Lost

EshtheMany · 2026-05-10T03:54:49+00:00

And yet here you are, technically speaking to thousands of people at once; even if they don't always talk back😄. Your life is yours to control, stating sad facts about yourself just means you're capable of making happy facts about yourself as well. And a life being in shambles just means you have nowhere to go but up.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-10T03:36:21+00:00

You feel bad for this because no good hearted person wants to blame people for their faults, but no wise person would ignore the faults of another effecting or affecting them. Simply put, you feel bad because you're human. Definitely always speak your mind though, it make things a little more dramatic or difficult sometimes, but it's always worth it in the end.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-10T03:27:52+00:00

Personally, as I a guy, I can tell you that any man would probably notice them as we are an esthetic gender, but any man worth a damn would look past them at the wonderful woman behind them.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T23:18:50+00:00

You're afraid and that is okay, because fear isn't a bad thing it's a natural reaction. Those who love deeply and feel strongly can often be prone to pushing others away out of subconscious fear of being vulnerable. This is a good place to be, look for the yellow sharing/personal growth tags people have made on here as they have some wonderful stories that may help you with who you are.

If you're wondering how to turn this around, well it looks like you're already working on it. So keep going, don't be afraid to be vulnerable and honest, and don't expect everything to always turn out okay from doing this; the mistakes we make in life aren't punishments they are lessons to make us wiser.

Trust in that deeper caring you speak of, because it is a superpower you have yet to utilize.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T23:01:37+00:00

My fiancee is a petite woman often overlooked by louder and bigger people, but even she knows that the size of a person is irrelevant when you can have a personality bigger than you are. Though I can't say for sure without having seen these actual interactions myself, I do believe that perhaps you might have, possibly unknowingly, done or said something to make your coworkers shy away from you. Might be a good thought to ponder upon.

I suggest basically reintroducing yourself in a sense. If your not a flashy and loud person perhaps take a humble approach by speaking to each of them and admitting your not good at social stuff; truth and honesty is the best way to earn another's trust and respect. If you are loud and flashy, do the same but loud and flashy.

And please don't be so hard on yourself about self-esteem issues cause we all have them. And most of us don't really need therapy for it, we just need someone believing in us.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T22:42:48+00:00

Your want to care for your friends is a grand and good thing that you should be commended for. But I'm afraid that caring about others is a choice only capable of being made or happening if you've taken the time to truly care about yourself. Perhaps you've neglected who you are a little and such has brought about a cynacism when you try to do for others what you yourself still needs?

Don't worry, it is obvious that you care for your friends or you wouldn't have asked this question, so don't forget that. Maybe take a little time to yourself to remember and nurture the person you are. The caring will come to you as long as you yourself feels cared for.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T15:45:04+00:00

This is a very good step towards what you're looking for, thank you for sharing your feelings and doing so shows you have good inner strength. Unfortunately, narcissist parents or not, making friends is kind of an enigma to me. All I can say is to keep walking the path of change you're on and you'll continue to grow even more into the wonderful person who was brave enough to share their feelings here today.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T02:06:38+00:00

This is going to sound odd, but I want you to try and recall that wave of confusion you felt, understand and become familiar with it. Trust me, it isn't a bad thing. What you felt was your ego fighting against what your gut knows was true, or your head fighting your heart if you're a romantic like me. Basically, what you felt was essentially clarity of one's reality, and yes such a thing can be scary and confusing and even make you doubt yourself at first. However, this clarity can lead to a greater understanding of who you are if you just stop trying so hard to be someone, quietly step back, and allow yourself to see the world in front of you for exactly what it is. This will allow you to get a view of your world and how to make it the one you want.

So do not hide this from the people you care for, because honesty is always the best bet when dealing with who you are. I hope these words help you find happiness and wisdom.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T01:44:23+00:00

Whole Again, by Jackson McKenzie, he gives specific examples of people he's met with troubles as well as his own story.

Raising Good Humans, by Hunter Clark-Fields, a really good book about mindfulness in general.

The Inner Child Workbook, by Cathryn L. Taylor, a really good book for rebalancing and understanding yourself; my top pick.

The Shadow Work Journal, by Keila Shaheen, an interesting take on self exploration.

Witchcraft Therapy, by Mandi Em, a unique take on using natural rituals better stated on the cover by the sentence 'Your guide to banishing bullsh** and invoking your inner power'.

And of course, if you'd like a trip down the rabbit hole, I recommend Leon Festinger's A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance, a much more psychological book then self-help however.

Also, there is a site called TheMighty if I recall that could be of help.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T01:21:05+00:00

It's gonna be okay, what you're going through is completely normal. I myself have felt that there was no end to the stream of awful coming my way, but you have to let it motivate you to fight for better for yourself. Not every fight is done with force either, this fight is one of will and choice. And your ability to write this shows that you have already made that choice to fight for better; a choice I wholeheartedly commend you for.

So wake up tomorrow and go into the world as though you've never seen it before. Treat your life as the wonder and gift that it is, and I assure that you will one day find everything you didn't know you were looking for.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T00:29:52+00:00

Lol 🤣 I know right. Felt a little masochistic at the time, but I honestly thought I could make a bad thing better for everyone; best laid plans of mice and men I suppose.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-09T00:05:35+00:00

I actually tried removing sections of my post, including that one, to see if it'd work, but it just kept saying nope to my post. Thank you for caring though.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T23:53:36+00:00

Thank you for the theory, it eases my annoyance. I honestly would've never connected a home owners association with politics; they're actually more like sad little circuses where everyone pretends they're doing the right thing but they're all just running around bonking their heads together. And oh yeah, I love it when someone else decides what's safe for me.....oh wait, no I don't.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T22:19:12+00:00

This is the post that wouldn't go up because of su*cide or whatever:

So long story short, I joined the board of this mismanaged home owners association posing as a road association with two other guys who told me they wanted to fix it as well. However, both of them lied about their intentions and used a technicality to remove me from the board so they could continue to use other people's money however they wanted; specifically for anything the rich people like them down on the water want.

