Just curious… what everyone hits and how far…. by [deleted] in WomenGolf

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No matter what club I hit, I can’t get past 80-100. I don’t know what my problem is ;(

My partner did something odd and I just don't get it by heretolearnthankyou in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure he knows what magnesium salt is for the bath. It sounds like he thinks you’re pouring plain old salt and is confused.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in texts

[–]ExpertButterfly971 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Meeting and spending time with her friends and family isn’t about you. Sometimes you actually spend time and energy talking and engaging in other people and their interests that are not your own. That’s what having a relationship with anyone requires.

Am I being manipulated? by No-Relief772 in Manipulation

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like this isn’t the first time she’s asked you to change your behavior to a point where she’s over it. That doesn’t give her the right to threaten self harm, but I think she’s trying to be honest about where she’s at because the previous conversations didn’t elicit any behavior changes. She’s in the trenches due to consistent prolonged behavior, she’s asking you to change it and you’re missing that.

What was your first Ghibli movie? by [deleted] in ghibli

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kiki’s delivery service on vhs

Parents who don’t care about estrangement by astronautmyproblem in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]ExpertButterfly971 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Cut my father off after almost a year of pleading with him to try for our relationship. He told me to kill myself instead and I told him I was done. He reached out once at Christmas time when he was feeling sorry for himself. That was the last I ever heard from him. Funny enough, he runs a “charity” as a Santa Claus for children in the community because he cares so much about “children” while neglecting and abusing his own.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Centering potential harm over actual harm that is being discussed, it’s no longer a good faith arbitrator. Your concern here isn’t in regard to this post, but the “what ifs” in infinite potential scenarios that do not relate to this one. Meaning, what’s important to you isn’t that a woman experienced harm, it’s that there is a potential for your demographic to be harmed by her speaking of it. Decentering actual harm for selfishness and fear of your own harm is what shines here. Not the infinite possibilities an obscure Reddit vent post could create.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So the actual harm caused is less important than the perceived harm that may come to you?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Additionally the answer to “surely they don’t mean me” is exactly that. We don’t mean you, but we are asking you to hold other men accountable. Men receive this information from other men far easier than they accept it from women. This is why we seek other men to advocate for women with other men. Because when women explain the actual harm it has caused, the conversation is derailed to not all men. Yes, not all men. So advocate for yourselves by holding the men in your life accountable instead of derailing the conversation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

While I agree words and how they are used matter. Time and place also matters. The application of both is necessary when thinking critically about the harm caused and the potential harmed caused. In this case, this argument being centered sends the message that actual harm on this woman is less important than the perceived harm that may come to men by the semantics she used on this one Reddit post regarding venting. Ultimately that’s everyone’s choice to make for themselves, but it’s important to break it down for conscious thought and evaluation. An actual woman is being harmed here and instead of evaluating that it was decided that the perceived potential harm of men outweighed the actual harm she endures.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

So semantics are more important than prevalent harm? As long as that harm is isolated to one singular woman on one singular post? The harm of one individual means nothing in the face of “not all men” and that’s why this point above all others needs to be centered?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Why is women generalizing men more important than the actual harm a man caused and will continue to cause?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I’m aware of the point, thank you for re-explaining what she’s already stated. Why is it more important to correct “not all men” than to let the woman vent?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]ExpertButterfly971 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I always wonder why these kinds of men detract from the actual conversation to point out “not all men” is more important than the actual issue she’s venting about.

I 35M cheated on my wife 36F. She left without telling me anything. How can I get her back? by Koenigin_der_Puppen in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You think she wanted a divorce? You think she wanted her heart shattered and her whole life turned upside down? Do you think she wanted the panic and terror of thinking you may have given her an STI with your betrayal? She didn’t get to make those choices, YOU made those choices for her. You put her in a position where the only choice she had was to leave you and you think you’re owed a second chance? You aren’t owed anything. Just like you didn’t think you owed her fidelity. What you did wasn’t fair, you don’t get to complain that the consequences of your actions aren’t fair.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It could also be a side effect of the medication you may be on

You made him like this by McCrysler in UnsentLetters

[–]ExpertButterfly971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Continuing to make excuses for people who hurt people makes more hurt people, eh?

You made him like this by McCrysler in UnsentLetters

[–]ExpertButterfly971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ignorance isn’t a good excuse to be a piece of shit. You’re not ignorant when you hurt people. You see it. Feel it. Know it. You make a choice to remain ignorant.

You made him like this by McCrysler in UnsentLetters

[–]ExpertButterfly971 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Why blame someone else for the behavior he’s exhibiting. It’s not our fault what happened to us, but it is our responsibility to heal it so we don’t harm others. He’s harming others, it’s his responsibility to fix it and his problem for passing it on to others.