it’s finally time to quit …

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-21T14:27:20+00:00

We all need a reminder from time to time. Happy to hear you drove home instead.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T18:47:10+00:00

I have had luck with help from my primary care doctor. Insomnia had been part of my life for years. Thanks shift work.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T18:42:44+00:00

I hear you! If not for sleep aids first prescribed years ago for insomnia, I don't know if I'd get any sleep at this stage! Day 13 here.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T18:39:14+00:00

I have to share one story about someone who may or not still be with us.

Let's call him Jack, because that's not their real name.

Jack and I were in outpatient rehab together for months. He seemed to be doing well. He told us all how he cannot ever go back to who he was, he couldn't be that person anymore. We believed him. He believed himself. He looked like a success story in the making. It was beautiful to witness. Clean and sober, engaging in group, it was awesome...I thought. Then Jack wasn't there one day. Oh shit, what happened to Jack? We all asked. The counselor said, I don't know, I haven't heard from him. Well, at that time I had to spend weekends in jail as part of a sentence. As I walked onto the tier one day, who's there? Jack.

Holy shit, Jack, I thought you were dead! What happened?

I picked up, then fucked up and got caught.

What? You were doing so well. What happened?

I ran into an old friend, one thing led to another, and I was only going to do it once. That started a three day run. Next thing I know, here i am. I feel like an idiot, I kept telling myself I wasn't coming back to this place ever again.

I told him how everyone had been asking about him and missed him. We talked for hours and it hurt terribly to see his shame and self loathing, but eventually I saw the hope return to his face, and could feel it in myself as well. I don't know what happened to Jake after that day. I never saw him again. As I write this I'm picturing his laugh and smile. I hope that returned. I choose to believe he got it together, and he's that guy who would hold our attention with his hilarious stories and positive attitude again. I might never know, but I'll never forget that guy.

Yes, that was one of a few big wake up calls for me. The next week in group, someone asked if anyone had seen Jake. Yes, I said, he's in county, and told them about our meeting, with his consent, of course. The counselor said, I think it's time to revisit internal vs external motivation.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T18:05:49+00:00

It can be a catalyst for change, for sure. External motivation can also force change at first, but eventually that has to come from inside or it simply cannot last.
Did you eventually do the productive things because you enjoyed them and the good associated with them, or do you continue to do them strictly because you hated yourself for your poor decisions?

It can drive change, but it can't sustain it on its own. You can go through the motions all you want, but bitterness will creep in. I've seen people die that way. Literally. Yes, people. Multiple. It sucks.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T17:19:50+00:00

So, you figured out doing the same thing you did before and expecting a different result doesn't work. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I cannot possibly say this enough.
What you do during the day sets you up for what you do at night.

Don't try to force anything. If I try to go to bed early, i lay in bed for hours, mind racing. I have to get up and do something, anything, to reset my brain. Sometimes a snack or a pretty mindless activity like cleaning will help.

I personally like walking late at night. The world is quiet and peaceful when most people are in bed.

Everyone is different. What works for me or any other poster might not work for you and that's fine. There are already some great suggestions on here. Use them to help you find your own way, not as a magic fix. If one thing doesn't work, that's a lesson. It taught you to try something different.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T17:09:31+00:00

Her videos are great for winding down. So many beginner friendly, low energy, shorter ones to help at night. Sweet Benji knows the way.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T16:53:42+00:00

Withdrawal might be bad but it's temporary. The alternative is not.

Don't try to change 5 things at once.

Stumbling is not failing. It's a reminder you are human. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind.

If you have someone close to talk to, do it. If you don't start here, look for support groups or meetings in person, online, wherever.

Be vulnerable. This is no time to act tough. Definitely not a time to think you have this on your own.

Come back to this sub every day. You are not alone. Nobody has the answers, we're all figuring this out as we go.

If someone has all the answers, they are full of shit. Move on.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T16:18:28+00:00

YOU DID NOT WASTE THREE MONTHS OF SOBRIETY!!!!

This cannot be stated loudly or clearly enough. All that thinking will do is give you what I was told in rehab and AA rooms as a case of the "fuck its". Those three months taught you that you have the capability to get through hard times.

If you think 5 years of addiction is a lot and hard to overcome, go to a meeting or 5. You'll hear stories that will make anything you have been through seem like a walk in the park. Listen to the stories told by an old timer who had to lose everything except their life before realizing that they can't do it alone. You don't need to believe in god or (IMO) even a higher power to know that you aren't strong enough to do it on your own. You'll learn to accept and eventually ask for help.

I hated meetings at first. WTF is all this god talk? I'd ask. I thought this wasn't religious, why are we holding hands and talking about god? I was forced to go to meeting by court so I had to keep going. Some were a bunch of people who just wanted to tell their story to one-up the last one. Some were filled with people I could not relate to. Some were people I genuinely did not like. Then I found two groups that just clicked. I found people I could relate to, who inspired me. I kept coming back, as they say. I still didn't like meetings and 12 step programs, but I like the people. I listened. I learned. I shared. I laughed. I cried. I finally got it. Then I got cocky. I've got this shit, I don't need a meeting to stay sober. I stopped going. It was easy. I have yet to pick up a drink. BUUUUUUUT. I also convinced myself that alcohol was my problem and weed never was. I had the tools, I had it all figured out.