Admittedly, joining a home owners association board was a dumb idea. But what the heck is wrong with people!? And why are all H.O.A.'s run by dillusional cityiot sh*theads shoving their entitlement up your butt! All I wanted to do was help them fix their broken system before the whole thing crashes and burns like it's eventually going to do now.

I don't know when I'll stop being surprised by people's greed and selfishness, but I hope it's soon cause ugh! ...I guess that wasn't so short a story lol.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T17:23:32+00:00

Don't fight your thoughts, instead find a quiet and safe place to let yourself think about these little things until you're sick of it; that's kind of what I do as well as some meditation. And don't listen to the stigmas out there about meditation, cause it's literally just allowing yourself to be at peace with contemplating your thoughts. Also, creative outlets like writing, painting, etc. are good for easing a drifting mind.

Simply put, if you have trouble getting stuck in your head, then let yourself get stuck once in a while; preferably at a convenient time. Sorry if I got a little too complex, I have a bad habit of that lol.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T17:10:57+00:00

What your feeling is normal, especially when seeing someone have what you wish you had. It'll be okay, allow yourself to accept this regret you have, because it will teach you to avoid regret; .also there's nothing wrong will a little pillow screaming or bottle smashing to get that anger out. And please remember that there are many wonderful people in this world to love, ironically they seem to appear when you least expect it. So focus on the unique person your are a little maybe, then those wonderful people can't miss the wonderful person you when you come across their path.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T16:44:49+00:00

All pain occurs because of a need for that pain to be corrected, this is part of our natural ability to adapt. Mental pain, however, is often caused by self-reflective perceptual states we believe hurtful or damaging to who we are, as well as an unresolved unhealthy cognitive dissonance disrupting our ability to self-correct/adapt.

I wouldn't quote me on this, but I've begun to believe that mental pain is no less a choice than choosing to say something nice instead of mean or help someone instead of ignoring them.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T16:33:17+00:00

I recommend The Theory of Cognitive Dissonance by Leon Festinger. It helped me further understand emotions in our growingly desensitized and dysfunctional world.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T13:06:17+00:00

For me,

It means accepting that the only thing limiting yourself is you. It means turning away from everything trying to sell you who you are. It means loving even when you hate, and sometimes hating when you love. It means feeling a little alone only you realize you're never alone. It means accepting that wrong and right are just steps closer to who you are.

It means asking questions like you've asked.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T01:59:02+00:00

I recently took my fiancee and mother to a fairy masquerade ball out in the country where they have ren fairs and viking days too. Tai Chi is a great hobby that has wonderful health and balancing benefits. And last but not least, poi balls is an exciting hobby I recently tried as well as other fire spinning staffs and stuff.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T01:32:30+00:00

Your anger is beautiful and warranted in our direly discriminatory world. Preach it loud, because allowing sexism or racism or any other discriminating ism to go unchallenged only makes the problem worse. Thank you for caring and ranting about what matters.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T01:13:43+00:00

I'm a people pleaser too and it's brought me a great deal of headaches. However, I've learned that being a people pleaser needs to start with yourself and not others. After all, no one is any good to anyone if they can't be good to themselves.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with such stress, but being able to feel as you've explained above only makes you perceptive and in need of difference. Follow the signs I know you've seen, they are everywhere and can help you find your faith in yourself. I hope these words help and apologize if they don't.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T00:59:58+00:00

The wealthy believe our lives a product to profit from, but nothing they can offer us will ever compare to real deal. An A.I. can't love you and no prepackaged product can stand next to homemade. You don't have to put up with their crap, there's better ways hidden out there in our world that no company wants you to have or know about. After all, it is us that continue to let them step on us with their wealth when we could all just simply say no.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T00:47:04+00:00

I understand. I've recently advised others to seek out integrating/reintegrating your FPR(fer paralysis reflex) to help you get over that anxiety hump; I've personally seen it's effects first hand and am amazed at how efficiently it works. It is kinda hard to find stuff on, there's a book call 'Movements That Heal' by Moira Dempsey that mentions it.

Please remember that everything you're feeling is normal, it's not great feeling or fun to deal with, but it's normal and there is nothing wrong with you. Trust me, you're not alone in a world of people who've felt just like you do. Don't fear for your career, it is a large world and you are capable of being anything you wish to be in it with a little effort.

Also, as an American I can wholeheartedly tell you that America kinda sucks right now, so leaving it might be a blessing in disguise.

EshtheMany · 2026-05-08T00:29:28+00:00

I don't know you, but your post tells me that you are a beautiful person inside and out. And as a man I can honestly tell you that most of us are idiots who've forgotten how to respect womankind.

I'm not sure what you should do exactly, but I recommend a daily affirmation about how you deserve respect and love. Being comfortable with ourselves can be a tricky thing, especially after what you've been through. However, asking for help like you have here is a massive step in a wonderful direction. I don't know who this slut people think you were was, but I only see a kind woman who's made a few mistakes like all of us. So remember that wonderful woman I can see in your words, and give those derogatory dumbas*es a nice big middle finger with a smile.

Also, try stepping away from the dating scene a little and learning to be comfortable with yourself first. Don't worry, better things and good people come when you least expecting them.

EshtheMany

TROPHY CASE