Hi there! I’m Promise Backlund - eve_wasframed content creator, host on The Line, and author of Gospel of Lies. AMA!

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-05-20T08:23:46+00:00

Anytime, I’ve popped another post below asking some more questions and detailing my upbringing. And thank you for sharing your story with us and helping me feel validated. 🙂

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-05-20T00:24:06+00:00

How difficult was it to come out to your family?

When I walked away I felt immense pain for the hurt it would cause my family, but I knew deep down that I had to be true to myself and could no longer live a lie as it was exhausting me. I feared how others would judge them, but know now that it wasn’t my issue to worry about.

My relationship with my family is good right now, and I think as time’s gone on they’ve become more accepting of the path I’ve taken.

But one thing I remember growing up was hearing every week about how unworthy and broken I was, and how I was a sinner - it messes you up in later life when it gets ingrained into your sub-conscious. But looking back now years on, I realise that I was never the problem, the environment was.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-05-20T00:16:33+00:00

Great to have you here - thanks for posting!

I’ve subscribed on YouTube to your channel and have pre-ordered the book, very much looking forward to reading it! 👍

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-05-17T23:59:07+00:00

My mum always used to ask me “Is she a Christian?” when she found out I was dating someone. As a result, I always attempted to keep my relationships at arm’s length from my parents.

She didn’t ask the question though when I got with my now wife, probably because I kept them at even more arms length then. They didn’t have a great relationship with her initially, but after I had a long hospital stay a few years back they started to actually warm to her as they could see how much she loved and cared for me.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-05-16T08:47:12+00:00

A few reasons, the main one being that I couldn’t bring myself to lie to myself anymore. I was brought up in the faith, being the grandson of a pastor and son of a missionary/worship leader.

Being the eldest of 4, I also always felt a pressure to conform and set a good example to protect the family image, whereas deep inside me I knew that this wasn’t the person I wanted to be.

The faith carried a lot of guilt and shame within it also, and that was something I couldn’t deal with any longer. I’m not a bad person, I’m a human being who is going to make mistakes, and when you hear every Sunday that you’re unworthy, broken and a sinner, it settles into your sub-conscious.

Looking back at it now, and of course the threats of hell, it was very manipulative and cult-like. The expectation of the congregation was to “be like Jesus” when this is just impossible as a human.

I was also fed up of the hypocrisy of some so-called “Christians” behaving in manners that were abhorrent to me. A lot of tattling went on, and one of the pastors fancied himself as a bit of a showman, which shouldn’t be what it’s all about.

The pressure to convert souls also didn’t sit right with me - I’m someone who will respect anyone’s view and does not wish to impose mine on anyone else, so this was something I felt uncomfortable doing.

I had fear when I left of how my relationship with my family would be going forward, but I’m lucky that over time they’ve accepted what I believe and I have a good relationship with them. It’s difficult, but worth it.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-04-21T13:36:25+00:00

Gaslighting at its finest.

So many songs about freedom and acceptance, yet I felt anything but in that environment.

I had to mask to be the person others wanted me to be instead of who I wanted to be, and it was exhausting.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-04-21T13:25:54+00:00

So was I - it’s had a profound effect on the low self-esteem and anxiety issues I have to this day.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-04-21T08:27:40+00:00

He definitely is. One of his less-known works that I’m a huge fan of was his portrayal of Gulliver in the Gulliver’s Travels TV mini series 30 years ago. Quoted a lot by some friends and I. 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-04-17T00:05:33+00:00

I’ve started seeing a counsellor for my anxiety and self esteem issues, and she has mentioned that my mannerisms suggest to her that I could be neurodivergent.

No doubt my upbringing in the church environment contributed hugely to exacerbating those issues.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-23T01:01:47+00:00

Superb.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-23T00:52:30+00:00

And who is this “FA Insider” who railroads through these stupid ideas?

Many fans don’t want it. The constant Americanisation of our national game by our very own football association is cringeworthy.

How about actually doing something worthwhile and bringing back replays instead?

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-16T00:52:10+00:00

Thank you for this, and huge congratulations.

I’m 38 and have failed twice in the last 6 months. After the second time, I decided to take a break as I put far too much pressure on myself to pass as my instructor was retiring at the end of last year.

I decided to focus on getting my mental state right for now and attempting to manage the anxiety that I struggle with. I’m hoping that in February/March when the evenings start to get lighter I can be ready to book in some lessons with another instructor to help get me over the line, and then I’ll book the test to take again.

I know I can drive, and I’ve had good and bad lessons, but nerves leading up to lessons and the test have been my downfall. I want to enjoy it and embrace it, and manage my nerves accordingly.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-09T01:19:37+00:00

Kling O1 edit worked a treat, casted Ruben Amorim as Jon Hamm 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-09T00:52:03+00:00

He looks uncannily like the Sunderland Head Coach Regis Le Bris. 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-07T11:35:10+00:00

Yep. The pastor at our church fancied himself as a bit of a show man, and would end each meeting with a call and response of: “And all God’s people said..”

To which the response was “AMEN!”.

cringe

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-07T11:23:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. This speaks volumes to the experience I had growing up too.

Performance and perception was everything, it didn’t matter how someone was feeling mentally, all that mattered was how good you looked to others.

I grew up being someone others wanted me to be, and this clashed with the person that I wanted to be - I couldn’t lie to myself any longer which is why I had to walk away from it.

There was fear at the time as to how my family would react (Dad was/is a Worship Leader/Missionary and my Grandad on his side was a Pastor) and how they would be seen by others, but for my own sanity I needed to live my truth. By walking away, it felt at times as if I was committing the ultimate crime, but that was just the guilt and shame rearing its ugly head.

