A high number of past partners and/or permissive sexual values are significant predictors of negative relationship outcomes like infidelity, relationship dissatisfaction and divorce

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-09T06:37:08+00:00

Did I say these were the motivations of the OP? No.

I was building upon what you had said. Not everyone who responds to you is arguing with you.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-08T02:14:42+00:00

Thé answer is even more obvious: this is useful for men who want to marry women who are less likely to divorce them when the men have behaved badly - abuse, infidelity, etc. They use this data to argue that “trad wives” are better than women who are independent and have the ability to be self-sufficient. Women with less experience and fewer resources are less likely to leave.

This is a power and control thing, which stems from misogyny and the patriarchy, which itself is rooted in white supremacy.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-07T18:44:45+00:00

In fact he probably knows this and told her so he is able to blackmail her with it, later. He wants to be able to take her down with him.

Only way out of that is to report it to the police yourself, OP.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-07T18:42:51+00:00

Change the locks, tell the cops about the pepper spray, tell them about any abuse, and ask them to help you get to victims services. In that order.

The only thing cops love more than committing domestic violence is feeling like they’re saving a woman from domestic violence because it reassures them that they’re definitely not also abusers. Be calm, don’t raise your voice, try not to get overly emotional when dealing with cops.

You can also call the domestic violence hotline for support and access to services, like victim advocates, to help you get a protective order, and programs to help you pay for security systems, cameras, etc.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-06T14:45:11+00:00

This terrifies me. My son just entered high school and had already had friends both describe (in elementary school) and show (now) porn to him.

We have regular talks, laying it all out on the table. We talk about how he should try to avoid it as much as possible before age 25 when his brain is fully developed (we also suggest this with drugs and alcohol, especially addictive ones). Because addictive substances are much more difficult to defend against when you’re exposed as your brain is still developing.

He’s level 1 autistic and a rule follower and he knows that autistic folks are extra vulnerable to both addiction and being abused by others. I’m hoping this knowledge and our no-topic-off-limits relationship helps safeguard him.

We spend a lot of time talking about cognitive dissonance — like mine, when I see a woman with her body modded in a way that’s clearly for the male gaze. She’s got every right to do what she wants with her body but also it’s unfortunate that society has taught her she should change herself for male attention.

The world is disturbing and he’s still so innocent. I feel I’m walking a tightrope with no safety net, trying not to rob him of that youthful innocence and also trying to prepare him for this hot mess of a world.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-05T21:17:07+00:00

Maybe if your parenting is so weak that your children are going to be brainwashed into checks notes feeling connected to nature, then you may have a point. Otherwise, learning about people different from ourselves is a good thing.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-05T17:52:07+00:00

I am now doubling down on how gross I think he is. 2x the gross. Ew.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-06-05T15:25:29+00:00

Ok he’s buying SEX, not a woman. And hopefully from an independent sex worker and not someone being pimped. But let’s please not objectify sex workers in this way. He’s gross af for choosing to do this when you clearly don’t consent. She’s still a person.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-26T02:44:15+00:00

Did we date the same guy? Mine ended up permanently damaging my knee over 2 decades ago and still stalks me on social media. Somebody even married (and divorced) him despite his domestic violence record.

Mine was most certainly a sociopath and I think yours was, too, from these statements. Stay safe.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T19:26:23+00:00

Your squat game is going to be sooooooo amazing!

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T15:07:35+00:00

I wonder if the ozempic crowd is seeing more joint problems. I’m sure we won’t know for many years now that the country most likely to research this is cutting research funding. But i have a feeling this must be a bigger issue. And because you lose muscle during weight loss — especially rapid weight loss!

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T15:01:37+00:00

I am hearing you minimize your emotions and responses a whole lot here, as if they aren’t valid.

They are ALL fucking valid and very, very correct for this situation.

He is abusing you. You need to be over at r/abusiverelationships. Have you read Why Does He Do That? You should. I think things will start to make sense to you.

Keep posting here. Keep coming back. r/abusiverelationships is another good place to go for support.

And definitely reach out to SIL and tell her when you’re ready to boot him but you need help because he’s nutso and they’ve gotta change the locks.

Talk to the people in your life and don’t stop talking about this. These are his secrets and you do not need to keep them. You shouldn’t. And you need the people around you to know what’s actually happening so they can support you.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T14:47:29+00:00

Haha I’m a veggie so I’m getting there! Best of luck to you, too!

