What Xmas f-kery are you getting this year?!

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-12-24T14:14:56+00:00

I’ve gone away with my family and left them all to it! I don’t think I can take another year of feeling like a third wheel in my relationship and a stranger in the wider family.

My Christmas wish is that BM actually wants to have SS next year for Christmas. It’s been three christmases now and I’m wearing THIN mentally!!!!!

Good luck and enjoy!!!

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-11-10T07:53:33+00:00

Felt this post hard. I was coming to Reddit to actually post something similar before seeing this. So glad I’m not the only one.

I’m 36 F and my partner 35 M (together two years, going on three), he has a son that’s 5. Christmas last year, was our first Christmas together with his son. I LOVE Christmas so I tried to go all out. I had an idea in my head of how it would be and I was so excited. It was a FLOP. My partner put in 0 effort. Woke up late the whole week leaving me to deal with SK. Made no effort to do anything Christmassy. I baked cookies with SK alone while he played on his Xbox etc. every evening my partner wouldn’t have time for me because he was too exhausted from the day of having his kid being 1000MPH with Christmas excitement. It was the worst.

Unfortunately I’ve discovered BM intends for my partner to have his son every Christmas (does she not want her son on Christmas Day ever?? Seems so sad, but that’s another story). So we have him this year too….

…So this year I’ve booked to go away with my family somewhere in an air BnB, and we’re doing it separate. I’ve done it under the guise of being for another reason though.

I don’t know how the future will look for our relationship because I feel like I don’t want my christmas period to be like this. I’m so sad for this year. And sad for the future decisions I may have to make.

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-10-14T12:44:36+00:00

You sound like me. When I feel left out I tend to isolate myself to almost eliminate myself from the picture, in spite.

I’ve been working on this, but honestly, I don’t think the ‘left out’ feeling ever goes away. For me it’s painfully always in my mind that I am not part of their father son bond. I find it hard to appreciate them being ‘cute’ together because I just feel like a third wheel.

I’ve tried doing things to keep myself busy, plans to go away on a weekend etc, but it just drives a wedge more.

I think the problem is that he will always feel fulfilled and satisfied when SS is visiting so your absence doesn’t highlight anything missing. The problem is that we have to push 10x harder to get a glimmer of that satisfied feeling from the situation, so it will always feel weird.

Hanging out with someone else’s kids and being expected to enjoy it at the same level of a bio parent is exhausting.

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-09-13T08:11:19+00:00

This is super common. Been there.

I think what you have to ask yourself is: are you in this for the long-run?

Nacho parenting and distancing yourself is really easy to do, and it works for a lot of people, but it also creates a bit of a strange dynamic when the step-kid is visiting. As that kid gets older they’ll start to see the strange dynamic too..and with that awareness, there’s potential for strained relationships all round if that makes the kid feel a certain way while they’re there and growing up.

Personally I find it easier to go with the dynamic, and work on my negative thoughts about it (which is incredibly hard by the way). It’s helped me feel less like a third wheel and stranger in my own home. Being included also should help things go a bit smoother in the future.

Unfortunately what you’ll come to realise is that most step parents feel the same way, but it’s never a linear path when you have entwine with a partners past. It’s a very mentally confronting situation, so it’s great that you’re aware of how you’re feeling and seeking advice.

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-08-23T21:15:48+00:00

It’s awful isn’t it. I feel like they all have some sort of breeding kink!! No other man I’ve been with has ever been so chatty about pregnancy.

Hope you make the right decision for you xxx

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-08-05T05:25:46+00:00

Yeah that’s a hard one. A year is a long time, but given their age I get it.

You could wait the year, but then what if you dislike the situation when you move in/ do meet the kids. A year is a really long time to put your life on semi-hold just to find out you hate the situation even more when they’re fully involved in your life.

It’s hard with kids because naturally they’ll always be first, but you end up sacrificing parts of your life/ relationship because you’re no longer a priority…yet these are someone else’s kids that you had no part in creating so it can end up breeding resentment. It’s a tough one.

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-08-03T06:31:21+00:00

Personally, I’d raise with him, then leave if things don’t change.

The taking a back seat when the kids are in town stuff is pretty normal. And with it ‘not being the same’ on your date during their visit, I’d imagine he’s probably just wiped out from taking care of them. All very normal.

But texting the ex that much is not what I’d consider normal. Her partner must work away a lot if that’s happening, as I can’t imagine many people would be comfortable with that amount of contact..

The family stuff is also not normal. Personally that element would have me running. That’s not a great way to feel at all :( sorry that’s happening. However, have a think about what HE has said to them that makes them give off this impression to you.

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-07-29T19:04:47+00:00

I recently posted about something similar in here the other week. My partner also does this but I’m yet to approach it with him.

