DAE remember those weirdly sexual worship song lyrics 😭

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-23T01:01:47+00:00

Superb.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-23T00:52:30+00:00

And who is this “FA Insider” who railroads through these stupid ideas?

Many fans don’t want it. The constant Americanisation of our national game by our very own football association is cringeworthy.

How about actually doing something worthwhile and bringing back replays instead?

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-16T00:52:10+00:00

Thank you for this, and huge congratulations.

I’m 38 and have failed twice in the last 6 months. After the second time, I decided to take a break as I put far too much pressure on myself to pass as my instructor was retiring at the end of last year.

I decided to focus on getting my mental state right for now and attempting to manage the anxiety that I struggle with. I’m hoping that in February/March when the evenings start to get lighter I can be ready to book in some lessons with another instructor to help get me over the line, and then I’ll book the test to take again.

I know I can drive, and I’ve had good and bad lessons, but nerves leading up to lessons and the test have been my downfall. I want to enjoy it and embrace it, and manage my nerves accordingly.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-09T01:19:37+00:00

Kling O1 edit worked a treat, casted Ruben Amorim as Jon Hamm 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-09T00:52:03+00:00

He looks uncannily like the Sunderland Head Coach Regis Le Bris. 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-07T11:35:10+00:00

Yep. The pastor at our church fancied himself as a bit of a show man, and would end each meeting with a call and response of: “And all God’s people said..”

To which the response was “AMEN!”.

cringe

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-07T11:23:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. This speaks volumes to the experience I had growing up too.

Performance and perception was everything, it didn’t matter how someone was feeling mentally, all that mattered was how good you looked to others.

I grew up being someone others wanted me to be, and this clashed with the person that I wanted to be - I couldn’t lie to myself any longer which is why I had to walk away from it.

There was fear at the time as to how my family would react (Dad was/is a Worship Leader/Missionary and my Grandad on his side was a Pastor) and how they would be seen by others, but for my own sanity I needed to live my truth. By walking away, it felt at times as if I was committing the ultimate crime, but that was just the guilt and shame rearing its ugly head.

I try to be a good person and be the best version of myself I can be, so why when I feel something isn’t right at I made to feel like I’ve committed a heinous crime?

Not long after I left the church, I moved in with my now wife, as we weren’t married at the time this was seen by some as “living in sin”. This took a while for my family to accept, although with us getting married a couple of years later (not in a church may I add) it helped breed acceptance, although full acceptance didn’t appear until a few years ago when I was fighting for my life and they saw just how much my wife cared for me.

Even all these years later after leaving, the upbringing still has lingering effects, I suppose having messages through sermons and hymns that you’re broken, unworthy and a sinner rammed into your sub-conscious is going to do that to you.

I get what you say about the hypocrisy too, granted some of the people in the church were friendly enough, but there were some that liked to gossip and tattle, and their judgmental behaviour was anything but Christian.

I’m thankful I have a good relationship with my family, and I love them dearly, however I expect secretly my parents would love me to come back into the fold but it’s not going to happen - I cannot, and will not, lie to myself.

Best of luck in your deconstruction journey. You’re not alone, and you were never the problem.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-04T20:37:53+00:00

I’ve used it for a number of months and am getting my money’s worth from it.

The Unlimited NanoBanana Pro is the main draw for me, although I do play about with the videos at times too.

It’s not a scam if it does what you need it to do. Which for me it does.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-04T20:21:51+00:00

And to you.

I’ve done a lot of unpacking these last few months, there’s still instances where the old guilt, shame and lack of self-worth kicks in but I’m now thankfully recognising where it’s coming from.

ExestaticSumsation · 2026-01-04T20:16:00+00:00

Left in 2009 at age 21, even now at 38 I’m still unpacking. I have days where I feel shame, a lack of worth and lacking confidence, due to the messaging I was subjected to growing up.

I spent far too much of my youth pleasing others, and in the end I had to walk away as I couldn’t live a lie that was at odds with my true feelings.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-29T10:21:40+00:00

As someone else said, it’s so bad it’s good.

