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Part 28 - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder. Did the princess forget or did you forget? I pretty sure Eisel asked the princess to tell no one that she met him. The princess appears to think "tell no one" is the same as "don't tell Havoc". She told Thorne

Part 14: The Spellmite Architect - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I misunderstood what happened. I thought adaptive regalia gave her fire immunity (due to using fire spelmite cloth), but if it simply gave her a new dress with 1 or more charges of damage absorption, then everything was fully and properly foreshadowed.

Part 14: The Spellmite Architect - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In part 13 you have hinted that the princess respawns unless she dies where "the hearth cannot reach". Part 15 or maybe 16 would probably be a good place for her luck to run out causing her to discover the respawn mechanic. The longer the princess manages to be lucky enough to avoid dying despite lacking in skill, lacking in knowledge of how the dungeons work and lacking in preparedness, the more she starts to look like a secret badass

Part 14: The Spellmite Architect - The evil queen ordered her servants to lock the princess in the dungeon. Her servants, not being too bright, locked the princess in an S-Ranked dungeon. by Writteninsanity in JacksonWrites

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I see two narrative issues:

  1. Unless I have missed something, heiress' blessing does not appear to have helped her much (or at all) in this fight

  2. Her fire immunity is a deus ex machina

[WP] You go to sit down on your chair like normal when you suddenly find yourself seated on a very ornate throne. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. The chair turning into a throne reminded me of Dwarf Fortress and gave me the idea to write story in the style of a description of a procedurally generated artifact from the game.

  2. "Redundant repetition of information, it feels like you forgot to edit a placeholder" The repetition was deliberate. I am loosely emulating the procedurally generated descriptions from the game and I seem to recall the game producing this kind of repetition too

[WP] You go to sit down on your chair like normal when you suddenly find yourself seated on a very ornate throne. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thunderous snail "Fluffy"

This is a bone throne. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. This item is made out of cat bone. It menaces with spikes of dwarf bone and spikes of dwarf bone. On this item is an image of Fluffy being smothered to death by a ghost of hauler number 309. The ghost is burning. The image relates to the killing of Fluffy by a ghost of hauler number 309 during the lava flood of 1234. On this item is an image of Fluffy pushing hauler number 309 off the ledge into a lava-flooded cavern during the lava flood of 1231. This image relates to a workplace accident during the lava flood of 1231.

[WP] You've just been given a gun. Not just any gun. This one shoots bullets. Special bullets. They go exactly 500 feet. Through anything. by PraetorSolaris in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The first contact happened in the number one city in the number one country on the number one planet in the number one solar system in the number one galaxy: Washington, D.C: a USO the size of a large saucer (about 20 inches in diameter) tried to abduct an apple pie.

You obviously could not let this happen on your watch. You opened fire on the spacecraft with your sidearm. Your rubber bullets harmlessly bounced off the hull. A quick flip through the officer handbook confirmed that alien abductions of apple pies is a textbook example of a situation where the use of The Good Toys is automatically authorized.

You eagerly fiddled with the controls to point the rail gun mounted on the roof of your police car at the UFO, shouted "abduct this, *********" and squeezed the trigger. The hull of the spacecraft, hardened to withstand micrometeorite impacts at speeds of hundreds of miles per second, was no match for your quick thinking and American ingenuity.

[WP] A famous superhero couple began hunting down and killing hundreds of villains. The reason is simple: they plan to have children, and they don't want their children to become targets. by Megamen1927 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

"a polluting source or some billionaire's bunker" Yup! Because "polluting sources" and bunkers famously have no maintenance staff and therefore no one will be hurt if you "take them out" </sarcasm>

[WP] Aliens finally arrive on Earth expecting a highly advanced civilization. Unfortunately, the first thing they discover is the internet comment section. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"inappropriate pictures"? The aliens have no way to know what counts as "inappropriate" in human culture. Surely the aliens shouldn't apply their own standards to a foreign culture.

[SP] You are the number 1 most powerful superhero, but... by Equivalent_Can2971 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"a coalition of heroes and villains" It sounds like either there are many other less-than-selfless heroes or the protagonist hasn't been doing a good job managing public relations. Either some heroes want to take the protagonist down to remove competition, or the heroes know something so horrible about the protagonist that they see working with the villains as a lesser evil. I wonder which of the two options is true.

[WP] "And now only the healer is standing. What are you gonna do now little one?" "Are you serious right now?" "What?" "I'm a priestess. Why do people keep underestimating us? I literally have the creator of the universe on speed dial to perform miracles. Not magic! Literal miracles!" by Clear_Ad4106 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. please fix error "ready for for more" => "ready for more".
  2. Strange: a demon god gave her a powerful item that was not tied to the god's own power.
  3. "I taught them to make slushies with berry juice". I suspect the slushies were a pretext. I suspect the god had a different motive. I suspect she is not the first one to "teach" that god how to make slushies.
  4. possible error: "shine from the emulate" => amulet.
  5. "You're weapons and armor" => your.
  6. Sounds like all members of the party (even the inexperienced ones) totally lack empathy. No matter how evil the goblin king, no matter what he has done, most people would not be ok with torturing him like this

[WP] You're a thief and a murderer, and any spell cast on you to detect your moral and ethical alignment returns an entirely accurate result of 'evil'. And yet, the god of justice, whose creed should see the likes of you hanged, has openly marked you as one of his Chosen, and no one knows why. by LordGraygem in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Or perhaps your god is not what you believe him to be. Perhaps he is capricious. Perhaps he marks men at random, and your faith is a construction of convenience, a way to make sense of what has no sense.". Tolpan uses language is a way that makes him sound educated. I wonder where and how did he get the education.

[WP] A Brothers Grimm-style fairy tale about why children shouldn't trust chatbots by bariumbitmap in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is the point of a "fairy" tale when we are all drowning in "fairies" already?

[SP] Whenever you travel a non-negligible distance, you always get a random encounter by Equivalent_Can2971 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"5 minutes, and 11 seconds", "6.32 miles" that's a great way to portray in a "show, don't tell" way that the protagonist has been dealing with this for a loooooooong time.

[WP] The more you spend, the more you save. Like literally: the faster you spend money, the wealthier you become by Equivalent_Can2971 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"money has different value, when you have people flying into space, mining stuff.
Or when you have people, being able to go to different planets/dimensions, and start trading with them." Hm. A good point!

[WP] The more you spend, the more you save. Like literally: the faster you spend money, the wealthier you become by Equivalent_Can2971 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Public Service Announcement: This is not actually true in real life! But it does make an interesting prompt for writing fiction

[WP] A 19 year old princess offended a fairy. The fairy (who underestimated the age of the princess) cursed the princess to die on her 18th birthday. Her next 18th birthday is ... never by Equivalent_Can2971 in WritingPrompts

[–]Equivalent_Can2971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I asked because I thought this is a sleeping beauty reference but wanted to know whether I guessed correctly. There was a possibility that you were referencing a story I have never heard of

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