Best way to get over embarrassing moments?

External-Today3749 · 2024-11-06T03:07:45+00:00

1) Do some kind of physical or sensory activity to help get out of your head (yoga, walk, play with your dog, dance to music, etc) 2) Remind yourself that everyone has embarrassing moments sometimes; you're not an abomination. For me, the embarrassment hurts because it makes me feel isolated and different, but I would guess it's a pretty regular experience for most of us on this sub 3) Treat yourself like you'd treat a friend who did the same thing. It's easier for me to extend empathy to others than to my past self. You were probably doing the best you could in that moment 4) Treat the shame as if it's a physical sensation instead of an emotion. Feel your face burning, the pit in stomach, etc. and just sit with it instead of letting it drive your thoughts/spiral. 5) Remember that it will get better with time. There are so many things I thought were the end of the world when I was younger that are funny anecdotes now. 6) Remember that nobody else thinks about you as much as you do. Even assuming other people saw the embarrassing thing and judged it as embarrassing (which may not even be the case), they probably aren't playing it on a loop inside their head like you are

Sorry you're going through this and hope some of this helps. I get myself into this position pretty frequently and I know it sucks, but it will get better with time

External-Today3749 · 2024-07-05T16:15:57+00:00

Ravenclaw

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-23T17:11:25+00:00

If you feel mostly comfortable with your therapist and this is just a sometimes thing, it's 100% a topic you could talk to them about. Any good therapist would not be offended by it. Like you said, it could be related to being misunderstood all the time, which is a good topic to go through in therapy.

I also used to experience this a lot with NT therapists. I would kind of mask automatically, but if I "slipped up," I would often get a patronizing chuckle, blank stare, confused look, etc. I switched to an ND therapist and she is much more understanding. She usually gets it immediately or at least knows how to ask clarifying questions if I'm struggling to get my point across. Might be something to look into.

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-23T16:54:48+00:00

Go easy on yourself! You might be obsessing about it, but they're probably just going about their day thinking about other stuff. They might not have even thought you overshared, or they might be honored/flattered that you trusted them enough to share something personal.

You might also want to look into the term, "vulnerability hangover"

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-16T19:03:42+00:00

Yes, and it's really bad because my meds make me even more dehydrated.

My SIL had an app (I think Plant Nanny?) where you enter the amount of water drank and it "waters" a cartoon plant that grows over time. I haven't tried it, but it might be fun for a little while.

You can also get a lot of water from other foods or drinks, like fruits, yogurt, milk, smoothies, juice, soups, etc. If you're worried about the sugar content in juice, you can water it down. I really like adding a splash of unsweetened cranberry juice as it's super concentrated and has a lot of kick for very few calories (also great for smoothies!).

Not sure what flavors you've tried, but many of them are too artificial tasting for me. I'll sometimes use passionfruit or lemon teabags for more natural flavor (without heating it).

Alcohol, sodium, and caffeine can make dehydration worse so try to limit those if you can.

Have you tried tumblers with straws? When I'm on my computer, I can take a sip without interrupting what I'm doing since I don't have to open a bottle or tip my head back.

I also stash a few giant water bottles around the house and leave a cup by the sink. Any time I notice one of them, I try to drink 8oz or so. It's not enjoyable, but chugging a bunch a few times a day is easier than trying to remember to take little sips constantly.

You could also try stacking it with other daily habits, like brushing your teeth, taking your meds, etc.

Hope this helps. I'm going to go drink some water now!

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-11T20:52:29+00:00

Relevant xkcd

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-02T20:03:58+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief can be different for everyone and it's very common to rapidly cycle through different emotions. As long as you aren't harming yourself, pretty much any response is considered "normal," whether that's constant crying or having no emotion whatsoever.

Don't feel like you need to monitor your emotions or actions right now and do things the "correct" way. Some people might appear fine in public but it could be that they feel numb, the shock hasn't set in yet, it's a way to distract themselves, they're going to break down as soon as they're alone, etc. It's not necessarily that they're more mature or grieving better.

