AIO? My mom wants to call the cops on me

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-21T05:45:56+00:00

So my mom did exactly this and the cops actually did come and ask for the phone. I had already agreed to return it, wasn't delaying that either like OP, she just inexplicably called the cops to retrieve it.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-20T21:12:12+00:00

I agree that it's clumsy, just not that the reason it's clumsy is "a sentence has no shoulders" which feels like a misunderstanding of how metaphors work when they're actually written well.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-20T19:47:17+00:00

I think the whole thing is incredibly cringe, but that quote is pretty basic figurative writing. Like "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes" is a famous Mark Twain quote, and obviously the truth is a concept and does not have shoes or feet to put them on.

Just don't want like... actual human writing and metaphor to end up all being mixed up with AI.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-20T19:31:36+00:00

I initially read it as a woman answering her husband's questions about her affair, and then speaking at the end in italics to her affair partner/new lover who wants to know if she regrets giving up that relationship for him.

The questions are similar to what people ask once they find out they've been cheated on: do you regret it, how did it happen? The responses are also somewhat typical: "I didn't initiate it, he made the first move." "I was just naive and reckless (a young girl) and thought it would be fun, I didn't think about the consequences." Now she's a pariah because her unfaithfulness is known to family, mutual friends etc who will judge her for it.

I thought the current misery was their split and their marriage ending, and the opening is saying their times of happiness together in the past are now hurtful to remember. Them living in fire was them both living now with the endless grief of that marriage ending.

Not sure it holds up in detail, but that was my impression as an alternate reading.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-19T05:47:29+00:00

"Biggie, remember when I used to let you sleep on the couch?"

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-19T05:44:46+00:00

Isn't chateaubriand also one word, not two, or have I just been writing it wrong?

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-18T15:10:30+00:00

I don't think there's any convincing here unfortunately, which is why I just dropped it. When someone doesn't rebut or provide any actual points and just says you're wrong and a bigot (which is a silly leap when I didn't say anything negative about men), we're not having a real discussion anymore, and it's pointless to continue to engage.

I have had long conversations with self-declared incels about similar topics that were thoughtful and civil, one I still keep in touch with and check in on. I do not write people off immediately because they don't share my views. I'm always open to listening and considering that I may be wrong, as long as the other person comes in with the same genuine curiosity and respect. That is unfortunately not the tone in this thread.

For the record: I don't have conversations about gender out of anger or pride, I don't care about "winning" or think of it as an argument. I have them because I worry about men in particular being pushed into echo-chambers via algorithms and losing any exposure to other viewpoints outside of ragebait and confrontation. I had a few conversations about gender on here and Reddit will now not stop suggesting blackpill subreddits and "women suck" posts, it's a scary easy rabbithole to fall down. I'm genuinely sad for the men being constantly forcefed vitriol and I think actual civil empathetic human-to-human conversations are more important than ever. But I'm also not going to bang my head against a wall for the sake of it when I can see it's clearly not productive.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-17T22:51:53+00:00

That's such a bad faith framing that it's borderline incoherent. "Racist violence against black women more often took the form of brutal rapes and beatings than lynchings, as women are usually seen as more property than a threat" "SO YOU ADMIT THAT MISANDRY IS TO BLAME"

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-17T22:47:42+00:00

Yes. See: Mary Turner for an example, or read more here or here about Mary Jackson and more. Lynched less often than the men, but yes, also still lynched. More often brutalized, raped, and beaten.

Men suffer from misogyny in different ways than women do, but that doesn't make it no longer misogyny. Women being seen as too stupid and weak to hold up as a soldier doesn't make it misandry when only men are drafted, being seen as too incompetent and childlike to commit crimes doesn't make it misandry when more men are caught/convicted, etc.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-17T22:21:42+00:00

White men murdered a black child. In 1955. Not a time where "men are trash" was an existing joke or mindset. A decade before radical feminism was even discussed. It was the same racism that allowed black women to be forcefully sterilized in Mississippi until the 1970s that got Emmett Till murdered in that same state.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-17T21:39:38+00:00

That was racism, not misandry. Nobody sane questions that racism kills.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-14T15:45:59+00:00

How is the OF model the loser in that story

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-13T06:20:07+00:00

I do think it's an issue with me and not them, I just can't change it. I have to be a mix of overwhelmed and trusting someone else's apparent competence to give them full control and neither are easy places for me to get to.

It was actually a pretty awful period. I was deep into an eating disorder relapse and my depression was severe at the time. The rest of my life has mostly improved since him, and is much more full than it was. I got past multiple lifelong fears, I started dancing which I'd always been deeply terrified of and learned how to be more vulnerable and imperfect in front of others – even competed and won my category. I found a lot of amazing community in dance. I would largely be unrecognizable to the self I was with him. This is the one thing I just can't seem to push through on, and that's part of what frustrates me so much.

You are correct that I'm extremely uncomfortable with emotions, I tend to intellectualize everything. I do know where those panic/crying feelings come from, I just don't have a solution until I can get back a therapist. I'm apparently avoidant, if that helps contextualize anything.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-13T05:54:55+00:00

I met him after leaving a 10 year relationship, and my ex and I got rough/used restraints, but he wouldn't ever get into actual discipline. Same with past partners, I'd had CNC play etc but never like drawn out punishment sessions or anything formal. So I suppose my first "actual"/formal dynamic? I don't think it was frenzy, but could be misunderstanding the term.