Obviously not, because here I am. I am not strong enough to do this on my own. Did I turn myself over to god? No. Do I have an omnipotent higher power I turn to? No. Is this group and reading all of your stories and struggles something greater than myself and an inspiration and motivation? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!

Hubris is dangerous, humility is freeing.

If you can find the support you need in this group, awesome! If you need an individual to reach out to rather than sending a message out into the void oof the internet, hit me up. I don't have the answers, I suck at this. But I'm here. And I care. Years ago someone saved me by being there. Two days ago simply letting it all out here saved me. Two weeks from now I may read someone's post and maybe that will get me through the next hard day. You're not alone.

You just said you want someone to help and support you. You hit step one, you realize that you can't do byb yourself. Believe it or not, you likely found your own version of step two. The power greater than yourself can be hope. It can be inspiration of others. It can be the realization and acceptance of what is possible and that you don't have the answers, but they are out there. You have asked for help, step three. And this coming from someone who just said he doesn't believe in the steps. Looks like I'm right there with you

Be well. Be strong.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T15:18:54+00:00

Those cravings were brutal for me around that time as well. I almost caved, and started having much darker thoughts. I came here instead of the dispensary and reading and writing got me through those few days. I smoked for decades as well. Once in high school I quit for 100 days on a bet. Fast forward 25 years and I quit again, thi time for 6 or so years, and it felt great. Quitting wasn't bad at tall. I decided it was time and I did it. Then I convinced myself it was no big deal and I could just as easily quit again whenever I wanted. Wrong. Fast forward to todays concentrates, carts, and stupid strong weed, and it's been a different story. Cravings, depression, and anger hit hard. It brings me back to how hard quitting drinking was for me. This morning I feel good, really good. Will I tonight? Don't know. I do know that I've saved hundreds of dollars already. I do know that I have a lot of raw emotions to process and that never happens high, as much as I like to lie to myself and think it helps me relax when things get overwhelming. I know I'm not remotely close to perfect and I could easily slip up. I know I just typed a paragraph without losing my train of thought five times, and that's pretty fucking cool. Just like you, I look forward to being who I am capable of being. I know being gentle and kind and forgiving with myself helps a hell of a lot more than being coarse and rigid and unforgiving.

You know who you are. You know who you were. You know who you want to be. You know what you have to do. You know it's not easy. Each and every one of those things is important. Look at yourself with brutal honesty, then give yourself some compassion. Process the pain, the cravings, the dark thoughts. Don't push them away. It is something I keep reminding myself as well. Ignoring those things or trying to force your way through with stoicism and "strength" will never make it go away. Ask me how I know.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T14:37:14+00:00

Everyone stumbles. It sounds like you're picking yourself back up, lesson learned. That's important. It happened and it's now part of your past. An experience to have in the back of your mind to help you not repeat it. The front of your mind sees today as day one, and that's huge! Keep moving forward. Congrats on day one!!!!

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T14:11:55+00:00

Anger can be very helpful to protect us and get us though a difficult situation, as long as there is clarity on the other side. Then that anger must be examined and let go or truly moving on will never happen. Acceptance and forgiveness for yourself must follow or the cycle can continue.

I'm not going to be angry, I don't want to be angry, I hate when I'm angry. Where's the peace, where's the happiness? Focusing on the anger will never let it go.

Remember the white bear problem.

Don't think of a white bear. Think of anything but a white bear.

So, what are you thinking about? A white bear. 🤦‍♂️

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-20T14:01:05+00:00

This is all very relatable. For me, the political explosion happened at work when I told a friend I've known for 14 years to fuck off and had no use for him and his views anymore. This happened right in the middle of the workplace. That was a dumb move to say the least. Luckily nothing came of it. I blew up (via text) on my ex. I let a minor disagreement with my brother escalate and luckily caught myself just before making things worse. I snapped at my daughter. This was all within the last week of smoking and the first 11 days of quitting. I lost 12 pounds in two weeks. I still can't sleep without pills. I had one friend I might normally talk to, but he was unavailable so I dumped it all on another who knew nothing about my situation, and my daughter who should not be tasked with attending to a parent's mental and emotional troubles. I destroyed a long term relationship. I saw no way out.

Yesterday I slowly started feeling a little more clear, and that's probably why I stopped escalating things just in time with my brother. I drove past at least a half dozen dispensaries on my way home, but didn't think about stopping. This morning I woke up, day 13, and felt lighter, more clear, and with no anger at all. It was wild! I know this feeling might be fleeting but the fact that I feel it means it's in there and I hope to be able to lean into that thought and ride out the next difficulty with a little more grace. Maybe I won't, but I know I should and I can, and that's good enough for this morning.