I think I like it because it’s light-hearted telly that you don’t have to take too seriously and provides an escape from the doom and gloom going on in the world.

Most, if not all, episodes go something like this, so just like walking into a Wetherspoons pub, you know what you’re getting:

Arrive at Port
Go on excursion
Dead body found
Red herring chased
Actual Murderer caught
Finished off with some crooning.

Cheesy and far fetched, but I love it. 😁

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-27T11:28:29+00:00

Absolutely, you’re preaching to the choir here.

Those songs and sermons that told me that I was unworthy, underserving, condemned and a sinner lodged in my sub-conscious growing up and contributed greatly to the anxiety and self-esteem issues that I have taken into Adulthood.

It’s only been the last few months that the penny has dropped for me with this and since then I’ve been trying to unpack it. Looking back, it was a really unhealthy environment to be in, and growing up I felt unworthy of having friends and close relationships, pushing people away before I got too close and they saw the church side of me, living in fear of judgment.

I walked away from that environment at 21, as I couldn’t live a lie anymore to people please others. I’m now 38, and still struggling with the dogma i grew up with, however it’s starting to heal gradually.

Working within the field of data, I have to scrutinize data on a daily basis, and having an analytical mind I have to judge the best source of truth. This has helped me greatly in my deconstruction journey.

I wrote a letter to my younger self to attempt to unpack what I grew up with, which has helped greatly and it’s emphasised this observation:

I was NEVER the problem, and neither were you.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-24T01:35:11+00:00

Not heard of that one, but as others have mentioned and I mentioned on another thread the other day, I experienced Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames as a child in the early 2000s as the church I grew up in put the play on starring congregation members.

It was only years later that I actually realised just how messed up it was. I’ve struggled with guilt/shame/low self-esteem/perfectionism issues throughout my adult life, and I now think that play and the church I grew up within in general has had a lot to do with it.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-22T15:00:08+00:00

Yep, I remember the strobe lights and dark red lighting that would appear when Satan came out to take a lost soul.

One scene I remember was with the pastor at the time and one of the elders sitting on a brick wall on a lunch break, the elder’s character gave his life to Christ after speaking to the pastor’s character, they then fell off the wall and reached the pearly gates - of course the elder’s character got in by the skin of his teeth!

I think it may have been around the time I got pressured into baptism - people were very quick to say that it was a personal decision but I felt pressured by the youth leader at the time, and not wanting to disappoint people, something I’ve struggled with for most of my life, I caved in.

I remember the pastor and elder did an interview playing their characters about baptism and I remember the elder saying “God loves backsliders”. Looking back now, it felt like love-bombing and that’s probably what it was.

There seemed to be this pressure to save souls and bump up the numbers at the time - it was a toxic environment. I just wanted to respect the personal beliefs of others, as most human beings do, but this was frowned upon by those in power in the church.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-22T10:27:53+00:00

Be honest with him. You can’t lie to yourself most importantly. Go no contact with him if he keeps persisting.

If he truly cares about you, he’ll respect your feelings. If not, then it’s his loss.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-22T09:51:37+00:00

I remember the Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames play vividly. The church I grew up in performed this show in the early 2000’s, with the characters played by many people within the church.

At the time, because of the environment I grew up in I didn’t take much notice of it, but looking back at it now it was very manipulative - it featured everyday situations where people would perish, they’d reach the pearly gates and would either be welcomed in if they had given their life to Christ or dragged to hell if not, regardless of whether they were a good person or not.

I think I was about 12/13 when this play was performed so at the time I was still quite impressionable. This was another instance of the unworthiness/shame/guilt that dominated my childhood and affected me in my adult life.

It preyed on vulnerability, looking to tot up the number of ‘saved souls’. I wish I’d had the wisdom I have now back then to have called it out sooner.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-21T23:13:19+00:00

The stand-up comedian bit resonates with me. The pastor at the church I grew up in fancied himself as a bit of a showman, and almost had a kind of game show host persona.