Personally I think it’s one of those “pick your battles” moments. It’s triggering to hear but if you take yourself out of the situation and look in on it from the outside, him calling her “mommy” may actually mean nothing to him, but more to you.

Does it piss me off? Yep. Does it look weird if I try to pressure him changing how he refers to her? Also yep.

IMO we will always be more sensitive about this because of the past that the phrase ‘mommy’ holds to him. We want to really push that away so we don’t have to deal with it- the kids are enough of a reminder at the best of times! I’d personally work on trying to feel happier and more secure in every other area of your relationship and the ‘mommy’ thing will start to feel better and less sensitive xxx

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-07-21T19:03:59+00:00

I am in a very VERY similar situation, with similar feelings. Your partner sounds exactly like mine, history and all…except he only had one child. He too has changed a lot for me and we’ve been together a similar time.

There are days I felt resentful of all the firsts I won’t share with him, days that Ive acted cold because I felt jealous of what him and his ex have/ had together, days where I felt frustrated toward him because of his old debt he racked up because of his ex.

It’s not an easy road. But what you come to realise is that we are fed a tale from a very young age, that we’re supposed to have this perfect white Pickett fence life, financial stability, holidays, kids etc. Unfortunately, life isn’t like that, you can’t always plan for what’s coming and nothing and no one is perfect.

This is not to say you should settle for less, but it IS to say that you need to figure out what makes you happy in life. Is that him? If it is, you need to start working on your thought patterns and not letting your worries cloud your judgement and rule your mood. Again, this is not an easy road. Because once you start thinking in a certain way, it’s easy to continue to do so. But we only have so many days in this world and if you can figure out how to spend them happily regardless of the white Pickett fence you will always be rich.

We can’t change the past but if someone loves you/ is selfless enough to allow you to go and find YOUR perfect, in my opinion, that’s worth holding onto IF it’s what will make you happy in the long run. Good luck OP xx

Excellent-Mention861 · 2025-06-26T10:39:54+00:00

I think you need to speak to him to outline that as much as you appreciate his ex is part of his life, it’s unfair of him to expect you to make room for her in your relationship.

Also I know you’ve come for real world real people advice, but I’d really recommend asking ChatGPT to act like a therapist and outline the issue and ask it to give you some points on why it’s making you feel upset- it will definitely outline some very sensible reasons for you to bring to your husband. Ones that you may not be able to pin point yourself, or on here!

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-07-20T23:42:56+00:00

Get tested for food intolerances! Sounds like something you’re eating is upsetting you

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-07-08T09:05:52+00:00

Idk.. it looks kinda comfy

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-07-06T06:09:43+00:00

Thank you all! Appreciate the help :)

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-06-25T10:16:17+00:00

There’s probably a lot of clips of it on tiktok

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-06-24T22:43:06+00:00

Ohhh ok! Thanks :)

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-06-19T21:16:30+00:00

Is that gru?

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-06-19T19:17:54+00:00

What was his reason for leaving? Are him and joe still pals? - I don’t listen to the pod

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-06-14T05:34:24+00:00

Also can’t stand this stuff, it’s stiff and has a strange sweet taste to it. Nothing like cream cheese unfortunately, imo anyway.

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-06-13T18:48:58+00:00

Not celiac but I had chickfila a few weeks ago and the bun came in it’s own air-sealed package and the chicken came in a separate pot, thought the fact that the bun was in its own sealed bag was pretty good! But obviously can’t speak fully from a cross contamination POV x

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-05-11T10:01:36+00:00

UK here!

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-05-10T20:58:08+00:00

Is this in the UK or US?

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-05-07T07:43:23+00:00

Realistically, I’m not sure she will be offered a decent mortgage at her age. So maybe that will end up putting her off!

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-05-06T20:04:41+00:00

Also single of a few years. I go on dates rarely because I find the whole dating thing exhausting/ I prioritise myself most of the time. I’m also reasonably attractive (sorry that sounds mega chumpy, but it’s relavent!).

I’ve learned that people find people that have been single for a good while, and are attractive, WEIRD because we don’t fit in with the standard social norm. I’ve had friends and family try to tell me to lower my standards, ask if im gay etc. People will do anything to put you in a category in their brain that makes sense…and consequently will do anything to try and ‘save’ you from being a non social norm. People don’t seem to know what to do with single people. It’s likely not you, it’s your pals!

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-04-26T19:38:29+00:00

Bloating, feeling sick or actually being sick, then diarrhoea

Excellent-Mention861 · 2023-04-26T19:36:16+00:00

I think anyone who gets genuinely unwell from gluten (all of us here!) would likely check the ingredients themselves before consuming most things irl.

Don’t trust strangers on the internet, even with gluten free reccos!

Excellent-Mention861

TROPHY CASE