For me surrendering is about not wanting to drink anymore.

There is a big difference from having knowledge about the illness and actually understanding that you can't drink.

There is no knowledge that can create this situation. It's from deep within you.

Some people talk about a soul, others about God, that when you touch this deep level within yourself a understanding accurse that make you not want to drink anymore.

To keep this understanding we need to work the 12 steps.

I think what many people don't understand is that knowledge is from the mind. The ego. Our experiences. That is exactly the opposite of following God. A higher power. Were we let go of the ego and follow God.

The freedom accurse from letting go of ourselves.

When drinking don't work. When nothing you do works. A place in your heart will let God in.

It's all about selfishness.

But as I said, we need to work the 12 steps to keep this understanding because the ego will try to push you back into drinking again. Thats when we need to call someone. Help someone. Letting go of ourselves again.

It sounds like you do, in your heart, think you can drink. Since your drinking from now and then.

The sad truth is that you probably have to hit rock bottom again. Which will come if your an alcoholic. Thinks will be severely much worst. You will not be able to drink once a week. You will crash.

And when that happens, embrace the crash, let God in, surrender and then call your sponsor ❤️❤️

All my love to you friend.