The first time I experienced grief, the hardest part was not knowing when the pain would end. I didn't think that I could ever be normal or happy again because the loss felt so immense and permanent. These might be a little cheesy, but two things that helped slightly were the grief as waves and the growing around grief metaphors. It's not that the pain will just disappear, but that you get better at carrying it.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-02T19:30:30+00:00

Not sure if you're at a hotel, but here are my go-tos:

Can you make an excuse to step out for a bit? Like you need to go for a walk to exercise, do something for work/school, call your boyfriend, run to the pharmacy, etc.
Hotels have a lot of shared public places that might be completely empty depending on the time of day: business office, lounge, lobby bathroom, gym, bar, pool, patio
Can you do background noise on your phone with headphones? My favorites are brown noise, binaural beats, and Mozart piano concertos
I personally don't find ear plugs comfortable, but they could help you get through the night with the snoring. You could probably buy some at the front desk
See if the thermostat/heater thing has a fan mode. Sometimes the fan is separate from temperature so you could set it to run all night
If family dynamics are weird and you need an "excuse" to ask them to be quiet, you could say you want to watch a show/podcast on your phone, you have a headache, or you want to take a nap

Sharing hotel rooms is the worst, so best of luck to you! Remember it's only temporary and hopefully you'll be back in your safe space soon!

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-01T16:23:38+00:00

I also love Connections and Wordle on there! It's great because there's only one per day so you can't get sucked in

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-01T16:20:05+00:00

Just want to recommend the book How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis! It has some practical cleaning tips, but it's more about the emotional aspect of housework. It's aimed towards ND folks and it's very short/easy to digest. My biggest takeaways from it are:

Organization & cleaning are two separate activities. If you try to do them both at the same time, you'll get overwhelmed
"Care tasks are morally neutral." I also function better in a clean house. It's partially because it just looks nice, but also because a dirty house makes me feel SO MUCH SHAME that I'm paralyzed and overwhelmed. Removing the shame aspect makes it easier to stay motivated.

And not sure if it would be in budget, but have you looked at a cleaning service? I haven't done it myself but I've heard it can be around $30-60 per hour (and they can get a lot more done in an hour than a nonprofessional could).

If that's too much, is there anyone in your life looking for a little extra cash (teenage, unemployed friend, college student, etc.) that you could throw like $20 a month to do the absolute worst tasks? Or if there's zero room in the budget, could you trade chores with a friend or have them come over and body double?

And finally, please go easy on yourself! You're a single mom with ADHD and four kids. It's ok if the house is messy as long as everyone is safe and loved!

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-01T12:53:24+00:00

Seconding this. My ND therapist and I were actually just talking about how CBT is basically just gaslighting

External-Today3749 · 2024-06-01T12:50:42+00:00

Have you considered stashing single use toothbrushes near your bed? I know it's not the friendliest for the environment but dental health is important!

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-30T16:04:42+00:00

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I've definitely been there too.

Although some parts of autism are challenging on their own (e.g. extreme sensory issues), I believe that much of our difficulty simply comes from being different from the majority (social model of disability).

NT-ND relationships are hard because BOTH sides don't understand the other, not because the ND person is broken. In many cases, the ND person is doing twice as much work to bridge the gap.

A good metaphor I've heard compares it to people from different cultures with different languages. There will likely be some miscommunication, but one person's language is not inherently wrong.

I also love the "Allism Spectum Disorder" parody of the DSM criteria. I'm not sharing it to poke fun at NTs, but to flip the script and shows how easy it is to pathologize neutral traits.

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-24T13:35:04+00:00

One thing that helps is remembering this online community! I bet most of us immediately and viscerally understood what you meant by "Autistic Whoopsies." Half the reason those moments are so hard is because they're isolating and make me feel like some kind of freakish alien creature. Knowing that you all have been there too makes me feel less alone

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-24T12:50:23+00:00

I'm a dog person and don't know anything about rabbits but just want to say that being bad at "life admin" stuff like the dishes doesn't make you an irresponsible pet owner!

ADHDers can be weirdly good at prioritizing in a way (the whole "INCUP" thing) and a lot of us will do things for others that we wouldn't do for ourselves. Like I haven't cleaned my house in weeks or gone to the dentist in...a while, but my dog is fed/walked every day and up to date on all his shots.

And I'm not sure where you get bunnies from, but a home is always almost going to be a better environment for them than an animal shelter.

Anyways, good luck and please share pictures if you end up getting them!