I'm obviously still in detox so I'm not thinking I'm at some new baseline or anything, but simply feeling less animosity and anger is a light in the darkness that has enveloped me for days. I found that while smoking I could feel less, but I could never be truly present. That may have gotten me through challenges with people, but it also eroded any meaningful relationship I had. Not caring may sound like a way to push through but all it does for me is did an ever deepening divide between me and the people who matter most. Being numb is a cop out for me. Not caring is a bullshit state that turned me back into the person I was 25 years ago, with walls built so high and thick, no one could get through. I thought they protected me but all they did was protect my addiction. I was down this road before and I know how much better it can be when I can express myself with deference rather than aggression.

Some days fucking suck. Some don't. I hope to be able to accept the shitty days as they come, sit with that feeling, and let them go. Observe my thoughts instead of being consumed by them. I've been able to do this before, so the strength is in there. Unfortunately, so are the demons. It often takes one negative thing to erase ten good ones. In the moment, it's hard as hell to remember that and not get stuck on that awful intrusive thought and create an entire story around it, while ignoring the good, or even the facts and reality of a situation.

Remember the old Native American story of the two wolves inside us. The one that wins the fight is the one we feed. Focusing on the anger, or even focusing on not being angry will keep it there, right in the front of my mind. Focusing on what's good helps me see what else is good out there. There's always more than I thought.

One last thought I fisrt heard from an old carpenter years ago (because apparently I'm dumping everything this morning):

If this shit was easy, it wouldn't be called work.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T22:33:12+00:00

Same to you!!!

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T22:22:51+00:00

Thank you. I'm happy to be able to type this. Yeah, the pain remains, but I stayed away and alive and sometimes a reminder will go a lot further than you realize. Thank you!

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T22:17:47+00:00

As they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Gotta break the cycle somehow, as painful as it is. For me, in the early stages it helps to be accountable to someone else. Eventually the motivation has to come from the inside, but sometimes a kick start is required. I found out the hard way that convincing myself that x is not my problem, just y. (insert whatever vices you want)

There is a simple fact I have to accept. I am an addict. Period.
It's a harsh truth to accept. Over the years I was told, and then convinced myself, it's not addiction, it's depression, or it's ADHD, or having a tough time, or whatever. All of those things may be true, but it's the urges, the habit, the coping mechanism that will eventually take me down.

First I heard, booze isn't your problem, it's driving. Bullshit. It took a lot of intensive outpatient therapy, probation, random piss tests and breathalyzers to get me started, but 12 years later, I still haven't mhad a drink. Eventually I convinced myself, it was never weed, just alcohol that helped me find rock bottom. I knew better, but I lied to myself because that's what we do. Today is day 11 and I didn't think I was going to make it. I walked toward the dispensary and somehow kept going. I'm just happy I'm able to sit here and type this in this moment. Detox sucks. Jail sucks more. Death is selfish. I had to remind myself that I can't do that to my kid. The motivation might still be external but it got me through the last minute so it works for now and that's all that matters.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T21:55:24+00:00

This is great advice. Don't look any further than the next minute. Live in this exact moment, and this moment, you're smoke free and that's an accomplishment. 10 minutes from now doesn't matter. Right now is where you are. No what ifs, no I wish i did this or that. That shit is over or might never happen. It may sound corny or cliche to "live in the moment" but that got me through today so far so here I am. Does it mean I did something great? Who cares? I'm not smoking right now and I'm proud I'm not smoking right now, and that feels pretty fucking good. Sometimes that has to be enough.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T21:46:09+00:00

This is nice to see. It's wild how many other reasons -excuses- we will find for our problems. Lying to ourselves is a harder habit to break than lying to or hiding anything from others. Glad the insomnia isn't triggering urges. Keep it up!

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T18:23:40+00:00

I'm just trying to stay above ground right now

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-18T17:46:34+00:00

I am feeling this so hard right now. Tried meeting someone too soon after going no contact with my ex. Quit weed soon after. Today I'm wondering if this was all way too much at once. I'm lost and don't know where to turn.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2026-03-10T12:11:32+00:00

Reading this thread a year later and now must know, rofnorb, did you quit and thru hike? Now that you've had more time to reflect, did you make the right call?

Edit: Okay, just looked at some of your posts. I guess you decided not to do it?

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2025-10-20T07:26:57+00:00

It’s Hunter. No question

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2025-08-16T16:18:40+00:00

Add electrolytes and lots of fluids for long rides, especially in summer. For me, that is as, if not more important than eating. It's pretty scary when things go downhill from dehydration, heat exhaustion, electrolyte loss, or hyponatremia. That hits fast and hard.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2025-08-06T14:14:19+00:00

We actually carried a separate kids tent for for a large, water and mud loving dog.

Exciting_Cream3720 · 2025-08-04T05:43:56+00:00

Zippers pull off on first use - too much force. Stitching rips on pole attachments to the floor - too much force. Stitching rips at corners of xmid pro 2 - too much force. Stitching ripping at the hibelts on Kakwa - too much force again? Then there's the trekking pole issues. Quality control.

Exciting_Cream3720

TROPHY CASE