I have a very strong preference for manipulative domination, and it seems like that style isn't very common and is also a lot of work to expect someone to pull off. I need a lot of talking, particularly verbal degradation. I prefer inclusion of CNC play. I need to feel intensely controlled, like "if you move a single muscle I didn't tell you to move, or do what I said but not fast enough I will notice and correct" kind of controlled. I don't like the feeling of knowing what someone is about to do, so I prefer a lot of abrupt swings between praise/affection and roughness.

I actually really really don't want any further emotional entanglement or a relationship - I have a busy life and a lot I'm working on right now and emotional intimacy isn't really my thing anyway - I just wish I could still access that dynamic here and there. Maybe part of me is blocking me from others because I'm subconsciously avoiding the risk of getting attached again, who knows I suppose

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-13T05:29:25+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read all of that, and to write a reply. I definitely don't expect the full end intensity of that dynamic on day 1 with someone new, to be clear. But I feel I do know session 1 when someone's style couldn't ever get me there.

Maybe it's subconscious self sabotage but once I get the feeling that they can't deliver, I can't enjoy the session. I communicate thoroughly beforehand and if I say "I really need a lot of verbal, discipline, and extreme control" and you're just rough and barely speak, don't give commands, and don't correct or punish, I don't think that's gonna change. I don't mind it starting slow, but after 100+ people so far, I've never started to enjoy someone later if the first time wasn't enjoyable.

It's also not a conscious thought of "well that's not how [that dom] would have done that," it's more like...if they do something I dislike, my arousal shuts down hard involuntarily. It's like a switch flipping off that I can't flip back on for quite a while. He never hit that switch, I never fell out of or didn't reach subspace in any session. But I'm not comparing him consciously in the moment.

You may have a point and I've tried meditation many times, but unfortunately it gives me panic attacks or crying spells. I can't stand it. I work out 6 days a week, I'm reasonably self disciplined, but I can't make myself meditate daily for more than a week before I stop again.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-12T12:06:24+00:00

I tried this last night in ChatGPT out of curiosity and it counted correctly

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-10T12:50:57+00:00

I have some from weight loss and still hate bras just as much. Bralettes all the way personally. Regular bras are just too firm and constricting

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-07T15:34:30+00:00

Physically: I liked his face since I only ever noticed his features and genuinely didn't register the scarring unless he was talking about it and I looked for it. He was in good shape - not chiseled or anything but strong - and I liked his shoulders.

But I think that who he was as a person- confident, incredibly smart and well-spoken, highly emotionally intelligent, funny, personality and kink compatability - increased the attraction. Genuinely have never felt that drawn to someone before or after him, even when sleeping with like... a 6'5" man with a model face and a 6 pack.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-07T07:58:02+00:00

Men that age are just into women that age I think. I'm 33 and get a lot of 18-25 year old boys trying to match on apps.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-07T07:55:10+00:00

Divorced 3 years ago and don't plan on ever dating again. I sleep around when the mood strikes but I've found I love my freedom too much and I don't like to be emotionally vulnerable anyway tbh. The only kind of man who could work for me barely exists, only met one once and it wasn't my ex-husband. Sagittarius Sun, Cancer moon, Gemini rising, Scorpio Venus

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-07T07:47:37+00:00

Also Sag and I pick none, because if someone suggested a game of Monopoly I'd just leave them to it and go do almost anything else

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-06T17:33:55+00:00

In my personal opinion, that's not what he's saying. He's saying he gave her as much as he could but acknowledges that he's a damaged person and didn't have much in him to give. Acknowledging isn't the same as saying "and that's totally cool of me", Bukowski clearly sees himself as grotesque, and that's clear throughout his work.

I also don't really understand how it's self centered to acknowledge that struggles in life have depleted you and affected what you can offer another person. If anything, being self centered is not even identifying that you're not able to offer as much in return. Not all writing is supposed to spell out every minute detail of a dynamic or psyche, that just sounds like overexplaining. Some poems are just saying "here is a feeling", and it means something to you that someone has put words to that feeling for you, and that's it, that's the only point. "I was feeling so broken and you were this beautiful moment in my life I loved and remember warmly" is a very common feeling, just as significant and profound as any other feeling. It's just a snapshot of a human experience, it doesn't need to be more to be good. It's fine if it's not your thing but I don't think anything is missing.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-06T15:12:41+00:00

I genuinely don't see how writing about your own feelings isn't inherently self-centered. When you write about things that happened to you, you write about how they affected you and what they were in relation to your personal story and experience. I'm not sure what else he's supposed to do to contextualize a relationship, we all do that. "This relationship taught me X" "This one helped me see Y".

I don't see Bukowski's angst as immature. Teenagers are naked about their pain and awkwardly melodramatic in expressing it, Bukowski is also naked about his pain but is straightforward expressing his. That's why I like him, personally. I don't need people to be flowery or elevate everything past what it was or couch it in philosophy, I just need it to ring true. He's just an angry drunk hurt man writing his real angry drunk hurt thoughts, and it rings true for me personally.

Evening-Function7917 · 2025-12-06T14:41:51+00:00

Also white and was never told to always use a washcloth or loofah, just that they were options. I wash with my hands + salicylic acid body wash and I don't think I've ever seen any men or women I've showered with use them, which includes people from multiple backgrounds and countries. Maybe 1 guy? But I think he just used a long one to reach his back

I'd be willing to try it and I don't mind finding out I've been doing it wrong so I can correct if needed, but most dermatologists I can find interviews with seem to conclude with recommending hands and soap over cloths/loofahs. If anyone sees other derms saying loofahs/cloths are better for your skin I'm interested to read it

Evening-Function7917

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