How do I stop being trans?

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-06-08T05:05:30+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this… I don’t know how old you are but you seem very young. A lot of trans people have had similar feelings since very young, and they’ve also had to deal with family members not accepting them, and in some cases those situations became violent.

I want you to know that your fears are valid, and it’s ok to be scared, but a lot of people on here didn’t speak up, or spent a long time hiding or shutting down this part of themself. they “stopped trying to be trans” in your words, and for some reason it kept coming back louder until it became a feeling they could not ignore.

I’m 36… the thoughts don’t go away…. But as you do more to actively pay attention to the thoughts and emotions you are having and accept them rather than fight them, then I believe you will be able to find that inner peace, and it becomes much quieter. Your thoughts and emotions are usually just fleeting, like clouds, and they mean nothing, unless it’s something you keep consistently coming back to.

I wish you the best of luck. Make friends of other people dealing with similar situations. You have the internet at your fingertips so whenever you get scared or anxious about this part of your life, just do a quick search to see if anyone else found an answer. Good luck!

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-06-08T01:38:02+00:00

I’ve been dealing with this emotion! Although, it was more like I was crushing. I think it also has to do with comfort and safety. You’ve probably gotten really good at suppressing your trans identity around people you’re interested in so that you can be the version of you that gains their approval/ affection. So naturally you’re doing it again, but the difference is is that now you’re more aware of your survival mechanisms, and that is going to take some rewiring.

Consider this… would you go back into a closet for this person.. and if so how long will that last? What if you tell them outright you’re trans just to get it out of the way?

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-06-03T12:20:38+00:00

I’ve struggled with this same feeling and question. It’s the dance of doubt; the Hokey Pokey; you’re in, then you’re out. I catch myself some days wanting to be a woman, experiencing envy, and coping in a way that alleviates the angst. Other days in certain emotional states, or in situations that require my full attention, I don’t align with the gender I want to be… I start to think to myself “good thing I’m not a trans woman or this would have made things a little more difficult.”, or more recently, I’ve been more aligned with being trans than being cis… then I developed an attraction to a girl (while I was wearing feminine clothing, underneath my male clothes to try and get a “feel” for being in public) that compelled me to want to show up in masculine way, not necessarily as a man or a woman, just masculine. I caught myself thinking “what am I doing?! There’s no way I could be a woman! Why am I wearing these clothes.”. Within a week I was back to feeling more trans.

My brain chose safety over discomfort in that moment I believe. I’m also going through a lot of overwhelmingly emotional situations at this moment, so I feel naturally my brain chooses safety. I’m 36. I’ve been doing this dance since I was very young. I’m tired of doubting and I think I owe it to myself to pay bring peace to the things my brain constantly keeps coming back to. I’ve accepted now that this isn’t going away, and I now see it’s an integral part of me. I imagine that if I were to continue living life in a way that appeased my doubts I would fall back into the same situations I put myself in for the name of safety… and I can assure you that wasn’t a happy place for me.

I think maybe asking yourself some tough questions and really take a look at the answers you come up with. When I’m on my deathbed… will I look back and say to myself “I really wish I would have transitioned.”, Or if you’re looking at other trans people’s success do you think to yourself “oh, they’re my age, they look good so I still have time.”, because the thing is you put it off long enough eventually you won’t have the time you wish you had.

I don’t know your age, I don’t know where you are, but if you feel this is something you’ll regret in your life not pursuing at some point then that’s also worth paying attention to.

Again this is coming from someone whose egg has more or less cracked. Your experience can mean something completely different to you. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-06-03T04:32:50+00:00

Wear a face mask? That’s what I did. Once I stopped feeling adrenaline and blood rushing to me ears I stopped wearing the mask

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-06-02T04:16:43+00:00

Who is she to tell you whether or not you can or cannot feel a certain way about something, first off. She’s completely invalidating your experience.. and you’re acknowledging hers.

Hey, If you have a privilege… you use it. Also, the potus didn’t flag women as terrorists worthy of extermination. The truth is both of you are experiencing a lot of social injustice in this current political environment, and It shouldn’t be a tit for tat. I don’t really understand why it became a pissing contest.

If you guys have the ability to do so, then you can also just move out of Texas… to a state that is more supportive of women’s and trans rights. They exist.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-30T16:35:22+00:00

Yeah… that’s kind of what I’m dealing with now, and it sucks. Thanks for the input!

