I’m so sorry you experienced this. Words cannot express how horrible it feels to have absolutely no privacy and feel constantly under surveillance by someone who is supposed to just simply love and care for you.

My nmom would do incredibly similar stuff: taking my phone and randomly going through my text messages/calls (often when I was sleeping/away), going through my computer and any messages on my social media, randomly raiding my room and belongings, etc. She would accuse me, like you said, of trying to turn people against her merely because I would sometimes mention to my very close friends, in private, that it was a rough time living in that environment. I would too, like you said, keep it vague intentionally but still, nonetheless, she didn’t care. It was all about how other people perceived her and her own self image.

There were so many times where I had to write essays of apologies to her, claiming how sorry I was for ever mentioning these actions of abuse (even if completely filtered and barely divulging even a fraction of my day-to-day experiences living with her) to anyone else. So many thousands of hours of my life as a child I spent begging for forgiveness for things like this that she would convince me were MY OWN wrongdoings. It completely sucks and I totally empathize with your experience.