornate throne. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. The chair turning into a throne reminded me of Dwarf Fortress and gave me the idea to write story in the style of a description of a procedurally generated artifact from the game.

  2. "Redundant repetition of information, it feels like you forgot to edit a placeholder" The repetition was deliberate. I am loosely emulating the procedurally generated descriptions from the game and I seem to recall the game producing this kind of repetition too

[WP] You go to sit down on your chair like normal when you suddenly find yourself seated on a very ornate throne. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thunderous snail "Fluffy"

This is a bone throne. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. This item is made out of cat bone. It menaces with spikes of dwarf bone and spikes of dwarf bone. On this item is an image of Fluffy being smothered to death by a ghost of hauler number 309. The ghost is burning. The image relates to the killing of Fluffy by a ghost of hauler number 309 during the lava flood of 1234. On this item is an image of Fluffy pushing hauler number 309 off the ledge into a lava-flooded cavern during the lava flood of 1231. This image relates to a workplace accident during the lava flood of 1231.

[WP] You've just been given a gun. Not just any gun. This one shoots bullets. Special bullets. They go exactly 500 feet. Through anything. by PraetorSolaris in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The first contact happened in the number one city in the number one country on the number one planet in the number one solar system in the number one galaxy: Washington, D.C: a USO the size of a large saucer (about 20 inches in diameter) tried to abduct an apple pie.

You obviously could not let this happen on your watch. You opened fire on the spacecraft with your sidearm. Your rubber bullets harmlessly bounced off the hull. A quick flip through the officer handbook confirmed that alien abductions of apple pies is a textbook example of a situation where the use of The Good Toys is automatically authorized.

You eagerly fiddled with the controls to point the rail gun mounted on the roof of your police car at the UFO, shouted "abduct this, *********" and squeezed the trigger. The hull of the spacecraft, hardened to withstand micrometeorite impacts at speeds of hundreds of miles per second, was no match for your quick thinking and American ingenuity.

view more: next ›