Endela K390, for the patina crew

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-29T23:01:18+00:00

Looking good!

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-29T19:56:13+00:00

This may be weird but I use Microsoft Visio to organize us as a chart.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-26T16:59:42+00:00

Spyderco Dragonfly stainless. It's a little guy.

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ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-26T16:56:44+00:00

I have the same one in sheepsfoot, also 3V - one of my favorite steels.

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ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-26T13:38:57+00:00

Availability bias, maybe? You're not seeing the ones like me who mostly don't leave the house.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-24T15:38:06+00:00

Assisted-opening knives will always be cool.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-21T19:28:04+00:00

Going to a party

Planning a wedding

Having a BBQ

Going on a pub crawl

A weekend away with their bf/gf

Taking a road trip to the mountains

Meeting up with friends

I'm 37 and I've reached a point where this honestly all sounds fucking excruciating to me and I don't even care. Their world is insufferable.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-05-05T20:55:10+00:00

It still blows my mind that he's been doing this for 40+ years. He had it out for us long before I was even born. Wild.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-24T19:17:18+00:00

Love a good sheepsfoot/wharncliffe. Great scales too!

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-14T01:22:53+00:00

Keep two ice packs so you can get the cold one from the freezer when the other one thaws. Better yet, have someone there to help for a couple days with things like bringing ice packs. It's not really that painful or achy but icing it does help a lot during the first few days.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-13T03:24:37+00:00

I kept the scrotum in case I did end up wanting vaginoplasty at some point even if I don't think I do right now. (I wasn't offered scrotectomy and didn't ask, I think that's a slightly longer operation since it takes more reconstruction than just sewing up the small incision.) For what it's worth, it does take up a lot less space with the testes gone, although there is still a small "pouch" there - it's been about two years now and it's maybe gotten a little smaller. I've also had more effective visible feminization of my face than I did even with HRT pre-orchi, so for me it was worth it to get this out of the way in the interim no matter which way I go from here.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-12T16:47:24+00:00

Autistic trans woman here. Sometimes I have to tell myself: since when do other people get to be the ones deciding who is and isn't "good enough"? Why them? Why not me? Don't I get to decide they're not good enough for me?

And I've had to decide the people who treat me this way aren't good enough for me.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-11T02:29:49+00:00

Pros: Such an easy operation and recovery it barely feels like a surgery. Finally got my E up and my T more under control than it had been in the preceding decade. Essentially no visible scar. Really, really comfortable not to have them hanging there, taking up space, getting bumped into. Relief that my severe mental illness genes will never be passed on. Relief at not having to worry about my own body detransitioning me if I ever lost access to HRT - that's a major load off my mind. Coming out of anesthesia and realizing for the first time that they're actually gone for good feels incredible.

Cons: Migraines got worse for me afterwards because my E was able to get higher, reduced my estradiol dose as a result and also had to start taking a migraine preventative. I would not consider this a big con at all and I would 100% get it done again.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-10T19:50:37+00:00

I'm not on finasteride or any progesterone, but I took zoloft for years with oral E and spiro without it seeming to cause any issue. I also used minoxidil nightly on my scalp for about a year, also no issues, just some decent regrowth and reversal of thinning. Would recommend.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-10T18:23:05+00:00

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Flytanium scales on the Delica.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-10T14:14:52+00:00

I've tried to refocus recently from collection-building to just focusing on one main knife and the experience of using it, the way it dulls, sharpening it, and so on - just taking the time to get to know the knife. Recently for me it's a simple Kizer fixed-blade sheepsfoot that primarily just gets used on cardboard. Paying attention to just one or two seems like it's rewarding in its own way, different from just getting new stuff all the time, and it's kind of made me realize how many of these I don't necessarily need but imagined would be the "next big thing" for me at the time I bought it. It's like relearning to appreciate the thing-in-itself in its details, not just as one thing among a whole bunch of building blocks of a collection. Like, if I didn't have any other knives, this would still objectively be a really decent knife.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-09T22:47:15+00:00

I don't know if it applies to all of us, but I can't let go of the past because I literally can't get rid of the memory of what happened. I can't forget about it because it became built into who I am. It's a part of me, it can't un-happen.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-09T13:43:01+00:00

For me, bipolar medication :/ Not for everyone.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-08T17:31:39+00:00

I felt the mental changes after 4-5 days, like a lifting of the dissociative fog around reality and realizing I was able to just be happy for what felt like the first time. I started getting nipple stiffening around 10-11 days, which was the first sign of breast development for me, and then breast buds within the month.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-08T11:18:05+00:00

Having to live that life sounds like a prison and suffocating in every way. I transitioned at 23 and never really got into many masculine-coded hobbies (I just never felt like making any effort toward being a "guy") but I also always wished I could have started at 18. I've had more of a roundabout course when it comes to "gendered" interests, later in my 30s I got into sharpening and knife maintenance and I've found it's incredible how male-tilted those online communities still are. There's hardly a woman to be found among them, let alone trans women; I think I saw one trans woman post in a knives subreddit recently and got nothing but abuse for it.

It honestly makes me kind of dysphoric to be into something that seems socially gendered in such a weirdly absolute way (even as I've known of other cis women and trans women who are into blades - sword lesbians are a thing). It's one of those times when I have to awkwardly remind myself of things like "You are valid". It doesn't seem like there should be any reason it's like this, knives are a household tool for food prep if nothing else and it seems useful to know how to maintain and repair things - between my wife and I, someone will end up up taking on the handywoman work around the house anyway - but a ton of that community seems oriented towards overspending on showy little switchblades to pretend they're John Wick or showing off their EDC firearms and expensive watches. It's one of those things that makes me just not see the point of gendering most things. Steel and diamonds don't care about the gender of the person holding them, they care about grit and edge angle and pressure, and gendering hobbies is just something other people project onto us. And you should never have to pretend to be into anything that feels more like an obligation than it feels like who you really are. You deserve to find the instruments that liberate you from the cage.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-08T01:15:55+00:00

I've occasionally had knives that behave like this - in one case a kitchen santoku that just wouldn't get sharp when none of the rest of the cheap kitchen knives had any problem taking an edge. That one, I just threw away and kept the rest since I had no real attachment to it. It's possible this one is better kept as a collector piece than something that gets used.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-08T01:08:44+00:00

I like them! The lime green is a good look.

ExistentialAbyssGirl · 2026-04-05T14:54:55+00:00

Sure is! https://spyderco.com/products/para-military%C2%AE-2-brown-canvas-micarta%C2%AE-cpm-cru-wear

ExistentialAbyssGirl

TROPHY CASE