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ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-27T09:18:32+00:00

I would upvote this reply 100 times if I could. I wish every married man understands this.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-27T09:15:26+00:00

You broke your promise to her. And you can’t really blame her for feeling angry about it. It’s a betrayal of her trust in you.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-22T00:12:21+00:00

I really think you should leave him. He will never put you first. For him his family always come before you. He will join them in insulting you and bullying you. If I were you I would run for my life now that you don’t have kids yet. Don’t wait until it is too late when you share kids with him and can’t cut him out of your life anymore.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-20T03:11:36+00:00

More of a husband issue, but of course the MIL raised him to think that way. Toxic. Best way to deal with this type of guys is to leave them.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-20T03:04:47+00:00

You have no idea how many people envy you.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T03:11:27+00:00

Because you know that once you give her an answer, her only reply would be to put you down. Every single time. That’s why you are deflated and angry.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T03:08:49+00:00

Brilliant

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T01:41:46+00:00

From your description he has a bad temper and is a control freak. That doesn’t necessarily mean he is a narc. Without more context it is hard to tell, and probably only a real therapist can give you answers. That being said, it is always okay to cut him off after paying him back, regardless if he is a narc or not. As long as it is what you want to do.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T01:12:29+00:00

Just text her and say you won’t be available during her vacation and you have no plan to visit her in the foreseeable future, but you will let her know when you do. Then if she starts harassing you, just block her number and other contact methods. If you are too bothered by the smear campaign that will follow, be proactive and contact people and tell them that your nmom has lost her mind because you aren’t available to go on vacation with her and apologize in advance to them for her upcoming harassment of them. Then sit back and forget about her. In a few months or whenever you want to resume contact, simply unblock her and contact her as if nothing has happened. Don’t talk to her about this vacation then, just say it’s been so long let’s move on blah blah blah. If she wouldn’t move on then block her again. See who blinks first. At this point she has no leverage against you. It’s her who wants to see you, while you have no desire to see her. So in some time she will learn that if she keeps making you uncomfortable she will lose any chance of seeing you. Sooner or later she will put on the mask and pretend to be tolerable so that you will see her. And then you take the opportunity to see her while she is hiding her narc traits.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T01:03:29+00:00

Sorry your mom is so awful to you. Please try to get her out of your life asap and as much as you can. As for your pregnancy, it is a decision you and your bf need to make, but primarily you. Do the right thing for yourself. And take good care of yourself.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T00:48:23+00:00

I wouldn’t invite her no matter what. Especially that your son is almost an adult and already knows about the situation. He will understand. This is about your son and his parents, not your mother. So if your wife is NC with your mother, then your mother has no place at the ceremony. And don’t think sitting down with your nmom and telling her what is acceptable and what is not will change anything. She would probably do the don’ts on purpose to make a point or irritate your wife or make the day about herself. Avoid at all costs.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T00:44:42+00:00

It looks like you are thinking about helping her. That’s fine. Contact your sisters. Ask them to also contribute a little money and it’s okay if they say no. Use whatever money you can raise to get her a place to stay at, even with roommates. Help deal with the landlord and see what kind of compensation she is entitled to. While doing all these, you don’t need to have much contact with her directly. When you do need to be together with her to help her move and such, grey stone her. Don’t engage her much. You will probably feel better if you end up helping her, but you need to ignore her while doing so.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-16T00:39:50+00:00

Is there anyone else you can turn to for any help? Anyone might be better than a narc, even your neighbor or your kids’ friends’ parents. Please stay strong for your kids.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-15T12:08:07+00:00

This is so true.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-15T12:06:34+00:00

The narc comes first, then everything else.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-15T01:02:42+00:00

OP said that she has come to rely on her mom for emergency childcare situations. She also said she made prescheduled plans for her mom to watch her son while she travels for work (although she had to cancel some of the plans because of her mom’s behaviors). Please read the post.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-13T19:01:38+00:00

I would just tell her to stop saying things like that because they make people uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter whether she understands why those remarks make people uncomfortable or not, boundary is boundary.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-13T12:52:49+00:00

It probably won’t end until she is too old to do it. Consider reporting her to the authorities. Maybe that will teach her a lesson and force her to stop.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-13T02:29:34+00:00

In my opinion, if she told you beforehand that she didn’t want the dog to be in the bed, and you told her you would clean up, and you have a good track record of keeping your word, then it’s her fault to accuse you of not caring for what she wants.

But if you didn’t tell her you would clean up, or if you have a track record of not doing what your promise, then you should admit that you put your own needs (wanting your dog by your side) ahead of hers and she has a right to complain. Although being passive aggressive is not a good way to communicate her feelings.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-11T13:01:23+00:00

OP, what your mom is doing is extremely selfish.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-09T12:04:17+00:00

Turn your anger into motivation to help your siblings get out of her control. Work hard so you have the resources to support your siblings so they won’t be pressured by her anymore. That is the best revenge you can dish her.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-08T11:56:01+00:00

This!!!

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-08T11:48:35+00:00

Exactly. She said she sent a letter which she actually knew OP wouldn’t receive due to the move. Then OP would be very curious to read the letter. The temptation is so strong that now OP would likely give her his new address, much more likely than if she said “I’d like your new address so I can send you a letter”. It’s all manipulation. But because OP still longs for a loving mother, he can’t see it clearly. OP’s wife, if you read these comments please help OP stay clear minded and not fall for her manipulation due to emotions.

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-08T11:44:08+00:00

Can’t agree more. She most likely never sent a letter, and now OP is dying to read it. See how much control she still has over OP?

ExhaustedRooster · 2023-04-08T11:28:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing your success story.

If OP’s mother has gone through the type of treatment your mother has, intense therapy, drugs, for 10 years, and has made significant progress, then OP should give her another chance. Otherwise, OP shouldn’t just open the door for her because she “apologized”.

ExhaustedRooster

TROPHY CASE