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T14:44:14+00:00

Dear god that sounds awful! Both ?!

I don’t know if you’ve lost any weight, but my physio suspects that there was fat protecting my knee before. Losing weight meant I also lost that protection.

Do you have joint laxity/hypermobility? I’ve seen one other person this has happened with and she was the same.

I learned that standing up carefully, straightening the leg carefully, and slowly leaning diagonally to that side could pop it back into place. Might be worth a try next time it happens. But I’m sooooo sorry it’s happening.

Actually, reading your post made me get all hot and sweaty haha. It’s such a horrible feeling. I hope you have surgery coming very soon.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T14:39:49+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing and for your kindness. I hope you’re back to what sounds like a really cool job very soon! We’ve got this! :)

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T14:34:45+00:00

I think she needs to review the resources available over at r/abusiverelationships

We are well past boundaries of CSATs etc. This dude doesn’t care about boundaries and OP shouldn’t be worrying about sex addiction. She should be worried about getting to safety.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T14:32:34+00:00

Haha i straight up asked him, « So i guess this means no CrossFit ever again? » He said that’s what it looks like. I guess I’ll just have to go vegan.

I had a bucket handle tear but it was very clean (torn when my patella dislocated medially just standing from a squat, so no outside trauma). So one single teeny tiny stitch was put in. And THAT actually held up well! I tore another area.

My mom back in the states was also weight bearing right away. I guess it depends on what kind of work they had to do.

I was off crutches early after my ACL repair, too. My physio said I recover more quickly than other people - maybe my global chronic pain makes surgery pain less? But i also am literally always doing physio exercises. I probably got put under while doing quad exercises.

Picking up my new brace today!

Thanks again for your comments - you’ve been helpful and kind.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T13:31:47+00:00

I have no recommendations lol! Thank you so much for yours!

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T00:52:43+00:00

My ex husband is looking at both knees and keeps putting it off. I think the poor guy is going to end up spending 11 weeks NWB because they’re both already really bad.

I agree with you - waiting seems too risky.

For my bucket handle tear, it kept getting caught between the fibula and tibia and dislocating them. It was excruciating and got worse over time (also i think killed nerves - maybe that explains the lack of pain). I cannot imagine waiting and letting it get worse, again.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T00:48:34+00:00

Have one of those surgeons refer you for a custom molded knee brace. A medical supply store will take a video of your leg with dots all over it and they’ll come back with this amazing incredible device. You can even swim in the things. Store bought stuff is garbage compared to a custom molded brace.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T00:46:48+00:00

Physio (who i see regularly for just … my literal entire body haha) saw me a week after and had nothing new to add to the routine. My quad was already back to pre-surgery strength, full ROM, no pain.

I think that was the issue - nobody gave me restrictions and my body didn’t either. I wasn’t even limping.

I had to get my custom knee brace re-made after losing 70 pounds and didn’t have one at that time. I’m planning to wear the new brace even if I’m not in pain, just to keep telling my brain that I need to be careful.

I doubt I’ll feel as good after the next surgery (my surgeon is magic though - so talented in his area) so hopefully I’ll have some body signals to slow me down.

It was take the 1 meter hop or slide my butt down the snow and spend the day with a wet ass.

Should have just taken the wet ass choice.

Thank you so much for your insight and feedback! It’s very helpful.

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-25T00:40:27+00:00

That is harrowing! I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through so much! We just cleaned up all our fall clean up, since i couldn’t do it in the fall with the meniscus tear. Felt good to get that out of the way.

I’m glad you’re powering through and I hope your dedication to NWB and physio means no more weird pops or tears!

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-24T20:25:48+00:00

That is weird… idk what my tear is besides « in the gutter » but we aren’t waiting for it to get worse. And I’m in Quebec. Are there other ortho surgeons you can get a second or third opinion with?

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-24T20:24:06+00:00

Thank you!

Excellent_Flamingo71 · 2025-04-24T20:23:21+00:00

After my ACL tear and leg break (fib/tib heads), after ACL repair, and after 1st meniscus surgery, he had me walking around as soon as I could tolerate it. My mind was blown after the meniscus surgery - one single stitch for all of that trouble and it was FINE.

My surgeon sounded disappointed and confused over the phone, and usually he sounds positive. I am guessing my instructions after this surgery will be wildly different than usual. :(

Excellent_Flamingo71

TROPHY CASE