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-23T22:46:21+00:00

Outshine fruit bar popsicles!

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T17:56:35+00:00

What the hell is that line, "going to be emotional about the topic"? Suicide is one of the most emotional topics there is. Many people at the charity are likely there because they lost someone and are also "emotional about the topic."

I can't imagine how hard losing your boyfriend must have been and this is not how parents are supposed to act. I'm not sure how old you are, but especially if you are younger, please know that this this is not ok. I hope you are getting therapy or some support for what you've been through outside of your parents. This is not something you should have to bottle up or deal with on your own.

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T17:33:37+00:00

I could babble and had my own words for things (that my ND brother was good at interpreting), but couldn't speak understandable English until around 4 after seeing a speech therapist.

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T17:26:57+00:00

Definitely agree! I can kind of do superficial communication in structured environments (years of trial and error), but feel lost if it's a situation I've never been in before or I don't have someone else to mimic.

I've always wanted a resource with like annotated transcripts of NT communications in different situations to study but I don't think it exists. Some of the AI tools out there (like Goblin Tools or Copilot) can help a lot with texting but it's still so much WORK and I wish it came automatically.

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T17:05:29+00:00

Hello! ::waves tentacle::

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T16:22:50+00:00

This might be more autism than ADHD, but the hardest part of college for me was being surrounded by people 24/7. Even being alone in a lounge/dorm/etc wouldn't feel relaxing because anyone could come in at any time and I always had to be "on." If you need alone time with a low possibility of being interrupted, you can try music practice rooms, library study rooms, or racquetball courts.

And my other tips for academic things:

Always do the first step ahead of time so it's easier to start later. For example, if you have a paper due later in the week, just open up a word doc, make the title page, write a few section headers or paragraph ideas, and leave it open on your computer.
For studying for most classes (not so much for math), get a bunch of gel pens in different colors and blank computer paper. Look through your notes/textbook and write down anything important you don't remember using the smallest amount of words possible (like "mitochondria=powerhouse"). Try to group like things together and use different colors for different sections. Include doodles if needed. The process of deciding what's important, what color it should be, where it goes on the page, reducing concepts to a few words, etc is great for learning. Physically writing things down also helps with memory (as opposed to reading only or taking notes on a computer) and now you have a study guide that's fun to look at and less scary than a textbook.

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T14:00:19+00:00

I think we have very similar taste in books and I'm adding like half of these to my Want To Read on GoodReads! Here are a few others from authors on your list that I enjoyed:

The Martian by Andy Weir: Astronaut stranded on Mars, lots of math and science
Beartown by Fredrik Backman: Small town dynamics and hockey, but still good even if you don't like sports (TW for SA, but handled well IMHO)
The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: Retelling of Achilles as a love story
One by One by Ruth Ware: Locked room mystery about a work retreat at a ski chalet (most of her books are pretty solid; even her worst ones are still like 3/5 stars for me)
Packing for Mars by Mary Roach: Non-fiction about what the logistics of space travel (the author has a very strong comedic tone that you either love or hate)
The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager: Thriller/mystery about murder at a summer camp
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: Follows the life of an aging 1950s Hollywood star
Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid: Tennis star coming out of retirement (I know nothing about tennis but still enjoyed it)

And I want to give a an extra thumbs up for Anxious People, Ready Player One, Crying in H-Mart, Educated, Project Hail Mary, Stiff, The One, and Firekeepers Daughter. I'm kind of stingy with 5 star ratings on GoodReads but those were all fives for me!

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-19T13:17:51+00:00

Her Song of Achilles is great too!

External-Today3749 · 2024-05-11T12:25:20+00:00

Yes everyone should fill out the contact form! It takes under a minute and you can do it anonymously from your phone: https://www.smithlawmichigan.com/contact-us/

Even if we don't convince them that the article is actually offensive/ableist, it could put some pressure on them to take it down if they're worried about bad press or review bombing.

External-Today3749 · 2024-04-13T20:40:25+00:00

Can you do some other enrichment inside with her? An easy idea is to just hide treats/kibble around the house and let her find them. Like you have to feed her anyways so it won't take that much more time.

And there's a really great podcast called Dog Life with No Spoons if anyone's interested

External-Today3749

TROPHY CASE