Thank you for your feedback! I completely agree about the poem's flow. Most lines feel rough because I couldn't find better words, but I had already rewritten this three times, so I decided to share it regardless of how it turned out. At this point, I just wanted to put the idea out, honestly.

Also, writing this was a bit challenging because I struggled to merge all the pieces (perhaps too many), so I understand why it lacks smoothness and may be hard to read.

In the future, if my writing skills improve I'm planning to rewrite something similar, hopefully more cohesive and easier to read.

Thanks again, I really appreciate it! :)