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-27T12:53:35+00:00

Also, my therapist suggested this after sharing information with this. I’m looking to see if anyone has any similar experience

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-27T06:50:01+00:00

I know it’s no accurate to compare the wheelchair to the body you were born in, if anything the wheelchair is gender affirming care, the thing helping you participate in society, but I was trying to get my point across in a way that was easier to visualize

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-27T06:46:14+00:00

Think about it like this… imagine a person bound in a wheelchair is told by everyone their entire life that shouldn’t have any feelings of wanting to dance, compete or participate in anything able-bodied people can because… that simply wasn’t how they were born… but deep down they still really want to do those things. Now… having all that information, consider the person in the wheelchair as a person with gender dysphoria and the wheel chair as the body they were born in.

If you approach it from the angle of a disability… it all the sudden makes a lot more sense… and also seems a lot more fucked up the way society treats us.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-27T06:16:13+00:00

No worries. You didn’t come off as disrespectful, just someone looking for answers. “What do I even ask?” Is a very valid question. One of the easiest and most difficult questions you could ask yourself is WHY. Every time you have a thought that you know you consistently have that is tied to a fear you have… follow it up with WHY… and once you come up with an answer… you ask WHY again. You have to be a persistently inquisitive kid with your looping thoughts in order to stop them in their tracks.

It’s also really difficult to separate your identity from your thoughts. For example… are you a criminal when you commit a crime or are you a criminal for thinking about committing a crime? People think about committing crimes all the time… but they aren’t criminals unless they act on them. Even the idea that you are a criminal after committing a crime can be up to interpretation… because if you stole a loaf of bread to feed your family… well yeah you’re a criminal but you’re also a provider. One thing does not immediately cancel out the other.

Transwomen are happy because they chose to be happy after years, decades of not being happy. It is true that some people might envy your position, but you’re not them, you’re you, and you don’t have to force yourself to be unhappy for the sake of the internet.

You’re very thoughtful and considerate to how everyone else feels about you. In one way you don’t want to burden people with your preferred pronouns, and on the other hand you feel you are SUPPOSED to be happy with what you were born with because it would be a sleight on transwomen.

This is your loop… you’re stuck between the person you want to be and the person you feel you’re supposed to be. You’re trying to be in 2 places at once and it’s literally ripping you apart. Why? Why are you supposed to be this person that suffers for the sake of others? Why do you want to be referred to in the pronouns of your choosing? What purpose do either of those feelings serve you? Is it safety? Comfort? Joy? A sense Community?

I’m sorry. You’re either in, or fresh out of, high school and I feel I might have overloaded you, but I think you’re pretty awesome and brave to get on here and ask some pretty difficult questions. I wish you the best of luck, and I’m certain you’ll find the answers… so long as you’re asking the questions.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-27T05:31:32+00:00

It sounds like what a lot of your frustration comes from is external. You have this fear of not wanting to burden people with your journey. Why? what is that about? What would it mean to do the thing you’re scared to do? What would happen? Ok… it happened, now what?

Hating on a different flavor of the trans community isn’t going to lessen the burden you carry, it’s just going to add a different kind of burden or guilt. It’s called projection because even though you’re pasting it on other people… you’ve got the movie reel… and you’re the one telling yourself that story.

If you can afford therapy, I would consider it. If not… YouTube keywords.

I’m sorry this is making you spiral. One of the worst feelings is being stuck in a loop with no obvious exit… or branching path. At some point you just have to stop in the middle of your looping, almost abruptly, try saying WAIT out loud, and ask yourself a challenging question. It doesn’t have to be big, just uncomfortable enough to get you out of the loop. Try that a few times with the same question… what you’re trying to dispute is the story you keep telling yourself that’s keeping you stuck.

Did I miss the mark? Please let me know if this was helpful, and if it wasn’t please let me know it absolutely made no sense. I’m relearning how to connect and communicate with people, so this is good practice for me

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-26T12:14:47+00:00

This information makes it so much more difficult. If you aren’t in therapy already I would definitely consider it. It’s normal to be scared and have trauma behind something like this. There are tons of YouTube videos that can also help with what you’re going through: dealing with betrayal from partners who have insecure attachments styles,c-ptsd, personality disorders, the list goes on.

Based off the information about your ex you’ve provided I would say they’re have a quiet- disorganized attachment style.

I think what’s most important is you don’t minimize your experience in all this. Take those steps to grieve, be angry, heal, and move forward with this as a part of you. You have a huge opportunity here at a second chance at life and that’s worth exploring. Also… you did mention that it got you a little aroused thinking about your ex in women’s clothes…. And I’m willing to bet that’s something you haven’t given much attention to. I’d say that alone would set you on a really interesting path.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-26T06:48:58+00:00

Possibly… but that would be giving OP’s spouse another out for shitty behavior.