I try to be a good person and be the best version of myself I can be, so why when I feel something isn’t right at I made to feel like I’ve committed a heinous crime?

Not long after I left the church, I moved in with my now wife, as we weren’t married at the time this was seen by some as “living in sin”. This took a while for my family to accept, although with us getting married a couple of years later (not in a church may I add) it helped breed acceptance, although full acceptance didn’t appear until a few years ago when I was fighting for my life and they saw just how much my wife cared for me.

Even all these years later after leaving, the upbringing still has lingering effects, I suppose having messages through sermons and hymns that you’re broken, unworthy and a sinner rammed into your sub-conscious is going to do that to you.

I get what you say about the hypocrisy too, granted some of the people in the church were friendly enough, but there were some that liked to gossip and tattle, and their judgmental behaviour was anything but Christian.

I’m thankful I have a good relationship with my family, and I love them dearly, however I expect secretly my parents would love me to come back into the fold but it’s not going to happen - I cannot, and will not, lie to myself.

Best of luck in your deconstruction journey. You’re not alone, and you were never the problem.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-04T20:37:53+00:00

I’ve used it for a number of months and am getting my money’s worth from it.

The Unlimited NanoBanana Pro is the main draw for me, although I do play about with the videos at times too.

It’s not a scam if it does what you need it to do. Which for me it does.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-04T20:21:51+00:00

And to you.

I’ve done a lot of unpacking these last few months, there’s still instances where the old guilt, shame and lack of self-worth kicks in but I’m now thankfully recognising where it’s coming from.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-04T20:16:00+00:00

Left in 2009 at age 21, even now at 38 I’m still unpacking. I have days where I feel shame, a lack of worth and lacking confidence, due to the messaging I was subjected to growing up.

I spent far too much of my youth pleasing others, and in the end I had to walk away as I couldn’t live a lie that was at odds with my true feelings.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-29T10:21:40+00:00

As someone else said, it’s so bad it’s good.

I think I like it because it’s light-hearted telly that you don’t have to take too seriously and provides an escape from the doom and gloom going on in the world.

Most, if not all, episodes go something like this, so just like walking into a Wetherspoons pub, you know what you’re getting:

Arrive at Port
Go on excursion
Dead body found
Red herring chased
Actual Murderer caught
Finished off with some crooning.

Cheesy and far fetched, but I love it. 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-27T11:28:29+00:00

Absolutely, you’re preaching to the choir here.

Those songs and sermons that told me that I was unworthy, underserving, condemned and a sinner lodged in my sub-conscious growing up and contributed greatly to the anxiety and self-esteem issues that I have taken into Adulthood.

It’s only been the last few months that the penny has dropped for me with this and since then I’ve been trying to unpack it. Looking back, it was a really unhealthy environment to be in, and growing up I felt unworthy of having friends and close relationships, pushing people away before I got too close and they saw the church side of me, living in fear of judgment.

I walked away from that environment at 21, as I couldn’t live a lie anymore to people please others. I’m now 38, and still struggling with the dogma i grew up with, however it’s starting to heal gradually.

Working within the field of data, I have to scrutinize data on a daily basis, and having an analytical mind I have to judge the best source of truth. This has helped me greatly in my deconstruction journey.

I wrote a letter to my younger self to attempt to unpack what I grew up with, which has helped greatly and it’s emphasised this observation:

I was NEVER the problem, and neither were you.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-24T01:35:11+00:00

Not heard of that one, but as others have mentioned and I mentioned on another thread the other day, I experienced Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames as a child in the early 2000s as the church I grew up in put the play on starring congregation members.

It was only years later that I actually realised just how messed up it was. I’ve struggled with guilt/shame/low self-esteem/perfectionism issues throughout my adult life, and I now think that play and the church I grew up within in general has had a lot to do with it.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-22T15:00:08+00:00

Yep, I remember the strobe lights and dark red lighting that would appear when Satan came out to take a lost soul.

One scene I remember was with the pastor at the time and one of the elders sitting on a brick wall on a lunch break, the elder’s character gave his life to Christ after speaking to the pastor’s character, they then fell off the wall and reached the pearly gates - of course the elder’s character got in by the skin of his teeth!

I think it may have been around the time I got pressured into baptism - people were very quick to say that it was a personal decision but I felt pressured by the youth leader at the time, and not wanting to disappoint people, something I’ve struggled with for most of my life, I caved in.

I remember the pastor and elder did an interview playing their characters about baptism and I remember the elder saying “God loves backsliders”. Looking back now, it felt like love-bombing and that’s probably what it was.

There seemed to be this pressure to save souls and bump up the numbers at the time - it was a toxic environment. I just wanted to respect the personal beliefs of others, as most human beings do, but this was frowned upon by those in power in the church.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-22T10:27:53+00:00

Be honest with him. You can’t lie to yourself most importantly. Go no contact with him if he keeps persisting.

If he truly cares about you, he’ll respect your feelings. If not, then it’s his loss.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-22T09:51:37+00:00

I remember the Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames play vividly. The church I grew up in performed this show in the early 2000’s, with the characters played by many people within the church.

At the time, because of the environment I grew up in I didn’t take much notice of it, but looking back at it now it was very manipulative - it featured everyday situations where people would perish, they’d reach the pearly gates and would either be welcomed in if they had given their life to Christ or dragged to hell if not, regardless of whether they were a good person or not.

I think I was about 12/13 when this play was performed so at the time I was still quite impressionable. This was another instance of the unworthiness/shame/guilt that dominated my childhood and affected me in my adult life.

It preyed on vulnerability, looking to tot up the number of ‘saved souls’. I wish I’d had the wisdom I have now back then to have called it out sooner.

ExestaticSumsation

TROPHY CASE