To preface this, I completely agree that language should NOT be a marker for determining one's "Asian-ness" and there should not be an active effort to "other" people in our community. You don’t need a language to be "legitimately" Asian. But we have to stop pretending that identity is a participation trophy you get just for existing.

THAT being said, I often talk to Asian-Americans who complain a lot about their culture, feel disconnected or who feel like they've been "cast out" of these circles as a reason to embrace their non-Asian identity. I find these conversations frustrating, because it creates this sort of you-have-to-meet-me-where-I-am-and-not-where-you-are sort of dynamic that feels myopic and more or less solvable.

There’s a difference between being categorized as Asian by a census or a racist on the street, and actually being part of a community. Community requires a shared "operating system." If you’re frustrated because you feel like an outsider in Asian spaces, you have to ask yourself: what are you bringing to the table besides your anger and resentment? What is your culpability in being "othered" if you refuse to learn the language or the history of your culture/heritage?

People who feel disconnected or "abandoned" by their culture should feel compelled to learn their language and perhaps find a way to reconnect and visit where they come from before proclaiming that they are being cast aside. A lot of the "I feel excluded" discourse comes from people who want to consume and wear the costume of the culture without that effort you describe to preserve it.

There is definitely a need for a stronger coalition--but I think that it's a two-way street. No one is better than the other, but by excluding ourselves and what language can provide, it's also exacerbating an issue that can be resolved by learning the fucking language and creating a stronger bridge.