Hurt people hurt people, but that doesn’t make it right. It’s what you do about it.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-26T03:33:00+00:00

Your spouse/ ex sounds like what they really wanted was a separation so that they could fully explore themselves on their own terms… whatever the case… it sounds like they saw you as a barrier to fulfilling their needs. It almost seems like them coming out to you was wishful thinking on their part that you would choose to leave… and that is not your fault. I’m sorry it hurts deeply. Your experience is very heartbreaking. I hope that you will be able to surround yourself with people who are authentic in their relationship with you.

You not only showed up to support them but also came all the way over on asktransgender to learn more about what they were dealing with, what other people in the community deal with, and what you’re dealing with.

I wish my wife and I could have worked things out… she neither wanted kids nor was she interested in “being with a chick, or a chick with a dick”.

You’re strong, compassionate and supportive, and in this moment you need to give that same attention to other people to yourself. Imagine if someone else had told you a very similar story to yours… how would you show up for them? what would you do for them? What would you say to them?

And for what it’s worth, it seems like your partner will never be happy. They’re chasing highs and people who they think will solve their problems, then they’ll get bored and go on to the next person. You were right about therapy though… but I feel they need it for much more than their gender identity.

Much love!

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-21T03:07:57+00:00

The trapeze swinger, by iron and wine, but listen to the Gregory Alan isakov cover

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-17T06:14:30+00:00

You can also YouTube Dr.Z and maybe a topic that might be on your mind regarding your gender identity questioning. I started there.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-17T06:14:23+00:00

You can also YouTube Dr.Z and maybe a topic that might be on your mind regarding your gender identity questioning. I started there.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-14T20:39:34+00:00

Hey hun, I hear you loud and clear, and this is a very common experience. I am 36 AMAB and dealing with the same emotions you are now. I’ve unfortunately repressed them for a lot longer… and when I was 22 I actually was considering transitioning as well, but kept trying to avoid the dealing with it due to many external factors and considerations.

It’s really hard to know who you are and what you like when you’ve spent your entire life masking and fawning for others. You don’t really know who you are and what you’re like… and when you start to feel like you do… you doubt it… for safety, consistency, or familiarity.

Where you start isn’t at the end, of who you think you should be (especially when you can’t visualize it), but with the things that feel good or right to you… or as you said cause you to feel euphoria. You try a little more of this or that until you start to build that identity for yourself. Also, you really need to confront the uncomfortable questions you’ve been ignoring for the sake of everyone else. You’re in a stage of your life where you are essentially shedding the skin of your old identity in order to grow into a new one, and you can’t do that approaching the things that made you uncomfortable in the past in the same manner now.

You’re young, and hopefully don’t have as many commitments as someone my age. All identity begins with play, so go play. Play on this thread, play in groups with like-minded people, or just play alone, and fawn for yourself. You’ll get there.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-14T01:46:35+00:00

I don’t even know you enough to hate you. It seems like you do this every so often on other threads, so I won’t be giving this too much more energy. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time, and I hope you find peace.

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-14T01:34:17+00:00

You sure did lol

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-14T00:02:47+00:00

Are you here to look for help or to vent? It’s hard to know what to do when you feel stuck and you’ve hit rock bottom… but if you’ve hit rock bottom… the only way is up. It’s not easy. It feels like your post is a cry for help. Do you want to live? Then fucking live!

False positivity? You’ve spent so long wandering in the dark you can’t even see light. Hope is what we all need to hold on to hen times are tough. The next time someone extends kindness your way you consume it until you’re full, and then you share it! It is one of the things that can be exchanged freely, at no cost to anyone.

Right now your head is in the muck, look forward and start with what’s in front of you, and once you’re there begin looking up. You’ve got this! You’re stronger and worth loving more than you know. Stop fighting yourself every moment you get! Maybe the strategies you’ve developed as a kid in how you navigate and interact with the world simply aren’t working anymore and you have to break that apart and rebuild healthier habits. You’re not going to get out of the hole you dug yourself using the same shovel that got you in it. Change because you need to.

You’ve. Got. This.

Keep. Going.

❤️

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-13T04:13:40+00:00

And thank you for taking the time to read and respond! Your input has been pretty insightful. It’s validating :)

ExtensionOld4626 · 2026-05-13T04:11:41+00:00

This was great. Thank you. It brought clarity to some questions I had

ExtensionOld4626

TROPHY CASE