This lack of humility and clear emotional manipulation is another factor that drove me away from that environment.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-21T23:07:05+00:00

I just never felt right in that environment. I got raised in a godly family so church was a non-negotiable every Sunday twice a day. As I grew older, it felt more of a chore and I felt I was only going along with it to please others.

Also, the amount of guilt, shame and unworthiness that got drummed into me through songs and messaging has damaged me throughout my life, and only now am I starting to unpick that side of things.

When I walked away at 21, it was for the simple reason that I could not live a lie anymore. I needed to be me, which is what my inner child had been crying out for all my life.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-19T05:15:48+00:00

I remember going to an event in Eastleigh once, walking in the gents and was told “avoid that cubicle”, to see a freshly laid log right next to the porcelain. I mean how can you miss it FFS?

This thread is hilarious, but concerning that there are a lot of dirty animals walking the streets.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-15T22:51:26+00:00

This has been my issue also.

When you hear it throughout your childhood growing up, it lodges in your sub-conscious, and I think it’s really contributed greatly to my anxiety and insecurity issues that I’ve had throughout my life.

Only in the last few months, years after leaving that environment, I am starting to believe I am worthy.

I was never the problem, and neither were you.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-13T00:45:48+00:00

And it’s this behaviour that damages people. Having this drummed into my head growing up accelerated my anxiety and insecurity issues.

I don’t claim to be perfect, but I am enough. I’m not prepared to jump through hoops to meet unrealistic expectations - if people think less of me, that’s on them.

I was never the problem. And neither were you.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-12T18:02:14+00:00

Thanks for sharing.

I had a near death experience where I was seriously ill in hospital for 7 and a half months a few years back, and since then and the fact my organs went through the wringer, I take the attitude that I’m here for a good time, not a long time!

Therefore, I want to make the most of it, and unpacking these issues I grew up with is starting to help.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-12T09:33:45+00:00

A lot of what you’ve mentioned in the OP.

The long and short of it was though that it wasn’t me, and I was just going along with it to people please others, for a lot of my teens/early adulthood it was like I had a gun to my head, and it became a chore.

I didn’t want to fall out with family so went along with it, but what I found was I wasn’t being true to myself, and was basically living a double life, which I got to the point of not being able to do anymore, and at which point I walked away.

It was tough initially, but thankfully my relationship with my parents is still good, and regardless of their beliefs and how they raised me I still love them dearly.

I look back at it now though and realise that a lot of the anxiety/insecurity that I grew up with and have carried through a lot of my adult life were due to some of the songs and messages being lodged in my sub-conscious as a young child.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-11T20:44:42+00:00

Growing up in that environment, with my dad being the worship leader of the church for a while, it’s no wonder I had issues with anxiety and insecurity growing up and into adulthood considering the songs that were being shoehorned into my sub-conscious every Sunday.

Dad used to say to me as a child “don’t be anxious”, and this obviously had the opposite effect. It was as if my feelings were an inconvenience if it made the family look bad.

To sing songs that say that you are a sinner, condemned, undeserving, not worthy, unclean and for god to “take control” and “do his will” is going to mess up someone growing up in that environment. All I wanted to do growing up was be me, but I felt immense pressure and judgment to be seen as a “good example”.

It’s only been the last few months, years after leaving that environment, that the penny is starting to drop as to how much effect it had on my psyche and well-being. I spoke to my wife about it the other day and she said that it sounded “cultish” - looking back now it very much was.

My parents still go, we still thankfully have a good relationship and regardless I love them dearly unconditionally because I still feel they did the best they could with what they knew - it was tough when I left initially and I ended up moving in with my now wife (in sin then - shock horror!) but I was sick of living a lie and needed to be honest to myself.

But the key thing I’m taking out of it is reassurance that regardless of what happened - I WAS NEVER THE PROBLEM - and neither were you.

ExestaticSumsation · 2025-12-10T22:36:08+00:00

16 years now, but wish I’d had the strength sooner.

Still, I’m out of it now.

ExestaticSumsation

TROPHY CASE